August 12, 2013

Things NOT To Say To A Pregnant Woman

If you've been pregnant before you know that nothing invites more unsolicited advice and comments than a baby bump.  People see you waddling into Target and immediately they're full of information, questions, comments, concerns that you never planned on discussing, with a stranger.  From parenting advice to how you should stock up on sleep now to tips on how to get through labor and delivery, everyone is an expert when it comes to pregnancy.  Honestly, I don't even know why we need OB/GYNs because it seems as though every Tom, Dick and Harry is qualified to give you all the information you'll need for the next nine{ish} months.

When I was pregnant with Kendall I remember a lady walking up to me in the bathroom, I was roughly four months pregnant at the time, and she asked me, "When are you due?!" and I remember being so caught off guard, as she was the first total stranger to ask me about my barely noticeable bump.  Obviously I was pregnant otherwise that would have pissed me off in a totally different way but I remembered thinking that I was not showing that much, not enough for a complete and total stranger to ask, hell I don't even think I was wearing maternity clothes at that point.  So, the point here is unless you know, for a fact, that someone is pregnant, it is not nice to assume and ask about their due date.  Unless they are very noticeably, like 9 months, pregnant.

Which brings me to point numero dos.  Do not comment on the size of a woman's baby bump.  I don't care if I she started showing from the day I she peed on a stick.  I She doesn't want to hear that it looks like she's having twins, ever.  This is especially true when it comes to the opposite sex.  A man should never comment on a woman's growing figure, ever.  When we went to a wedding the beginning of June {I was roughly 7-8 months pregnant} one of Jimmy's friends asked when I was due and when I replied "August" his reaction was, "OH WOW!  I was hoping you were going to say soon so that there was an end in the near future" or something to that effect.  Excuse me?  Douche bag says what?!  True story people.  It's hard enough to accept the fact that your body is changing and growing and getting more out of control by the day but it's quite another thing to have someone remind you of it with stupid comments like that one.  Just don't do it.  Think it to yourself, tell other people behind my back but do not tell me that I, basically, look like a whale.  I'm, most likely, fully aware.

Last week I was in heaven, aka Target alone, and treated myself to my favorite TALL {as in small} iced caramel macchiato when the barrista {I hesitate to even call her that} asked me, "Is that OK for your pregnancy?".  Umm...no but the six pack of Miller Lite I just picked up in aisle 13 is.  YES.  I'm pretty sure caffeine, in moderation, is fine for pregnant ladies {my doctor has approved me to drink caffeine, I know some people are advised not to}.  Not to mention, the drink I got was like 90% milk so there's that.

My boobs are huge, yes they are.  Even when I'm not pregnant I'm a 32DD so pregnancy only makes it more impossible to find a bra at a reasonable price.  I'm fully aware of this.  Instead of saying, "Holy boobs batman!" when you see my pic on IG, just think it to yourself.  I'm already self-conscious about them, especially when I have to get my already large maternity clothes in a next size bigger just to accommodate my milk makers.  It's embarrassing and while I don't embarrass easy this is one thing that makes me very uncomfortable.

Now the sleep comment I haven't gotten so much this time around but when I was pregnant with Kendall, and anxiously willing her out of my body, I had so many people tell me to just enjoy my kid-free life and SLEEP.  Like every single person told me to take naps all day every day, as if I could store up this sleep and cash it in when the baby was born.  I have news for you, you can't bank sleep.  You can't catch up on sleep.  You can't pre-sleep your future.  It doesn't work that way.  I wish it did, oh how I wish it did, but it doesn't.  So telling someone who is so big and uncomfortably pregnant to sleep while they can is really not helpful nor is it something they want to hear.  Instead give them tips on things that will actually work for helping to get the baby to come out, sex, walking, spicy food, but not sleep.

The comment we {Jimmy and I both have heard it more times that we care to count} get now more than ever is, "Just wait".  As in, "Just wait till you have two."  As in, "you think ONE is hard, just wait till there's TWO."  OK, I get it, two is more than one, that's just simple math.  I also get that two kids means twice the work, twice the crying, twice the mouths to feed but it also means twice the love.  Warning me about how much life is about to suck is not nice or helpful.  Just like the dicks who tell you, "Oh you think The Terrible Twos are bad?  Just wait till she's 3, 4, 5 {whatever their least favorite age was}".  It's not encouraging to tell people that their life is about to suck worse than they already think it does.

So many times have I wanted to react to these types of situations by playing dumb "Oh what?  I'm sorry, I'm not pregnant" or acting like what dumb shit they just informed me of was actually helpful, "Oh really? I'll start sleeping NOW.  Thanks!" Instead I usually just smile and nod.  After all if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all, right?

26 comments:

  1. Yes, yes and yes to all of this. My fav is storing up the sleep..bahaha. I wish!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I just wrote a similar post over the weekend about unsolicited advice about parenting. As a 4 months pregnant woman, I'm already getting my fair share of rude things said to me by both family and complete strangers. I don't understand why people can't just say, congratulations, when are you due and be on their merry way!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I give you credit for not punching any of those people!

    ReplyDelete
  4. So far I've only gotten the "can you eat that" and it was slightly irritating. It was from a girl who is not even planning on having children and I had like 6 fully cooked steaming hot shrimp at a bachelorette party dinner and she was all concerned. Get off me and let me enjoy my dinner!

    ReplyDelete
  5. The banking sleep thing is one of my biggest pet peeves. It's the dumbest piece of advice ever. NOW--I get it if you're telling first time parents to super-enjoy-sleeping in on weekends or something? But not "sleep now you'll need it when the baby comes". Umm? Yeaaaa dude, doesn't work that way. I have to catch myself on the two is more than one thing. The truth is, one was hard, but two is hard, too. But the bottom line is each person WILL FIND ALL THIS OUT FOR THEMSELVES. Don't be the douche that tells them. haha. :)) I love me a snarky post here and there.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I was about 6-8 weeks postpartum and I was at the gym trying to shed the 60 f'ing pounds I gained and the male trainer said, "when's your due date?" F*#% you ass hole!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Seriously people are stupid!! Once I was buying a bottle of wine at the grocery store and the lady in line behind me told me I shouldn't drink when pregnant....I wasn't pregnant. I counted back from 10 several times. You did great not punching anyone!!

    Laura @ Mice In the Kitchen

    ReplyDelete
  8. I went to the mall over the weekend and felt like I might have just been naked with everyone starring at me.

    I had a bank teller not in so many words tell me I was huge and I wouldn't make it to my due date and the next day a sales lady tell me I was tiny.

    Everyone is an expert right??

    And the sleep banking, ha!!! I think I'll sleep better not pregnant!

    ReplyDelete
  9. while I have yet to be pregnant, I am a bit heavier than I used to be (thanks to 5 comfortable years of being married lol) I have customer asking me not IF I am pregnant but when am I due all the time. It really hurts because I am already incredibly self conscious about my weight.. so even tho I am NOT in the same category, I do feel your pain :(

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yes, yes yes! I swear idiots just flock to pregnant women. You should carry this post around and just show it to people everytime they make a stupid comment...maybe then they'll learn!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Haha, oh Shannon, I love this post! I could join you for days on this rant - I hated all the comments and opinions when I was pregnant and I'm not looking forward to it when we have number 2 either! Well done for the shout out and silencing THOSE people x

    ReplyDelete
  12. Can I add my personal "Things NOT to say to someone who just had a baby" - Classic-foot-in-mouth on the maternity floor of the hospital from a fellow new mom "So when are you due?" -- "UMM I had my baby last night, thank you very much." -- At least you should't have to worry about the "So did you want them that close? Were you TRYING to have them that soon? You must have your hands full. Wow! Two!" - Its always something!

    -- I still can't believe your barista experience. -- Anyway, hang in there a few more hours! (can we count down in hours now?!) - Love you tons and couldn't be happier and more excited to hear baby boy has arrived safe and sound.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I totally agree with all of these. This past weekend I had someone mention to me that they were looking at pictures on facebook and I looked absolutely ready to pop in one of them. Now yes I was 6 1/2 months pregnant in the picture with baby #2 so the bump is very much there but WOW thanks for drawing it out a little more and making me feel fantastic.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ok I can't wait for the comments from strangers to start for me! So far we've heard from friends and family "oh shit!" And everyone wants to figure out where in my car they are all going to fit and where they are all going to sleep. I'm just taking it day by day. Oh and people ask if we did fertility treatments. I had one person say you look young so I wasn't thinking you had. Doesn't really have anything to do with it but ok.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I HATED the crazy stuff people said to me when I was pregnant. I now saying nothing to preggo people unless they ask me a specific question and even then I'm quick to assure them that everyone and every pregnancy/baby is different. I'd never had more unsolicited advice in my life. Leave me, my huge tummy, the boobs I never had before, and my coffee alone thank you very much!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I got the twin thing this time around, when I was 2 months pregnant and showing. I have the same milk maker issue, I am currently measured for an F but I truly thing I could go one or two more sizes up (I am normally a DD). I seems to me that when a pregnant woman is walking around the world seems to want to give your their two cents. Happy last few days.....

    ReplyDelete
  17. Im guilty of commenting on your boobs. My bad. :(

    But my fucking god. Everyone is a fucking expert when its NOT their turn to go through it. Fuck off fucktards.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I think that I just fell in love with you. I'm 12 weeks pregnant and I just love hearing "oh a second one, while going through age 3, that should be fun" "you are never going to sleep or get out of the house" "wow your already really big"
    People suck!

    ReplyDelete
  19. So I've never been pregnant, but I've learned to never ask pregnant women questions or even mention pregnancy. Who knew!?!?!?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hit the nail on the head! Btw -so where DO u buy big (nursing? ) bras? I get the embarrassment factor, mine are about to choke me! They started as 36DD, who knows where they r now!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. The "just wait" comment pisses me off and I don't have kids. Like, "oh, you know nothing about life or anything because you don't have kids." People are so oblivious.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Aww, that just wait comment is awful. I have 4 kids and I get a lot of "wow, you have your hands full." I just want to respond with "Nope, just my heart!"

    ReplyDelete
  23. Wow, I am hoping to start my family next year -- and this gave me some insight of what to look for. Although, I am a little bigger now *trying to lose weight* and I've been asked multiple times if I am preg and in a certain dress, I had a lady touch my stomach. So it should be interesting. Excited for you that you're almost done and your new baby will be here!

    ReplyDelete
  24. I can't believe that coffee girl said that! What a nosey person!

    ReplyDelete
  25. One of my friends already had two sons, but she was desperate to find out how to have a baby girl, because she was fond of baby girls, and she wanted to have a daughter too.

    ReplyDelete