Life After I "Dew"

Back in the day I couldn't wait to flip open my laptop screen and pull up blogger.com on my browser. I couldn't wait to put my fingers to the keys and type away the days latest. There were times when I was just full of ideas and things to talk about. Sometimes I'd have a week or more of scheduled posts waiting to be published. I shared everything and everything and it was fun.  I liked over-sharing even if, looking back, maybe I shouldn't have shared so much.

I prided myself on being honest and authentic with my readers.  I wanted people who met me to say that I was the same in person as I was on my blog and for the most part I think I was.  I said I didn't care what people thought of me and I believed that to be true.  I said I wasn't blogging for the comments or the follows but that was only half true.

I have thick skin but at the same time I'm human.  I have feelings and while it takes a lot to tear me
down it does happen and it did. I hate to even give these people the time of day but oh well.  Here goes...

The haters got to me. At one point I remember {jokingly} saying, "Oh I'm not on GOMI yet so I guess I haven't made it".  And then BAM!  One day I was.  Three pages bashing me, criticizing my parenting, questioning my decisions to have a second baby, name calling, you name it.  It stung a little a lot.  And then the nasty comments on my blog posts were coming in more frequently and I didn't know how to handle it.

I'm not saying everyone has to like me or agree with my decisions but I do like to abide by the "if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all" rule.  It's simple, don't read my posts.  Don't follow me on FB, IG, Pinterest or Twitter if you don't like me or what I have to say.  Or if you do have constructive criticism {ha!} I'm happy to chat.  But saying things like I'm an alcoholic or that I only decided to have another baby because other bloggers were doing so {I can't make this up}, or that my kid is a brat is just ignorant, hurtful and rude.

I let it affect me and I shouldn't have.  I should have held my head high, stayed true to myself {and my blog} and kept trucking along.  I got to the point where I didn't want to write, I didn't want to put myself out there anymore because I didn't want to hear/read it.  I think the reason it got to me was because my kids were involved and that I will not tolerate.  I should have stuck up for myself and them but instead I let it shut me down, the exact thing they were trying to do.  I hate that.

I hate that cyber bullying exists and I believe that's what this is.  I hate to even use the term "bully" because I think it gets overused in today's society but it is what it is. But no more will I be a victim.  I've come to accept the fact that people will say what they want regardless of what I do.  Even if I stop blogging there is FB, IG, Twitter and Pinterest so they will find something there to hate on.  I refuse to let them have that sort of control over me.

I feel like I needed to take some time, to step away and reevaluate myself and what I wanted to put out there for the world.  So in a way I thank the "haters" for forcing me to do just that.  I didn't need to be sharing some of the topics that I did years ago.  I didn't need to post as much nonsense on IG as I once did.  It took a {somewhat} blogging break for me to realize that about myself.

I feel like more needs to be done to protect bloggers and others on social media from cyber bullying but I'm just not sure what that is yet.  If I could figure out a way to shut down nasty sites like GOMI I would.  People have killed themselves over things they read about themselves on the Internet and that is just not OK, ever.  I will  not stand for it anymore and I will not let them tear me down one more day.

So I'm back.  My goal with blogging has changed a bit and I have too.  I hope to inspire, support, and motivate other women.  I want to create a positive place for people to come and feel safe.  I want to have a judgment free zone on this blog.  Whether you are looking for fitness tips, a place to feel normal while raising little kids, workout motivation, or even a laugh here and there I want you to find it on my blog.

Stay tuned :-).

As some of you may have noticed, it's been a little quiet around these parts lately.  It seems as though blogging in general is a thing of the past for most bloggers.  Many of my favorite bloggers are either not blogging anymore or are sporadically posting, like me.  Gone are the days of making sure you have a post written the night before and it's scheduled to post right at 8 am.  And that's OK.

Over the last year I've learned a few things, about blogging but mostly about myself.  I don't need to share every last detail of my life.

Blogging was an outlet for me.  It was a place I liked to come and share things I loved and tidbits of my life and I enjoyed doing so.  I liked sharing my latest outfits of the day.  I loved when you guys laughed at my celebrity gossip posts.  I was so proud each week when more and more people linked up with my SO WHAT! Wednesday posts.

I also found a lot of new friends through blogging.  I connected with people who I wouldn't have otherwise known.  I loved scrolling through my reader each day- reading AND commenting on every post I read.  I didn't do those things to make my online presence known, I did them because I was genuinely interested in that bloggers life.

And then life gets in the way.

I've watched others get engaged, plan a wedding, get married, welcome their first, second and, in some cases, third babies!  It's been amazing following people through this journey and I hope others have enjoyed watching me do the same.

Through those years has come a lot of growth with my blog following but even more so within myself.

At one point I was comfortable sharing every detail of my life down to our form of contraception in before we started trying for James.  I don't know about you, but no one needs to know that part of my life, or anyone else's for that matter. I shared because I wanted to be real and honest.  I prided myself on that.  I wanted to be so authentic that I put myself out there in hopes of being completely transparent and relateable.

Once James was born life got a little bit messier.  My time to blog became more and more difficult to squeeze in.  Even days when I wanted to write I couldn't because something else was more important in that moment.  So I'd type little notes in my phone because I knew my mom brain wouldn't remember them otherwise.  Having James sort of forced me to take a step back and I'm glad it did.

Not having the time to blog made me realize that I was over-sharing.  That I didn't need to spew out every last detail of our lives.  I learned that just because I wasn't publishing a post every week day didn't mean I wasn't being honest.  It didn't mean people couldn't relate to me.  If anything they could relate more because they were probably experiencing the same struggles.

I also have to think about my kids when it comes to this little space of mine.  I know that one day they will be older and their friends parents might find this blog.  I want it to be something I'm proud and not something I'm embarrassed by.  My earlier posts are cringe-worthy but I will never delete them because it shows my growth over the years.

I guess it's all about balance.  That's what I keep hearing anyway.  There aren't enough hours in the day, there never will be, so we have to make the most of the hours we do have.  I miss blogging, I miss reading blogs, but I know that life happens and just because we aren't blogging as much anymore doesn't mean anything other than that.  I do want to get back to writing a little more often though.  I want to write about my kids a little more so that I can share with them when they are older.
I've never been good at prioritizing but I think this little blogging break, if you can call it that, has forced me to reevaluate my priorities. And now 1/2 of my crew is up so it's time to go do my mom stuff.

xo.

Lately I've been in a place of contentment with life.  I'm happy with my family, my friends, my home, my body, my marriage.  Everything just seems and feels really good and comfortable right now.  Some people might say that that is no way to live and that you should always be looking to better yourself, your life, but I quite like this stage I'm in .

Oh wait...I already wrote a blog post on this.

That's not what this post is about though, I promise.

There was a time where I was obsessed with numbers.  The number on the scale, the number of blog readers I had, the number of calories I ate, the number of hits my blog got a certain day, etc.  It mostly related to this blog and my weight loss journey but I was constantly looking at the numbers.

Every morning I'd hop on the scale.  It didn't mean too much to me, what it said, but I had to see that number every day.  I loved seeing that number go down, obviously, but even if it didn't I still liked to see where I was at.  It almost set the tone for the day.  Weird, I know.

Then there were the calories.  My Fitness Pal has been my best friend for the last 7-10 months.  At first it was an on/off relationship but once I kicked my weight loss into high gear it was my best friend.  I would log every.single.thing. I ate, every workout I burned and I tried to get that number as close to my goal as possible.  Even when I was under, after my workouts, but was over in terms of intake, it drove me nuts.

I know, I sound like a girl with an eating disorder now.  I swear I'm not.  Hear me out.

This blog was once my baby.  There were times I couldn't fathom going as long between blog posts as I do now.  My former blogger self would cringe at the thought of not writing for weeks at a time.  I started out just like any other blogger, with zero followers, so of course when you see 1, 20, 100, 500, 1000, etc it gets you excited.  Any blogger is lying if they tell you that they "don't care about the amount of followers" because at some point we all do.  It's what keeps us going sometimes.

And, like most bloggers these days, I made a little bit of money doing this "job".  From sponsored posts, to ad spots, to FB shout outs, to product reviews, it all generated income in some way or another.  I could see when I was posting more my "income" was up.  I'm not going to lie or say I didn't care because it was awesome.  Each month I hoped to make more than the month before, it was almost like a game.

Those days were exhausting.

I have officially stopped counting my calories and the last time I hopped on the scale I was 3lbs from my goal weight.  I stopped letting those numbers mean something to me and just started being happy with where I am now.  No I am not at the end of my journey, I don't know when I will be, but right now I am making progress every day and that's what it's about.  I have learned enough over the past several months to know what's good and what's bad when it comes to food and weight loss.  There are still areas that need major improvement but also I have come a long way and I'm proud of my body.  That scale cannot take that away from me.

As for this blog...instead of writing because I "have to" I'm writing because I want to.  I'm truly not worried about whether what I write is going to bring in new readers or if it's Pinterest worthy.  I'm not checking my stats to see if my hits have gone up this month or if I'm making more money than I did last month.  I'm really getting back to "old school blogging" as I like to call it.  Back to basics, when it all was just sharing thoughts with the world without the pressure of the numbers.  That's not what it's about for me anymore.  Sure, the extra money that this blog generated was nice while it lasted but it also came with an added pressure that I just can't put on myself anymore.

I know a lot of you are like, "Whew!  Good!  We hate sponsored posts!".  That's not to say that I won't do one ever again or that I'm not interested in partnering with other businesses and companies but I am being more selective because my time is more valuable than a $50 post on lawnmowers {or something}.

When I stopped keeping track and quit worrying about the numbers I felt free.

Be patient with me, I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this blog post.  

Here's how I feel about this blog.

I want to be here.  I worked very hard to get to this place with blogging. Building relationships with my readers and other bloggers is very special to me.  I love coming here and writing, interacting but it also stresses me out to the core.  I want to give you guys a daily dose of Life After I "Dew" posts and I want to email you back immediately when you leave me a comment. Just like I used to do.  I want to have the next most popular Pinterest pin, leading people here, to this lil ole blog, that might not otherwise find it.  But the truth of the matter is, it can't be.  I can't be the blogger I used to be.

I've been blogging once a week, at best, lately.  I hate it.  I like coming here to write; it's like free therapy.  I don't, however, like feeling pressure.  Pressure to put out the best post of the day full of colorful images and articulate words.  I don't like the pressure I feel when I read yet another comment that I can't respond to.  I know, I know #firstworldproblems.

I know we make time for things that are important to us and, for me, that used to be blogging.  I loved that quiet moment where I'd sit down with my laptop and my fingers would type faster than my brain could think.  I had a post for every day of the week and then some.  I felt like I would never run out of ideas and/or things to talk about.  And then I had another baby.

Adding a second child is more than double the work of one in all aspects but mostly in the time management department.  When I have a moment to myself, I feel too guilty to sit down and start blogging.  I feel like that time should be spent doing things to make life easier when the children are awake and my husband is home.  Like putting laundry away so that my husband doesn't have to sift through baskets of clothes to find underwear.  Or washing bottles so that I'm not doing it when my child is screaming in my face for his food.  Or setting up a fun craft so that when Kendall wakes up we're ready to do something fun.  So that's usually what I spend my "free time" doing.

It makes me sad because I've worked hard to "make it" in this blog world.  I've done the link up parties, I've commented on other blogs to "get my name out there", I've done the sponsoring gig and, I like to think, I've done it pretty successfully.  So when I go days, weeks without visiting blogger I feel like all my hard work is gone down the drain.  Like, what did I work so hard for?  Again, #firstworldproblems.

And then I think about the future of blogging.  Will we all still be here, blogging, in 5, 10, 15 years?  A year ago I would have said, without a doubt, that I'd still be here in 5 years but now I'm not so sure. I enjoy this part of my life so I don't want to give up something I get such happiness from. But then apps like Instagram make things so much easier to share in the same way, kind of.  In an instant, with one picture, I can pretty much sum up what would take a half hour of writing a blog post.  So is that the future of blogging?

I not really sure why I feel the need to explain myself but you have all hung in there with me for so long that I feel like I owe it to you.  I'm not giving up blogging, at all, but I am giving myself the opportunity to be OK with not doing it every day or even every week.

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder so how much do you love me now?

I think that this month has officially been the least amount I've blogged since starting this blog like 5 years ago.  I would like to thank my second child for that.

Life with James hasn't been easy.  The transition to two children has been difficult in more ways than one, for me.  At first it was perfect.  I loved it.  I felt like I had this all under control and I was going to prove everyone who said, "one to two is HARD" wrong.  Thankfully I have posts like this to remind me of the early days because right now I'm singing a completely different tune.

James is a difficult baby.  There, I said it.  He cries. A lot. He cries if he can't see me. He cries if he can't touch me.  He cries if I hold him and sit down.  He cries on the floor with a bunch of toys.  He cries in the jumperoo.  The only time he's not crying is if he's in the highchair with a lifetimes supply of Mum Mums, if he's sleeping, or if I'm holding him standing up.  That's it.

He's slept through the night since he was about two months old, so we've got that going for us. But he's an awful napper. He calls a 15 minute car nap on the way home from preschool drop off a nap.  He doesn't transition well from car to crib so some days that is it.  I think a lot of the crankiness is because of his awful napping but then there are days he rocks naps {like yesterday} and he's still miserable.  So what gives?

He had an ear infection so I thought, "GREAT! An answer. Now maybe he'll get better.".  Not that I wanted him to be sick but at least there was an explanation and hopefully an answer.  Not the case.  He's done with his prescription and he's still a mess.

I switched formula.  No difference.

Tried the amber teething necklaces.  Not it.

Acid reflux meds made no difference.

So I guess this is just how he is and I just have to deal with it.  It's hard because he's not my only child, obviously.  And I do let him cry, trust me.  I have to.  Today I was sitting on the floor, beside him, he could see AND touch me and he cried the entire time I got Kendall ready for school.  As soon as I picked him up he was fine.  My mom thinks he's spoiled but I just don't see how that is possible because I do not hold him all the time.  Yes I pick him up when he's upset, I'm not that big of an asshole, but I do not just hold him to keep him happy all day.  Ain't nobody got time for that.

And then there's the idea that Jimmy and I might sneak away for a kid-free weekend this summer.  Laughable.  Who is going to want to keep this kid overnight let alone for a whole weekend.  So there's that.

I'm not looking for answers, trust me I've heard them all, I'm just venting.  If there are other moms out there going through this, you are not alone.  I have cried, I have yelled, I have locked myself in my bedroom, I have asked for help so I can have some quiet time because this is by far the hardest thing I have ever dealt with.  Top it off with the fact that each of us is sick and I'm one day away from a Britney Spears head shaving incident.

Not how I intended my first blog post in over two weeks but such is life.

I hate to admit it, I don't read and comment on blogs nearly as much as I used to or even as much as I'd like.  My life, right now, just doesn't allow for a lot of extra "me time" to do leisurely things like read blogs, take a nap, go to the bathroom in peace, etc.  Right now when it comes to blogging about all I have time for is throwing a half-assed blog post together and hoping there are no grammatical errors and that someone will find it worth reading.  Then there are days like today.  James woke me up early but now is back asleep, Kendall is still asleep and I found some time to read some blogs.  Yay!  Here's what I'm reading {and loving} right now.

From Mrs. to Mama {Becky} wrote a post on bloggers making money yesterday and I could not have agreed with her more.  I was shaking my head in agreement through the whole post.  I get comments here and there when I do a paid/sponsored post, "Oh look, another sponsored post" or "Do you ever write anything that you don't get paid for anymore?".  And I just think to myself, if you don't like it just don't read!  It's that simple.  Don't hate on me because I chose to do something to make a little bit of money for my family.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, some months that extra money affords me a trip to Starbucks or it pays for our electric bill, it just depends on our situation that month.  And, like Becky said, I don't ask you where your money is coming from or what you spend it on so why care about mine?  Also, you know when you are watching TV and a commercial comes on?  Do you stop watching that show or channel because they had the nerve to put a paid advertisement on while you were watching?  I don't think so.  Moving on.

Dusty from All Things G&D posted this adorable DIY advent/countdown calendar and I swooned.  This is our first year with the advent calendar but I only wish mine looked this cute!  I love that it matches the decor so it doesn't scream Christmas craft. Not like my envelope attempt that has the envelopes falling off the wall every other day, damn Scotch tape!

My friend, Fletcher, sent me this article on Killing Off Supermom yesterday.  I could relate to practically 100% of what she had to say.  Our beds are never made unless people are coming over.  My laundry stays in baskets until my husband pitches a fit about not being able to find underwear or socks.  Dust bunnies live under the couches and entertainment center.  And you know what?  I'm fine with it.  Back in the day I used to obsess over every tiny thing.  All the toys had to be picked up and put away before I could relax for the night but now I'm like, "Meh...they'll just get them out again tomorrow.  What's the point?"  That's not to say our house is a disaster and I'd say on any given day it's "company ready" but I'm realizing what's important and that does not include being a {nonexistent} Supermom.

In relation to {kind of} the Supermom post, I read this post by Kathryn who isn't apologizing for her choices on how she raises her kids.  I, again, could relate to this post.  Everyone knows about mom wars.  Moms comparing, judging other moms for the decisions they make when it comes to child rearing.  Bottle vs breast.  Cosleeping vs crib training.  Cloth diapers vs disposable.  They are all decisions that we each have to make when we enter the world of motherhood and what's right for one may not be right for another.  And that's OK.

So those are just a few things that caught my eye this morning and I wanted to share.  Hopefully you enjoy them and, who knows, maybe find a new blog or two to follow!

Good Morning!  I slept awful last night, how bout you?  I swear I saw every hour last night even though James slept {is still sleeping} all night and Kendall only woke up twice to potty.  I was restless, couldn't get comfortable, was hot, you name it.  Jimmy woke me up at 6 am because he couldn't find his badge for work and I said, to myself, "forget it!  I'm just getting up!"  So, here I sit and I'm going to just pretend that I'm meeting a friend for coffee and we're going to chat.  OK?

***
I'm kind of over the whole Elf on the Shelf thing.  We started him, on accident, way too early this year and, well, he's lost his luster.  Every night, just as I've climbed in bed, I think, "SHIT!  I didn't move Rich!" and I crawl out of bed to find some magical place to put him.  Truth be told, we have not been creative at all this year. Last year, our first year, I went all out and every night was some new elf antics.  This year?  He's just in a new hiding place because I just can't.  Our advent calendar, on the other hand, I'm loving.  Kendall wakes up every day and says, "Is it time to open our first envelope?" even though it's the 15th one, she still calls it the first and I kinda love that.  We've had a couple of days we've had to "fudge" for whatever reason but overall it's a hit and we're loving all the special memories.  Today we make ornaments!

***
I hosted a cookie exchange party at my house yesterday, for the first time.  My "blog friends" and my "in real life friends" got to meet so now when I tell my IRL friends "Yeah, so and so, my blog friend..." they don't think I'm a crazy person anymore.  It was so much fun having my two worlds come together, if you will.  I had lots of kids running around, way too many cookies, and lots of laughs.  And, guess what?  I didn't Instagram a moment of it!  It was kind of liberating.

***
Speaking of, do you think that social media has kind of taken the "be here, now-ness" out of events?  I feel like, anymore, people {myself included} are so quick to take a pic for Instagram or to post on Facebook that we aren't actually just living in the moment anymore?  I kinda hate that, ya know?  Like yesterday instead of worrying about sharing my delicious adult hot chocolate I just enjoyed drinking it with my closest friends, no photo necessary.  Before we went to bed last night I told Jimmy, "You know, I didn't get on Instagram at all today!" like it was some sort of victory, and, truth be told, it kind of was.  Pathetic but true.  I'm going to be better about that.

***
I have had our Christmas cards for a week or so now yet they're still sitting, addressed, on the counter waiting for stamps.  Ugh, I loathe going to the post office, especially with two tiny tots in tow, but I guess I better get on it seeing as Christmas is less than 10 days away.  We've been receiving cards upon cards and I have all but two photo cards.  I got to thinking, when I was growing up we NEVER sent a photo card or a photo in our card, just a plain Christmas card from the giant box that you buy at Target.  Now everyone sends a photo card and I love it.  I love seeing the people we love and what their families look like, what they've been up to, etc.  I love that this tradition is changing.

***
 I think we've reached the end of napping days, for Kendall.  She hasn't taken a nap for the past four days.  You guys, I'm so sad about this.  I look forward to naps.  It's my time to get things done, whether it be laundry, prepping for dinner, checking emails, catching up on the DVR, whatever.  Luckily she's been going into her room for at least two hours, one day I even thought she had fallen asleep because she was being so good and quiet.  If she does that then I'm OK with no naps because it still gives me a chance to collect my thoughts and recharge MY battery.  So, I guess it's not so bad actually.

***
We still have the majority of our Christmas shopping to do.  Like, we've only bought for two people so far.  I hate that we are last minute shoppers, hate it, it stresses me out.  I always say, every year, that I'm going to be one of those people who starts shopping EARLY and has it all done by some magical before Christmas date, in my head.  It never happens.  And this also means we're actually going to have to go out in the crazy to shop because I don't trust that stuff will get here in time, at this point.

***
I need help.  Baby James has chubby little feet and no socks will stay on him.  He kick, kick, kicks all day and I'm constantly putting his socks on.  I need to know what your favorite baby socks are, ones that will stay put!  I used to love the Circo ones from Target but now those aren't staying on either.  I've even bought bigger sizes, 6-12 months, but he still kicks them off.  Little booger.  So share with me your sock secrets, please.

So I've been at this blogging gig for a while now.  Some of you have been with me since the beginning and others I've picked up along the way.  I am thankful for each and every person who reads and comments on this blog and to those who send me emails privately telling me that I, little ole me, make you feel better or normal or like your at least not the only person out there who thinks/feels a certain way.  To those of you who have followed since day one, I don't know why you started following but thank you for sticking around.

I go back through some of my older posts and I cringe.  Seriously, what were you people doing clicking that 'follow' button. That stuff was garbage and the way I typed, oy!  I liked to emphasis words by using the CAPS lock AND SETTING MY FONT TO THE LARGEST SETTING.  Seriously, how annoying is that to read?  So for those of you that read through all that B.S.  You are the true rock stars and THANK YOU {CAPS lock style}.

Some of my posts were a bit TMI, like the time I talked about going off of birth control.  OMG I am so sorry for that post.  I seriously contemplated deleting it altogether but then I thought, "nah it's part of my history, I'll leave it."  But for real, you guys did not deserve that.

There's been lots of talk about wine on this blog, along with other adult beverages, and that has gotten me labeled a drunk.  It's fine, I like wine.  I like to have a glass with dinner or after the babies are in bed and I'm relaxing with my husband, so shoot me.  I don't drink it every day, I don't need it, and I certainly am not getting drunk.  So a drunk?  I think that's a bit far fetched.

Then there were all my posts where I talk about only having on child.  I mean fine, that's where we stood at the time, but holy grump-fest.  Those posts are so Negative Nancy and wishy-washy I even have a hard time figuring out what I was talking about.  Clearly I was not 100% Team Only Child or else I would have been able to form a clear thought in at least one of those posts.

I got some slack when I posted about Kendall potty training and how I am embarrassing her in the future.  And, while you might be right, I like to think that I'm raising my child to have a sense of humor too.  I really doubt she's going to need therapy for her mom talking about her potty training adventures from when she was two-and-a-half.  But, maybe I'm wrong?

My 31 Days posts always seem to get a lot of negative feedback, I guess because they are pretty raw and real?  People thought I was a slave to my husband last year with my 31 Days of Being a Better Wife.  I can assure you, that is not the case and we have a very fair relationship.  This year they thought I was a bad mom because I was on my journey to having more patience.  These posts were about me trying to be a better person and that always comes with some sort of self discovery and, for that, I will not apologize.

All of these posts/types of posts have their cringe-worthy moments.  Some of them I wish I could erase and then I remember that whatever you say on the Internet stays there forever so why bother?  Others are just me, raw, honest, and real.  If there is one thing that I hope people know about me and this blog is that I will always be genuine and will not sugar coat anything.  I think that's what makes this place so easy to relate too and that will never change.  I am, however, glad that I have learned to tame some things down, stop over-sharing, and, for God sake, to quit using the extra large font.

Are there any posts you regret writing or wish you could delete from cyberspace forever?

I've been thinking about blogging a lot lately and how it's shaped who I am as a person.  I've also been thinking about the types of things I share here and whether I should scale it back a bit, keep it coming full steam ahead, modify things a bit, just thinking.  I don't like to post nonsense, even though some of my posts could be viewed as just that, and for the most part I like to think I post quality content around these parts.  Stuff that gets you interested and makes you want to come back and keep reading.

Truth be told, I've never seen myself as a writer. In high school there was nothing I hated more than a writing prompt.  I sucked.  I would stare at the topic and think I'd rather rip out each of my toenails, one by one, than write this essay.  I think I just hated being critiqued and the thought of the reader cringing over my words.  And now here I blog, for the whole world to see.  Now instead of being judge by my punctuation {because that's the beauty of blogging, I type/write how I speak and sometimes that means lots of !!! or run-on sentences} I'm now judged by my character, my choices, my lifestyle.  Some might think that that makes this type of writing even more scary but I say, bring it on!

Over the past four years that I've been blogging I've seen tremendous changes in myself.  What was once just a place to share wedding ideas has become a place that allows me to share my story with the world, inspire others, make people feel like they aren't the only one out there feeling a certain way and I hope, at times, makes people laugh.  I have always received my share of criticism and for the most part I do not let it bother me.  Half the time I've forgotten the negative comment by the time lunch rolls around the next day.  Id don't care if people think, "oh she's a drunk" all because I posted ONE picture to Instagram where I had a beer on a random Wednesday afternoon.  I don't care if they think my outfits are stupid when I post an #ootd.  I don't even get upset when they leave nasty anonymous comments about my decision to share certain {potty training} stories.

The way I handle the negativity is easy.  For every one person that says something nasty there is a long line of people behind them sending, "thank you" emails or "I've been there" comments or even words of encouragement that help ME.  And that, my friends is worth all the Negative Nancies.  If I can help one person or make one person feel less alone then my job as a "writer" is done.  

And this is a two-way street we're on.  I wish I could follow and read and respond to all of the people who do the same for me but I just don't have enough hours in the day.  I try to respond to each comment {that has an email attached} the best I can and I have formed some great friendships this way.  Engaging with my readers is what is important to me and makes this whole transparency thing worth it to me.  I hope that my readers feel like I connect with them and I never want to be seen as the blogger who let blogging go to their head and can no longer respond to comments or emails.  I've seen way too many bloggers get a big head over their "fame" and I hope to never come off that way.

So I may do a sponsored post, a review, a giveaway, etc and I know that that gets annoying to read day after day and sometimes can even feel like that's all that's out there anymore.  I get it, you want content, so do I.  BUT just know that there is a reason, a purpose for each and every post that gets published. You may not want to read about Huggies Little Swimmers and you might hate Wendy's Flatbread Sandwiches but guess what?  Those posts might pay my electric bill this month.  It might just be extra money that Kendall and I go get ice cream with.  Either way there is a purpose.  There is always a purpose.

Who loves a good deal? Who loves getting things for free? Who likes making money doing {basically} nothing? I do! Today I wanted to share some of my favorite sites, shops, affiliates, etc and maybe help you reap some of the rewards I've benefited from lately.

Linqia:  I've posted about this new partnership on Facebook and Twitter a bit lately and that's because I've loved my success with it so far.  You get assigned campaigns, some of them require a blog post others just require social media shout outs, and based on your blog stats you are given a budget and that's basically what you are trying to earn during your campaign.  Don't meet your budget?  No problem, you still get your earnings no matter what they are.  My last campaign lasted 21 days and I made close to $200 for promoting a company I really support!  Some of their brands are Coca-Cola, Green Works, and One Kings Lane.  You also get referral credits of $5 per person accepted so that's a little bonus.  Interested in making a little blog money?  Sign up here.

Ebates:  I've told you about Ebates till I'm blue in the face so if you're not using it by now you are crazier than Amanda Bynes.  Do you shop online?  You should be shopping with Ebates.  You earn money buying things at hundreds of stores.  You are basically getting paid to shop!  At least that's how I justify it to Jimmy.  He loves the little bit of money I get back from my purchases so much that he uses it to buy things online too!  Plus you can search for coupon codes for the items you are looking for that are only available to Ebates subscribers.  Sign up now, thank me later.

Zulily:  Looking for a great baby gift?  Good deal on boutique kids clothes?  What about designer handbags?  Zulily has all of that, and more! I've gotten Halo sleep sacks for baby brother a fraction of the cost at Buy Buy Baby or Target for that matter.  I saw Gucci handbags a couple of weeks ago!  Say what?!  I know!  Toys, clothes, shoes, maternity, you name it!  A couple of months ago they even had TOMS for almost half price!  I got Kendall the cutest pink canvas pair, perfect for summer!  It's invite only so here's your invite.

thredUP:  Laura told me about thredUP a few months ago and I'm so glad she did.  I have gotten almost all of Kendall's summer wardrobe for free or next to nothing.  How?  Well you can clean out your own closet, they'll send you a mailing bag, stuff it full and mail it back.  They'll sort through it, price it and then give you the cash in the form of store credit!  It's THAT easy!  Everything I've gotten so far has been in EXCELLENT condition and I've barely spent anything out of pocket.  And if she happens to get cherry red popsicle on her new tank I don't get too stressed when I know that I didn't pay a small fortune for it.  Shop here and get $10 off your first order!

Baby Cheapskate: I love this site! Every week they post the top diaper/wipes/and formula deals for the week.  Basically what store has them the cheapest per item count every week.  And not only do they share this wealth of knowledge but also when stores are having amazing sales or a specific item drops in price {last week they posted Aden +Anais Dream Blankets that were on sale for $37 from $50!!!}.  I find it easiest to follow them on Facebook and they are constantly posting the latest and greatest deals.

Those are my favorites and go-tos right now.  If you guys like this sort of thing maybe I'll make it a monthly feature where I share my top 3 or 4 of the month.  Would you be into that?  Who doesn't love saving money?

If you are anything like me you are always looking at other people and thinking "Whoa!  She's so put together!" or "I wish I was that creative!  How did she think of that?".  No?  Just me?  I digress.

My point is I'm always in this constant state of thinking that the grass is always greener.  Someone is always more creative, more stylish, a better mom, a better cook, a better wife, the list goes on.  I think it's a natural thing in this blog world, to compare yourself to the next, best blogger.

But then something happened one day.

I was chatting with my friend Katie via text, yeah we're cool like that, and I was telling her how I envied her creativeness.  If you don't follow her on IG I highly suggest you do.  Not only does she have two of the cutest little girls around but every Saturday morning she makes pancake animals {panimals} and every weekend I die a little at the cuteness.

One weekend {Easter weekend} I thought I'd be all creative and recreate the Easter bunny that she has posted earlier that morning...yeah well...let's just say I'll stick to Easter egg pancakes.  Anywho, I texted a picture of my version to Katie and said something along the lines of "Easter bunny pancake?  Nailed it!" {insert sarcasm font}.  I went on to say how I was seriously lacking in the creative department and envied her and on and on. And then she told me that it is not true, and that she actually envied the way I can put together an outfit better than anyone she knows.  {I don't agree, necessarily, but I'll take it!}

And it was right then and there that I realized something.  We are all good at something.  So I might not be the next Martha Stewart but I can whip up a tasty, husband approved dinner more nights of the week than we eat out.  I'm no fashionista {by any means} but I like to think I am stylish in my own way.

My point is just because someone else is good at something that you may not be doesn't mean you suck.  Doesn't mean you should be jealous because chances are you are probably good at something that they may be envious of and admire.

It's easy to get caught up in the whole "keeping up with the Jones'", especially in blog-land but you just have to remember that we all have things we are good at.  We all have strengths and we all have weaknesses.

Also something to remember?  Just because someone posts a picture of the super adorable something they did or made doesn't mean that there weren't 5 failures and disasters before that one.  Remember, blogging is all about letting you see what we want you to see.

Just because you're a blogger...

• Doesn't mean you are a celebrity.  My husband once introduced me to his friends as "a famous blogger" and I was so quick to correct him. I love that he thinks I'm "famous" on the Internet but it's far from true.  I'm just like you and you and you.  I just happen to put all my business on the Internet for everyone to read.  So I might get recognized when I'm at story time one week, while I'm flattered, that does not make me famous.  At all.  A few times I've commented on blogs and gotten a response from the author {ahem, Holly} that said something along the lines of "OH MY GOSH not THEE Shannon Dew!?  I'm so flattered!" And I'm all over here looking around like "wha!?" because, seriously, who am I?  No one. 
• Doesn't mean that you deserve to be picked apart because "Hey, you put it all out there" aka you deserve it.  Being bashed does not come with the territory.  It's a brave brave thing we {bloggers} do, putting our lives out there like this.  We {sometimes} talk about very personal things and while yes, that is our choice it doesn't mean that it's easy. It's still hard to put yourself out there for everyone to read, make sure no one is offended, try to be likable  be true to yourself all while being entertaining.  It is NOT brave to hide behind anonymous comments and message boards talking trash.  Period.
• Doesn't mean because we want to share something we found, did, like, etc that we are bragging.  I truly like to share when I find a great product or accomplish a really fun {in my opinion} DIY project or even just a super cute pic of my kid, that doesn't mean I'm trying to be all "I"m better than you" or "Look at me".  It's called sharing.  It's a very basic skill we all should have learned way back when.  I mean, isn't that what blogging is all about? Sharing your world with people? So that might mean a super cute new outfit or a motivational workout pic.  That, in my book, is not bragging.
• Doesn't mean this is all we love or do.  I try to be great about responding to comments and doing so in a timely manner, it is a pet peeve of mine when bloggers don't acknowledge their readers and/or take weeks to do so.  With that being said, it doesn't mean that my life is blogging.  I have a toddler, a husband, extracurricular activities, friends, family, a life outside of blogging. It might seem like you know me because it seems like I share everything but I can assure you that that is far from the truth.  I'm sure the same goes for almost all other bloggers. Of course we share a lot but there is also a lot we don't share.  
• Doesn't mean you'll do anything for money.  I know I do a lot of reviews, take sponsors, tout the occasional BlogHer campaign but that doesn't mean that I don't turn down a lot too.  I get emails all the time from people who want to do sponsored posts or guest posting for money or free products and, while I'd love to help any/everyone out, I do turn them down too.  People seem to have this perception that we {bloggers} all just want to make a buck and so, just shoot us an email offering us some cash or a product and we're in.  Sorry, wrong.  While I love to make money doing something I love {like blogging} doesn't mean I'm going to whore my blog out for some random ish for a couple bucks.

Google Reader is going away, so I hear, and yeah you can follow me on Bloglovin' so you don't miss a single beat! I mean, could you imagine if you missed Baby Dew #2's arrival?
Follow my blog with Bloglovin

I remember a while back this little meme was going around where bloggers were professing what type of blogger they were/are. A fashion/style blogger, a DIY blogger, a health/fitness blogger, a wedding blogger, etc. I never "participated" at the time because back then I didn't know what type of blogger I was.  I didn't want to limit myself by categorizing just one area of my blogging life.

I talk about a little bit of everything around here.  Being a mom, food/recipes, weight loss {when there's no baby in my belly}, decorating {or lack there of}, the occasional bitch-fest, celebrity gossip, it's really the definition of hodge podge around here.  But, you know what?  I like it that way.

I like it that I can't fit myself under one label.  At first I thought, "I'm a mom blogger" and then I was like, "well, not really because I don't talk about how to raise your kid or offer the best parenting advice" so I wouldn't say that a "mom blogger" fits me completely.  When I was losing weight I did a few posts here and there about what was working for me but that doesn't mean I'm a health/fitness blogger.  I just redecorated our master bedroom but that surely doesn't qualify me in the same category as Young House Love or Bower Power.  I occasionally {rarely, these days} give my two cents regarding the haps in Tinseltown but I'm no Suri's Burn Book.

I just do me.  

I like to think I'm more than just a _______ blogger.  I like to think I'm the whole package, if you will.

That's the beauty of blogging though.  We are free to be whoever we want to be but there is one thing that is never cool and that's being fake.  No matter what I'm blogging about in the moment I hope that you always know what you "see" is what you get around here.  I pride myself on being honest 100% of the time and I'd hope that if we ever got the chance to meet in person you'd feel like I was the same in the flesh as I am behind the words on the screen.

I am a honest blogger.

This internet life is a tricky one because, as I said above, you get to be whoever you want to be online.  Kind of like that Brad Paisley song, "Online".  I've had the pleasure of getting to know a lot of bloggers "offline" {if you will}.  Ones I talk to on the phone, via email, text or Voxer.  Ones I'd consider my true friends, not just my "online friends".  In the same respect there have been a few bloggers that I loved reading their blog and then when I got to "know" them a little deeper, away from just reading each others blogs, and I was disappointed with what I "saw" and it kind of ruined that/those blog{s} for me.  You live and you learn.

My biggest piece of advice that I could give anyone looking to get their feet wet in this blogging business is to be yourself.  People love real, raw, honest, things they can relate to.  No one wants to read a "perfect" blog about the "perfect" life and "perfect" children because that shit doesn't exist and reading things like that only makes people feel bad about themselves and feel inferior.  That's not to say you have to air your dirty laundry either, just be real.

Sharing our strengths AND weaknesses is what most people {I} like to see.  Made a great recipe?  Share it!  Had a "I hate my kid day"?  Been there, done that, let's be friends.  Found a good sale?  Tell me more!  Need an extra glass of wine tonight?  Cheers!

Now that this post has officially gone in a completely different direction than I initially intended, I'll wrap it up by saying this.  Let's create a new category of blogging, honest bloggers.  How bout it?

Hope you have a great weekend!

I've touched on the topic of sponsoring before but today I want to dig a little bit deeper. I want to talk about why I sponsor, why I have sponsors, what to look for in a sponsor, when to sponsor, who I've had success with, how do you know what to charge, etc.  Disclaimer: I am far from an expert in this department but these are things that have worked for me and how I've been successful with sponsorship.
The real reason behind this post is you, my readers.  I've gotten quite a few emails recently from bloggers looking to sponsor and those who are looking to start taking sponsors for their own blog and they all seem to have the same set of questions.

When I was starting out in the blog world I would have killed for someone to give me the 411 on these things but I {for the most part} learned them on my own.  I kind of like it that way because it makes me feel like I actually accomplished my "success" on my own, without the help of others, but at the same time I like feeling helpful.  So hopefully you'll find this post worthwhile.  If you think blog sponsoring is dumb, you can skip this post and come back tomorrow for SWW.

I think sponsoring is important these days because this blogging stuff is tough to get into.  There are so many great blogs out there, great writers, so jumping into it as a new writer is intimidating.  In fact, if I were to start blogging today I'm not sure where I'd be.  But, that's where sponsoring comes in.  For someone who is new to this whole gig, doesn't have a lot of followers and is doing their best {via commenting, liking, reaching out on other blogs} sponsoring is awesome.  What better way to help get your name/blog out there than through a bigger outlet?  Having a lag in your follower count {like I did recently}?  Sponsoring someone in a different genre may be just the boost your blog needs.

Let's face it, this is a mommy blog {for the most part}.  A lot of the people that read and sponsor my blog are moms and most of the blogs I read are other mommy blogs.  That's great, those are my people, but at some point I feel like I've exhausted all of my resources as far as reaching other mommy bloggers.  That's when I thought about tapping into a blog completely unlike mine, Messy Dirty Hair.  Kelly has a completely different group of followers than I do, I'm sure of it, but that doesn't mean her followers won't like me, it just means they probably don't know about me.  So with her help and social media shout outs it exposed me to a whole new group of people and I saw my follower count go up for the first time in a while because of it.

I think the most important thing to look for when you are sponsoring someone is what they have to offer.  Do they just put your button in their side bar?  Do they include social media shout outs? What about guest posting?  In my experience it's more beneficial to go with someone who will, bare minimum, do social media shout outs.  I've sponsored blogs where all you get is an ad in their side bar and at first it seems smart, especially if they have a lot of followers, but for me that wasn't enough.

In the past I used to do a sponsor spotlight post, highlighting an individual sponsor for the day.  I didn't see a lot of success for me or my sponsors in doing that so I've dropped that part of my sponsorship program.  That's not to say I won't do it, because I certainly will, but it's just not part of the package anymore.  Becky does a group sponsor spotlight a couple times a month and as a sponsor of her blog I've found it very helpful in the way she does it.

Along the same lines, if you are a small business, independent consultant, Etsy owner, etc, I think it's a very good idea to give the blogger a product to review/promote.  My sponsors that have been the most successful have been ones that have provided me with a product that I can rave about.  Let's face it, there are a lot of products out there and there is no way to have experience with every company, it's extremely hard to promote someone or something you have very little knowledge of or experience with.  If you can provide even a sample or host a giveaway, it's better than nothing.  Just sayin'.

For those of you looking to start taking sponsors on your blog, there's a lot to consider.  When I started blogging there was no such thing as blog sponsorship, now everyone takes sponsors so you have to be smart.  If you are a new blogger with very few followers you might want to consider this: sponsorship is all about getting your name out there, getting seen by more people and using another person to do it.  Consider doing a button swap with other bloggers before charging for ad space.  This helps get your blog out there more which should help get you more followers and then start charging.  For me, I wasn't comfortable taking money for ad spots until my blog had reached nearly 1,000 GFC followers, but that's just me.  You have to think of it from the sponsors standpoint, would you want to sponsor a blog that has the potential to be seen by hundreds or thousands of people?

I sponsor because I love connecting with people.  I love hearing from my readers {new & old}, especially the ones that don't necessarily comment often but then take the time to write me a really heartfelt email.  I love seeing my blog grow.  I look back to wear I started and where I'm at today and it really warms my heart to see how many people are connected in this blogging world.

I take sponsors because I love helping people out.  I love promoting people and I would have loved to have someone help do that for me when I was just starting.  I love getting an email from a sponsor or saying that because of the partnership with my blog they have become more successful.

I know sponsorship isn't for everyone.  Some people don't like to clutter up their blog with ads, some people don't like to read the sponsored posts, it's not for everyone.  I have seen the success it can bring and therefore I am a fan and that's why I continue to sponsor and take sponsors.

While we're on the topic, in case you hadn't seen, I am offering 50% off all ad spaces through the end of today, use code 'haveaheart' at checkout.  If the spot you want is sold out you can always reserve it for a future date.  As I said, all of my ad spots come with the same perks, social media shout outs, side bar ad for one month.  If you are interested in a product review and/or giveaway we can definitely talk more about that too.  Any more questions? Feel free to email me at shannon.r.dew{at}gmail{dot}com.

I haven't done a random, here's what's on my mind post in a while so here you go.

In a blog funk?  Let's face it, I think we have all been there.  With The New Year I've noticed a lot of bloggers seem to be saying the same thing, "I just don't know what to write about".  Call it a case of contentment, call it writers block but I miss seeing some of my favorite faces around the Internets.

Today's post is going to be in a little bit of a different format than the previous days of this challenge. Today I am pissed but not at my husband, he's still wonderful.

Today I got a comment on my earlier post regarding the handbag I just purchased.  It went something like this, "did you ask your husband's permission before you bought a $130 purse?".  I'm assuming that what this person was getting at {anonymous, of course} is when I wrote my post where Jimmy told me to treat myself and I "asked" him if I could buy myself some new leggings.

Newsflash:  I don't need his permission, I chose to ask out of respect.  He does the same for me when he buys himself something that's not a "necessity".  Of course he wouldn't care that I buy a pair of $8 leggings just as he wouldn't care that I bought myself this purse.  I know my limits and I know our bank account.  I'm sure the same person is thinking to themselves, "but didn't you complain about how tight money is?" to which I'll say, yes I did.  It's no secret that we have our financial ups and downs, as I'm sure everyone does.  Truth is, I have a little extra pocket money right now and I wanted to treat myself.  Period.  End of story.  Mind ya biznas.

If you think that bashing my marriage by assuming that I'm this "kept woman" who has to ask her husband's permission to do anything, you are sadly mistaken.  I do what I do out of pure respect, admiration, and love. I am taking this journey to be a better wife because he deserves it, our marriage deserves it.  I encourage others to do the same because I have seen what great things it has done for my relationship in such a short period of time, it's remarkable.

So for you, no-reply email, to make that comment, seemingly harmless but a dig underneath the "it's just a question" demeanor, is rude.  You are rude.  My husband works hard for his money and for me to spend it frivolously,  without "asking" is rude. I have far too much appreciation for all that he does for our family to disrespect him by treating myself to such a "lavish" item {seeing as my last, probably, 3 purses have been from Target}.

So thanks for your question.  Next time leave an email and I'll reply directly.

From daily/life planners to Pumpkin Spice Lattes, blogging has truly opened my eyes to so many great products.  I have always prided myself on being someone who can resist peer pressure {to a point} but when it comes to the blogging peer pressure I cave almost every time.  Some of the influences have been good others have been eh.  But I swear if I see one more person blog about Bridier Baubles one more time I'm going to buy a Bota necklace and I don't even like it!  Seriously!  But, some things that I have fallen for include, but are not limited to the following: