Life After I "Dew"

One would think that almost six months into this Kindergarten business it would seem like life as usual.  Monday, Wednesday and Friday I take my oldest down the street to her elementary building.  I kiss her good-bye, I tell her to have a great day and that I can't wait to see her when I pick her up. Everyday I sit in that car-rider line and wait until she is completely in the building before I pull my truck away from the curb.  And it's been this way since August 28, 2105.

Every day when I watch her step out of that door and head up the sidewalk to her building I lose a piece of my heart.

First of all she still looks so tiny, she is so tiny.  Her backpack is almost as big as she is yet there she is, independently walking herself to her locker to unload her homework, hang up her coat and back pack and head to her class room.  It's everything in me to not jump out of that car and help her do all of those things she's been doing for months now.

Kendall is a shy girl.  She is quiet and reserved if she's not at home.  She listens to her teachers and respects them. Sometimes she can even come across like she's being rude or doesn't want to be friends because she's too busy following the rules.  Kendall's card has been on green all year and her teachers say she is such a pleasure to have in class.  The fact that she is so timid, especially in new situations, makes me just want to go pull her out of that school and never let her go.  When I think about myself in her shoes I get scared and intimidated for her.

And, geez, I get emotional driving passed her preschool. We don't drive by it very often but when we do I, again, feel like part of my heart is missing.  That phase of life is over. There will be no more adorable preschool performances, no more field trips to the apple orchard, no more hearing her talk about dressing the frog for the weather.  Thank goodness I have Jamesy baby.

I think the reason it's so sad to watch my sweet girl leave my truck each day isn't because I'm scared for her.  It's not because I miss her.  I do feel all those things {and then some}. But the real reason I feel like part of my heart is missing when she walks away is because time.  Where has the time gone?

I'm not sure how I have a kindergartner.  I know all moms say that at various stages of life but it's true at each one.  Also they aren't kidding when they say "the days are long but the years are short".  I feel like I could get that saying tattooed across my face. My days feel long, most of the time, it's true.  I find myself running out of fun mom things to do and then I feel like I'm failing my kids.  But then I sit down when the house is quiet {so not often} and I realize I have a two {and a half}-year-old and a five {and a half}-year-old and I just want to know how?!

Time is not our friend, as mothers.  It's cruel actually.  Also is Timehop, man I have such a love/hate relationship with that app.  You mean to tell me it's been TWO YEARS since I held a teenie tiny baby?  No!  It was just yesterday, I swear.  A year ago Kindergarten was just a mere blip on the radar.  So much can change in a very short amount of time.

I really love the stage of life we are in right now. I do.  James is, for the most part, out of his awful stage that lasted nearly two years.  He's a fun boy, he really is.  He makes me laugh on the daily  and he will give me a kiss on demand, every time.  He is rough and tumble and full of energy but he brings so much joy to our family.  Kendall is independent enough but dependent enough all at the same time.  She loves trying out new tasks like pouring herself a bowl of cereal.  She has her own little friends that aren't just my friends children.  She loves to come home and tell me about her day at school, who got their card flipped and what new song they learned in music class.  The two of them have a really fun relationship and it's really cool to watch {most of the time}.

That still doesn't change the fact that every morning, when Kendall goes to Kindergarten, I feel a piece of my heart go with her.  I hope she feels it in the heart I draw in the peanut butter in her sandwich.  I hope she sees it when I put a picture of our family in her lunch box each day.  I hope she knows how much I mean it when I tell her I love her.

Man this kids getting older/parenting stuff is deep.

Are you guys tired of hearing about Kindergarten yet?

I apologize.

It's just kindergarten is such a big milestone.  Our first BIG one.  Sure there's the first tooth, first word, first steps and those are all BIG, exciting milestones but there's just something about kindergarten that slaps you in the face.  It's in a league all of it's own.

Honestly, I feel like, for years I've been watching other bloggers send their babies off to kindergarten and never really thought about the day I'd be doing the same.  It's one of those things that seems too far away to really worry about but in the blink of an eye it's your turn.

I'm the type of person who doesn't really dwell on or anticipate things much before they actually happen; I tend to just deal with them once they are happening.  I don't know if that's a blessing or curse but I kind of like that about myself.  I like to think it's easier this way because then I'm not making myself ill for days leading up to said "thing" rather I am just forced to make the best of it.

Anywho....

Kindergarten.

So there were a few things we did to "survive" the first day.  Some were done to help me, others to help her.  I thought I'd share how we are making the most of this transition.

1.  The Lunch Box. So I've seen 5 million and one posts on IG showcasing these amazing lunchboxes and these really fancy organizers.  I can't lie, these lunches made me jealous.  But more than making me jealous they made me feel inferior so I ran to the supermarket in search of a lunch system myself only to find all of them were too big for any one of Kendall's four styles of lunchbox {when your birthday is so close to BTS you get lots of lunchboxes}.  Left to my own devices I thought, "I survived without one of these fancy contraptions and so will she". And I packed her lunch with Ziploc baggies and Rubbermaid containers.  GASP!  But to make hers special I included a little note and a picture of our family taped to the lid.  I thought she'd appreciate that more than a $40 lunch organizer anyway.


2. Something Old.  Kendall loves her little pink blankie.  She's had it since she was a baby and I don't even remember how it became her thing.  She takes it everywhere and, as a matter of fact, it's barely pink anymore instead it's taken on a darker, dingier color that resembles a greyish brown because "it's so loved".  We pack it in her backpack every day.  She doesn't get it out at school but something about knowing its not too far away makes her feel better.  We started doing this when she went to preschool and if it helps her get through the day I'm OK with it.

3.  Ready Confetti.  I so wish I could take credit for this one.  Kendall has the most coveted teacher of kinder, from what I hear.  When we had parent night I could tell that Mrs. Shaffer was good, like really good, so when we found out she had her I was THRILLED.  We may have been on a 4 hour road trip when we found out and we may or may not have done a little happy car dance.  But anyway...on meet the teacher night she handed each of the kids a little baggie full of confetti along with a poem. You were to sprinkle the confetti around your bed the night before the first day and it was going to help you sleep better and wake up excited and ready for kindergarten.  If that's not the cutest thing you've heard of I don't know what is.  Kendall loved this and I thought it was just a darling way for the kids to get excited about their teacher.
4. One High, One Low.  This is something I adopted after the first day and wish I would have done on the first day but you live and you learn.  So her first day was hard for her.  It was a longer day than she's used to and there was some "friend drama" that left her feeling a little upset. There were lots of tears and "I don't wanna go back to kindergartey".  I realized that maybe I had overwhelmed her with too many, "did you have fun?", "how was lunch?", "did you like your teacher?", "who did you play with?", "how was recess?", "what was your classroom like?",  "who did you sit with?", and so on.  So, now, I am asking her to share one good thing from the day and one "bad"thing and leaving it at that.  If she wants to share more GREAT but I don't want her to feel overwhelmed to share if she doesn't want to.

What are some of your tricks and tips for surviving kindergarten?  Please share below!

I put my girl to bed for the last time as a pre-k kid.

Tomorrow she starts "kindergartey" and tomorrow starts a whole new chapter of life for us.  For the record, I hope she never stops calling it "kindergartey" because it's the cutest, sweetest, most innocent thing ever.  I know it won't be long and she'll  be saying "kindergarten" so for now I'm not correcting her.

This summer has been one for the record books and will be hard to top.  We've been camping, zip-lining, swimming, to the beach, vacationed with friends, rode four-wheelers, hit up splash pads, took a family vacation, gone boating, played at the park, made s'mores, played with friends, ate way too much ice cream and stayed up late on more than one occasion.  It's been a blast and while it's been busy and we haven't had much at-home time, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Now we will return to life of regularly scheduled baths and early bedtimes.  We will no longer have ice cream for dinner or watch "one more show".  Our laid-back mornings will be traded for packing lunches and "hurry up and eat your breakfast, we have to leave soon"!  Our kitchen table will soon be used for doing homework more than playing with Play-Doh.

As cliche as it sounds, I really don't know how we've gotten to this point already.  As a matter of fact, a year ago I didn't even know if we would be sending her off to kindergarten.  After praying and weighing the pros and cons and talking to her preschool teachers and other moms in the same boat, we decided this is what is best for her and this is what will make her thrive.  She's ready.

After attending two parent meetings at the elementary school I finally feel confident in our decision.  When they talk about the expectations they have for the kids in kindergarten I know she will have no problem.  Most of the goals they have set for them are things that she already learned in preschool.  The one thing I'm most excited for, and she's excited about, is reading.  We've tried working on reading a little bit this summer and she wants to read so badly.  I know with her teachers help and guidance she'll be reading in no time.

She's ready but am I?

It really doesn't matter if I am or not.  This is not about me.  I am here for her and I will put on a brave face for her no matter how badly I want to sob, big, fat, ugly tears when she walks into that class room.  Even the image in my head makes me want to ball my eyes out.  All that matters to me is that she feels safe, secure, happy and confident in her classroom this year.

She's got the best kindergarten teacher in the school, from what I understand.  We met her Monday night and afterward I said, "so how are you feeling about kindergartey {I'm saying it too} now?" and she said, "a little nervous BUT I get my own locket {locker}!!!"  Well...OK baby girl!  If that's what makes you look forward to the first day then YES!  Lockers!!!  But, really, I feel so good knowing she's in good hands, with a teacher who is passionate about what she does and genuinely cares about her students.

At the end of the day I just have to throw all of my fear away and put it in the hands of God.  I pray about it nightly.  I pray that the Lord surround her with teachers and students who will point her towards God.  I pray for her safety.  I pray that she loves others and befriends all those she encounters.  I pray that she have an open heart and mind.  I pray for the knowledge of her teachers and admins and hope that they teach, lead, and act in a way in which glorifies God.  I pray that she have courage and be kind.  I pray that she stays focused and thrives this year.  At the end of the day, I just pray.

The night the picture on the left was taken she was about 3-4 days old.  I remember snuggling with her on our couch and Jimmy said to me, "next thing you know she'll be starting kindergarten".  And I bawled my post-pregnancy hormone eyes out because, "STOP! That is so far away!!!!"  And look, here we are.   It's not that far away at all because that picture on the left, it was just taken, I swear it was.  And yet there she is, looking too grown in her soccer gear, five short years later.

This year is going to be full of adjustments, learning, balancing and hopefully lots of fun thrown in there too.  I know it's going to be a roller coaster and there will be good days and bad.  I am excited, nervous, happy, scared, anxious and everything in between.  And I get to do it all over again in 2-3 more years.  Hashtag: motherhood.

Last week we registered Kendall, our first born, for Kindergarten.  I capitalize the K because it's THAT important to me, in my life, right now.  It's a proper noun.