Life After I "Dew"

It's been a while since I've written any updates on my kiddos. It's been a while since I've written much of anything but we are in such an awesome phase of life right now.   Both kids are more independent as each day passes.  They've finally gotten to the ages where they will actually play together {something I never thought would happen}.  They love each other something fierce and I love watching their relationship.  With that being said I want to share some things I love about each one of them at this age {mainly so I never forget}.

Today we're starting with Kendall.  She is almost 7 {August} and is finishing up 1st grade.  She plays soccer in the fall and does Girl Scouts as her extracurricular activities.  She loves all animals and wants to be a veterinarian when she grows up.  She's the perfect combination of a girly girl and a tomboy.  She would prefer playing outside to playing dress-up.  She loves math and reading {chapter books especially}.  Her favorite color is green, favorite movie is Moana or the new Beauty and the Beast, favorite song is How Far It Goes {from Moana- any version}, favorite food is pizza and if you ask her who her best friend is she'll name of no less than ten people.  She's shaping up to be such a fun, cool, smart little girl and I'm going to try to narrow it down to just 10 reasons why I love her.

1.  Her personality is the type that everyone wants to be around.  Her teachers love her and since she was in preschool they have raved about how well-behaved she is.  When I drop her off at school I see kids running up and hugging her.  Even though she's a bit shy and reserved she's always getting invited to play/be included.  She's just got that infectious positivity that you are drawn to.

2.  She always gives 110%.  There have been many times where she's given a task to do and even though it's completed she keeps going.  Her teacher told me a story of them doing a writing assignment and Kendall had done what was required of her and even when all of the other kids were done she kept writing, putting in her finishing touches.  She is always striving to be better and give it her all {she gets it from her daddy}.

3.  She has a kind heart.  She's always thinking about others.  Like last week we were at a Girl Scouts meeting and she made James one of their treats to bring home for him.  She knew he'd like it and didn't want him feeling left out.  She does that kind of stuff all the time and it makes me feel like I'm doing something right with her.

4.  She's a good artist and loves to create.  I prayed that our kids would get Jimmy's artistic abilities and it looks like she has. She loves to color, draw, write, paint, you name it.  Crafting is her love language and its so fun to watch her imagination when she's making something.  I could dedicate an
entire room in our house just to display her artwork.

5.  Girlfriend has amazing hair!  I have been jealous of her perfect beachy waves for years now.  I constantly tell her that people pay good money to have a head of hair like hers.  She loves it too and hates to get even a trim and, for the most part, likes to wear it down.

6.  I love and admire how brave she is.  She isn't afraid of the things most kids are.  She went zip-lining when she was five with no hesitation.  She doesn't get grossed out by bugs.  She isn't afraid to play in the dirt/mud/sand and get dirty.  She is pretty much always up for anything and I hope she always stays that way.

7.  I could listen to her tell stories all day.  She is so animated and her facial expressions are simply the best.  When she tells a story, especially a more exciting one, she tells it with every ounce of her being.

8.  She is such a good listener, almost too much of a good listener at times ;-). When I tell her she can/can't do something until ______ she does just that.  She can remember conversations we had weeks, even months, ago because she's truly paying attention and listening.

9.  I love her green eyes.  She got them from my mom and my grandma and I love that she managed to get that over my brown or Jimmy's blue eyes.  Green is her favorite color so she absolutely loves having green eyes.  They totally change depending on the day or what she's wearing but there's no doubt that they're staying green.

10.  I love watching her think.  She will sometimes bite her bottom lip and other times she will have her eyes completely rolled back in her head.  Watching her brain work is one of my favorite things to observe.

As most moms could, I could go on for days about the reasons I love her but I'll narrow it down to these ten.  She caught a glimpse of me writing this and I saw her smile as she read the words on the screen.  I hope that one day when she's older she can come back to this and reread it and know just how much I love her.

Every morning,  on our drive to school {approximately 5-7 minutes} I give Kendall a little pep talk.  As soon as we turn out of the driveway, I glance back at her in my review mirror, smile, and I say, "it's a good day..." and with a little eye-roll and a smirk on her face she moans, "to have a good day".

"Mom, that doesn't even make any sense", she says.

I'm sure many of you heard the term, "filling your bucket" or "being a bucket filler".  It comes from the children's books Fill a Bucket, Have You Filled a Bucket Today, and How Full Is Your Bucket? and others that talk about how kids can spread kindness, appreciation and love.  The gist of it is when you are kind you are being a "bucket filler".  When you compliment someone or help them you are filling their bucket full of love.  The opposite, being a "bucket dipper", is obviously when you are rude, talk nasty, or bully someone.  I love this concept and I think it gives kids a great visual to really understand that lifting someone up is filling their bucket but putting someone down is emptying it.  We always want to be "bucket fillers".

When Kendall asked me what I mean when I say, "it's a good day to have a good day" I delighted that she asked and wanted to take that opportunity to explain how that ties in with being a "bucket filler".

"It's easy", I said.  "Every day is a new day, right?  And every day is an opportunity.  We can chose to make it a good day or a bad day.  Our attitude, the way we react to situations and our mindset determines what kind of day we are going to have.  But every day is a good day to have a good day."

I'm still not quite sure she totally got what I was saying so I went a little further and told her that when we are "bucket fillers" we are making someone else's day good.  "It's like a domino.  When you build someone up and make them feel good that makes them want to do the same.  Not only will they extend a kind hand but it will also make you feel good knowing that you made them smile today."  She knows that when people are friendly and kind to her it makes her happy so it makes sense that doing that for others would make them feel good.

To make it more understandable, sometimes I put a "challenge" with it.  For example, the other day I told her I wanted her to compliment someone.  I told her it could be whoever she wanted but that I wanted her compliment to be genuine.  Now Kendall's a bit shy, even around people she knows well it can take her a while to warm up.  I knew giving her this task would be a true challenge but a good one.

When I picked her up from school that day I had kind of forgotten all about it, if I'm being honest. But the first thing she said to me when she hopped in the car was, "MOM!  I gave someone a compliment!!"  And she couldn't wait to tell me all about it.  After she told me who it was and what she said we talked about how that probably made him feel.  I asked her how he responded and how that made her feel.  The next day she couldn't wait to go to school and do it again.

This is my favorite tradition we have started and I only wish I had thought to do it sooner.  I am blessed that I am able to drive her to school and have these types of conversations with her.  She knows that whether we had a crazy morning and barely made it out the door on time or just have a case of the Mondays, she can always count on this little pep talk each day.  On the chaotic days I feel that these talks are even more important because it shows her that even though the day started out rocky, we have the opportunity to turn it around.

Do you have a school age child?  I encourage you to try this with him/her.  It doesn't have to be on the car-ride in the morning. It could be at the dinner table each night or during bedtime.  Having this kind of positive dialogue has not only helped Kendall realize what it means to be kind but has also been an eye-opener for me as well.  When I am spewing these things to her I am reminded that the best way I can instill this type of character is by displaying it myself.

Now, go be a "bucket filler".  Throw kindness around like it's confetti and watch the world around you change.

This weekend we celebrated Kendall turning six and James turning three with a very un-Pinterest worthy party.  I actually kept thinking to myself, "Wow, this is like an old-fashion birthday party" that whole day.  It was wonderful, actually.  So, if you came here for beautiful party pictures of perfectly placed decorations, adorable party favors and custom birthday tees, you came to the wrong place.

Since the Dew babies birthdays are just two days apart we still do a combined birthday party while we can.  In the years past we've been lucky and the themes have been neutral {Paw Patrol & pool party} but this year I knew we might have stronger opinions.  Kendall wanted Shopkins {of course} and James is obsessed with all things Star Wars.  That should be easy to combine, right {sarcasm font}?  Top it all off Kendall decided she wanted to do it at the beach.  OK, Shopkins+Star Wars+beach birthday party.  You got it kid!  I knew no such invitation existed {trust me I checked} so I used my ultra creative side and came up with an invite all on my own and I actually loved how it turned out.

The party was at a state park so we had no event coordinator or reservations to be made or even a deposit to pay.  When I called to ask a few questions I was basically told we just show up the day of and that was it.  Honestly the days leading up to the party felt really weird and I kept thinking, "I feel like I should be doing something!".  But it was so nice to be so stress-free about this party, for once.  Normally I feel like a chicken with it's head cut off days before throwing a party {all the cleaning!} and this year it was the complete opposite.  It was glorious.

The extent of my decor included the ultra adorable cake pops and thirty-two {I may have over estimated} balloons.  No coordinating party plates, no food labels, heck I didn't even use the tablecloths I bought due too the high winds on the beach.  We had hot dogs {I may or may not have forgotten the ketchup and mustard}, chips, pretzels, fruit, veggies and fruit snacks.  The kids swam, played Frisbee, blew bubbles, flew kites, and the adults played corn hole.  It was actually quite perfect.  I didn't even take any photos during the party but I'm thankful my mother-in-law snapped a few for the memory book.


You know the best part of this good ole fashion birthday party?  Everyone had a blast!  I wasn't worried about decorations getting ruined or making sure food was staying hot or whether the party entertainment was flowing.   We just had a nice, easy couple of hours with our closest friends and family members and I think all of the kids went home tired {win!}.

My sweet Kendall,

I remember the moment I first started to notice Kendall's baby-ness going away.  I remember, vividly, rocking her in her glider {now James's glider} and noticing the tiny creases slowly filling in on her wrists.  Her knuckles no longer resembled dimples.  Her sweet little pot-belly looking more lean.  I soaked that last bit of baby-ness up like a sponge to water.

It actually feels like that moment was just seconds ago but, sadly, it's been about two years.

Two years and now it's James's turn and it's happening.  All of the sudden I looked at him and it was like, "whoa, he's a little boy".  He loses his baby face each day.  One of my favorite features on him is his teeth {weird} and his whole life you really haven't been able to see them thanks to his chubby cheeks. Now that his face is maturing and thinning out you can see his teeth a little more now.  Once he got a big boy haircut I pretty much said goodbye to any bit of baby looks he had left.  What is it about a haircut?

The older he gets the more independent he's becoming {as is true with most kids}.  He doesn't like to be rocked to sleep anymore, a milestone I always dread.  Except today was different. He wasn't convinced that he was tired {thanks to big sister barging into his room with a cupcake in her hand} but he almost fell asleep on the way home from church so a nap was in order.  This time he let me rock him.  He laid his big boy head right on my shoulder and wrapped his arms and legs around me so tight as to say, "please don't let me go, mommy".  I jumped at the chance to rock my baby and as I did I felt the baby-ness once more.

Although his little body is so long and heavy.  Even though it takes both of my arms, under his butt, to hold him.  In that moment he was still my baby and he needed me.  He snuggled right into my chest and tucked his little arms underneath the weight of his body and he was still.  I felt his skin, still so baby soft.  I rubbed his back and sniffed his head {which doesn't smell like a baby anymore}.

Pretty soon I won't see even the slightest trace of baby left in him.  Sooner or later he's going to be all boy, even more so than he already is.  I have such a love/hate relationship with this stage.  I love watching them become the little people they are destined to be.  I hate saying good-bye to my babies.
Tonight I think I'll study him extra hard.  Notice all his fine lines, his dimples, his creases.  I might give him a bath and lather him with baby lotion, the same lotion I used when he was just months old.  Would that be weird?

"The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow, For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.  So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.  I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep."

One would think that almost six months into this Kindergarten business it would seem like life as usual.  Monday, Wednesday and Friday I take my oldest down the street to her elementary building.  I kiss her good-bye, I tell her to have a great day and that I can't wait to see her when I pick her up. Everyday I sit in that car-rider line and wait until she is completely in the building before I pull my truck away from the curb.  And it's been this way since August 28, 2105.

Every day when I watch her step out of that door and head up the sidewalk to her building I lose a piece of my heart.

First of all she still looks so tiny, she is so tiny.  Her backpack is almost as big as she is yet there she is, independently walking herself to her locker to unload her homework, hang up her coat and back pack and head to her class room.  It's everything in me to not jump out of that car and help her do all of those things she's been doing for months now.

Kendall is a shy girl.  She is quiet and reserved if she's not at home.  She listens to her teachers and respects them. Sometimes she can even come across like she's being rude or doesn't want to be friends because she's too busy following the rules.  Kendall's card has been on green all year and her teachers say she is such a pleasure to have in class.  The fact that she is so timid, especially in new situations, makes me just want to go pull her out of that school and never let her go.  When I think about myself in her shoes I get scared and intimidated for her.

And, geez, I get emotional driving passed her preschool. We don't drive by it very often but when we do I, again, feel like part of my heart is missing.  That phase of life is over. There will be no more adorable preschool performances, no more field trips to the apple orchard, no more hearing her talk about dressing the frog for the weather.  Thank goodness I have Jamesy baby.

I think the reason it's so sad to watch my sweet girl leave my truck each day isn't because I'm scared for her.  It's not because I miss her.  I do feel all those things {and then some}. But the real reason I feel like part of my heart is missing when she walks away is because time.  Where has the time gone?

I'm not sure how I have a kindergartner.  I know all moms say that at various stages of life but it's true at each one.  Also they aren't kidding when they say "the days are long but the years are short".  I feel like I could get that saying tattooed across my face. My days feel long, most of the time, it's true.  I find myself running out of fun mom things to do and then I feel like I'm failing my kids.  But then I sit down when the house is quiet {so not often} and I realize I have a two {and a half}-year-old and a five {and a half}-year-old and I just want to know how?!

Time is not our friend, as mothers.  It's cruel actually.  Also is Timehop, man I have such a love/hate relationship with that app.  You mean to tell me it's been TWO YEARS since I held a teenie tiny baby?  No!  It was just yesterday, I swear.  A year ago Kindergarten was just a mere blip on the radar.  So much can change in a very short amount of time.

I really love the stage of life we are in right now. I do.  James is, for the most part, out of his awful stage that lasted nearly two years.  He's a fun boy, he really is.  He makes me laugh on the daily  and he will give me a kiss on demand, every time.  He is rough and tumble and full of energy but he brings so much joy to our family.  Kendall is independent enough but dependent enough all at the same time.  She loves trying out new tasks like pouring herself a bowl of cereal.  She has her own little friends that aren't just my friends children.  She loves to come home and tell me about her day at school, who got their card flipped and what new song they learned in music class.  The two of them have a really fun relationship and it's really cool to watch {most of the time}.

That still doesn't change the fact that every morning, when Kendall goes to Kindergarten, I feel a piece of my heart go with her.  I hope she feels it in the heart I draw in the peanut butter in her sandwich.  I hope she sees it when I put a picture of our family in her lunch box each day.  I hope she knows how much I mean it when I tell her I love her.

Man this kids getting older/parenting stuff is deep.

Are you guys tired of hearing about Kindergarten yet?

I apologize.

It's just kindergarten is such a big milestone.  Our first BIG one.  Sure there's the first tooth, first word, first steps and those are all BIG, exciting milestones but there's just something about kindergarten that slaps you in the face.  It's in a league all of it's own.

Honestly, I feel like, for years I've been watching other bloggers send their babies off to kindergarten and never really thought about the day I'd be doing the same.  It's one of those things that seems too far away to really worry about but in the blink of an eye it's your turn.

I'm the type of person who doesn't really dwell on or anticipate things much before they actually happen; I tend to just deal with them once they are happening.  I don't know if that's a blessing or curse but I kind of like that about myself.  I like to think it's easier this way because then I'm not making myself ill for days leading up to said "thing" rather I am just forced to make the best of it.

Anywho....

Kindergarten.

So there were a few things we did to "survive" the first day.  Some were done to help me, others to help her.  I thought I'd share how we are making the most of this transition.

1.  The Lunch Box. So I've seen 5 million and one posts on IG showcasing these amazing lunchboxes and these really fancy organizers.  I can't lie, these lunches made me jealous.  But more than making me jealous they made me feel inferior so I ran to the supermarket in search of a lunch system myself only to find all of them were too big for any one of Kendall's four styles of lunchbox {when your birthday is so close to BTS you get lots of lunchboxes}.  Left to my own devices I thought, "I survived without one of these fancy contraptions and so will she". And I packed her lunch with Ziploc baggies and Rubbermaid containers.  GASP!  But to make hers special I included a little note and a picture of our family taped to the lid.  I thought she'd appreciate that more than a $40 lunch organizer anyway.


2. Something Old.  Kendall loves her little pink blankie.  She's had it since she was a baby and I don't even remember how it became her thing.  She takes it everywhere and, as a matter of fact, it's barely pink anymore instead it's taken on a darker, dingier color that resembles a greyish brown because "it's so loved".  We pack it in her backpack every day.  She doesn't get it out at school but something about knowing its not too far away makes her feel better.  We started doing this when she went to preschool and if it helps her get through the day I'm OK with it.

3.  Ready Confetti.  I so wish I could take credit for this one.  Kendall has the most coveted teacher of kinder, from what I hear.  When we had parent night I could tell that Mrs. Shaffer was good, like really good, so when we found out she had her I was THRILLED.  We may have been on a 4 hour road trip when we found out and we may or may not have done a little happy car dance.  But anyway...on meet the teacher night she handed each of the kids a little baggie full of confetti along with a poem. You were to sprinkle the confetti around your bed the night before the first day and it was going to help you sleep better and wake up excited and ready for kindergarten.  If that's not the cutest thing you've heard of I don't know what is.  Kendall loved this and I thought it was just a darling way for the kids to get excited about their teacher.
4. One High, One Low.  This is something I adopted after the first day and wish I would have done on the first day but you live and you learn.  So her first day was hard for her.  It was a longer day than she's used to and there was some "friend drama" that left her feeling a little upset. There were lots of tears and "I don't wanna go back to kindergartey".  I realized that maybe I had overwhelmed her with too many, "did you have fun?", "how was lunch?", "did you like your teacher?", "who did you play with?", "how was recess?", "what was your classroom like?",  "who did you sit with?", and so on.  So, now, I am asking her to share one good thing from the day and one "bad"thing and leaving it at that.  If she wants to share more GREAT but I don't want her to feel overwhelmed to share if she doesn't want to.

What are some of your tricks and tips for surviving kindergarten?  Please share below!

I put my girl to bed for the last time as a pre-k kid.

Tomorrow she starts "kindergartey" and tomorrow starts a whole new chapter of life for us.  For the record, I hope she never stops calling it "kindergartey" because it's the cutest, sweetest, most innocent thing ever.  I know it won't be long and she'll  be saying "kindergarten" so for now I'm not correcting her.

This summer has been one for the record books and will be hard to top.  We've been camping, zip-lining, swimming, to the beach, vacationed with friends, rode four-wheelers, hit up splash pads, took a family vacation, gone boating, played at the park, made s'mores, played with friends, ate way too much ice cream and stayed up late on more than one occasion.  It's been a blast and while it's been busy and we haven't had much at-home time, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Now we will return to life of regularly scheduled baths and early bedtimes.  We will no longer have ice cream for dinner or watch "one more show".  Our laid-back mornings will be traded for packing lunches and "hurry up and eat your breakfast, we have to leave soon"!  Our kitchen table will soon be used for doing homework more than playing with Play-Doh.

As cliche as it sounds, I really don't know how we've gotten to this point already.  As a matter of fact, a year ago I didn't even know if we would be sending her off to kindergarten.  After praying and weighing the pros and cons and talking to her preschool teachers and other moms in the same boat, we decided this is what is best for her and this is what will make her thrive.  She's ready.

After attending two parent meetings at the elementary school I finally feel confident in our decision.  When they talk about the expectations they have for the kids in kindergarten I know she will have no problem.  Most of the goals they have set for them are things that she already learned in preschool.  The one thing I'm most excited for, and she's excited about, is reading.  We've tried working on reading a little bit this summer and she wants to read so badly.  I know with her teachers help and guidance she'll be reading in no time.

She's ready but am I?

It really doesn't matter if I am or not.  This is not about me.  I am here for her and I will put on a brave face for her no matter how badly I want to sob, big, fat, ugly tears when she walks into that class room.  Even the image in my head makes me want to ball my eyes out.  All that matters to me is that she feels safe, secure, happy and confident in her classroom this year.

She's got the best kindergarten teacher in the school, from what I understand.  We met her Monday night and afterward I said, "so how are you feeling about kindergartey {I'm saying it too} now?" and she said, "a little nervous BUT I get my own locket {locker}!!!"  Well...OK baby girl!  If that's what makes you look forward to the first day then YES!  Lockers!!!  But, really, I feel so good knowing she's in good hands, with a teacher who is passionate about what she does and genuinely cares about her students.

At the end of the day I just have to throw all of my fear away and put it in the hands of God.  I pray about it nightly.  I pray that the Lord surround her with teachers and students who will point her towards God.  I pray for her safety.  I pray that she loves others and befriends all those she encounters.  I pray that she have an open heart and mind.  I pray for the knowledge of her teachers and admins and hope that they teach, lead, and act in a way in which glorifies God.  I pray that she have courage and be kind.  I pray that she stays focused and thrives this year.  At the end of the day, I just pray.

The night the picture on the left was taken she was about 3-4 days old.  I remember snuggling with her on our couch and Jimmy said to me, "next thing you know she'll be starting kindergarten".  And I bawled my post-pregnancy hormone eyes out because, "STOP! That is so far away!!!!"  And look, here we are.   It's not that far away at all because that picture on the left, it was just taken, I swear it was.  And yet there she is, looking too grown in her soccer gear, five short years later.

This year is going to be full of adjustments, learning, balancing and hopefully lots of fun thrown in there too.  I know it's going to be a roller coaster and there will be good days and bad.  I am excited, nervous, happy, scared, anxious and everything in between.  And I get to do it all over again in 2-3 more years.  Hashtag: motherhood.

F.I.V.E.

This one stings a little bit.

Five.  What is it about that number?  It's such a milestone. It means kindergarten.  It means no longer preschool age but SCHOOL age.  And, most importantly, it's a whole hand of age.

Five years ago we were blessed with our first born, our most perfect baby girl.  She was round and pink and so so sweet.  I can still picture her sweet little face, she looked like a little cupcake.   She was the first born grandchild on both sides so everyone was excited to see her.  My hospital room was rarely empty.

Everyone said what an easy baby she was but I didn't get it.  She was our only so we had nothing to compare her to.  Looking back, they were right.  She was a breeze.  She never gave us much trouble, slept and ate pretty well and was generally a happy baby.  I remember thinking we had it rough when
she hit two {terrible twos anyone?} in hindsight it wasn't really bad at all.  I'll take her terrible twos again over her brothers current any day.  But that's a different post for a different day.

You know what's funny?  My 'label' for her on this  blog is still 'baby Kendall'.  I guess I should probably make a more updated one but I probably won't.  I tell her all the time that she will always be my baby, even when she's 32 {which she thinks is SO old}.  She cringes when I tell her that and even more when I pick her up in my arms and hold her like a newborn.  But it's true, she'll always be my baby.

Kendall is the sweetest, smartest, most fun-loving girl I know.  I think the best word to describe her is 'spunky'.  She's always up for having a good time and she's generally pretty silly.  She has the kind of personality where everyone who meets her falls in love with her.  I love that about her and I hope she never loses that quality.  Everyone loves to be around her and she can make anyone smile.

She says the wittiest things sometimes.  The other day James was calling 'Popsicles' 'motorcycles' and I said, "no buddy that's a Popsicle" and Kendall, without skipping a beat, said, "tomato,tomahtoe".  Like, for real?  How does she even know that phrase?  I laughed my butt off at that one.  But that's just one example of the many funny things that come out of her mouth.

She's mostly quiet in new settings or around new people.  She warms up quickly but it's almost as if she has to test the waters first.  She's so easy to get along with that her shyness goes away pretty quickly because someone will break her out of her shell.  She's a little bit nervous about starting Kindergarten for this very reason.  She even said to me, "but mom I'm shy when I meet new people, what if everyone makes fun of me?".  Baby girl I will throat punch someone if they make fun of you so you don't have to worry about that.

Speaking of Kindergarten, five is going to be a big year for our big girl.  Kindergarten is legit, man.  It means she's starting a new chapter in her little book.  It means more independence, making her own friends, and navigating life on her own a little at a time.  I can't lie, I'm nervous as heck for her, but I'm really trying to put on a brave face for her.  I know she will do great but I'm her mom and I worry.  We did find out she's in class with her good friend, Lucy, and they got the BEST kindergarten teacher in our district!  High five!

Not only will she be starting Kindergarten in just a couple weeks but she will also be playing her first team sport, soccer.  She had wanted to play soccer this past spring but our school only has fall ball for the kindergartners.  She's really looking forward to it and wants to be goalie so bad.  But don't worry, no mini vans here.

This past year I have watched Kendall mature so much.  Four was a really fun age and things started to get a lot easier but man, five is going to rock my socks.  I love having a built in BFF, my mini me, to talk to and hang out with.  She's really starting to become this really cool little person and I love watching her personality blossom.  She made me a mom and she will always hold the most special place in my heart.

Happy birthday, Kendall Paige.  We love you to the universe, more than coffee and 20 pony shows long.

Last week we registered Kendall, our first born, for Kindergarten.  I capitalize the K because it's THAT important to me, in my life, right now.  It's a proper noun.

This week I'm saying SO WHAT if...

As I sit here and type this post I'm greeted by the cool autumn breeze blowing through my kitchen window, which has been closed for far too long due to the summers heat.  I'm wearing fleece pants, a hoodie, and "at home" socks-you know the super-thick, cozy ones with the grippy things on the bottom?

I've written this post a time or two.  Once it was all butterflies and rainbows, raising two small kids.  The next time I was day-drinking because, dude, shit got real.  Now I've been at the game for a little over a year and I feel like I'm somewhere in between. 

Tuesday night we went to the pool as a family.  It was a spur of the moment idea but something I want to do more often.  We ate dinner early and I remembered thinking to myself, "Oh sure eat this HUGE dinner right before you put on a bathing suit and head to the PUBLIC pool."  But such is life and we went and had the time of our lives.  And even better it made for a very easy bedtime.  I'm thinking we should go to the pool every night now.

As we were winding down to leave, I was feeding James his bottle and Jimmy was playing with Kendall for the last 15 minutes before the pool closed.  I sat in that pool chair and looked around at the few people who were still left and it was mostly dads.  It was cute to see all the dads huddled around the little, double slide watching their pride and joy come swooshing down into the water, happy as a lark.  They all had smiles on their faces and you could see the pride radiating from their bodies.  It was adorable.

I also noticed how confident they all looked.  None of them were standing in an awkward position, as to not expose their "problem areas".  They weren't afraid to bend over and have their belly hang over their trunks a little bit.  They didn't have their hands placed over their stomachs.  Nothing.  They were just standing their, all exposed, and owning it.  And I thought, I wish women would embrace this.

I looked around at the moms who were there.  One had a brand new, I mean fresh out of the oven, baby and she was rocking her bikini.  And she looked great, I could only wish I looked that good that soon after giving birth.  She looked confident and happy.  As a matter of fact, the first time I saw her she was eating a massive cheese burger and her husband was chowing down on a salad and I kind of had a chuckle.  But besides this one mom it seemed like the others were all self conscious, it made me sad.

Why can't moms be more confident like the dads.  Some of these dads were in great shape and others had a little belly and it didn't matter.  None of them even wore a t-shirt to cover up.  The moms on the other hand were quick to grab a towel or their cover-up as soon as they were out of the water. Even the ones with rocking bodies.

I know that everyone has their hang ups when it comes to their bodies.  Even the ones who seem to have the most perfect physique can find some kind of flaw.  I've been working my butt off and I still could give you a laundry list of things I'd like to improve on.  But why?  Why can't we be more like the dads.  Their bodies were far from perfect but I doubt they eat themselves up over it when they are putting on their trunks.  They were just having fun with their kids and not worrying about their flaws.

I learned a lot about myself in that short period of time while feeding my son.  I am going to let go of my insecurities, not worry about my silly belly pooch when I bend over, and just HAVE FUN with my kids.  We only have this one, precious life and it's far to short to worry about things like cellulite.  Besides, I have that pooch and those stretchmarks because of them and they are worth everything.

I remember about 8-9 months ago I thought that "the terrible threes" were going to be the death of me.  There were times I can remember saying, "after three we should get an all expenses paid KID FREE trip to a destination of our choice" because OMG it was intense.  It felt like every.little.thing. was a battle.  Eating breakfast, getting dressed, getting in the car, behaving in public, taking a bath, going to bed, it was all a production and made me question my abilities as a mother.

People kept saying things to "help" but all they did was frustrate me even more.  Hearing "just wait, four is awesome!" made me want to kick a cat.  Like, seriously, I have to wait a whole year before things get good again?  I was not looking forward to the whole year until that point.

Well, I am happy to report, I didn't kick any cats and we've made it to the other side in one piece.

Now I see what all those people were talking about!  Although she's not quite four, this age is starting to be my favorite.  Like I have this amazing little person that I can talk to now and she's pretty cool.  She's not just a toddler who says words in a funny way, she's a little human who can have real conversations and say witty, clever, thought out sentences.

It's fun to start seeing just who she really is. Her personality.  Her likes.  Her dislikes.  What makes her laugh.  Things that scare her.  Making friendships.

She is still very strong-willed and opinionated.  That was a quality that was really hard to deal with when she was younger, holy independence, but now it's a trait that I hope she never loses.  I want her to always stand up for what she believes in and never be afraid to say how she thinks or feels.  None of us should ever feel censored.

She's hilarious.  She will say the most funny, random, things and it's not just jibberish anymore.  She can actually come up with some really funny jokes and she can do almost anything in a funny accent and I'll laugh.  Her new favorite thing is to sing the Band Aid song "I am stuck on Band Aid brands cause germs won't stick on me..." in a funny, southern accent.  If you follow me on IG you know what I'm talking about.  That's just her personality.  Jimmy's been talking about getting a new puppy and when he asks her she'll say something like, "why ya wanna do that?" because she knows how ridiculous that sounds too.

Last summer she was into fishing with Jimmy, getting a little bit dirty and this spring seems to be the total opposite.  When he asks her if she wants to go she always says, "Daddy, why you always want to go fishing all the time!!!".  He swears I'm turning her into a girly girl {she'd wear a nightgown 24/7 if I'd let her} but I think it's who she is. I do still see a little Tomboy in her every now and again so I have a feeling by the end of summer she'll be his fishing buddy again.

School has helped her come out of her shell big time.  She plays more independently these days and is much more easy going.  I love watching her make friends with her classmates and hearing her talk about them when I pick her up.  It's fun to watch her make her own friends who aren't my friends kids.  Although I'm not surprised by the friends she's chosen, I am surprised that her "best friend" is a boy who, if you ask her, she "has a crush on".  Insert shocked eyes.

It's funny how terrified I was of three at the beginning of the year because now I'm loving it.  Dare I say, this is my favorite stage?  Perhaps it's because she's my mini me?  I love knowing what she wants and needs.  I love having conversations with her, hearing her thoughts.  I love her little voice and the funny things she says.  I love that she's becoming her own person, and a pretty awesome one, at that.

I went through the terrible threes and lived to tell about it.

Some days I struggle with eating right and exercising.  It's true.  Some days I am like "wahhhhh I just wanna plop on the couch and eat ice cream".  Heck yesterday I would have rather done laundry {my most awful wife task} than workout.  And then I did two T25s, back to back.  Some days I love it, some days I hate it but no matter what I do it and I always feel better when I do.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of going to Kendall's preschool Easter party.  It was fun.  I always love observing her in her classroom setting, seeing her interact with her friends, it's really a joy to watch.  I'm very thankful that I'm able to be a part of those types of things.

While the teachers were setting up for "The Easter Bunny" to visit the kids were dancing to music on the boombox.  The kids who had moms with them were all "MOM!  Jump and dance with me!!!".  And I did.  I didn't even hesitate. I just got right in there and jumped and twirled and danced.  It was awesome and the kids got a kick out of it.

I felt so good about myself.  Forty plus pounds ago I would have never had the confidence to jump in there with the kids and boogie down.  Forty pounds ago I would have been the mom sitting, observing, wishing I were in the mix with them.  I would have smiled so no one would know that I was insecure but inside I would be sad.

Then there was the day that Kendall wanted to race up and down our insanely long, gravel driveway.  Three months ago Shannon would have been, "Oh why don't you ask daddy, I'll sit here and judge the winner!".  But instead I got up and raced her no less than twelve times.  She won all twelve times, of course, but it still felt good to be able, have the ability, to get up and do that with her.

Being fit, in shape, healthy is so much more than looking good in a bikini this summer.  It's feeling good.  It's feeling capable.  It's feeling confident. It's playing with your children.

I feel like we {people who workout more days than we don't} get a lot of gruff from outsiders.  "You are crazy!" "Take a day off!" "Is it even healthy to workout that much?" And so on and so forth.  It is so ironic to me because I feel that everyone should be taking the time to get some sort of physical activity in their day.  Being active is not something that should be shamed, it should be applauded and encouraged and something we all should strive for.

I know I'm a little bit more intense than some people.  I hate to not workout.  I don't take rest days and when I do I feel guilty and make up for it the next day.  It literally keeps me sane, Jimmy can tell immediately if I haven't worked out by the time he comes home from work.  It's just part of my life in a way that makes me feel so much better.

Of course I want to look great, who doesn't?  My current goal is to look and feel the best I ever have, even after two kids.  But even more important is ensuring that I live a long, happy, healthy life.  One where I am able to keep up with my kids for years to come.  Growing up my family wasn't the most active.  I did cheerleading until junior high school and then never played another sport or got involved in any other activities.  Hopefully I will teach my children the importance of taking care of yourself and they will want to be active in their lives.

Some days I do feel guilty making my exercise such a big priority.  There are times when I feel like I should be doing something one on one with Kendall during that time and then I feel selfish for choosing working out over that.  But then I realize, most days, it's just 25-30 minutes and we still get to do plenty of fun things.  I also hope that in seeing me make such a commitment to being fit and healthy she will too {when she's older, of course}.  It's definitely a balancing act, especially since I work out at home, but it's one that I've {kind of} mastered and feel good about.

I've seen other moms talk about a day of yes before and I have always thought it sounded good.  A day where you say "yes" to your child more than you say "no".  Want to play with Play-Doh?  Sure!  Fruit snacks before 11?  OK!  A snuggle on the couch before bed time?  You betcha!  Yesterday I decided it was going to be a "Yes Day".  

Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like I let Kendall drink a two liter of Mountain Dew and jump off the roof or anything crazy.  We still had rules to follow.  But you know what?  I barely had to enforce them.  There was no yelling, no reprimanding, no time outs, no threats.  Just a happy happy day.

She asked if we could make pink cupcakes when James took his first nap.  Who am I to resist that?  I love that one of her favorite things to do just so happens to be one of mine, baking.  So we baked cupcakes.  We ate the batter, we licked the icing, we made a mess with sprinkles and, most importantly, we had fun.  There was no stress {on my end} about making a mess or cleaning up right away.  It was just carefree.

I let her chose her dinner and guess what?  She ate every single bite.  No bribing her to take "just three more bites".  She ate her whole plate in one sitting.  It's been far too long since I've been able to say that.  Meal time is a real battle around here, one that I hate fighting, so it was so nice to have it just flow yesterday.

Kendall has never been the kid who can play independently very well.  It's something I always try to work on with her because I think it is important that she can entertain herself.  But she just always wants {needs?} someone to play with her.  It can be very frustrating at times, especially with an infant that still requires a lot of my attention {save that story for another day}.  Yesterday?  Girlfriend rocked solo play time.  She used her imagination, she had fun, and she was happy.  As I was cleaning up from dinner I could hear her, talking and playing with her ponies, and all I could do was smile.

We did a craft and we got messy again.  James was asleep so we got out all the little sprinkles and glue, things I don't usually like to deal with because "Oh my gosh! The mess!  What if we forget a little piece of glitter on the floor and James eats it?!"  It's just something I'd rather not deal with.  But yesterday?  We went for it.  She loves making crafts at school and it's something we used to do a lot of but haven't lately and it was so fun to see her get creative.  She's such a smart girl and to see her brain work is such a joy.  And?  We didn't leave any tiny pieces on the ground ;-).

Yesterday was glorious and really opened my eyes.  I realized how just giving a little can go a long way.  I wish every day could be a "Yes Day" because it was so easy.  I think Kendall and I really connected yesterday and we needed that.  Unfortunately we have real life to live and every day demands and stresses that keep us from being able to say "yes" to {almost} everything.  I do plan to incorporate more "Yes Days" into our lives though.

I'm not sure who needed the "Yes Day" more, me or Kendall, but I know that it was good for both of us.  I would encourage you to try a day of yes with your kids too, you'd be amazed at what a great feeling it is to just be free for a day.  I bet your kid{s} will love it too.

Tomorrow is my birthday {YAY!} and to treat myself I'm getting my hair cut and highlighted for the first time in about 6 months.  Blondes should never go 6 months between highlights.  I'm rocking my own sort of ombre over here except it doesn't look pretty like ombre.  Seeing my natural hair color is kind of fun {I forgot what it was, to be honest} but it's just this mousy light brownish color and it's not flattering, it washes me out.

I was looking at pictures on Pinterest and Kendall saw and asked who these ladies were.  I told her I was going to see Holly {my friend and hairstylist who has a daughter Kendall's age that we play with often} and she got excited, thinking she was coming with.  I told her that Miss Holly was going to be cutting mommy's hair and making it blonde, just like her {Kendall}.

And what she said to me, I'll never forget.

"But mommy your hair is beautiful!  I like it like that!  It doesn't look bad!".   All said while giving me the saddest puppy dog eyes and her head tilted.

Sweet, sweet girl. She doesn't see my overgrown roots.  She doesn't see my lifeless locks and split ends.  She just sees me and she loves me just the way I am.  Hair and makeup and nice clothes mean nothing to her.  She doesn't care if I'm makeup-less and wearing mismatched sweats all day.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could all see ourselves that way?  The way God sees us.  Perfect, just the way we are.

I think of all the women out there who go to great lengths to make themselves look beautiful, in their eyes.  Plastic surgery, eating disorders, teeth whitening, etc all for the sake of beauty.  It's sad, really.  We were all created by the same Creator and He made us just the way we are, perfect. But not many of us, myself included, see it that way.  We look in the mirror and see wrinkles, grey hair, blemishes, cellulite, whatever and think we are imperfect.  We all have imperfections, things we could work on, but we are all perfect in His eyes.

Hearing Kendall say those words to me made me realize just that.

And besides, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?  So who deems what is beautiful anyway?  The media?  Our peers?  Celebrities?

The other night I was holding James.  He was cooing at me, smiling with his whole face and bringing tears to my eyes, as he usually does at this level of cuteness. I am just in awe of this little man.  So in love.

If you've been a long time reader of this Hot Mess Express you know that after we had Kendall we were all "one and done" in the baby making department.  Not because of anything else other than the fact that we felt comfortable and complete as a family of three.  And then something hit me right around Kendall's 2nd birthday and I got The Fever.  We decided to have another baby.

The best decision I ever made.

Hold up, before you go getting all, "I can't believe she just said that!  What about Kendall?", let me explain.  When we got pregnant it wasn't really a decision, per se.  We were hot on the heels of our honeymoon and threw caution and birth control to the wind and BAM! we were pregnant.  We didn't give it much thought, just kinda said, "if it happens, it happens" and, well, 9 months later this beautiful girl made me a mama.
But James?  His conception was thought about and talked about and "timed" and was something we really knew we wanted to do before doing it.  If you know Jimmy and I we are very impulsive and don't usually give things too much thought which can sometimes be good, sometimes be bad.  So the fact that we talked and thought for months before was the longest we had ever contemplated anything.  And for good reason too, growing and raising a tiny human is no easy task and not one you do just because your fellow bloggers are doing it.

I posted a picture of us, as a family, on Instagram recently and one of the comments I got was, "I'm so glad you guys decided to have another baby." and it hit me, so am I.

He's just what this family needed.  I'm so thankful that we took the time to make our decision but at the same time, now that he's here, I'm wondering why we ever doubted adding another member to our family.  He makes us complete.  He makes us smile and he's made me see a whole, new side of Kendall that I never knew existed.  It's amazing.
He makes our family complete and our lives better.  I will forever love what adding him to our family has done for us, as a family.  He's the best decision I ever made.