Life After I "Dew"

The other day I talked about my 10 things I love about Kendall and so it's only fair that I share the things I love about my second born today.

Even though I have raised them exactly the same and they are siblings, my kids couldn't be more opposite.  Where she is a total rule-follower, he is pushing the limits.  When she is more shy, he is more outgoing.  About the only thing my kids have in common is their green eyes.  So I'm excited to share the things I love about James today.

He is 3.5 {will be 4 in August} currently.  He will be entering his first year of preschool this fall and I couldn't be more excited; trust me when I say, he's ready.  He is the definition of a boy.  He's loud, tough, messy, silly, dangerous and full of energy.  He's also the sweetest boy and my snuggler.  He's starting to lose his babyness but he still has his big pillow cheeks that I kiss way too much.

The things I love about that boy are as follows:

1. He is always randomly coming up to me and giving me love.  He will kiss me out of nowhere and hug my neck so tight I can't breathe.  He's the one that will come snuggle on the couch and lay with me in bed while he's waking up in the morning.  Such a sweet little guy.
2. He's a little comedian.  I could write a book of the funny things this kid says and I have no idea where he gets it from.  He always makes us laugh and say, "how does he come up with these things?!".
3. Right now he talks with a little lisp and I know we will want to correct it as he gets older but right now I think it's so cute!
4. I love his imagination.  Kendall's never been a big imaginative play kind of kid so this is new to me.  James will take his little Lego guys and build them houses and pretend they are ninjas or Power Rangers.  I love watching him be creative.
5. James has this little, super blonde patch on the back of his head.  His hair is starting to turn a little auburn as he gets older but there is one spot in the back that stays SUPER blonde.  I don't know if it's a birthmark or what but I hope it never goes away.
6. He has no problem making friends.  He will walk up and start playing with kids twice his age and most of the time they are totally OK with it.  He can hang with them and while it makes me extremely nervous I also love that he has that confidence.
7. I love his facial expressions.  When he's excited about something he bites his bottom lip and his eyes get really big.  He has a face for every emotion and will do them all on demand, anytime you ask.
8. He LOVES his sissy.  He wants her to be included in all the things he does.  When school was still in session, multiple times a week he'd ask to go pick her up early because he missed her.  He still fights with her like crazy but at the end of the day it's nothing but love between those two.
9. There's nothing he's afraid of.  He will climb the highest point at the playground, go down the biggest slides, jump from anything {including a houseboat last summer...}.  It scares me half to death but I gotta love that no fear attitude.
10. I love that he still seems like my baby.  He may be almost four but he is still squishy and has those sweet baby cheeks.  He's starting to look more like a boy every day but he still has lots of babyness left in him.  I'll soak it up as long as I can.

This weekend we celebrated Kendall turning six and James turning three with a very un-Pinterest worthy party.  I actually kept thinking to myself, "Wow, this is like an old-fashion birthday party" that whole day.  It was wonderful, actually.  So, if you came here for beautiful party pictures of perfectly placed decorations, adorable party favors and custom birthday tees, you came to the wrong place.

Since the Dew babies birthdays are just two days apart we still do a combined birthday party while we can.  In the years past we've been lucky and the themes have been neutral {Paw Patrol & pool party} but this year I knew we might have stronger opinions.  Kendall wanted Shopkins {of course} and James is obsessed with all things Star Wars.  That should be easy to combine, right {sarcasm font}?  Top it all off Kendall decided she wanted to do it at the beach.  OK, Shopkins+Star Wars+beach birthday party.  You got it kid!  I knew no such invitation existed {trust me I checked} so I used my ultra creative side and came up with an invite all on my own and I actually loved how it turned out.

The party was at a state park so we had no event coordinator or reservations to be made or even a deposit to pay.  When I called to ask a few questions I was basically told we just show up the day of and that was it.  Honestly the days leading up to the party felt really weird and I kept thinking, "I feel like I should be doing something!".  But it was so nice to be so stress-free about this party, for once.  Normally I feel like a chicken with it's head cut off days before throwing a party {all the cleaning!} and this year it was the complete opposite.  It was glorious.

The extent of my decor included the ultra adorable cake pops and thirty-two {I may have over estimated} balloons.  No coordinating party plates, no food labels, heck I didn't even use the tablecloths I bought due too the high winds on the beach.  We had hot dogs {I may or may not have forgotten the ketchup and mustard}, chips, pretzels, fruit, veggies and fruit snacks.  The kids swam, played Frisbee, blew bubbles, flew kites, and the adults played corn hole.  It was actually quite perfect.  I didn't even take any photos during the party but I'm thankful my mother-in-law snapped a few for the memory book.


You know the best part of this good ole fashion birthday party?  Everyone had a blast!  I wasn't worried about decorations getting ruined or making sure food was staying hot or whether the party entertainment was flowing.   We just had a nice, easy couple of hours with our closest friends and family members and I think all of the kids went home tired {win!}.

Jamesy Baby,

Today you are THREE {3!!!}.  I'm going to say all the cliche mom things that we all love to say each year our babies turn older, bear with me.

I can't believe it's been three years since I snuggled your little 8lb 10oz self.  You were perfect in every way- the roundest head, the chubbiest cheeks, the thumb-sucking- you never looked like a newborn because of all your chub. I remember the first night you were born, it was just you and me, since your daddy went home to be with sissy, and I actually felt like my heart was about to burst.  I never felt a love like I did in that moment and I finally felt like my life {and our family} was complete.  I could cry just remembering those moments, they were so special.  You were our missing piece.

In three years time you have taught me more than the previous thirty years combined.  You have gone from being the sweetest snuggly baby I ever met to a kind of hard to deal with infant/toddler and now you are rounding the corner and sliding into awesomeness.  You have made me shift my priorities {in a good way}, you have taught me that boys need to be loved on differently than girls and, most of all, you have shown me a whole different side {messier, crazier, more dangerous} of life.  I wouldn't have you any other way.

Now that you are entering the next milestone, preschooler, you are more fun than ever.  You manage to make everyone want to pull their hair out while simultaneously kiss your cheeks at the same time.  Speaking of cheeks, yours are like pillows.  I tell you every day that I hope your pillow cheeks never go away but each day they start dwindling away and transforming into a big boy face.  You are WILD.  You love to test the limits and are a true thrill-seeker.  You will not think twice about jumping of the roof of a house boat, nearly sending me into cardiac arrest, or climbing on the counters to make "hot bread" {toast}.  At the same time you are a lover.  You snuggle like there's no tomorrow and I can't say I hate it.  At night when I put you to bed you put your little arm around my neck and I can't help but lay there a little longer.  If I didn't think it would create a bad habit I'd fall asleep in your arms every night.

You love your sister and even though you guys fight like cats and dogs at times, you are best buds. You look up to her and I can tell that she is truly your best friend. You love all things Star Wars, sports related, and your newest obsession is scary things.  You love to say, "how bout a ghost!?" and make a "spooky" sound followed by, "how bout a monster?!" with a big "ROAR".  You actually talk about ghosts quite often and it makes me wonder if you see them?  Your favorite thing on the planet is your blankie and your baboo {pacifier} and while I know I should take the baboo away you make it so dang hard.  Being outside, even if we are doing nothing at all, is your favorite way to spend any day.  You love your daddy and when you think it's about time for him to get home, every day, you say, "daddy home now!?" with such excitement.  But you are also a mama's boy and you have me wrapped around your little finger.  You still call me "mama" but, unfortunately, you have stopped calling daddy "daddy-o" and he's just "daddy" now.  Kendall has been "sissy" since you could talk but every once in a while you say "Kendall" and I can't help but smile when I hear it.

Three is going to be fun with you, I just know it. Even in the days leading to your birthday you have grown so much.  You are talking so much more clearly, actually putting sentences together, and becoming less baby-ish every day.  Your favorite word right now is "because". No matter what question I ask you the answer is "because" even when it doesn't make sense.  I kind of love it.  It's really amazing because I can actually see the wheels turning in your head as you try to figure out just what you want to say.  It's really fun watching you learn and grow and I know three is going to be a big year.

Happy 3rd birthday my sweet, rotten, snuggly, crazy, dangerous, awesome, adorable boy.  I love you.

xo,
Mama

I remember the moment I first started to notice Kendall's baby-ness going away.  I remember, vividly, rocking her in her glider {now James's glider} and noticing the tiny creases slowly filling in on her wrists.  Her knuckles no longer resembled dimples.  Her sweet little pot-belly looking more lean.  I soaked that last bit of baby-ness up like a sponge to water.

It actually feels like that moment was just seconds ago but, sadly, it's been about two years.

Two years and now it's James's turn and it's happening.  All of the sudden I looked at him and it was like, "whoa, he's a little boy".  He loses his baby face each day.  One of my favorite features on him is his teeth {weird} and his whole life you really haven't been able to see them thanks to his chubby cheeks. Now that his face is maturing and thinning out you can see his teeth a little more now.  Once he got a big boy haircut I pretty much said goodbye to any bit of baby looks he had left.  What is it about a haircut?

The older he gets the more independent he's becoming {as is true with most kids}.  He doesn't like to be rocked to sleep anymore, a milestone I always dread.  Except today was different. He wasn't convinced that he was tired {thanks to big sister barging into his room with a cupcake in her hand} but he almost fell asleep on the way home from church so a nap was in order.  This time he let me rock him.  He laid his big boy head right on my shoulder and wrapped his arms and legs around me so tight as to say, "please don't let me go, mommy".  I jumped at the chance to rock my baby and as I did I felt the baby-ness once more.

Although his little body is so long and heavy.  Even though it takes both of my arms, under his butt, to hold him.  In that moment he was still my baby and he needed me.  He snuggled right into my chest and tucked his little arms underneath the weight of his body and he was still.  I felt his skin, still so baby soft.  I rubbed his back and sniffed his head {which doesn't smell like a baby anymore}.

Pretty soon I won't see even the slightest trace of baby left in him.  Sooner or later he's going to be all boy, even more so than he already is.  I have such a love/hate relationship with this stage.  I love watching them become the little people they are destined to be.  I hate saying good-bye to my babies.
Tonight I think I'll study him extra hard.  Notice all his fine lines, his dimples, his creases.  I might give him a bath and lather him with baby lotion, the same lotion I used when he was just months old.  Would that be weird?

"The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow, For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.  So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.  I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep."

Two years ago we welcomed our second, and most likely our last, baby.


Happy birthday James Weston!

I could say all those cliche mom things like, "we don't know what life would be like without you in it" and "two years has gone by so fast" but I won't bore you with those sentiments.  Instead I'll leave you with a little glimpse into life with James for the past two years.

James added a whole new level of love to my heart when he was born.  My heart swelled bigger than it had ever been and I don't think I've ever been so in love as I was the moment he was born.  I probably shouldn't say that because I have another child but it's true.  I felt things when he was born that I had never experienced before.  It could be because he was a boy and it could also be because we had a lot more alone time than I got with Kendall.  Either way, my heart doubled in size that day.

He's the most adorable hunk of chunk I've ever laid eyes on.  I swear that boy is too cute for his own good.  I know everyone thinks their kid's the cutest but my golly, that boy is delicious.   The other night I studied his little folds because while he still has that chubby part left he's getting really tall and leaning out so I know it's just a matter of time before that last bit of babyness is gone.  He's always been the chubbiest baby I know but every day he's looking more and more like a little boy.  Thank goodness for those puffy pillow cheeks, as long as he has those he'll still look like a baby.

James keeps me on my toes at all times.  I mean, the kids already had a broken leg for crying out loud.  He's rotten to the core and is usually up to no good.  He climbs all the things, gets into drawers he shouldn't and hits his sister any time he gets the opportunity.  He is smart too.  We've had to rig our doors so that he can't get outside because if he even senses for a minute that the he can escape, he will.  At the park he will climb the tallest thing and try to jump off.  It's totally scary and from what I understand it's totally a boy thing.  Whenever I share a picture of him at least one comment with say how ornery he looks and it's true, he is.

He's started talking a bit more lately and his latest words are "motorcycle" and "Popsicle" which he confuses and mixes up but it's really adorable.  He calls Jimmy "daddy-o" all of the sudden and it makes everyone laugh who hears it.  It's never "daddy" or "dad" or even "dada", he's always "daddy-o" and it's always my favorite.  Every morning when he wakes up the first words out of his mouth are, "I ride tractor?" and I always say, "not today buddy" {we don't even have a tractor} and he always says, "pease".  Melts my heart.   Jibberish is still his main form of communication though.

The sleeping department has taken a turn for the worse lately.  James has always been a good nighttime sleeper.  Naps were nonexistent till he was about 10-11 months but he slept through the night starting at 3 months.  For the past yearish he's been sleeping a solid 10-12 hours at night, going down at 7 and sleeping till 8-9.  But since our vacation, almost a month ago, he's been fussing to go down and waking up at 6:30.  He also started climbing out of his crib this week.  We're working on that.

His daddy lights up his life.  When Jimmy gets home from work he wants nothing more to do with me and it's all daddy until bedtime.  But daddy gets to do fun stuff like take him on the RZR and 4-wheeler so I don't blame him.  He's also his daddy's mini me, so there's that.  He loves his sissy.  It's a love/hate relationship really but it's more love than hate.  She's the first one he'll say "sowwy" to and he will randomly lay his head on her and snuggle.  But they fight more than they snuggle so don't get what I'm saying confused.  But those rare moments they are sweet make me realize why we had another baby.

Two years ago life got a lot more hectic but it also got a lot more love.  James has made our family what it is today, crazy, loud, chaotic and loads of fun.  We will never be bored with him around, that's for sure.  He's messy but he's the best.  I couldn't ask for a more perfect fit for our family.  He's exactly what we needed.

Happy birthday James Weston, you light up our lives.

To say the past 5 days have been hard would be the understatement of the century.

Let's rewind to Friday, early morning. I woke up around 3:45 to the most excruciating ear pain.  It literally felt like someone was stabbing me in the ear with a pencil.  I'm kind of an ear-pain pro though.  I have had ear issues my whole life, decent amount of hearing loss in my right ear, surgeries when I was 14, tubes, tonsils, you name it.  I go to an ENT every 6 months and have a hearing test done once a year.  So at 3:45 I got up, took some Motrin, put some drops and a warm compress on my ear and waited for the ENT to open at 8.  To make a long story short, I have an ear infection.

Friday night we headed over to my in-laws for our weekly bible study.  We had been going back and forth on the day/time and decided on Friday evening.  Just as we were getting situated me, my sister-in-law, KP and James were on the trampoline.  No big deal.  No one was jumping high or hard.  It was just innocent crawling around with two adults supervising.  Until James started screaming.  Neither one of us saw anything happen to him so we didn't think much of it.  I scooped him up and tried to settle him down with some mommy snuggles and when that didn't work I offered him a bottle thinking that would certainly calm him.

Nothing helped until he finally fell asleep in my arms to the sound of ROCKABYE BABY! on Spotify.  While he was asleep we started bending/moving his legs as he wasn't putting any weight on them while he was awake.  Right leg- we could bend the knee and ankle, rotate the hip and he didn't make a peep, slept right through it.  Left let- cried in his sleep when we touched his knee and shin.

So we called the on-call pediatrician, they said to take him in.  This was at 9:10.  We called the Children's Close to Home Center and they said if we brought him in by 10 they had the ability to x-ray and cast, if need be.  So we loaded up faster than we've ever done and took him in.

At this point I had no reason to believe his leg was actually broken.  I mean I was standing RIGHT THERE when "it" happened and I didn't see anything happen that would warrant a broken leg.  I thought IF anything maybe the trampoline was coming up while he was coming down and MAYBE he stunned {??} his legs?  But definitely didn't think it was broken.

Naturally when we told the doctors "he was on a trampoline" we got the evil eye.  Look, I didn't know that this was a thing. Toddlers and trampolines.  I didn't know that this was something people feared.  I didn't know that so many kids who come into the ER/urgent care with broken limbs come from trampolines. I thought, "oh this is a fun, innocent way to kill time till we're ready to do bible study".  It's something we've done numerous times before without any injury except maybe a hurt ego when you can't quite get that trick down.

So, anyway, he had x-rays done and sure enough...broken leg.  Well..a "toddler fracture" is what they really called it.  As if that makes it better.  My baby is in a cast.  I always knew he'd be the first one to send us to the ER and the first one with a broken limb but I didn't not expect it to happen before he turned two, for crying out loud.

Minus the judgement the staff was amazing at the children's urgent care.  We arrived at 9:45, fifteen minutes before closing, and we were checked in, x-ray'd, casted and out the door within an hour.  I was shocked and very happy.  You hear such horror stories of the ER making you wait forever and being full of screaming kids.  Our experience could not have been more opposite.  So, for that, I am
thankful.

Sleep Friday night was spotty.  I would say it resembled newborn days only it was worse.  I think he woke up between 4-6 times and broke my heart every time. I could tell when the Tylenol wore off, that's for sure.  Saturday was spent navigating our new "normal"- at least for the next 3-4 weeks.  I am very thankful for my mother-in-law who came over to help in any way she could.  Because of her I was able to take a shower and put some make up on.  She helped me when my arms got tired from carrying James.  She took us to get ice cream when we got stir crazy.  She ran some errands for Jimmy. And she played with Kendall while I rocked James to sleep.  Without her we wouldn't be able to adjust as easily.

Sunday I woke up feeling like someone had taken a golf club to the bone that runs across my eyebrows.  My nose was full of thick, yellow snot.  My whole face hurt.  I was dizzy when I'd simply move my head.  Bending forward even an inch felt like all the blood in my whole body had rushed to my head and my head was going to explode.  So picking up James was 542,579,317 times harder.

I did what any normal person would do and Googled all of my symptoms and determined that I had a sinus infection.  The first one of my life.  Listen to me when I tell you this- THE WORST PAIN OF MY LIFE.  I've had tubes put in my ears, I've had surgery on my ears twice, I've had my wisdom teeth taken out and two c-section babies this sinus infection was worse than all of them.  Perfect timing.

Thankfully my parents were here to help Jimmy with the kids so I looked up our closest Minute Clinic. It was 20 minutes away, they closed in an hour but you had to be there 15 minutes prior to closing.  I was cutting it close.  As dizzy and light-headed as I felt I probably shouldn't have driven myself but I booked it over to that CVS and made it with 10 minutes to spare.

My experience here was nothing to give a five-star rating but I was in and out {with a prescription} in 30 minutes.  And you better believe I took that ish right away.

Sunday night was quite possibly the worst of my life.  I went to bed with the house a disaster, I never do that.  I felt absolutely terrible, James wouldn't go to sleep, my blood pressure was high, I was so cold yet I was sweating so much I had to change my clothes {gross}, Kendall wanted me to teach her how to read and I literally thought, "this is it, this is how I'm going out".  There were lots of tears, lots, and lots of praying and begging God to "HELP ME!".

I don't know if it was the meds or God but Monday I woke up feeling MUCH better and then Tuesday I felt even better.  Thank God because the "doctor" at CVS told me it was going to take 3 days to start seeing relief.  James started to "get used" to his cast.  He's becoming a little more independent and trying to figure out how to crawl and scoot. I'm really glad I've kept a lot of baby/floor toys because we're pulling them all out again.

It's really been a rough five days.  Probably some of the hardest of my life.  It's funny {not really} because it's almost like having a newborn/infant again.  I'm trying to coax James to crawl and watch him figure out how to stand while holding onto something.  He's back in the highchair for mealtimes.  But yet he's 35lbs and very opinionated.

I wish I could say I've taken this "adjustment" well but with being so sick I have definitely had my fair share of mommy meltdowns.  Now that I'm on the mend I feel like I can handle this temporary situation with more patience.  It's very hard to see your toddler, who has just gained some independence, become completely dependent all over again.  It is heart-breaking, actually.

Kendall has been the sweetest little angel.  Friday night she sang to him the whole way home and said
things like, "it's ok buddy, just don't move your leg, OK?'.  She knew he broke his leg but when I told her that meant his bone in his leg was actually broken...her face was priceless. It was like she was feeling for him how awful that must be.  I don't know how I got so lucky with that little girl but she sure is the best and has been making this a lot easier.

So, whew, it's been a whirlwind.  I know that God doesn't give us more than we can handle but I definitely felt like we were being tested this weekend.  But I also know that when I cried out to Him, Sunday night, and turned this over to Him, I felt instant relief.  In that moment, my tears stopped and a sense of calm came over me.  I squeezed James and told him I was sorry and from that moment on things seemed to get "better".

If you want to keep up with #jamescastadventure on IG I'll be updating as we navigate this very unfamiliar territory {I've never even broken a bone myself!}.  If you think about it, we would appreciate any extra prayers our way.

I've written this post a time or two.  Once it was all butterflies and rainbows, raising two small kids.  The next time I was day-drinking because, dude, shit got real.  Now I've been at the game for a little over a year and I feel like I'm somewhere in between. 

Tuesday night we went to the pool as a family.  It was a spur of the moment idea but something I want to do more often.  We ate dinner early and I remembered thinking to myself, "Oh sure eat this HUGE dinner right before you put on a bathing suit and head to the PUBLIC pool."  But such is life and we went and had the time of our lives.  And even better it made for a very easy bedtime.  I'm thinking we should go to the pool every night now.

As we were winding down to leave, I was feeding James his bottle and Jimmy was playing with Kendall for the last 15 minutes before the pool closed.  I sat in that pool chair and looked around at the few people who were still left and it was mostly dads.  It was cute to see all the dads huddled around the little, double slide watching their pride and joy come swooshing down into the water, happy as a lark.  They all had smiles on their faces and you could see the pride radiating from their bodies.  It was adorable.

I also noticed how confident they all looked.  None of them were standing in an awkward position, as to not expose their "problem areas".  They weren't afraid to bend over and have their belly hang over their trunks a little bit.  They didn't have their hands placed over their stomachs.  Nothing.  They were just standing their, all exposed, and owning it.  And I thought, I wish women would embrace this.

I looked around at the moms who were there.  One had a brand new, I mean fresh out of the oven, baby and she was rocking her bikini.  And she looked great, I could only wish I looked that good that soon after giving birth.  She looked confident and happy.  As a matter of fact, the first time I saw her she was eating a massive cheese burger and her husband was chowing down on a salad and I kind of had a chuckle.  But besides this one mom it seemed like the others were all self conscious, it made me sad.

Why can't moms be more confident like the dads.  Some of these dads were in great shape and others had a little belly and it didn't matter.  None of them even wore a t-shirt to cover up.  The moms on the other hand were quick to grab a towel or their cover-up as soon as they were out of the water. Even the ones with rocking bodies.

I know that everyone has their hang ups when it comes to their bodies.  Even the ones who seem to have the most perfect physique can find some kind of flaw.  I've been working my butt off and I still could give you a laundry list of things I'd like to improve on.  But why?  Why can't we be more like the dads.  Their bodies were far from perfect but I doubt they eat themselves up over it when they are putting on their trunks.  They were just having fun with their kids and not worrying about their flaws.

I learned a lot about myself in that short period of time while feeding my son.  I am going to let go of my insecurities, not worry about my silly belly pooch when I bend over, and just HAVE FUN with my kids.  We only have this one, precious life and it's far to short to worry about things like cellulite.  Besides, I have that pooch and those stretchmarks because of them and they are worth everything.

Yesterday James Weston turned 9 months old.  I'm awful at taking his monthly pictures {#secondchildproblems} but usually remember to do the milestones {3 months, 6 months, 9 months, etc}.  So yesterday before his bath I got out his BB Blocks to try and snap a quick pic before he turned into the raging monster that he is from the hours of 5-7.

I got one.  A pretty cute one, if you ask me.
I got comments saying how cute he was, how chunky he was, etc.  I mean he IS cute, he IS chunky.  That is all I see when I look at this photo.  A cute, happy, chunky baby.

Apparently that's not what everyone sees.

I got a notification that someone had commented and, to my surprise, when I went to read it and respond my picture of my cute, chunky baby was gone.  Interesting.  I know Instagram has issues all the time so I didn't think much of it, figured it'd be back up later on.

Until I checked my email and saw that that photo had been reported and removed due to inappropriate content.

Umm, what?

I went back to my camera roll to double check.  No frontal nudity, not even a butt crack can be seen in this picture.  Sure, obviously he's naked but didn't Anne Geddes get famous for photographing naked babies and putting them on greeting cards and calendars?

I'm still in shocked and a little mad.

Would I post pictures of Kendall naked?  Absolutely not!  Not even her bare booty.  I have a rule, if they're under one it's OK and ONLY if it's the booty.  Only cute, little, chubby, dimply baby butts.  Frontal is never OK, ever.  There are boundaries when it comes to sharing pictures, definitely.  I've shared bath time pictures, where everything is covered also, and those never got reported and removed.  So I guess bath time nudity is OK?

Baby butts are not pornographic, at all, and if someone sees them that way then they need to check themselves.  I hate that we live in a world that we even have to think about people viewing innocent, young children that way.  I am their mother and I'd like to think I can make good decisions when it comes to what I chose to share about MY children.  I find it offensive that someone else took that responsibility from me when they chose to report this innocent picture.

Where do you stand on this subject?  Like I said, I think there is a fine line but I hardly think this picture of my sweet boy crosses it.

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder so how much do you love me now?

I think that this month has officially been the least amount I've blogged since starting this blog like 5 years ago.  I would like to thank my second child for that.

Life with James hasn't been easy.  The transition to two children has been difficult in more ways than one, for me.  At first it was perfect.  I loved it.  I felt like I had this all under control and I was going to prove everyone who said, "one to two is HARD" wrong.  Thankfully I have posts like this to remind me of the early days because right now I'm singing a completely different tune.

James is a difficult baby.  There, I said it.  He cries. A lot. He cries if he can't see me. He cries if he can't touch me.  He cries if I hold him and sit down.  He cries on the floor with a bunch of toys.  He cries in the jumperoo.  The only time he's not crying is if he's in the highchair with a lifetimes supply of Mum Mums, if he's sleeping, or if I'm holding him standing up.  That's it.

He's slept through the night since he was about two months old, so we've got that going for us. But he's an awful napper. He calls a 15 minute car nap on the way home from preschool drop off a nap.  He doesn't transition well from car to crib so some days that is it.  I think a lot of the crankiness is because of his awful napping but then there are days he rocks naps {like yesterday} and he's still miserable.  So what gives?

He had an ear infection so I thought, "GREAT! An answer. Now maybe he'll get better.".  Not that I wanted him to be sick but at least there was an explanation and hopefully an answer.  Not the case.  He's done with his prescription and he's still a mess.

I switched formula.  No difference.

Tried the amber teething necklaces.  Not it.

Acid reflux meds made no difference.

So I guess this is just how he is and I just have to deal with it.  It's hard because he's not my only child, obviously.  And I do let him cry, trust me.  I have to.  Today I was sitting on the floor, beside him, he could see AND touch me and he cried the entire time I got Kendall ready for school.  As soon as I picked him up he was fine.  My mom thinks he's spoiled but I just don't see how that is possible because I do not hold him all the time.  Yes I pick him up when he's upset, I'm not that big of an asshole, but I do not just hold him to keep him happy all day.  Ain't nobody got time for that.

And then there's the idea that Jimmy and I might sneak away for a kid-free weekend this summer.  Laughable.  Who is going to want to keep this kid overnight let alone for a whole weekend.  So there's that.

I'm not looking for answers, trust me I've heard them all, I'm just venting.  If there are other moms out there going through this, you are not alone.  I have cried, I have yelled, I have locked myself in my bedroom, I have asked for help so I can have some quiet time because this is by far the hardest thing I have ever dealt with.  Top it off with the fact that each of us is sick and I'm one day away from a Britney Spears head shaving incident.

Not how I intended my first blog post in over two weeks but such is life.

James is getting his first tooth.  It's kinda cute the way he flicks it with his tongue.  It's not cute when his little cheekies are so rosy, he's whiny, seems really uncomfortable and cranky.  With Kendall I never knew she was teething.  She never got the fever, diarrhea, ear infections, nothing.  I would just all the sudden notice a new tooth.

James seems like he's going to have a harder time though.

So...these Amber teething necklaces...legit?

I will say when I saw these a couple years ago I chalked it up to a hippie thing and didn't think too much of it but nowadays it seems like more and more {non-hippies} are using them so it has me thinking maybe there's something to it.

Here are my questions:

1. Where does one buy them?
2. Does it matter if it's worn around the neck vs. on the ankle?  I'd rather him wear it on his ankle, it freaks me out a bit to have him wear a necklace, but I feel like to be most effective it should be closest to his mouth?  No?
3. Do the different colors have different healing properties or is it just a matter of preference?  

The other night I was holding James.  He was cooing at me, smiling with his whole face and bringing tears to my eyes, as he usually does at this level of cuteness. I am just in awe of this little man.  So in love.

If you've been a long time reader of this Hot Mess Express you know that after we had Kendall we were all "one and done" in the baby making department.  Not because of anything else other than the fact that we felt comfortable and complete as a family of three.  And then something hit me right around Kendall's 2nd birthday and I got The Fever.  We decided to have another baby.

The best decision I ever made.

Hold up, before you go getting all, "I can't believe she just said that!  What about Kendall?", let me explain.  When we got pregnant it wasn't really a decision, per se.  We were hot on the heels of our honeymoon and threw caution and birth control to the wind and BAM! we were pregnant.  We didn't give it much thought, just kinda said, "if it happens, it happens" and, well, 9 months later this beautiful girl made me a mama.
But James?  His conception was thought about and talked about and "timed" and was something we really knew we wanted to do before doing it.  If you know Jimmy and I we are very impulsive and don't usually give things too much thought which can sometimes be good, sometimes be bad.  So the fact that we talked and thought for months before was the longest we had ever contemplated anything.  And for good reason too, growing and raising a tiny human is no easy task and not one you do just because your fellow bloggers are doing it.

I posted a picture of us, as a family, on Instagram recently and one of the comments I got was, "I'm so glad you guys decided to have another baby." and it hit me, so am I.

He's just what this family needed.  I'm so thankful that we took the time to make our decision but at the same time, now that he's here, I'm wondering why we ever doubted adding another member to our family.  He makes us complete.  He makes us smile and he's made me see a whole, new side of Kendall that I never knew existed.  It's amazing.
He makes our family complete and our lives better.  I will forever love what adding him to our family has done for us, as a family.  He's the best decision I ever made.

I kinda thought that having a second child would be much like riding a bike.  Once you do it, you never forget kind of thing. I mean, right?  You know how to change diapers, live on little sleep, pick up things with your feet and do way too many things with just one hand.

I wrote about life with two in the {way} very early days of life with two-ness.  I was quickly slapped in the face and handed a big dose of reality just days later and that was documented as well. Now I'd like to think things are a little bit more "normal" around these parts and, so, I should report on that as well.

Truth be told, I forgot what it was like to have a baby!  I mean, really.  I forgot how much they sleep {A LOT}. I forgot how they can't help dress themselves so it's literally like threading a needle when it comes to dressing a newborn.  I forgot how it's all a huge freakin' guessing game since they can't verbalize what's bothering them. I forgot how easy they are, no talking back, no protesting bed time.  I forgot how lovable they are.

I find myself holding, talking, cuddling, smiling, being so heart-bursting, tear-inducing in awe of him and I forgot that I felt all of this once before.  The days seem long but the years are short and I have forgotten all of these mushy feelings.  I need these mushy feelings.

James has softened me.  He has reminded me how precious this time is and to cherish it with my whole, entire heart.  He's slowed me down.  He's made me be more patient.  He's made me more loving.  He's made us a family unit that is now complete.

Kendall has been amazing through all of these transitions.  As much as I'd like to say that we've maintained life as normal for her, that'd be a lie. She's had to adjust to a lot less mom time but at the same time I'm a lot more fun than I've been in the past 9 months.  She's had to learn a lot of patience as I'm not available at the drop of a hat anymore.  She's learned to love yet another human being and she's done it all in stride.  If you met her you'd think she's been rocking this whole big sister role her whole life.  She rocks.

We're still getting the hang of a routine and schedule, I have yet to master that.  James is pretty chill.  He was sleeping what seemed like 24/7 but lately he's been awake more than asleep, except at night.  I can't complain because I love his guts and I love seeing his bright eyes and listening to him "talk" to me.

Which brings me to my next point.  With Kendall I was all "NO BABIES IN THE BED!!!" and no matter what I never brought her into bed with us.  It was a HUGE no, no.  With James?  Meh.  It's all good. I mean, he's only a baby once, right?  I justify it by saying I can't sleep when he sleeps because of The Toddler so I just need to sleep when I can.  So if that means he sleeps with me, so I can sleep, so be it.  When in reality I just really don't mind.  I know this will come back to bite me in the ass but for now I'm cool with it.

Number two, or whatever the last baby may be, seems to get away with a lot more that the first didn't.  I'm OK with that.  Kendall {first born} also got a lot more one on one time than he's getting so it's all good.

Life with two has evoked so many emotions and made me remember so many little things that I had forgotten. Things I hope I don't forget now that I've experienced them twice.  I really should have had a baby book for each of these kiddos but...at least I have this blog?

Right after I had Kendall I made a list of my favorite baby things because I always find those types of posts to be super helpful for first time moms.  Heck it works for 2nd, 3rd, 4th time moms too because in just a few short months/years baby stuff changes and gets better, as I realized this time around, and we need to know what the latest and greatest is.  Duh.  Also? The Babies R Us and Buy Buy Baby registry recommendations are INSANE.  No one needs 16 swaddle/receiving blankets.  No one.  Unless you have quints or something.

I still use and love everything from my last list.  My boppy is the best, I use the pockets every time.  I store the remote, my phone, a bib, the bottle, a burp cloth, etc in that handy little tool box of a pillow.  I know the Ergo is the latest and greatest in baby wearing but I still stand by my Moby.  I just like how comfy it is and sure it's a lot of material but I really have no problems wrapping it.  And I'm sticking with my Born Free bottles.  I bought some Dr. Browns for Mr. James and OMG what do you people see in them?  Every single one of mine leaks, all six.  No thank you.

BUT this time around I realized "Whoa!  A lot of new, cool stuff has come out in just three short years!" and all the other bloggers and pinners have shown me some new {or not so much} things that I just new I had to try this time.  So this is my list of things we are loving so far.
1.  aden + anais.  OK so I'm pretty sure a + a was around when Kendall was born but there was no way I was spending THAT on a swaddle blanket.  And then my BFF had a baby and she used the swaddles and I was in love!  They're breathable which is totally awesome for summer babies. They're huge so they have tons of uses.  And they come in super cute but not too babyish designs.  We have the swaddle blankets {but only 3 of them}, the Dream Blanket {super huge, thicker version of the swaddles} and the burpy bibs {it's a burp cloth that has a snap so you can also use it as a bib} and we love them all.  LOVE.

2. Burt's Bees Baby Bee Shampoo & Wash.  So I've always used Johnson & Johnson for everything, baby wash, shampoo, lotions, you name it.  But then I started thinking, "meh that's boring" and wanted to branch out of the Proctor and Gamble bubble.  So I heard lots of good things about Mustela and Burt's Bees baby wash.  WELL Mustela is hella expensive and outside of this one income budget, even if it did smell heavenly.  Burt's Bees is slightly less expensive but smells just as yummy.  Seriously I could eat James up after a bath.  Now if only I could get KP to let me bathe her in it but "it's for babies...".

3. Fisher Price Rock n' Play Sleeper.  Again, this was out when Kendall was born but we just used the ole Pack n' Play for a hot second until she just slept in her swing for  four months.  I heard so many great things about the RNP and I was determined to use one with James.  Thankfully Jimmy's cousin handed one down to us and the thing has been a dream.  It's super light-weight so you can move it from room to room with ease.  I like that it's on a slight incline because nothing freaks me out more than when a baby spits up and they're laying flat on their backs.  James sleeps like a dream in it. So much so that I'm a little nervous of moving him to the crib.

4.  Sprout Baby. This app is the bees knees.  I hear so many moms on IG talking about the best baby tracking apps and I've yet to see any of them mention this one.  Fools.  I love it.  It's so easy to use, I track all of James's feedings with it and it gives a nice little chart of his eating pattern.  There's also a section to keep track of milestones, doctor appointments, growth tracker etc.  Once we're on a more regular schedule I plan on using the sleep tracker because I love the feeding one so much.  Jimmy jokes because I should know when he ate last but I've got serious mom brain and rely on the app to tell me.

5.  Kiddopotamus SwaddleMe.  I am a big fan of swaddling.  Both of my babies slept/sleep so much better when they're all wrapped up like a burrito.  But James can wiggle his chubby little arms right out of a swaddle blanket, no matter how tight I wrap him.  These things?  There's no way he's getting out.  They're really really soft, super stretchy and idiot proof, even someone who "can't swaddle" can swaddle with these.  I swear he chills out the minute I burrito him.

6. just hatched- Cuddle My Baby Cream Talc.  Someone got this at my sprinkle for James and I had never heard of this brand but when I opened it and took a whiff I was SOLD.  This stuff smells so good.  So good.  I instantly Googled it and was fully expecting it to be like half a million dollars but I was pleasantly surprised to see it's less than $5 price tag.  I haven't smelled their shampoos and washes yet but as soon as I run out of Burt's Bees I plan on getting some.    

7.  Brica Day & Night Musical Mirror.  So I have to admit, I was a little embarrassed to put this "fancy" baby mirror on my registry and when no one bought it I went out and bought myself the cheap version {no light, no remote}.  Jimmy's grandpa surprised us with this one and I took the cheap one back with a quickness.  So you might think it's a little silly to have a baby mirror with a remote and I'm here to tell you to hear me out.  This thing has been a dream.  Driving at night and the baby loses his pacifier?  No problem, remote the light on, husband turns around and finds it super quick everyone is happy.  Also the music is way less baby/annoying than anything else I've seen/heard.  If that's not a win I don't know what is.

When I found out I was pregnant with Kendall I knew I wanted a girl.  I'm a girly girl and of course I was having a girl.  I knew it.  I mean I didn't know it but I couldn't have imagined that ultrasound tech telling me anything but "it's a girl!".

I didn't know a thing about boys. As an only child the only boy I was ever exposed to was my dad and well he had a daughter so he adapted to girly things too.  I didn't want anything to do with having a boy, I don't know to play with trucks or get dirty!  Obviously I would have been happy because we all know a happy, healthy baby is all that really matters buttttttttttt, I wanted a girl.

As you know Kendall was {and still is} a girl and I was thrilled.  I was going to get to relive my childhood, play with some of the same toys I loved as a girl, dress up my real life baby doll, braid each others hair, watch girly movies, go shopping and and and all the things girls do with their moms.  I couldn't wait.

Obviously I love being a girl mom.  I mean nothing is better than watching Kendall dance and sing and dress up and be a total girl.  She's the definition of a girl with a whole lotta sass and a side of adventure, she's really quite a diverse child. One minute she's playing in my makeup and the next she's outside "camping" with Jimmy.  I love that she is pretty much up for anything and I admire that quality in her. I wish I was more like that.

When we found out James was a boy I was way more open to the idea of being a boy mom. I actually remember one night laying in bed and texting Jimmy {he was on 3rd shift} and saying, "I'm so glad we're having a boy!" And throughout my whole pregnancy I just felt "different" knowing we were having a boy.

I had so many people tell me, "oh you are going to love having a boy!", "boys love their mamas!" and I didn't really know what they meant but I figured it was one of those you'll know it when you know it kind of things.
And boy was I right {as usual ;-)}.

Having baby James around is like...nothing else.  I cannot even begin to describe the way I feel about him. Obsessed just might be the best word.  He's just so snuggly and loveable and the minute his head hits my chest he falls fast asleep.  He makes me feel all warm inside and I just love his guts.

Maybe I am forgetting how I felt when I had Kendall or maybe I was so caught up in the new mom thing but I don't really remember this overwhelming feeling when she was born.  I know I held her just as much {actually I held her more}, and I know she was sweet and snuggly and she was way more smiley {James is a very serious baby} and she makes my heart burst with pride each and every day, but I just don't remember this feeling.  That makes me sad and feel super guilty for even admitting.

It's just different.
So I guess it's true, what everyone told me about having a boy.  One person even said that only a mom of both genders can understand and I totally believe that.  I don't love one more than the other and while my love for each of them is different they are still equal. Does that make sense?

Any other boy and girl moms know what I'm talking about?  It's hard to put into words because there isn't one word that fits the feeling but certainly I'm not alone.  Am I right?

Remember my last post about life with two? Scratch that, reverse it.

Today sucks.

Let me set the scene.

7:10 am- "MOMMY I'M AWAAAAAAKE!!!!"   Good Lord this is not the wake-up call I asked for but OK, my feet hit the floor and I was on my mom a-game from the get-go.  It is really my own fault because I should have gotten my lazy ass out of bed earlier, but I digress.

7:30 am- "Let's make muffins!"  OK sounds amazing!  Sounds like good mommy/big girl bonding while the baby naps.  Except, he won't nap.

8:00 am- Muffins are done, they're delicious, even Kendall agrees.

9:30 am- An hour and half later Kendall still hasn't eaten her ONE muffin yet she's whining, "I'm so huunnggrrryyyyyy".  So I turn off the TV, make her sit at the table, and take all her "toys" until she's finished.  Cue the meltdown. I decide I'm going to ignore it and take the baby into his room to rock him to sleep, except he doesn't want to sleep.  Oh and construction is happening outside of our house and the smell of black top is about to send a certain three-year-old into a downward spiral, suddenly she has a very sensitive sniffer.

10 am- Through tears, screams, whines, threats and bribes the muffin is finally gone. Hallelujah, life can go on.  Baby finally sleeps and I decide some big girl outside action is in store so we head to the back yard to play on the swing set.  Ten minutes into swinging, laughing, finally having a good time and I hear it, the baby is awake over the monitor.  Crap.

11 am- Baby takes a nice warm SIX OUNCE bottle and I assume he'll pass out but nope, he's wide-eyed and doesn't want me to put him down.  At all.  Ever.

11:30 am- The toddler is hungry.  Here we go again.  Except this time she sits at the table, eats all of her food, all is well.  The baby is asleep in the bouncer.  #winning.

12:30 pm- It's nap time.  Kendall hears the timer go off, alerting her that it's nap time and takes off running out the sliding glass door and heads down the deck stairs.  Are you kidding me!?  I chase after her, remind her that 1. we do not run when it's nap and 2. we do not go outside when no adults are out there.  Carrying her up the stairs starts a meltdown because "I want to waaaaaaaaaaaaalk" OK so I put her down to walk the rest of the way except suddenly she's a statue.  Frozen. Won't move.  Fine so I carry her in to the potty and then it starts.  Kicking, screaming, crying and that's when I said, "Enough!" and put her into her bed sans all of her My Little Pony friends.  That tantrum lasted about a half an hour too long and at which point the baby is now awake.

It's really my own fault.  Yesterday I bragged about how good James sleeps, he sleeps all.day.long.  And damn it, I should have gotten up at 5:30 am like James suggested when he woke up to eat.

If you need me I'll be day-drinking.  Judge away.

I just had to share some of James's newborn pics.  Fletcher did such a great job and picking my favorite is damn near impossible.  He's just so snuggly and sweet and wrinkley and he's mine, all mine.

So, here we are, our first full day alone since James has been born.

I've done two loads of laundry, made all the bottles for the day, changed our sheets, prepared dinner, mailed some bills and now both kids are napping.  It's still weird to say kidS, as in I have more than one now!  Holy smokes!

I feel on top of the world today.

A few people have asked me how life with two is going, how everyone is adjusting and I have to say, it's going pretty freakin' well.  Knock on wood.

My mom was here with us last week and words cannot explain the gratitude I have for this woman.  She did some laundry, washed dishes, made us dinner, drove us to doctor's appointments, played with Kendall, held James so I could shower, it was glorious.  We even joked that she should quit her job and become my nanny, hey we can dream!  We were so blessed last week that I was a little nervous to wake up today.

James has been a great sleeper, so far, he's going about 4 hours between feedings at night {2.5-3 hours during the day} and just like his big sister he goes right back to sleep after each one.  I have been waking up for the day around 6 am, spending about an hour with him before Kendall wakes up.  At which point James usually is back to sleep so I can spend some one on one time with my big girl.  It's been pretty perfect.

Can I just stop for a second and tell you how proud I have been of Kendall?  At first she was a little timid around her baby brother, she would go up to him, kiss his head and that was about it.  Now she's holding him, helping me with his bottles and diaper changes, talking to him and when he cries she gets very upset.  She's taking to her new role with such ease and I could not be happier.

It's weird because all of the sudden I feel this sense of peace, almost, come over me.  Like this is what our family needed and now that we have it we are complete.  I feel like all of our relationships have grown and become stronger, more intimate, and, in a way, more pleasant.  Let's face it, I am a miserable pregnant and now that I'm getting back to my old self things have been a lot nicer in the Dew house.

For those wondering, I am not breastfeeding.  I started to in the hospital and did it for 4 days before I just decided it isn't for me.   It didn't feel natural/normal to me even though James took to it pretty quickly.  I was starting to dread feedings {something I always loved with Kendall, even being bottle fed} and I didn't want that for him or me.  So I switch to bottles/formula and I couldn't be happier.  I really wanted to like breastfeeding and maybe I should have given it more time but I can say I tried and it wasn't for me.

My recovery has been amazing, seriously.  From the moment James entered this world I didn't take any pain medication besides Motrin, I just never felt like I needed anything stronger.  My incision has not bothered me at all {except when I tried to wear jeans yesterday} and I can honestly say I feel almost 100% again.

I took both babies to Target on Saturday, by myself, and they both did so well.  Yesterday we went to cheer my brother-in-law on at his first half marathon and it felt good to be out and about as a family of four.  A lot of people think I'm nuts, seeing as my baby isn't even two weeks old yet but I just feel ready.  I'm not doing anything crazy like running or doing sit ups but I think just trying to get back into the swing of things, carry on as usual, has helped us all transition so smoothly.

I am so grateful for everyone's well wishes, thoughts and prayers over the past two weeks. From friends bringing us dinners to family helping with housework to blog friends sending congratulations, we have truly been blessed.  Each and every person has helped make this transition so easy for us and I cannot say thanks enough.  We are truly blessed.

Mom, Dad, Big Sister and Baby Brother are home and doing perfectly.  Our hearts are full and our family is complete.