Life After I "Dew"

Dear Us,

Happy Anniversary!

This weekend you celebrated six years of marriage.  In some way six seems like a lot and in other ways you know that you still have forever to look forward to so that's exciting.  Six years, one house and two kids later, you have everything you ever dreamed of.

Six years ago you woke up on the coast of the Gulf of Mexico still on that wedding high.  You couldn't have been more in love with each other, or at least that's what you thought at the time.  You also didn't know that this would be your last vacation together for at least five years.  You drank rum drinks in the middle of the day with no fear of a hangover.  You took naps and didn't eat dinner until it was dark outside.  Life six years ago sure looked a lot different than it does now.


People told you on your wedding day, "over the years you'll fall more in love" and you scoffed, how is that even possible?  But then babies come and serious life things happen that force you to rely and lean on each other and you finally get it.  Going through the tough times and knowing you have each other's back makes you realize how lucky you are and yes, you fall more in love.

Your wedding will be the most fun one you've attended and you're going to have all of your guests tell you the same.  You kinda got married right before Pinterest blew up so you will want to do it all over again because mason jars!  But you can never recreate the moment you kissed at the alter before the pastor even said "dearly beloved".  Or the moment Jimmy karaoke'd Ice Ice Baby at the end of your reception.  It was a great day, even without Pinterest-y decorations.

You'll have your first baby before your first wedding anniversary, she will be the best decision you've ever made.  Yes "it didn't take long" and no you shouldn't have waited.  Three years after that gorgeous girl makes you parents you will welcome her little brother.  He will be the polar opposite of his sister but he will make your family complete.  But your rolls will change drastically and some days it will be hard to remember to love your spouse.  I know you don't believe me right now because "you're so in love" but it's true.  Kids change you and they change your relationship.  Make time for each other, plan date nights and trips away.  Kiss each other daily.  Connect after the kids go to bed {because your kids will go to bed pretty early ;-)}.

Your financial state will go from OK to bad to worse and that will be hard.  That is going to be the only thing that really causes stress on your marriage.  Don't compare your house, your cars, your clothes, your life to others.  You just do you.  You don't need the biggest house, fanciest car, or name brand clothes because you have everything you could possibly want {and more} under your roof.  Arguing over money will not solve the problem and is really a silly thing to get upset over anyway.  Move on.

Today is my five year wedding anniversary.  

Jimmy and I haven't been on a trip, just the two of us, since our honeymoon in 2009.  Mainly because we got pregnant with Kendall a month later BUT STILL.  We've had a handful of kid-free overnights {only one since James has been born} but, as any parent knows, that's just not enough.  We were craving some alone time, as husband and wife.

We started talking about a kid-free trip back during the worst winter ever.  We talked about flying somewhere, visiting our amazing honeymoon location again, just driving up north for a weekend, but we really didn't figure any of it would actually happen.  Our friends recently moved back to South Carolina in the winter {I can't say I blame them} and suggested we come to visit them.  Within driving distance? Check! Free place to stay? Check!  Visiting old friends? Checkity check!  So we got everything lined up and off to Holden Beach we went, just the two of us.


We wanted to make the most of our short time away so we broke up our 12 hour drive into two days, staying overnight in a hotel about halfway through the first day.  That was the best idea because it made our trip seem so much longer than it actually was and we had that time to just ourselves.

Can I just say how enjoyable even a 12 hour car trip is when there are no kids screaming, asking to change the DVD player, playing eye spy, interrupting any and every conversation you try to have, pulling over to pee, etc?  It is actually quite nice to talk, listen to your own music or just sit in complete silence.

I realized something on this trip, I really like my husband.

Don't get me wrong, I love him to the moon and back and I'll like him for always but the day to day things get in the way and sometimes I forget just how cool the man I married really is.  He works a physically demanding job every day and has been working overtime and side jobs so much lately that I haven't really seen him as much as I'd like.  I feel like a chicken with it's head cut off, most days, and the last thing I want to do at the end of the day is engage with anyone else, aka just leave me alone!  It's sad but true and I doubt we are the only couple with young kids who feel this way.

This trip is just what we needed; time alone to reconnect and fall in love all over again.  And that's just what we did.  Yes we were with friends but more importantly was that we were without kids.  We were able to be silly and carefree which we very rarely get to do in our every day lives.  It seems like there's always something to do and worry about and our relationship gets put to the back burner, a lot.  Not this weekend though.  This weekend we had not a care in the world except to just have a good time.

And a good time we had.  I almost feel silly, being so giddy, over it but I feel like we are newlyweds again.  We are doing things for each other, going out of our way to make the other happy, sneaking kisses here and there and it's FUN again.  I guess I didn't realize what a rut we were in before.

Jimmy and I have always been more vocal via text.  Sounds silly to say but it's true.  When we were just dating we ONLY had texting conversations, unless we were with each other.  It seemed as though it were easier to say those heartfelt things over a text, I've always been better at writing than talking.  And even after almost five years of marriage and two kids we are still that way.  I sent him a text yesterday telling him how in love I was with him and how refreshed I feel after our little getaway.  He expressed how he feels the same and never wants to get in that rut again.

I am more in love with him now than I've ever been and it feels so good to say that.  He is my rock, my biggest supporter and my soft place to land.  I pray for him, for our relationship and our family, that we only grow closer together.  I hope that we never lose sight of who we are, even when life gets in the way.  He is a good man and would do anything for me and our family.  He makes me a better person and I hope he can say the same about me.  I am proud to call him my husband and that he choose me to be his wife.  I am thankful that I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend.

Can we do it all over again next weekend?

Don't get your panties in a bunch, I'm not pregnant.

No, in fact, this post is the exact opposite of a pregnancy announcement.

I am craving some adult time.

I love my babies to the depth of my soul, I love them so.  I love them so much that I make "appetizers" out of peanut butter sandwiches {mini toothpicks included} because Kendall loves it and gets a kick out of it every time.  Sure it's more time consuming but it makes her happy and that makes me happy.  I love them so much that if I even hear James yawn in the middle of the night I scoop him up and claim "he wouldn't go back to sleep" and put him in bed with me.  I love them.  Get it?

BUT I need time away from them too.

Being a SAHM is all I've ever wanted and I know I am whiny sometimes and joke that it's wine o'clock in the middle of the day but I truly think this is where I'm meant to be. I want to be the one raising my babies, shaping them into the little humans they are.  I want to wake up in the middle of the night and know that I can take my time rocking them back to sleep because I don't have to wake up early in the morning for work. I was a working mom and as hard as being a SAHM is, I think being a working mom was equally as exhausting.  I look back on my pre-SAHM days and wonder how I ever managed to do it all.  I'm home and most days, lately, I still feel like I'm drowning.

Now is one of those days.  I am staring at a playroom that looks like a tornado hit it.  Dirty baby bottles have been sitting in the sink since last night.  I have emails to respond to that date back to last week.  My laundry will never be caught up.  And right now I just want to be free of it all.  Or at least an all day babysitter so that I can catch up on it all.

Jimmy and I try to get a date night in every so often but not often enough, in my opinion.  Most of our weekends are spent with our friends who have kids and we all get together and the kids play and we "oooh and ahhh" over how freakin' adorable they are.  We like it that way and so do our kids.  I love that my babies are going to be close with the babies of the people I've been close with since kindergarten.

I've heard stories of women who have kids that are Kendall's age that have never left them with a sitter, never spent a night away from them and they like it that way.  I am not one of those people. I am the mom who feels that she is a better mom when she gets a little break.  Distance makes the heart grow fonder type of thing.  And it's true, whether we get a few hours or a whole night away we cannot wait to get them back home ASAP and the next day is usually an awesome love fest.

So where do you stand?  Do you crave a night away, like I do?  Or are you a mom who can't bare the thought?  How often do you get "me" time or a date night?

Jimmy and I were fortunate enough to attend two weddings this past weekend {who says June is wedding season?} and I have to admit, I love a good wedding.  I love seeing the groom when he sees his bride for the first time.  I love watching the ring bearer and flower girl walk hand-in-hand shyly.  I love hearing the exchange of vows, promises to each other.  I love hearing what the couple picked as "their song".  Call me a hopeless romantic but I just love the feeling I get from attending a wedding.

I overheard someone say, since the couple already lived together, "It's no big deal, you'll wake up tomorrow and feel the same way as you did when you woke up yesterday."  Jimmy and I lived together before we were married and so, at first, I was inclined to agree.  I knew what that person meant, when you live together before you're married it kinda takes away the excitement, if you will.  You already know the person's habits, how they like their coffee, how long they take in the shower, what they do to decompress, etc.  There are no surprises when he carries you through the threshold as a newly married couple.

I started to agree and then later that night I found myself thinking about it a little deeper.  Four days later, I don't agree, not even a little.

After Jimmy and I were married I felt totally different.  I felt this new sense of pride, as his wife.  Call me old-fashioned but when I took his name it was a big deal.  I remember a friend asking if I was keeping my name or taking his and without a blink of an eye I said, "HIS!  Of course!".  I couldn't wait to be a Dew but I also knew that in taking his last name meant I had big shoes to fill and I was happy to do so.  He's made me very proud to be his wife over the past four years and I can only hope that he feels just as proud calling me his wife.

I also felt a responsibility with my new wife status.  I felt like this is the real deal and no matter what, we are in this thing called life together, forever.  Sure I felt like that in the months leading up to our wedding but after that day it was different.  I meant what I said in my vows and I plan to take them seriously.  There's something about saying the same words that our parents and grandparents said before us that is so special to me.  I knew that from that moment on nothing would come between us, nothing would be too big for us to handle together.

Once you take that husband/wife there's no turning back, at least not for us.  That title means more than girlfriend/boyfriend or even fiance.  Before the vows there is always the option of leaving, if you want.  For us that is not the case with marriage.  For better for worse, sickness and health, till death do us part.  No matter what.

I remember coming home from our honeymoon and returning to work and even that felt different, as a married woman.  It was like I had just joined this super, cool, married woman's club.  It's a pretty elite club and not everyone can hack it and I felt elated to know that I would be a life-long member.

From October 3, 2009 on I have felt different.

Did you feel different after you were married or do you agree that saying "I Do" doesn't really change anything?

different from all the other boys I had ever "dated".  He didn't even try to kiss me after our first date, something that I still admire about him to this day.

You know when you are in a new relationship you love whatever the other one loves.  Sushi?  My favorite!  Dave Matthews Band?  I've never missed a concert!  Dogs?  Love them!  It's all so new and easy and you think, "We are a match made in heaven!  There's nothing we can't agree on!".  And then you get married.

It's true that we are pretty much the definition of Brad Paisley's song I'm Still a Guy {"You see a deer you see Bambi, I see antlers up on the wall..."}.  He's the manliest of men {a hunter, hard worker, loves being outdoors} and I am a true girly girl {hate getting dirty, love shopping, most comfortable in dresses}.  And while we do agree on and share a lot of common interests there are just some things that we'll never agree on.

Movies & Books.  I've talked about how torturous movie night is in The Dew house and I wish I could report that it's gotten better over time but then I'd be lying.  He likes action, sci-fi, adventure, keep you on the edge of your seat stuff and I like comedies, romantic comedies and basically anything that leaves you feeling good when it's over.  I don't like things set in mid-evil times, I don't like things set in the future, and I definitely don't like movies where they speak in Old English {I suck}.  Same goes with books.  I read to escape so mainly I read fictional books and ones that usually have a humorous undertone.  Jimmy would prefer to read far-out things {Star Wars, Orson Scott Card books, etc} and I just can't even grasp things that are so far from reality.

Dogs.  When we met we each had our own dogs and they just so happened to look like twins separated by about 15lbs.  They were our babies, we love{d} them, and then we had Kendall.  Now that we have a child{ren} I am over dogs.  That's not to say I don't love our dogs, I do, but they are just one more thing on my list.  Some times I feel like they are actually more work than my child{ren}.  If I had it my way we'd never get any more dogs but Jimmy insists that we'll always have dogs {and he's trying to push for a 3rd at the moment}.

Cleanliness.  Not our own, bodily cleanliness but rather the cleanliness of our house at any given time.  I could look around right now and give you a laundry list of things that need done, laundry in the dryer needs folded, toys need picked up, the wood floors need mopped, sun room needs swept, trash needs taken out, lunch dishes need put in the dishwasher, etc.  If Jimmy were to come home right now he would tell me {he actually did tell me last night} that the house looks immaculate.  While I love that he is not the type of man to come home, look at a messy house and say, "what did you do all day?" but at the same time I wish that a company ready house was something that he thought was as important as I do.

Taxidermy.  My husband is an avid hunter and now fisher.  He hunts all the things, deer, duck, pheasant, quail, turkey, elk, hell he even goes "shed" hunting in the late season where all he's doing is finding broken off antlers.  So yeah he has a lot of "wall decorations" and is quite proud of each and every one of them.  I cannot handle it.  I had a deer head fall on me when I was younger and I think it scarred me for life.  I think it looks tacky {unless you're in a lodge} and it's definitely not my style.  However, I cannot deny the pride and happiness that these trophies make him.  Thankfully we've been able to come to a compromise on this subject and as long as I don't have to look at them, he may hang them.  So they go in the basement.  End of story.

Country vs. City.  Jimmy loves the country, he loves having land, he loves that our neighbors are not close by, he loves the quiet and being able to see the stars at night.  While I love aspects of the country life {it is nice to see the stars so bright} I miss having Chipotle down the road more.  If I had it my way we'd live about 20 minutes closer to Columbus, especially now that we have Kendall.  At first I thought the country life would be nice but now I just want to walk out my front door and take my child{ren} on a walk instead of loading up the stroller and driving 10ish minutes somewhere.  We've actually found a neighborhood close by that is the best of both worlds.  Large lots {bigger than what we currently have, actually} but still in a subdivision so I can go on those stroller rides, perfection.  Now if only we could afford to build we'd be doing alright.

Fortunately, for us, these "issues" aren't really issues in the grand scheme of things.  I'm thankful that if these are the biggest hurdles we have to jump then we're doing alright.  What are some silly things that you and your significant other can never seem to get on the same page about?

Remember how we went to church for the first time in 6 months and walked away thinking, "WHOA!  If that wasn't divine intervention I don't know what is?"  Well after that I started really evaluating myself as a wife.  What things could I be doing that I wasn't doing already?  What could I do better?  What am I doing "wrong"?  And I really started looking at me, through Jimmy's eyes.

When we got married we didn't write our own vows, I really wish we would have looking back now.  So I thought to myself, "I can still write my vows" and so I did.  I complied a list of new promises I want to make to my husband.  Things that I have recognized about myself, he would never try to "change" me, that could use improvement and strenghten our marriage.  Some of them are huge, some of them are small, some of them are silly but all are equally important.

I wrote a letter to him and inside were my "new vows".

I promise to shut down social media once you are home
I promise to not talk negatively about you to anyone. Ever.
I promise to start treating "blog money" as real money.
I promise to be more open to movie suggestions.
I promise to be more supportive of your goals.
I promise to be better about laundry so that you always have clean socks, underwear, and work clothes when you need them.
I promise to help with "your chores" when I can.
I promise to limit TV time and do more quality things, as a family.
I promise to send you a picture of KP every day.  Because seeing her face will make even the shittiest day better.
I promise to make dinner more nights than not.
I promise to lose all of this baby weight {and then some} so we can be the hottest mom/dad duo, EVER.  {wait, that one was for me...}

And so instead of nagging about things I'm taking the initiative to start changing things I do, leading by example, and that speaks volumes. Doing things, even when they are small, makes such a greater impact than harping on things beyond our control.

Some days are easier, I've missed a few days of texting a picture of Kendall, but for the most part I am succeeding at all of my promises thus far.  I can already tell a difference in our marriage and, most of all, in my attitude. Instead of getting annoyed or saying things without speaking I simply remember what our pastor said about being a Godly woman and that by setting the example the rest of the family will follow suit.

It's funny, if I would have written my vows on our wedding day they would have been so much different than they are now.  It kinda makes me want to renew our vows...maybe someday.

Yesterday was our first day back in church in nearly ::gasp:: 6 months.  What can I say, Jimmy working 3rd shift really messed it up for us.  He usually slept until 11 or 12 on the weekends and I am guilty of being selfish and not wanting to deal with The Toddler and making sure we got to church on time, alone.  Kendall hadn't been a big fan of church and every time we went it was a meltdown and one week the "teacher" even told us the only way she could keep her calm was to let her play with her iPhone.  Yeah, we have that kid.

So rather than deal with the tantrums only to make it through the music portion of service to get pulled out, I just quit going.  It was hard enough when Jimmy was with me so doing it alone seemed impossible.  Poor excuse but it is what it is.

Saturday night Jimmy asked me if I wanted to go to church this weekend. I said, "sure" but only half meant it.  It was more of a if we wake up, get showered and out the door on time, "sure".  I wasn't fully committed. I woke up around 8 {another perk to Jimmy being on days is he wakes up with KP on the weekends now!!!} and by the time I had my coffee and breakfast it was 9 o'clock and I just figured we wouldn't go {church starts at 10}.  And I was OK with that.  But Jimmy pushed, he was determined to get us to church on time.

We decided before we went that Kendall was going to go to the Sunday school class instead of the daycare this time.  Since she's used to only ever being left with family we had told her how fun it would be, she'd meet new friends, make a craft, sing songs, etc but she was even reluctant which made me even more OK with not going.

But when we walked through the doors I instantly felt like today {yesterday} was going to be different.

Kendall walked into Sunday school like a champ.  She told the teacher her name, "Kendall Paige Dew" without hesitation and I finally felt good when we left that room.

When we sat down for the music portion of service I had finally looked at the program to see what the message was going to be about, "Stuck In a Rut- New Rules for Love & Relationships".  It wasn't coincidence that brought us to church yesterday.  God's handiwork was all over this.

At first I was all, "we aren't stuck in a rut!" but upon listening to the message, we totally are.  We have forgotten how to communicate, respect, and honor each other {I still blame 3rd shift for this}.  Sure we still loved each other but we hadn't been showing it, as of late.

Our pastor talked about communicating with one another.  How submitting to our husbands {and husbands to their wives} isn't a sign of weakness, often confused with dominance, but a sign of strength.  A lot of times our main goal in a relationship is winning and with submission you get just that.  By submitting to your husband you are ultimately showing him that you are a Godly woman and showing by example the way of the Lord.  I often times am guilty of speaking before I think, and my big fat mouth gets in the way of leading by example.

Ephesians 5:22-33 ESV 

Another point that hit home was the financial aspect.  Jimmy and I are both guilty of spending money without talking to the other but then getting mad when the other does the same thing.  We learned today that doing that to one another is not only a bad move financially but also very disrespectful of the other.  When I stretch our budget too far it makes Jimmy feel like he can't provide for us and therefore inadequate.  When he comes home with a fancy new "toy" it makes me feel like "well it's his money..." but in reality, it's our money. Our money should be treated as such and therefore should be something we discuss.  Because, after all, we should be happy with what we have instead of trying to "keep up with the Jones'".

Hebrews 13:5 ESV

Of all the days to decide to start attending church, yesterday could not have been more perfect for us, God definitely knew what he was doing leading us there.  I'm actually sad that we missed the first part of the series and that next week is going to be the last.  But I am grateful for what we learned yesterday and cannot wait to see what God has in store for us next week.

Since October Jimmy has been been working 3rd shift. 5:30 pm-4 am. It's been a LONG 6 months, let me just say that.

At first we were all, "This is going to be fine!" because he was only going to be working 4 days a week where he was working 6.  Plus we figured we'd get all this hang-out time during the day since I'm home.  Wrong.  3rd shift sucks.

3rd shift is for single people and people who hate their spouses, in my opinion.  Thank God I am a SAHM otherwise this would have been much, MUCH worse.

But now that he's done, back on days, it's been quite the adjustment.

I wish it was all roses and butterflies and puppy dogs and rainbows but the truth is it's been hard. I mean I've gotten into this routine, albeit an annoying, I do everything, never sit down till 9 o'clock routine, but a routine nonetheless.  I know exactly when to start baths so that we still have enough time left to "watch one SHORT show" {KP's words, meaning Dora, VeggieTales, or some other 30 minute program}, I know what to say when laying her down to avoid any meltdowns once I leave the room, I know that my kid takes.for.ever. to eat dinner.  I know everything, basically.

How annoying am I?

Well apparently VERY annoying if you are my husband.  And I get it.

His first day back on day shift should have been wonderful and fun and happy and OMG we can finally eat dinner as a family again but instead it was full of me barking orders because "THIS is the way we do things" and being aggravated when he wasn't doing things exactly as I do or think it should be.  I mean who wants to hear that after working all day?

In my defense, he isn't exactly Mr. Perfect either.  I mean we sat down to eat dinner last night and he had his phone out and even after I told him "can you please not have your phone while we are eating dinner?" he did it anyway.  So that is annoying and something he needs to work on too.

It almost feels like we have lost a bit of our couple mojo {not the sexy kind} since he's been on nights.  Like we have forgotten how to have fun together, forgot what it's like to have a real, nontexting conversation, forgot how to be Jimmy & Shannon in a way.  It sucks.

So now we're at a place where we're figuring out how to be normal again.  Last night, once I stopped being a bossy, control freak, we finally sat down for the night and we laughed together.  We snuggled,we kissed, we had fun and FINALLY Jimmy got to feel the baby move!  Every night when I go to bed is when Baby James is the most active and I usually send him a text saying something like "OMG this baby is going crazy!  It's like there's popcorn in my belly!" and him saying something like, "Man!  I wish I were there."  So last night James was more active than he's ever been {I think he's glad to have his dad home at night again too ;)} and Jimmy finally got to feel him.  And I think that was the icing on the cake of an otherwise unpleasant evening.

So here we are.  Working on getting back to us.

I know that we are lucky, being that his 3rd shift experience was only 6 months, and a lot of people have it way worse but for us, this has been a struggle.  I'm so glad that we went through all of this before the baby comes because I'm certain I would have lost all of my marbles if I were stuck being a 3rd shift wife with a newborn and toddler.

So today I wanted to share with you a fun little "treat" I made for Jimmy last night.  You know, because trick-or-treat is right around the corner and all {I'm clever like that ;-)}.

My husband loves beer, it's no secret.  He's a beer connoisseur, if you will. Funny thing is before I met him I hated it, all of it.  He was appalled on our first date when I drank 5 grape martinis.  So after 4 years of togetherness I am a beer drinking girl and Blue Moon wins best all around in my book. Not that any of that really has anything to do with this post except that it's about making my husbands beer "cute".

Last night he asked me if I'd pick him up a 6-pack, "surprise me" is what he said.  I know what that means, he doesn't want just the run of the mill Coors Light or Miller High Life {vom!}, he wants a "good" 6-pack.  So I swung through the drive-thru, toddler in the back seat, Choo-Choo Soul blaring over the speakers, epitome of good parenting-right here.

As I popped those brewskies in the fridge it popped into my head that I wanted to make them a little special for him when he opened them.  I quickly grabbed a pen and some packing tape and wrote down 6 things that I love about him and plastered them on the frosty colds.


Some of them were a bit more serious like "I love how you always sacrifice for our family" and then others were a lot more light-hearted like "I love that you play guitar" {I really love that he is musical and hope that Kendall gets that from him}.  I could have come up with hundreds more but 6 was all I had room for.  There's always next time, I suppose.




I can't take total credit for this project though.  The night before I sat down to read my book, The Resolution for Women, and I have been keeping a notepad with it because there have been so many points I want to make sure I remember.  Anyway...I took out my notepad and began to flip to the current page when I noticed that he had written little love notes across the top of each page.

I nearly melted into a puddle right then and there which would not have been good seeing as I was the only parent home at the time and we have a micro-fiber couch.
 
I am so thankful that I am taking the time to do this "challenge" because it's really forcing me to get creative with the ways I tell and show Jimmy that I love him.  And it seems it's forcing him to do the same.  It's fun!

But seriously, it's the little things like this that make a marriage work.  It's taking a little bit of time out of your day to do something nice, unexpected, but totally appreciated for your significant other.  Heck, I think little things like leaving love notes laying around is much sweeter than a dozen roses on Valentine's Day {or Sweetest Day}.

Wow, I'm really getting to be quite the slacker with updating on my 31 Days progress but I figured that would happen. I mean it's not like I daily do things like organize a closet, switch bathrooms, and, well, I do make lunches every day.  But every day is a work in progress and every day I do have to remind myself to bite my tongue, let things slide and {sometimes} be nice!

Today's post is brought to you by Sweetest Day.  You know, that Hallmark holiday that is basically Valentine's Day in October and yet another day for one of two things to happen.  1.  Women get all bitchy, annoying, "my husband/boyfriend didn't even x, y, z! IT'S SWEETEST DAY!!!".  Or 2. Your Instagram feed gets clogged with flowers, cards and other nonsense to celebrate this "holiday".  Either way, it annoys me.  Oh, I should have mentioned that this post may ruffle some feathers.

How's this for Sweetest Day, my husband was at a strip club for Sweetest Day.  Boom.  Who had the happy lovey, dovey day now?  Yeah.  And guess what?  I didn't care.  Nope, not one bit.  You know why? Because I am awesome Because it was for his good friend's bachelor party, he doesn't go normally, he hasn't been since his own bachelor party 3 years ago and he doesn't like them.

I trust my husband with 100% certainty to know that he would NEVER willingly want to go see another naked woman.  When he got home he couldn't wait to tell me how ridiculous it all was, how gross {most of} the girls were, how he spent more money on gyros at the street meat stand than he did on anything else that night.  And?  I believe him.

I know some people reading are probably appalled right now.  I know some are sitting behind their computers thinking my husband is a pig.  That's OK.  Different strokes for different folks.  The way I see it, he's a man and if once every 3 years he goes to a strip club to celebrate his friends nuptials, so be it.  Now, if he were going on a random Tuesday just because, well yeah I'd have a problem too.  

The next day, yesterday, we went to his friends house warming/birthday party and some of the guys were there from the night before and Jimmy thought it was so cool that he could talk about the happenings in front of me and he had nothing to hide.  There was no side-eye from his friends no, "OMG should we talk about the lap dance the groom got?!" because I'm OK with it.

I'm the cool wife.  Yep, that's me!

I know, you're probably thinking I threw in the towel.  Like maybe Jimmy did something to royally piss me off and I said to hell with this challenge?  Nope, not the case, at all.  In fact, it's quite the opposite.

I mentioned that Jimmy started on a new shift at work and that it means more and less time together, it's just different.  It seems like it's for the better, for the most part, which is awesome.  Which is why I've been a little MIA on the '31 Days' challenge.  Since our time together has been shifted it's forced me to re-prioritize.

I've been really loving the time we are together and I want to make the most of it.  I don't want to be on the computer, blogging, checking Facebook, heck I haven't even been Instagramming much lately! Shocking, I know! It's funny because at 4 o'clock today I checked Instagram for the first time since like 11 this morning and thought "WHOA!  It's been like 5 hours since I was on this last!".  I'm pretty sure that's a record, except for when I'm asleep, obviously.

Pretty sad, huh?  I mean I'm glad that I realized that the world won't end, I won't miss something awesome, if I don't check my phone once every 15 minutes.

I also did Jimmy a big favor, I moved back into Kendall's bathroom.  When we first moved into this house I "shared" a bathroom with Kendall but since that bathroom is closer to her room {and I thought that was why she was waking up so early in the beginning} I ended up moving into our master bath with Jimmy.  His once product-free bathroom quickly became bombarded with hair spray, make up bags, curling irons, flat irons, brushes, moisturizer, tampons, you name it.  He's made comments here and there about all my stuff taking over.  I know he doesn't really mind but I could imagine how I'd feel if roles were reversed.  So, this week I packed up all my girly stuff and moved back into Kendall's bathroom.  I did this for that and because now I'm usually the first one up, and in the shower, so I figured it'd be easier for him to sleep if I got ready in the other bathroom.

He was all, "What?!  You didn't have to do this!?" and I know I didn't but I wanted to because I wanted him to be able to sleep, restfully.  Plus, if we're being honest, Kendall's bathroom has more room and more storage anyway.

So, yeah, I'm just soaking up our time together the best I can.  Good news is this new schedule of him gives him 3 days off every week which means I'm looking very forward to this weekend.  This will be our first weekend together since we've been back from vacation, in August!  Isn't that crazy?  So, yeah, I might be a MIA a little while longer.

This weekend has been our first full weekend together since our vacation, 2 months ago. It has been nothing short of amazing, truly. I forgot what it's like to have a husband home all weekend.  It's nice.  Those of you that always have a husband home at least two full days a week should be thankful.

I have taken for granted how much we need Jimmy around. I've just gotten so used to him working 6 days a week and me pretty much running the show around here that it's been kind of an adjustment to have him around more.  A good, welcome adjustment.

Jimmy is being moved to a different schedule at work leaving our time together a little bit different but in the end we'll have more time together and that's going to be so nice.  It's nice to have my partner around to help pick up the parenting slack when I just can't say "no, please" one more time, to talk to in the morning about the crazy dream I had the  night before and to attend the birthday parties with on the weekends.

We've been talking about getting Kendall a goldfish for weeks now but sadly haven't been able to squeeze it in.  I had contemplated taking her a few days throughout the weeks, alone, but I didn't want Jimmy to miss out on that experience.  I'm so glad I waited for him.  She was so excited to pick out "Nemo" {of course, she named him Nemo, toddlers aren't very creative} and his "home" and I am so happy that Jimmy got to see that too.  It was nice to share that experience because I feel like he already misses out on so much that we do through the week.  I know that he appreciated me waiting for him and when we left Kendall said, "thank you, Daddy" and that was it.  Hearts were melted.

Waiting for him to share that experience was the best decision, for all of us.  I already share so much with her, from story time to our create and play group and all the little things in between, and Jimmy misses out on so many of them.  It made me realize how selfish I can be at times.  I rarely think, "wow I wonder if Jimmy is bummed out because he isn't here" or "I bet Jimmy would like this, maybe we should wait".  Normally through the week I am so anxious to get out of the house and do something to entertain The Toddler outside the walls of our home that I don't think much past get in the car and GO.

This moment was an eye-opener for sure.  It is going to make me think before I just react and take Kendall to her first x,y,z and maybe wait for her daddy to enjoy it, whatever it is, with us.  I'm hoping this new schedule is going to allow for a lot more weekends like this.  It's been really, really nice.

Today's post is going to be in a little bit of a different format than the previous days of this challenge. Today I am pissed but not at my husband, he's still wonderful.

Today I got a comment on my earlier post regarding the handbag I just purchased.  It went something like this, "did you ask your husband's permission before you bought a $130 purse?".  I'm assuming that what this person was getting at {anonymous, of course} is when I wrote my post where Jimmy told me to treat myself and I "asked" him if I could buy myself some new leggings.

Newsflash:  I don't need his permission, I chose to ask out of respect.  He does the same for me when he buys himself something that's not a "necessity".  Of course he wouldn't care that I buy a pair of $8 leggings just as he wouldn't care that I bought myself this purse.  I know my limits and I know our bank account.  I'm sure the same person is thinking to themselves, "but didn't you complain about how tight money is?" to which I'll say, yes I did.  It's no secret that we have our financial ups and downs, as I'm sure everyone does.  Truth is, I have a little extra pocket money right now and I wanted to treat myself.  Period.  End of story.  Mind ya biznas.

If you think that bashing my marriage by assuming that I'm this "kept woman" who has to ask her husband's permission to do anything, you are sadly mistaken.  I do what I do out of pure respect, admiration, and love. I am taking this journey to be a better wife because he deserves it, our marriage deserves it.  I encourage others to do the same because I have seen what great things it has done for my relationship in such a short period of time, it's remarkable.

So for you, no-reply email, to make that comment, seemingly harmless but a dig underneath the "it's just a question" demeanor, is rude.  You are rude.  My husband works hard for his money and for me to spend it frivolously,  without "asking" is rude. I have far too much appreciation for all that he does for our family to disrespect him by treating myself to such a "lavish" item {seeing as my last, probably, 3 purses have been from Target}.

So thanks for your question.  Next time leave an email and I'll reply directly.

Today I learned how to bite my tongue.  Not literally {ouch!} but figuratively.

I woke up and it was freezing in the house.  OK it was like 69 but still when you get out of your warm bed that feels cold.  I came out to check our wood burner {our main heat source for the house} and noticed it hadn't been filled.  "Damn him!", I thought, "why didn't he load that before he left?".  And then I proceeded to the kitchen and noticed the Keurig was out of water.  "Oh, of course it is.  Why am I the only one that ever fills this thing?".  PMS anyone?  Yeah Aunt Flow is here and she's a raging bitch this month.  I digress.

I had my phone in my hands and I was ready to send a bitchy text when I stopped myself dead in my tracks.  What was this going to solve?  What if he was in a hurry and couldn't do those things?  What if he just took his morning slow and it just slipped his mind?  The point is, I wasn't there when he was and all I was going to accomplish by sending a nasty-gram was an unnecessary fight.

Sure I was annoyed and wish that he would done those things to make my morning easier but really it was no big deal for me to do those things.  Especially when I'm home all day.  I have no rush, no place to be by a certain time, no one to answer to {well...kinda} so I have the time to take care of these things around the house.  That is my job now.

I should add that normally he is very good about these things.  Always makes sure we have wood for the fire, most of the time he leaves my coffee mug out and ready for me to brew my first cup o' delicious, so for him to not do those things today lets me know he must have been in a hurry and he definitely didn't need 'ish from me.

It's definitely not easy, biting one's tongue, especially in the heat of the moment.  In that moment I just wanted to rip him a new one.  I mean, how could he forget to do these things?  But once I stepped back, thought before I spoke {for once} I realized that in doing so I would just make the morning worse, for everyone.

No, I haven't abandoned the 31 day challenge, I just was too busy being a good wife to update yesterday.  I kid, kinda.  Actually yesterday, even though I had a kid-free day, I dropped the ball on dinner.  I had nothing planned, at all.  So when Jimmy texted me mid-day to see if I wanted to go out to dinner I was more than happy to oblige and omit the fact that I didn't plan anything anyway.

Going out to dinner is such a treat these days, something we don't indulge in very often, thanks to The Terrible Twos, but last night was different.  Sure Kendall acted up a bit but nothing to get embarrassed over and we actually enjoyed a pretty decent meal for the first time in a while.

Last night I was pretty exhausted {no I'm not pregnant} and so instead of staying up to update my progress I went to bed, with my husband, and it was nice.  Normally Jimmy and I always go to bed at the same time but lately I've been staying up a little past him and it was nice to just shut down the computer and my mind and snuggle in.

I think that's the point I needed to learn.  Sometimes what's most important is just shutting down.  Turning off the TV, computers, and just being present.  In the current times technology is consuming our lives, iPhones, iPads, social media, we are always connected.  If the phone rings we feel like we have to answer it, when an email comes in we have to reply immediately.  But why?  At what expense?  Sad to say but often times I have put my family on hold because, "I need to finish this blog post" or refresh Instagram for the one millionth time today.

So that's what I'm learning and practicing today.  To turn it off and turn my wife-mom brain on, more. That's not to say I'm jumping ship and abandoning this blog, because I can assure you I'm not.  I just need to refocus, prioritize and make sure that my family isn't missing out because of my "hobby".  I need to start waking up before The Toddler again, doing my "hobby" during nap only, engaging in more hands-on, toddler friendly chores during the day.  It's a juggling act for sure.

I know that I am a work in progress but I feel like I've already made such great strides in being a better wife and this will only make me, our relationship, better.  It will be worth it.

Today I started seeing the rewards of my behavior come back to me, full circle.  Just as I had hoped it would, just as I knew it could.

I already mentioned that I had been seeing changes in my family since this challenge started.  Nothing major just better behavior, more cooperation, more help, less yelling, less frustration, all good things.  I'd like to take a second to toot my own horn here, "toot toot!".

Today Jimmy was taking an unusually long time to get home from work. I was cooking dinner and everything was set except the garlic bread because it takes only 8 minutes and I wanted it to be piping hot when we ate it.  So as I tried to resist taste testing dinner, Kendall played dinner music {banged on empty coffee cans and pots and pans} and I wondered what he was up to.

I had my back to the door when he came in but I heard Kendall say, "herrya {here ya} go mommy!" and handed me a single rose.  Behind her was my husband with a card in hand and inside was the sweetest message, "I love you so much, I'm sorry I am working so much but I know you understand and I love you for it!  You have been so amazing to me lately and it does not go unnoticed."  And there it was, in black and white.  He has taken notice in the change within me and he appreciates it.

It's just been over a week, that's not that long.  I haven't even made major changes, just simple things like packing lunches and taking on a few extra chores.  Some days, ahem...Sunday, are harder than others but when I really think about it these things don't take a whole lot of effort or time yet the reward for doing them is so great.

I remember when we first got married my mom had gotten me Dr. Laura Schlessinger's book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.  I remembered thinking this was a bunch of mumbo jumbo and totally slanted in the husbands favor.  Well, in a way it was, but it was so much more than that.  It was simple instructions on how to be a good wife and maintain a happy, healthy, long marriage.  She says that men are simple creatures, and they are, and require simple needs.  It's that easy.  She always says that you should be your husbands girlfriend and kids' mom and for a while I would hear that but I wasn't really getting it.

Being a wife and mother have got to be the two most important roles in any woman's life.  Sure we are daughters, sisters, friends, coworkers, volunteers, etc but our first, main priority has to be our families.  I've learned that putting my family, most recently my husband, first gives me such a better feeling than trying to be the best at anything else.  Never before have I felt so rewarded for doing so little {yet so much} for my family.