Life After I "Dew"

Remember when you were young and you were obsessed with babies? You would sit on your best friends living room floor with the JCPenney catalog opened to the baby section. You would pick out your baby from the adorable baby models and then go through all the gear and pick out their crib, stroller, high chair, bedding, car seat, and more. You were a baby hog. Whenever your mom's friends would have babies you wanted nothing more than to hold them and play with them. You played "house" longer than any of your friends and probably longer than most.

Remember when you first got married, like on your honeymoon, and all you could think about was getting pregnant?  You were devastated when you came home from Mexico to see a - sign on that pee stick.  You cried when your husband said, "let's wait a year" as if he were telling you he never wanted to have kids EVER.  Little did you know that the following month would be it and you'd "finally" see that + sign.

Remember when you were a brand new mom with that squishy newborn?  Remember three months later when you had to go back to work while "all" your other blog friends who just had babies were getting the privilege to quit their jobs and become stay-at-home-moms?  You were so insanely jealous to the point where you were almost mad at them because you couldn't do the same.

Then remember when your job told you they were moving locations and you had the choice to either come with them or resign?  You called your husband crying because you didn't want to move but you also knew you couldn't stay home.  Your husband, as always, was your voice of reason and assured you it would be OK and that you could and should resign.  You were so scared but even more you were so happy.  Your dreams of being a SAHM were going to finally come true even if for just a few months.

Now three years have gone by since your stay-at-home-mom career started and while you've had a lot of fun days you've also had a lot of really trying ones.  Many times the hard days overshadow the good days and you find yourself crying, sitting in the parking lot of the pool.  You'll send your husband, your voice of reason, a text that reads something like, "I can't do this stay-at-home thing anymore.  I think I need to get a job again."

The terrible twos are back and while you thought they were hard the first time around, this second time is out to prove you wrong.  Wow.  Who knew an almost two-year-old could be so opinionated and literally make you feel like you've never parented before?  They make you question your sanity, your decision making, your life choices and ability to parent.  They make a night in a padded cell sound like a vacation.

Speaking of vacations, a "vacation" with kids is anything but.  You need to remember that as well.  You will not relax, you will not feel refreshed.  You will want a real vacation when you get back and actually look forward to going home because at least your house is kid-proof.

Many days you will feel like you are treading water with your nose barely above.  No one warns you of this and even if they did you would still have babies.  Because the truth is when the bad days seem to outweigh the good you will remember those days when you wanted this.  You wanted all of this, every messy, crazy, busy part of it.  Because not everyone gets this opportunity.  Many days you won't show it and your words won't speak it but you are thankful.  You will get through this stage and just like everyone tells you, "little kids, little problems- big kids, big problems".  While that statement annoys you more than anything you know that they are right and this too shall pass.

Hang in there moms, you're doing a great job.  

I remember about 8-9 months ago I thought that "the terrible threes" were going to be the death of me.  There were times I can remember saying, "after three we should get an all expenses paid KID FREE trip to a destination of our choice" because OMG it was intense.  It felt like every.little.thing. was a battle.  Eating breakfast, getting dressed, getting in the car, behaving in public, taking a bath, going to bed, it was all a production and made me question my abilities as a mother.

People kept saying things to "help" but all they did was frustrate me even more.  Hearing "just wait, four is awesome!" made me want to kick a cat.  Like, seriously, I have to wait a whole year before things get good again?  I was not looking forward to the whole year until that point.

Well, I am happy to report, I didn't kick any cats and we've made it to the other side in one piece.

Now I see what all those people were talking about!  Although she's not quite four, this age is starting to be my favorite.  Like I have this amazing little person that I can talk to now and she's pretty cool.  She's not just a toddler who says words in a funny way, she's a little human who can have real conversations and say witty, clever, thought out sentences.

It's fun to start seeing just who she really is. Her personality.  Her likes.  Her dislikes.  What makes her laugh.  Things that scare her.  Making friendships.

She is still very strong-willed and opinionated.  That was a quality that was really hard to deal with when she was younger, holy independence, but now it's a trait that I hope she never loses.  I want her to always stand up for what she believes in and never be afraid to say how she thinks or feels.  None of us should ever feel censored.

She's hilarious.  She will say the most funny, random, things and it's not just jibberish anymore.  She can actually come up with some really funny jokes and she can do almost anything in a funny accent and I'll laugh.  Her new favorite thing is to sing the Band Aid song "I am stuck on Band Aid brands cause germs won't stick on me..." in a funny, southern accent.  If you follow me on IG you know what I'm talking about.  That's just her personality.  Jimmy's been talking about getting a new puppy and when he asks her she'll say something like, "why ya wanna do that?" because she knows how ridiculous that sounds too.

Last summer she was into fishing with Jimmy, getting a little bit dirty and this spring seems to be the total opposite.  When he asks her if she wants to go she always says, "Daddy, why you always want to go fishing all the time!!!".  He swears I'm turning her into a girly girl {she'd wear a nightgown 24/7 if I'd let her} but I think it's who she is. I do still see a little Tomboy in her every now and again so I have a feeling by the end of summer she'll be his fishing buddy again.

School has helped her come out of her shell big time.  She plays more independently these days and is much more easy going.  I love watching her make friends with her classmates and hearing her talk about them when I pick her up.  It's fun to watch her make her own friends who aren't my friends kids.  Although I'm not surprised by the friends she's chosen, I am surprised that her "best friend" is a boy who, if you ask her, she "has a crush on".  Insert shocked eyes.

It's funny how terrified I was of three at the beginning of the year because now I'm loving it.  Dare I say, this is my favorite stage?  Perhaps it's because she's my mini me?  I love knowing what she wants and needs.  I love having conversations with her, hearing her thoughts.  I love her little voice and the funny things she says.  I love that she's becoming her own person, and a pretty awesome one, at that.

I went through the terrible threes and lived to tell about it.

I think it's safe to say Kendall is potty trained. Yep, after just one week of hardcore training. That's all it took.  Hopefully anyway.  That's not to say that we won't have accidents still, I know we will. But?  Girlfriend is smart and she is ready.

We started this journey last Wednesday/Thursday.  She had told me that if she had princess panties she would go on the potty and Wednesday we set out to get them.  When she woke up from her nap she insisted on wearing them even though I had no intention of starting until the next day.  But, OK, we went with it.  I gave her the rundown..."If you wear these you cannot go pee-pee in them, you HAVE to go on the potty.  If you pee-pee in them you will make Princess Rapunzel cry {whatever works, right?}".  And so she agreed.  But it wasn't that easy.

The next two days were filled with pee but we were committed.  I tried not to make a big deal over the outfit changes, instead used it as teaching moments.  I could tell she didn't like the feeling, especially when it was soaking her socks {ew!} and she was getting it.  There was lots of "do you have to pee?", "are you sure you don't need to go potty?", "let's try" moments and I was sick of hearing it so I'm sure she was too.  Did I mention we have spent the past week in nightgowns?  Best decision ever.  So easy and sometimes, if you're lucky, they won't even get wet if there is an accident.  Sorry boy moms.  There were also lots of potties, three to be exact, one in each bathroom.  We took "the little potty" to any room we were in.  Want to have a tea party?  Sure, how bout a Princess Tea "Potty"?  Even better.  I wanted to make it as easy and accessible to her as possible and to avoid accidents as much as possible.

By Friday we thought we were brave enough to try a public outing.  Mama needed out of this house after pee-fest 2013.  So we went for dinner in Pull-Ups.  The first thing I did when we got there was take her to the bathroom.  I showed her the potty and how it looks different than the ones she's used to but this is where we go when we are not home...blah, blah, blah.  The entire night was spent, "mommy I need go potty!" and me excitedly running her to the bathroom only to have her fool me, each time.  She never went once while we were out that night.

We decided that maybe public wasn't a good idea so soon in our potty journey so we spent Saturday at home, practicing some more and really getting used to the idea.  By Saturday she was telling US when she had to go.  This was huge!  By Sunday afternoon I felt confident that we could leave the house, again, so we ventured to some friends and this time we took her potty with us.  I highly recommend that in any situation that it's possible.  I do not recommend doing it at a restaurant, at your table, while people are eating.

Monday we had to leave the house for a doctors appointment and again we did so in Pull-Ups.  She went to the bathroom before we left and I had asked her when we left the doctor's office and she said she didn't need to go.  So we left.  About 15 minutes into the drive I hear, "mommy I need go pee-pee!".  Shit!  What do I do?  I'm driving, about to get on the freeway.  Shit! Shit! Shit!  So I asked her if she could hold it, so I could find a place to pull over and her response was "I a big girlie!  I need go pee-pee!".  That was it.  I flew into the Fazoli's parking lot and ran her inside, certain that she had probably peed by the time we actually got to the potty.  But?  She didn't!  She sat there for a couple minutes and then she went!  If I could have gotten on the loud speaker and said, "Excuse me Fazoli's guests, I know you want more delicious, hot, bread sticks but my kid just told me she had to pee, held it, and went on the potty!".  I was so proud.  I couldn't wait to get home and tell Jimmy, my mom, Jimmy's mom, anyone who would listen.

The next day, same thing, we left the house, she told me while we were out and we pulled over and she went.  Two accident-free days in a row.  I was on cloud nine.

She was so proud and likes her new big girl panties so much that she cries when I put a diaper on at nap and bedtime.  She hates them.  She doesn't even really like the Pull-Ups but since they go on the same way as her panties I think she's a little more tolerable of them.  The past few nights she's even been waking up in the middle of the night and I hear "Mommy, I need go pee-pee" over the monitor a couple of times a night.  Annoying? Sure.  Progress?  Definitely.  Thankfully she goes RIGHT back to sleep after that and then she wakes up in the morning dry!

Could this be the end of diapers for Kendall?

We've been rewarding her every way possible.  The first day it was M&M's, stickers, singing, cheering, high-fives, "We did it!" songs, you name it, we did it.  Positive reinforcement, say what?!  Now we're at the point where we give a "Yay!  Great job!  You rock!" along with one M&M and she's happy.  In fact,  told her she could have two M&M's when she went #2 and she said, "No, I just need one.".  Good girl.

So, today she's officially in panties except for night time.  She tells us when she has to go and more times than not she goes.  She fakes us out every once in a while but I think it's when she's just looking for attention.  We're still rocking nightgowns when we're at home because they're easier and she loves them.  Whatever works.

My take-away tips?  1.  Stock up on undies because the first two-three days are pee filled.  There will be lots of accidents, it's OK, but be prepared with lots of back up.  We have 14 pairs of panties and I kind of want to go get another 7-pack {I hate laundry}.  2.  Have options.  Like I said, we have 3 different "potties" and she's taken to each one differently.  We had a generic, $11 Bright Starts potty seat to start, then we got the cushioned ring that goes on a big potty, and my MIL bought a Princess Potty.  She was terrified of the "ring" at first but now that's all she wants to go on.  She hasn't cared for the Princess Potty and the generic one was our gold mine for the very beginning.  3.  Reward, reward, reward!  Not only were we singing and dancing and passing out M&M's and stickers but when major things would happen {she told US, she went #2, she woke up dry from a nap} we let her call her grandparents and tell them the good news and THEY praised her too.  Talk about an ego boost!  4.  Wait till they're ready.  Just because you see other kids the same age as your child, perhaps even older, getting potty trained that doesn't mean your kid is behind or that you have to do it now!  If we would have tried this a month or so ago, it would have been a big fat fail.  She wasn't ready.  And even though her cousin, who is 7 weeks younger, was potty trained, I knew it wasn't her time.  Waiting for her to call the shots made it SO much easier on us all.

Whew!  Who knew a post could be this long talking about toddler pee?  I'm so happy, proud, thankful, overjoyed, excited, thrilled, etc that we won't have two in diapers come August with our girl and how well she's done.  It's probably silly to say, but, I think this experience has brought us closer together and really been, dare I say, fun!

I've had several people ask me what I'm getting Kendall this year {because they need ideas for their own child} or what to get Kendall this year and so I thought it might be helpful to post a few ideas for the toddler in your life.  Realize that this guide is geared more for the girl but some of the gifts are unisex and/or there is a boy version out there too.  Some of these are things that we already have and love for her and others are things she will be getting this year. There is something for every price point too and nothing is un-affordable, because that's how we roll.  And you'll notice that there aren't any clothes, PJs, or outerwear on this list {all of which Kendall is sure to receive too} because I wanted to keep this geared towards things they'd actually love {and I'm still haunted by the year I got ALL CLOTHES for Christmas}.

This weekend I had a meltdown. Not my first and surely not my last, especially where The Terrible Twos are concerned.  But one for the record books, that's for sure.

I posted this picture to Instagram, an hour before Jimmy's party was to start, and not 30 minutes later I was in the master bath, sobbing, big fat ugly crying my eyes out.

I had reached my breaking point.

It's not very often that I feel that frustrated.  I don't know when the last time I cried was.  I used to be a crier, I'd cry over any little thing, and they said that when you become a mom that multiplies.  Not in my case. I feel like I cry less now, except when it comes to weddings, babies being born, you know, mom things.  But Saturday?  I cried.  And I cried hard.

Not only did I cry but I vented.  My poor husband.  I told him I didn't like our child {in the moment}, that I didn't want to be around her.  I told him that this is the reason we haven't gotten pregnant yet.  God knows I cannot handle it, not right now. I am feeling the effects of being a stay-at-home-mom and being the on that has to teach, discipline, love, play, feed, clothe, bathe most days.  It's hard and exhausting and not for the faint of heart, that's for sure.

I cried because I'm frustrated. I feel like my child is the only defiant two-year-old out there.  I know that's not the case but hot damn I read so many posts where their toddler is sweet, kind, gentle, polite, listens, behaves and I feel like Kendall does the exact opposite of all of that.  She doesn't listen, doesn't respond to authority {she laughs when I yell and puts herself in time-out}, throws a fit when she doesn't get her way and the only answer that anyone has is, "it's called The Terrible Twos for a reason".

Well, I am here to tell you that I do not accept that.  I refuse to chalk bad behavior up to a stage, that's ridiculous.  I need answers.  I need help.  I need something to work.

Thankfully relief came in the form of my mother-in-law that night.  She was here for Jimmy's party and offered to take Kendall off my hands for the night.  As much as I wanted to scream "YES! YES!  PLEASE PLEASE!!!" I felt guilty at the same time.  I ended up letting her take her and it was the best decision I could have made.  I needed it.  We both needed it.

When we picked Kendall up Sunday afternoon I still felt like it wasn't enough time.  I wasn't ready to be her mom again.  I didn't miss her and I didn't want to deal with the tantrum that was to come when it was time to load her up into the car.  Thankfully she was exhausted when we got there so leaving wasn't really an issue {yay!!} and we headed straight for my parents from there so she took a nap making for a quiet and enjoyable drive.  Jimmy and I even got to listen to what we wanted on the radio!

My entire family was anxiously waiting for us so as soon as we got there it was all hands on Kendall.  She ate it up.  She got 100% attention from not one, not two, but 5 people other than myself.  I barely lifted a finger.  So while it wasn't a "break" because I was still there it was enough of a break that I can say today I feel better.

I have never had a "job" that left me feeling so emotional.  I have never "worked" so hard in my entire life as I have these past two years.  I've never experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows as I have since becoming a mother.

I'm not sure if/when Baby Dew #2 is going to enter our world but I think it's safe to say God is waiting.  He knows that I have a lot to learn, still, and I'm not ready.  I am a work in progress and eventually {hopefully} I'll figure this mothering thing out.  Until then there's always wine, right?