Every year I write a post on what it's like to be married to an avid hunter. From deer to turkey to pheasants, you name it, Jimmy hunts it. Normally my posts go something like, "wah wah he's gone all the time, wah wah I'm jealous of his hobby, but it's OK because it makes him happy" or something like that. The comments I get range from, "right there with ya sister!" to "I don't know how you do it" to "me and my boyfriend/fiance/husband have almost broken up over hunting". I love these posts because even months after they are published I still get comments which is unlike any other post I write. I love being able to connect/commiserate with other hunters wives/girlfriends.
For the last 5-ish years Jimmy has been going to South Dakota to hunt pheasants with his dad and brothers and every year I dread this week. It means 24/7 mom life. There are no "daddy will be home in 4 hours!!" moments. I have no one to talk to once the kids are all tucked in tight, sleeping like angels. It gets boring and it gets lonely and, at times, scary. I don't love this week each year but each year it comes (and we survive) and I know how important it is to Jimmy and his dad and brothers.
This year instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself and counting down the days until my husband returned home, I decided to take a different approach. I thought we could really use this time to make some really cool memories. I want my kids to grow up looking forward to this time with mom because "we got to do x, y, and z" rather than, "man it sucks when dad is gone".
Luckily {I think} this years trip fell during Halloween weekend. We were bummed but thankfully the kids got to trick-or-treat the night before Jimmy left so he didn't miss too much. But we had a lot of things planned for the weekend which helped keep busy and keep our minds off "daddy" being gone. But even without all of the parties and more trick-or-treating, I wanted to make this weekend special.
First things first, we ate ice cream before dinner one night. We made pizzas where the kids got to help with the toppings and that was a whole lot of messy fun. We all stayed up a little bit later. We ate popcorn and watched Inside Out. Kendall got to sleep with me all week {I'm going to miss my little slumber party friend}. We went to the park after school, ate McDonald's for dinner one night and had a super spooky Halloween breakfast by the glow of the pumpkins. We trick-or-treated. We visited grandparents. We did a little shopping. We played games, sang silly songs and had kitchen dance parties. It's been a really fun week! One I hope they'll remember for years to come.
When I first posted this optimistic approach to hunting season I was applauded for my positive outlook but I have to say, it's been a long, hard road to get to this place. In the years past I've been very whiny and upset about all the hunting. I normally complain so much that Jimmy starts to feel guilty for going out. But the truth of the matter is this is something I knew about when I married him. As a matter of fact, when I first met Jimmy his friends said to me, "you know we don't see Jimmy between October and January, right?" So I knew what I was getting into when I took my vows. This is a hobby he is passionate about and very good at and it only lasts a couple months a year. He's gone for a few hours on the weekend and really it's no different from guys who golf or go to football games. He doesn't really do much outside of hunting. He doesn't have guy nights. So really, it could be worse.
With all of that said, I cannot wait for my husband to walk through that door in a few hours. It's been a long week and I am ready to have some adult conversation and some defense in the tot department. We've had a lot of fun and started some new traditions that I hope will last for years to come. But nothing beats our time together, as a family of four.
Are there any other hunters wives out there? How do you deal with the season? Do you dread it or make the most of it? I love hearing everyone's thoughts on this topic!
November 4, 2015
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I love your positive approach especially because I'm a new mom and I'm sure I'll have this problem in the future. I always say the same thing, it could be worse. He could have a worse habit/hobby. Sometimes I get frustrated because I enjoy hunting too and I don't always get to go as often as he does. So then I get jealous. Right now my husband is hunting out of state and he's barely called since he's been gone. Which I couldn't help to get upset because I'm home with a baby and he doesn't even think to check in with us! Ugh. Men sometimes... ;)
ReplyDeleteOh Jimmy is good about at least calling once a day,usually at bedtime. I don't hunt but maybe I should try to go out with him one time to see what it's all about!
DeleteHi Shannon,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the update. I love your blog and was actually introduced to it after stumbling across one of your previous hunter's wife blogs. I am SO there with you on this in many ways. My husband only really hunts deer, but he goes almost every day after work and all day Saturday. Like you said, and this is what I always tell people who find it odd that he is gone so much, I knew it when I married him. In fact, the preacher who married us told me that before we got married, that this is who he is and what makes him happy, and by marrying him you're acknowledging that and accepting it. In the way my husband loves hunting, I love the beach. In the summer months I am at the beach almost every Saturday. He never says a word, and always supports me in every beach trip/girls night out/whatever I want to do, and I try to do the same. I will say, the only time it gets really hard is when hunting collides with something I really want to do as a couple, so I am interested in your take on that. For example, this past weekend was Halloween and my friend had a costume party. I went alone, and while I would have loved for him to be there, it did kind of suck not having him with me. He didn't come because he was going on a special hunt with his Dad the next morning, and had to wake up at 3:30 a.m. Well, the party was an hour away and we definitely wouldn't have been home until 1 a.m., so he obviously didn't come. How do you handle things like that? Probably the biggest issue for me all year is News Years Eve. I am a lover of the holidays and want to celebrate them all, including a fun party with a champagne toast for New Years. My husband is a trooper and knows it means a lot to me, and will hang in there until midnight, but five minutes after he is off to bed for an early morning wakeup to go hunting. Sometimes I just want to do something different for New Years, like go skiing or go somewhere that's having a big party without feeling like we are going to be leaving the second the ball drops. Again, this is something I knew when I married him and he is so kind and supportive all year long, so I have tried to let the little things go because I am so grateful for how great he is the rest of the year. Luckily, hunting never interferes with Christmas or Thanksgiving. It's really just Halloween and New Years. How about you?
Oh no! Jimmy doesn't miss out on things for hunting. He has left things early to get out in his stand by dusk but if we have plans he will skip hunting. He loves hunting but he also loves spending time with family and friends so he balances it pretty well!
DeleteSo I am also a hunters widow, and I don't do All of the fun but I don't dread it at all! Yes McD's will prob happen, sure stay up late, eat popcorn, donuts for brekkie, I'll color with you, BUT no one is sleeping in my bed but me AND when you go to bed late (at 8) please believe I am on the couch 1/2 bottle of wine deep, loving life! I think we all enjoy the little breaks, it's fun to have bonding time with kiddos, but as you said, when he walks in the door Sunday evening, I walk out! :)
ReplyDeleteLMAO! By the end of this week I was thinking the same thing! GO TO BED already! But it was fun while it lasted ;-)
DeleteJust saw this post and boy can I relate. Look at my post from today. LOL I can tell you this... I go through phases. Rob laid the ground work on our first date ("I'm a hunter and a fisherman"). When we were dating, it was no big deal, I did my thing he did his. When we were first married, it was upsetting because I didn't like being in the house alone. Then once the kids came, we got used to it, tried to do our own little traditions or hobbies like you are doing. One thing that I am looking forward to is the first day our son goes out with Rob. They'll bond, create memories of their own, experience Deer Camp together all while Bella and I shop, eat sushi and binge watch Netflix.
ReplyDeleteI don't always like him being gone (or the piles of laundry that he accumulates while he's gone) but I do love when he gets home and shares the stories of his adventures and spending time with his dad and brothers. It's a tradition that I have grown to accept and respect. A tradition that Jimmy will someday share with James :)
Oh yes! He is SO EXCITED to take James. He wants to take Kendall too, though. He thinks next year she'll be able to go with him, when she's 6. I love the family tradition and the bonding they do when they go on this big family trip though. You can tell they feel closer when they come back! But!! This is hilarious! Jimmy's dad took his backpack out of the truck, thinking it wasn't supposed to go with them, so Jimmy had NO CLOTHES for the entire week they were gone!!!
DeleteI am so glad I stumbled across this blog from a hunters widow! Reading all these comments has helped me..."cope". Our daughter was born in April and I never shared a negative thought towards my husbands big hunting trip he started planning all the months to follow. He just got back from a 10 day trip in Kansas. The entire month leading up to the trip I could not wait for him to leave! All I heard about day in and day out was this trip and all the additional gear he needed to stock up with, on top of it currently being bow season. I knew as soon as his trip came I would be in bliss for many reasons. I would have baby time all to myself being able to do what I wanted whenever I wanted, I could fully clean the house to my liking without hunting gear spewing from every room, and I anticipated his mighty return with his giant rack and satisfied hunting soul. He missed Halloween and my busy work schedule of coordinating an Election. I could work with this, I planned and had extra sitters and even managed to squeeze in her 6 month photo shoot. He returned last night, with no mighty rack but hours and hours of stories and experiences of every waking minute he was out hunting. He enjoyed every second. I was now ready to have my husband back all the same. Catch him up on all our fun times he missed out on. Only to have him call me half way through the work day and ask if he could go hunting tonight. !!! He has some nerve, and some passion! Breathe, I tell myself to breathe. Another season of hunting has just begun.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry! It is hard to be home with a baby when they are gone hunting, I totally feel for you! Hang in there!!! It's only a couple months, right!?
DeleteI seriously HATE being a hunter's widow because it coincides with being a farmers widow. I miss hunting with him but mom life takes priority. This year though I may get a little more pissy about it simply because he will be taking off work to sit in peace and quiet while I am at home with a toddler and 3 weeks old, I mean I want to sit in peace in quiet. Anyway... I am with you girl and you can always call, text or e-mail me late at night.
ReplyDeleteHa! I am jealous of Jimmy right now b/c he's been in a tree, in the quiet, since 4am! Over 12 hours of alone time in one day! I need a hobby!
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