September 26, 2011

The Judgies

This week I have been introduced to some ugly, ugly behavior and I'm not happy about it.
I'm not talking about the internet judgies that have been talked about on several of my favorite blogs {they suck too} but I'm talking about real life judgies.  Ones I have to see every day.  Ones that make my skin crawl.  They are my coworkers.
You may or may not know that I work for a very religious company.  This usually means acceptance.  This usually means caring.  This usually means welcoming.  But it here it doesn't and it irks me beyond belief.  I'm not one to usually talk about religion, and I'm not going to start now, but I would just like to say that their behavior is not very Christian like.
Case and point.
We are currently hiring lots of people for our Christmas season. We just got a new coworker in our little pod, if you will.  He's got longer hair, tattoos up and down his arms and dresses sort of "rocker".  His FIRST day on the job people are giving him the side eye.  "Is he gay?" and "He's weird" were some of the nicer things that were said and get this, no one had even talked to him.  
We had a potluck last week and one of our IT guys had brought in a knockoff of Max & Erma's Tortilla Soup and it was DE-LICIOUS.  Everyone was raving about it and when he came into the lunch room he proceeded to tell us that he made it and even shared the recipe.  At this point one guy got up and LEFT the break room.  This is the guy who, just minutes ago, said how amazing this soup was.  You know why he got up?  Because the IT guy is gay.  Gasp.  Shock.  Horror.  A gay guy made a dish you actually like.  Believe it.
There is a guy at work who's wife recently chose to have an abortion.  They have 2 children, are in their 40s and she had her tubes tied after their second child was born because they knew they were done.  She found out she was pregnant and that didn't change the fact that they don't want anymore children and the doctor had told her that there may be complications due to the one tube being tied and the other one had a hole in it {how she got pregnant is still beyond me}.  He shared this story with a few people and a few people turned into the whole office. Obviously this wasn't something he was proud of but it was THEIR decision to be made, and there's alone.  I'm sure it wasn't easy for them.
One day we were talking about children being born gay or straight and someone said that they wouldn't accept if their child was gay. They said they would still love them but they wouldn't be a part of his life.  I raised the question that, if given the choice, would you rather have your child be happy and homosexual or unhappy and heterosexual and I just got blank stares.  Guess that was my answer. 
My point is, these are people.  They bleed just like you and me.  Whether they are "weird", gay, straight, pro-choice or pro-life.  They are human beings and deserve to be treated with respect just like you would like to be treated. I think the thing that kills me the most is that a lot of these opinions were formed before anyone had even talked to or met some of these people.
The thing is, you don't know what is going on in these peoples lives.  You probably don't even know them personally.  I find it completely appalling is that people won't even get to know someone once they have this mind set.  The "weird" guy?  He's really nice.  He is going through a divorce and works a second job doing direct sales.  But I bet I'm the only one that knows that because I'm the only one that's given him the time of day.  And why?  Because he has long hair?  Because he has tattoos?  Well guess what?  I have a tattoo, actually I have two of them. SO WHAT!?
Differences are what make the world go round, if you ask me.  
Now that I have a child I think these things are more apparent to me.  I don't want Kendall growing up in a wold that sees color, sexual orientation, gender, heck even style.  I want her to know that just because someone looks different from you or thinks different than you doesn't mean it's wrong.  Differences don't make one person better than the other or one person right and one person wrong.  In my honest opinion I think differences need to be embraced and celebrated.   
So rather than say "ew he's weird" say "Hi!".  Instead of judging someones decisions, ask them "why?"  Get to know people!  I'm not saying you have to agree with everything but at least hear people out because with out differences this world would be a pretty boring place.


  1. This makes me sad. When I sold for the company I didn't enjoy it. My husband has a bunch of tattoos and is Hispanic and we live in the south and je gets looks all the time. It's 2011 people be more accepting.

  2. Although I can't say I'm surprised at the stories you shared, it still makes me sad.

    Yes, we all have opinions. But, not our shoes to walk in or our cross to bear. Just let people be.

    I bet tattoo, "rocker" guy is glad to have a work friend in you--divorce is hard no matter whether you want it or not. It's painful. Going to work shouldn't be.

  3. I feel bad for that guy! That makes me sad for him. I bet he is the nicest guy and would probably do anything for anybody and the sad thing is, nobody there will ever know that. It's sad that people act that way especially if they are so called "Christians"

  4. I agree with Courtney, this is so sad. It would suck to work there. Completely suck the life out of you. My husband is against people being gay because blah blah blah and the Bible says not to.. Well, the Bible was written how long ago? And times change. I couldn't care less if people are gay. They have 1 life to live and the better make it the best possible, so rather it be with a guy or gal, who cares as long as their happy? Surely not me. I'm not here to judge them.

    I seriously hate how religious people are the first to judge when they aren't supposed to. Sure, I am guilty of judging 'books by their cover' as it were, and I've been proved wrong about people before, but I'll never walk around like I'm better than someone or dislike them because the have tattoos, are gay, ect. Because, what makes them happy is not about me or what I like.

    Great post.

  5. I honestly have no tolerance for people like that. I won't have a problem with someone just because they are fay, or have tattoos, or had an abortion. I WILL have a problem with someone being close-minded and ignorant. Like Courtney said, it's 2011. There shouldn't still be people like this.

  6. Amen, sister. Over the weekend, we saw an African-American girl wearing a tiara (she was on Homecoming court and we went to the parade). I pointed out her "crown" to L and he said, "Oh, that white girl?" She was wearing a white shirt. :) If only we could see through the eyes of a four-year-old!

  7. It's so great you got to know that guy. I'm pretty sure he notices how the rest of his coworkers are not interested in getting to know him. Your interest and compassion could have made some sort of difference in his life.

  8. Perfectly said!! I cannot believe a religious type office would act in this way. Actually, no, I do believe it. The members at my MIL's church act this way and it always baffles me. They claim to be accepting but then judge anyone who comes through their doors.

    I'm with you on all of this. I do not want Baby J to grow up judging people in this way! So sad other people in your office are going to miss out getting to know this knew guy for petty reasons!

  9. Very well said!
    People are so rude and quick to judge these days! Do not judge a book by it's cover and Do not judge a person until you have walked in their shoes!
    I am so sorry that you have to work in a place like that.
    All we can do is pray for people like that, pray that they come to their senses and do not judge. God does not judge, he loves us all no matter what.
    This is a great post and you are an awesome person :)

  10. Good post. So sad that people can be so closed-minded

  11. SO sad :(
    I don't get people.
    I know that we all have those moments where we judge people - but do it in your head you know??
    I might not agree with some people and their choices, but that's THEM and not ME - so why be hurtful? Why make people feel horrible?
    I love this post!

  12. I think this goes hand in hand with what you posted! It is an amazing post!

    If people were less judgmental the world would be so much better!!

  13. wow!! cannot believe stuff like this goes on in other places...a little does go on here. my fav little grocery bagger was asked to start working in the back room because his piercings offended people..can you believe??

  14. So true.

    One reason I love living in the DC metro area is because there is soo much diversity here. For the most part, racial/cultural/color/orientation differences are so common and normal that people don't even notice it.

    I hate prejudice. If you're an a-hat, I'm not going to like you, but other than that? Whatever.

  15. This frustrates me, big time. I have come a long way. I am so much more aware, and open to how the harshness of our 'doctrine' and black & white thinking can cause so much hurt and instantly puts up walls & barriers b/t you and others. It's a shame, it really is. I just would rather err on the side of loving them. I'm not the judge of them, God is. And God is love, right?

  16. I'm very , very sick of judgmental
    I'm a teen mom so I get a lot of
    Judgment.. Not every young mom
    Is like the females on "teen mom"
    Just saying..

    It is 2011 ..
    People have piercings,
    And tattoos and it doesn't make them

    Who cares if someone is gay..
    Its their choice.. It doesn't affect
    You get over it..

    Abortions are sad.. But its a choice
    Many,many woman go through..
    Its not your place to judge, just
    Lend a sympathetic ear ..

    Great post.. Glad not everyone in
    The world is judgmental..

  17. so sorry you work with these people. I guess they want everyone to look to the same... and not express themselves.

    You are right, say hi, get to know them.
    you are showing those other people how to really treat a person, you will see it!

  18. Great post Shannon. I have been following your blog and never commented before because I am not sure if you know me (I am Deb and Ron Grays mom mil) but this post just really touched my heart. For the life of me, I don't understand why people are so judgemental. BTW, your daughter is adorable and I enjoy reading your blog.

  19. Shannon, I have followed your blog for sometime now but never commented because I didn't think you would know me. I am Deb and Ron Gray's Mother and Mother In Law and have known your parents since you were little like my grandson Jason. Well anyhow, this blog really touched me and I agree...I don't know how people can be so narrow minded and judgemental...especially Christians. Life is too short to worry about what others do with their life. BTW, your daughter is adorable and your have become a wonderful young lady. Keep on bloggin...this old lady enjoys

  20. I hate to see this. I forget there are still people out there that feel like that. I worked for a similar company and never felt like I fit in (I had a couple tattoos, like rock music and not a southern baptist) I am oddly glad I was fired. Sadly you cant change people like this but befriend the "weird" people in the office. I have always found that the "Strange" "akward" and "different" people are the most fun, caring, and devoted people. They make great friends.

    I work for the opposite company and love it. They encourage creativity and differences. I hope you can find a company you feel comfortable at one day.

  21. I love your views on everything.

    People (including myself, at times) need to learn not to judge. As you stated we don't know their reasons or them.

    Love your blog!

  22. Everyone lives in a glass house! I hate when other people judge and it's even worse when it's people you work with and they judge everyone in the office. BOO

  23. people are born gay, it's by no means a choice and going to church does not necessarily make one a good christian either. Agree completely with what you said Shannon, we all need to focus less on gender, colour, creed etc and just accept one another as equals and as human beings.