November 4, 2013

Life as a Hunters Wife

I swear, in the fall, I could rename this blog Life As A Hunters Wife.  Every year I have a love/hate relationship with the fall.  I love the much welcomed cooler temps after a hot, hot summer, cozy fall clothes, yummy fall drinks and all the beautiful changing colors.  It's really probably my favorite time of year and a time where I am thankful I live in a place that has four seasons.  The crisp air is good for my soul, until winter comes roaring in what seems like days later.

But with the changing seasons comes hunting season.  Oh yes, I've blogged about this before.

Hunting is my husbands greatest passion.  I don't "get it" but he's explained it to me numerous times.  He feels closer to God.  He reflects on life, thinks about our family, collects his thoughts, and feels at peace.  He feels at peace sitting in the freezing cold, in a tree, four hours.  This is his happy place.

I knew this about him when I met him and while I don't get it I respect that it makes him happy.  A lot of women tell me that they couldn't do it.  They would be livid if their husband left them for his hobby as much as Jimmy, a hunter, leaves me/us.  And while I'm not saying it's easy, because some days I want to scream if he asks me "Hun, do you care if I go hunting today?" but I do try to respect his love for the sport.

I get antsy, angry, grumpy, and irritable this time of year.  You might remember my meltdown on the eve of Jimmy's 28th birthday last year.  This time of year is tough for me.  To me it's a time to be snuggling up with family and drinking warm cider by the fireside.  To my husband it means getting up before the sun and climbing a tree. I get resentful.  I start acting like a crazy person, taking it out on anyone who crosses my path.  And it all boils down to one thing, jealousy.

I am jealous.  Jealous that he has a hobby, something he loves to do and pours every ounce of his being into. I am jealous OF the hobby because it takes my husband away from me.  I hate that I don't have something, other than blogging, that I love even half as much as he loves hunting.  And who's fault is that?  Mine and mine alone.

The truth is, I don't know what I'd rather spend my time doing.  I love being with my family, that's it.  Does that count as a hobby?  Probably not.  But if I had it my way we'd all be together all of the time doing fun, family things.  In an ideal world.  And then I remember that I like time away from them too.

So, I need a hobby besides being a mom.  Does working out count?  Perhaps I should join a gym.  I have yet to feel a calling towards something and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I'm lame. Feel free to send me suggestions.

Also, where are all my other hunters wives?  Perhaps we should start a support group for each other every fall.  Or at least a Facebook page where we can all be hunting widows together.  What do you think?


  1. I think we have talked about this before, but I know how you feel. I'm a plow widow. On the one hand he makes great money and I love that he works so hard to support our family. But, I never get to just cozy with him during a snowstorm. I'm usually by myself for a day or two (depending on the storm). I have to handle everything around the house. I'm lonely. I have to run quick to make food in the 5 minutes he is home so he eats (I don't have to, I do it because I love him, but still, it's stressful). Plans get cancelled all the time because of the snow. We missed Christmas with his family last year. It's hard. I can't imagine how much harder it will be with a baby! BUT, just when I think I can't take any more, Spring comes and we are back to life as usual.

  2. Yep I relate to this 100% I'm totally a hunting widow right now, though I have it bad all year because when it's not hunting season then he's off fishing. Hell we named our son after his favorite hobby. Last year it really bothered me because it was hard dealing with a baby by myself all day. Since I work full time, I'm not used to be stuck home all day with a baby by myself. This year it actually hasn't bothered me as much, Hunter is actually easier to take care of by myself. The main thing that bothers me is that there are fall activities that I want to do as a family and it's hard to work around his hunting schedule, even trying to go to the pumpkin patch was a challenge. Not to mention we haven't had a date night in months. But I know he enjoys it, it gives him exercise and provides us with healthy meat to eat.

  3. I am right there with you and I could easily have written that post. For my husband, it's fishing. He does like to hunt but he can take it or leave it. Fishing is his absolute passion and he has been doing it for his entire life. When you say you want to scream some days when he asks if you mind if he goes hunting - I have been there a thousand times before! Only fishing is year round - not seasonal! It really kind of sucks. And just like you say, my hobby is MY FAMILY! I can relate to so much of what you've said. :)

  4. My husband does some hunting, but this time of year I call myself a "harvest widow." My husband is a farmer so every fall comes harvest time when he spends countless hours in the fields combining corn and beans. I basically see him for 5 seconds as my eyes open when he crawls into bed. So I totally get it. I just always remind myself that it's only a short time! :)

  5. I too, am a hunting/fishing widow! Mainly fishing, because he is a charter captain and he fishes in his spare time. But every year we drive ourselves up to Missouri and he hunts with my dad for rifle season, and I go hang out with my bestie Sarah and my mom! It is a tradition now :) this year he wants to hunt on the park property, but we shall see since he has zero time now and we have a newborn! Us hunting widows have to stick together!

  6. Oh man hunting is the worst....which makes me feel like such a b for saying! Luckily my husband only gun hunts now so it's 1 week right after Thanksgiving...except now he is going to Michigan to hunt too because one week is not enough. I'm avoiding the bow hunting conversation at all costs. I know it is coming soon.

    I think I get so pissy since I would never ask for 1 week off all mommy and house duties to do something just for me. My husband would probably love for me to actually go do something for me for a week (until the 2nd day when he wanted to kick the dog and put himself in time out instead of the toddler). He also keeps telling me to find a hobby. I have tried out different hobbies, but unless drinking wine and reading count I'm not sure what else is up my alley. I have decided I'm leaving this weekend come hell or high water for a break before hunting so I don't strangle someone. I'm hoping some sleep in days, outlet shopping, and an adult movie in a real theater will help me not resent the many peaceful hours spent in the deer stand this year.

    Hang in there and I'm glad I'm not alone!

  7. I could have written this post (although we aren't married). You are not alone, girl! He hunts antelope, caribou, elk, deer, bear... So far this year there have been 2 antelopes, one caribou, 2 elks and a deer. I try to focus on how nice it is to have a freezer (or 2) full of meat for the year and that it's his passion, but hard to explain to a two year old.

    I get jealous from time to time too and a little bit cranky handling everything on my own. Why can't I take off for a week (or practically 2 months) here and there? Blah blah... Then December rolls around and I get over it for another year. ;)

  8. I can totally sympathize, except I am a fishing widow (since fishing is year round here in Louisiana) it's really annoying sometime!

    I have some hobbies other than just family, though, and I think that helps, but I still get super annoyed when he says "I am going to go fishing, if that's ok..." and for a while, EVERY time he went fishing, baby would get sick. but I feel ya!!!

  9. Join a gym for sure, I think you'll like it! Chose one with child care so you can take the kids if need be but it's nice to do a night class too!

  10. Amen to this post! I always feel like the whiny uncool wife complaining but sometimes it really gets old spending weekends alone and having no help with Kennedy. I also don't get the hobby because half the time ,my husband comes home with NOTHING. It just seems like such a waste of time. But then again, when he does get something, he's on a high for days, sometimes weeks depending on how big the kill was. It makes me happy when he's happy but's a frusterating at times.

  11. Did I write this? Fellow hunters widow here! We got in an argument last night because our friends are having a get together next weekend but that's also the opening weekend of gun season. Over it!!!!

  12. In college (I went to Penn State) we got the first day of "Deer Season" off of school. Guys that lived in my apartment building used to get up before the sun and go hunting and all of it was foreign to me. Before moving out there I had never been around "hunters" and didnt understand the culture or mentality but after living there for almost 5 years I got so used to hearing it and seeing it all of the time. My roomate's husband and all of his friends were SO into hunting and while I don't get their love of it I understand all of your feelings!

  13. OMG...seriously I saw this title..and thought Dear Lord, there are more men like my fiancé?.....I am not sure whether to be thrilled that I am not the only woman who goes through this or disturbed that there are more men who are as obsessive about sitting in the freezing cold 2 hours before the sun comes up...on a Saturday!....I don't "get it" either! I am allll about the facebook support page! The only good thing that comes from his hunting is that our freezer is always full! :)

  14. Aww, I am a hunter's daughter. I actually called him last night and asked if we could take him out to brunch on Sunday for his birthday. He said nothing during daylight time because of ...HUNTING! ha. I should have known. I don't know what I was thinking. But, my freezer has lots of free meat in it.

  15. My husband is a hunting and fishing fanatic. He does like to include me when he can. Sometimes it's more trouble than it's worth though. I too have longed for a hobby like his that I'd be passionate about but when I think about it, if I did it would take me away from him and my baby boy when he's here, then we'd have double the time apart. I don't want that either. I do like to workout and take that hour of me time (when I can get it). He knows it's important to me and that's enough for now. Since I do like to get out and enjoy the things he does, I'm looking forward to when our boy will be old enough to enjoy it and we can make a family hobby out of it.

  16. I am a hunting widow. my hubby has been working on this deer stand for 2 weeks now and hunting season starts in 2 weeks. I haven't seen but an hour every night for 2 weeks. sometimes i don't mind it, other times I could strangle him for not being this the family. i respect his hobby but there are times that i/we need him too. i will join a hunters widow support

  17. OMG I could have written this post myself!!! I am glad I am not the only one who goes crazy during hunting season. I've been trying to do better about loosing my cool every weekend when he says he's going hunting because I know he loves it but ugh! It doesn't bother me so much when we have nothing going on, but when I get REALLY pissed is when we have family things going on and he refuses to attend because it's some hunting season. The way I see it, go hunt all you want but if we have plans can't you just not go this one time!? Wouldn't you rather be with your family? I find myself asking him that all the time. For example, we have a family Christmas out of town Dec 8th and I also booked this christmas train ride on the 7th...then he reminded me that weekend is the start of some season he is usually gone ALL the weekend for. I should be used to it, he's done it every year but I totally forgot!!! Now I know for sure I will be doing the train by myself and I am trying my hardest to talk him into going to my family Christmas. Its very frustrating! And I don't know about you ladies, but I've found its not even really JUST Fall time...all Summer long my husband has been gone about every weekend too..out to the shooting range or sighting in his bow. Considering he spends all the other months "practicing", we might as well say it goes year round. I agree that I definitely get jealous. I feel thats where my irritation stems from. There is NOTHING that I have that I do for fun. I think if I had something fun that I liked to get away every now and then, his hunting may not bother me as much. One good thing is that our boys are getting older that he has been taking them some days. It helps because I don't feel so much like a single mom and I know he is spending time with the kids.

  18. I was group for hunters wives/girlfriend and I found u. This is my first hunter boyfriend. We have been together since march. I knew he was a hunter and when it got closer to the season I noticed the obession started to show. It was fine at first. He is a fisherman too but I was fine with that because I would go with him. But I am so happy that I found this. Lately with him been gone all weekend and having date night getting cancelled because he had to help a friend butcher a deer. And I get bitxhy ans cried because of it and he doesn't understand. me. I am trying not to sound like this when I talk to him or others that hunt. I don't want to be that girlfriend that 'doesn't let him go out hunting all the time '. Support group...YES PLEASE. Thanks soo much.

  19. I was group for hunters wives/girlfriend and I found u. This is my first hunter boyfriend. We have been together since march. I knew he was a hunter and when it got closer to the season I noticed the obession started to show. It was fine at first. He is a fisherman too but I was fine with that because I would go with him. But I am so happy that I found this. Lately with him been gone all weekend and having date night getting cancelled because he had to help a friend butcher a deer. And I get bitxhy ans cried because of it and he doesn't understand. me. I am trying not to sound like this when I talk to him or others that hunt. I don't want to be that girlfriend that 'doesn't let him go out hunting all the time '. Support group...YES PLEASE. Thanks soo much.

  20. I was group for hunters wives/girlfriend and I found u. This is my first hunter boyfriend. We have been together since march. I knew he was a hunter and when it got closer to the season I noticed the obession started to show. It was fine at first. He is a fisherman too but I was fine with that because I would go with him. But I am so happy that I found this. Lately with him been gone all weekend and having date night getting cancelled because he had to help a friend butcher a deer. And I get bitxhy ans cried because of it and he doesn't understand. me. I am trying not to sound like this when I talk to him or others that hunt. I don't want to be that girlfriend that 'doesn't let him go out hunting all the time '. Support group...YES PLEASE. Thanks soo much.

  21. I am also a fiance of a hunter and found you while researching "hunting wives support groups". I used to love the feeling of fall, pumpkin spice lattes, color changing leaves, boots, scarves, and cuddling in front of the fire! Now I dread the Fall all year and hate it so much I don't even notice the color of the trees. He doesn't even hunt that much but I worry constantly that he will always put hunting as his top priority. He has compromised and hunts less weekends now but it doesn't help. I still feel neglected, rejected, and like I am on the very back burner. I went with him once in an attempt to understand the obsession. It just made me that much more frustrated. Seeing that it really is just sitting in the freezing cold staring at a field was not helpful at all. I do love him but it is hard to imagine my life parenting by myself for 3 months out of the year, and worse that he won't mind missing important times in our lives and future children's lives. He tells me I need a hobby or friends to do things with. I thought he was supposed to be my friend to do things with. I own a business and work hard, I in no way want to spend my free time making crafts, baking, or doing anything that requires creativity. I guess if I want to marry him I just have to suck it up and dread the Fall for the rest of my life. Goodbye Pumpkin spice latte, it's been real.

  22. Shannon I can totally relate my husband has a total time investment in his hunting AND fishing. I do wish I had something I could do that I love as much as he loves hunting but it's hard when you're working and running teenagers all over gods creation. I wish I could find a walking group in my area or some girls that would like to try out wineries my few friends are busy with their husbands and kids we are lucky if we get to meet for lunches. I have had my many melt downs with him over his hunting but I would never take it away from him. With that said do any of you ladies have any suggestions for me to get some kind of life other than kids that I love dearly.

  23. OK, you ladies are too nice. I am glad my husband is passionate about hunting. I have no problem when he goes if there is nothing going on. But if he wants to go every weekend for 4 months, miss family events, and even Christmas (from comment above), then why marry and have a family. That is something a single guy can do. When the kids are older, then he can have more time for his hobby.

  24. This post totally just spoke to me. I have been having these feelings of resentment as of late, and I couldn't quite explain it to my fiancé. He thinks i'm crazy for getting upset that he hunts all the time. His 28th birthday was last night and I as well had a total meltdown. Of all days of the year, why did I have to have a meltdown on HIS birthday!?
    If you know me, Fall is my favorite time of year....cozy weekend nights by the fire, holiday parties, warm romantic dinners, and so on. Do we do that Sept 31 - Dec 31? NOPE. I sit by the fire by myself, I go to holiday parties alone, and warm romantic dinners? three cheese macaroni doesn't count, so nope. We are getting married next year and I am having a struggle of THIS being the life I live. What do you do to keep your sanity?

  25. If he's not staying after work to fish near his job place, he's warching it on t.v or trying new knots or organizing his tackle box. C'mon ladies, the bottom line is.... Really? There's more important things to do!!! A man that has children and spends the majority of his free time alone with a pole in his hand is going to live to regret it. I'll be surprised if I'm the one standing over my husband as he lays dying if this bullsh*t with the cleaning keeps up. But I doubt anyone is going to hear him sputter that he wished he'd been able of fish with his last breath.

  26. Oh my goodness gracious I'm marrying a nice guy and actually becoming a hunters wife/widow apparently. He wants to teach me and is already talking about teaching our unborn children. I'm from the Chicago area and never have touched a gun. Can anyone help a city girl like me? Lol.

    1. Hi Ariel! I saw your post and can relate with you LOL. My husband wants me to join him as well but I don't want to shoot anything and then have to skin it! YUCK!! but I actually am going to try lol I am going to be blogging about it myself so maybe you could follow my blog and see if we can share stories if you decide to start! My blog is if you want to check it out, best of luck to you either way!! :)

  27. It is nice to see that others are feeling the same way I do, yet I find it to be sad that others feel the same way. I can appreciate that my husband has something in his life that he is passionate about, but at the same time I always thought family comes first. I married him to have a partner, not to be a "widow." I feel that I am around to cook, clean, take care of the kids. I don't feel that us spending time together as a couple or as a family is nearly as important as hunting/fishing/ice fishing. We have a four year old, two year old and a baby due in less than a month. I feel alone and angry. I feel resentful toward his hunting/fishing. I have been told that I am getting angry about nothing. I think about all that he is missing because he is sitting in a tree alone. The longer this goes on the less I feel connected to our marriage and feel more like a servant. We haven't had a date since our anniversary in Feb. I guess my hope that he would grow up and find some balance when we had kids was unrealistic and blind. I also find it saddening that our son and our daughters will see/learn this is the way to live. The man dumps everything on the woman while he goes and plays with his toys. I want more for all of us...

  28. My bew Bo goes hunting and wont even text call or anything in the 5 days he is gone. When I got mad- he said he hates texting and cell phones. I feel if he care- he should at least send and "I LOVE YOU" occasionally. any comments on this ladies??

  29. All I know is my husband does not ask goes on multiple hunts a year even when our daughter was in the hospital. When I needed support the most he was hunting. She is now 3 and we have a 2 month old with colic and he has been elk hunting for 2 weeks and is now on the deer hunt. I just hope he know he can use all his vacation days and I mean all of them including the sick days he saved up. Never took a day off even on the day our son came. Spend them out in the bush with a bunch of smelly guys because life is going to be hell when he gets home this year. I think I am starting with taking a much needed vacation myself to a spa and maybe go see some friends and family while he stays home the next month with a colicky baby and a three year old maybe he will respect me then.

  30. Great post. I totally agree with your thoughts on fall- love this time of year and togetherness and my spouse is an acid hunter as well. I recently got married and from the beginning my husband was upfront about hunting. Every weekend from Oct to the first week in January his weekend plans are to go away to his hunt club Friday night and come back late Saturday. Every weekend, with a rare exception when I ask for some 'us' time. I understand he needs a break, needs to get away from the city life and needs a place to recharge and hunt which has been a tradition since he was 8. Only real problem was he would get back exhausted and not really interested in doing anything Sunday but I was wanting to get out the house and do something with him. Well I started to get interested in bow hunting last year. He supported that, even bought me a bow last Christmas. I have been learning to shoot and have gone bow hunting with him a few times so far this season. It's been a great experience for me, however I don't think he knows how to handle his spouse as a hunter. He seems stressed when we get home bc he says he worries something will happen to me, that I won't have a good time or hate it, which I'm not. It's like he isn't having as much of a good time bc I'm there and he says he is constantly worried about making sure I enjoy it. He also wants me to learn the 700 acre land and get to the point where I will go off without him. It's frustrating bc I actually like bow hunting but if it causes tension in the relationship I take the relationship, but stinks I may be giving up a new hobby of mine.
    GUYS- I would love your thoughts on what I can do to help so I can keep hunting during early deer season so he and I can go hunting and enjoy it as individuals and together. A little more info- I can use a climber or ladder stand, I'm not what you cal high maintenance- I sometimes need him to walk me to the stand or tree since I'm not familiar with the property yet but otherwise I'm okay on my own.
    LADIES- tips would be great. I want to start a tradition but it's something he isn't use to and just doesn't know how to handle it. He treats me like one of the guys which Im not and his ex hated when he went hunting and obviously had no interest so that's all he has to compare. I am not the needy wife who is wanting to hunt just to be with him, I genuinely enjoy the sport, the time with nature, the personal challenge and I would like to continue it if we can find some sort of resolution with his worry / stress level and how he can cope with his wife in the woods with him. It's an unchartered topic but important bc we both like bow hunting but apparently me being there places an extra burden on him and it causes tension in the relationship for some reason . :/
    Thanks everyone

  31. today was opening day for gun hunting or whatever and of course my boyfriend, who has been hunting since he was a child, went to the forest to hunt with his dad. he takes off work to go kill innocent animals who are just trying to live. he says it's the circle of life, which I understand, but I think hunting with a gun is unnatural and sort of like cheating nature. it's also especially tough for me because im a strict vegetarian and a freezer full of meat means nothing to me. this is the first year I'm having to deal with having a hunter as a boyfriend and it's not easy. I truly do love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him but it's hard to look past his hobby. it makes him happy so that's why i tell him to do it but I want to actually mean it when I say it rather than telling him what he wants to hear. it makes me resentful and angry towards him and I hate it. I def need some advice.

  32. I find myself in the same boat, after we moved to Nebraska. When we were still living in California, it wasn't as much of a problem. He simply read magazines back then and dreamed and talked about hunting, but now that it's more accessible in Nebraska, I feel like that's where he spends all his energy. I hunt, too, and he enjoys me being out with him. I've killed deer and birds. I can gut them without flinching and like to think that I am a pretty good cook. He's kind and he's patient, but I don't like hunting a much as he does. As much as he wants me to be out there with him all the time, I'm not passionate about it. And no longer consider it "us" time when I do hunt with him. He takes it so seriously. So I stay home and do my own thing most of the time, but when he gets home, he's too tired to do anything else. He doesn't get too many days off-- he works every other weekend. He's too tired to do anything on the days he works, too. During hunting season, he's spending most his free time out in the woods-- if he's not, then he's thinking about it and planning for it, which makes him neglect things that are important for us as a couple. I'm been trying to figure out what has changed in the last year. And i think it's hunting. His priorities have changed, almost like he's taken a back seat on our relationship, being less thoughtful and less engaged. And I know he doesn't do it on purpose. I fully support his hobby, but not at the expense of making me feel second in his life. We've seen relationships around us sour because of hunting. He said that he wouldn't be that man, but he's becoming that man. Sigh.

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  35. Before I went to bed last night my fiance and I were talking and the last words we said to each other were I love you and I'm going hunting this weekend. Of course those words made it impossible for me to sleep. I recently meet my fiance last may, the week before my birthday at a bar, my girlfriend begged me to go out that night. I wasn't feeling it after working 16 hours, so we went and that is how I meet russ. I am a single mom, very outgoing, lots of friends, huge catholic family, Rockstar by nature. Russ is shy, very well mannered, hunter, fisherman, maybe three friends, and I'm his first girlfriend. So as you all can see opposites attract. In november I decided that our two hour long distant relationship was not working anymore, so I moved in with him. New job, new home, no friends, kids all the time now, no baby-sitter, To work and back home everyday. I knew he loved to hunt & fish so I guess this is just me venting. Which brings be back to falling a sleep last night. I woke up this morning to a kiss goodbye, have a great day, drive safely. Then it hits me. I have made everything so easy for him. I moved, I left my social network, I changed my bank account, and now I'm left with the thoughts of. Is this what I have saved myself for. We are not even married and the honeymoon is over because of hunting. I love him so much but somewhere deep in my inner child thoughts. I would marry my prince charming, who would love me and never put anything above me but as fate has it I'm not jealous of another women, but my fiances hobby 'Hunting." I have never been jealous in my life. (Not bragging but without trying and not because I'm some beauty queen. I just treat people right and loved life) people were jealous of me. So this whole experience has been a rude awakening. I like that he hunts but I woke up this morning and instantly feel like I'm second best in his life. After we marry in August we are planning on starting in vitro to have more children. I had my tubes tied after my second child. I think I am going crazy. In my mind I love him enough to move, new career, marry him, have more children even though my other two sons are eight years away from graduating. All for him and as I lay there with tears rolling down my face in the complete darkness I wondering if I made the right choice or am I just over thinking the situation, Russ is a great man that loves me, I don't have to struggle as a single mom anymore, my boys like him, I just moved the kids should I move again. The thoughts were driving me crazy. So my conclusion to all this madness was I will say a pray and ask God to help me. To be continued.....

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  40. I am new to this game. I live with my boyfriend. We have been together 5 months now. He hunts year round so I don't get a break. Before deer hunting season, he traps and coon hunts. So up at 5am then home around 10. Then workouts or take a nap. Then back to the woods at dark for coon hunting. Comes home around 10pm......sometimes later...and repeats. Two weeks before deer season, we could throw in going to the woods to find new locations after workout or nap time. Now its bow season. Up at 5am every morning. Home around 10. Nap and workout time. Then back in woods till dark.....everyday. He does take Saturday off due to football season. I often wonder if we did what they do to us to them if it would be a eye opener or if it would be a thank u Jesus moment because we are not nagging. I struggle. We have almost broke up. Its really hard.

  41. We have a two year old and just had a baby. Almost everyday of his paternity leave, my husband has gone duck hunting. He gets home about 10am, and then at 5:30 goes to the gym to workout for 2 1/2 hours playing raquetball. I think he is just self-centered. His excuse is now that I'm not teaching anymore and d taying home with kids that cleaning, cooking, paying bills and caring for kids is my responsibility. I am thankful and understand, but not when I'm in pain and up all night with newborn. It pisses me off.

  42. Here is what I don't get...he is working 12 hour days all week. 4 am to 4:30. He hunted this past week and got four deer which he now has to hang, skin, and butcher so the 12 hour days are now 16 hour days. Then has leg cramps and not sleeping at night because he is too tired. He will get his kids on Wednesday but will stay most evenings at his parents to do the work on the deer. Eventually he will call off work one day because he has overdone it. It's just poor planning. And whether he knows it or not...he turns into an ass when he's tired and then he's grouchy to his kids. I don't watch his kids when he does this stuff because we don't live together and aren't married. I have my own son. What he fails to realize is hunting on the weekends from 6 am to 10 am and then going back out at 4 pm is affecting his time with his kids. I'm all for a hobby but not one that times that much time away from my kids and having to rely on others to keep them. I'm all for the meat in the freezer but not at the cost of health and family.

  43. I came across your blog right now, and I can really relate. As I love the season of Fall, October, when the leaves start turning and going to Fall Festivals. Making big pots of soups, Thanksgiving to be with Family, Flag Football with my 7-year old son. But then there is hunting, I sit at home alone, because my son goes hunting too at least one day during the weekend. I get company at least Saturday or Sunday and spend time with my son. But it is hunting from dusk till dawn. And he keeps on saying today feels like a good day to get an elk, but then never brings one home. I just pray that he will bring one home, so then I don't have to be so alone during the weekends. I took up watching NFL football and I normally watch this alone by myself on Sundays and talk on the phone with my Dad who is also loves watching football. I enjoy being with my family. That is my life. Sometimes I think I need to get a life also, like join Zumba. I get the same way, this time of year, angry, upset, and grumpy. I just want to be able to spend time with my family, and all he chooses is hunting over us. That is how I feel. But then I don't want to take his hobby away from him-that is not my plan. Guess I feel lonely this time of year. I want the closeness of my family and joy and love of being together and every October it seems like a life of slave (cooking dinners, cleaning house, making sandwiches, etc). We are going to my parents for Thanksgiving which is 144 miles away, however, my plan was to leave Wednesday afternoon and come home Saturday morning. But my husband made other plans-we are leaving Friday afternoon-so he can go come back home to go hunting this weekend. My tears, and frustration, were overwhelmed when I was told this last night. But what do I do! At least I get to see my Mom and Dad, My sister and her family for Thanksgiving right! Trying to be optimistic. Every year, I count down the days until December 1st. But then after that the work begins because he is too busy in the garage cutting up deer and elk. I don't know, I knew what I was getting in to when I married him-I did. But I just need him sometimes to be a little less into hunting and be more into our marriage.

  44. So I'm with you all. 32 (in the fall, feels like 50) years of this. And all I can think of, and Google, is, women's version of hunting. I think I'm going to get my license, get a gun and PRETEND to go hunting and be by myself in the woods, with God, myself and my Kindle. He works hard, I get it. But I work hard too. We both have full time jobs. And if I hear my MIL say one more time, "I'm so glad he gets to go out and do what he loves" one more time, I am going to shoot SOMETHING...maybe even a deer.

  45. It is really hard coming into hunting season especially now since we both started college this year and both have jobs. I love that my guy has a hobby but it has been 3 1/2 weeks since I last saw him/spent time with him. We only live 1/2 hour away from each other and we barely even see each other cause he is at work then school then hunting when he doesnt have school or work. He is self-centered and it is really starting to take its toll on me, cause I just want him to make time for me for once. This is our second time dating and I have heard it a million times "i warned you, if you dont like it you dont have to stick around." It annoys me so much when he says that to me like I am trying to stick through this and you just keep being an butt about it. Even before hunting season I was lucky to see him every 2 or 3 weeks. I just wish he would put a little more effort into the relationship especially now since it is hunting season, I love that he has a hobby just would it kill ya to invite me along or even just send a little message in the morning before you head out. I mean he has taken me once for rabbit but even then he practically tells me to go home as soon as we get back to his house. (we both still live with our parents right now) It is almost like he has given up on us when I havent even complained about his time to him or even bugged him about hanging out. I knew exactly what I was getting into when I decided to date him for the second time, I just thought that maybe he would try a little harder to keep me this time instead of being the one to break up apart again. I love hunting season just hate the time that has to be put into it even if you dont get anythnig. Being a hunters girlfriend is so hard. (i know you hunters wife have it really rough too especially if youve got kids) Hang in there everybody the season is about half way done..kinda.

  46. Wow! It's nice to see that I'm not completely insane. I'm so tired of arguing about hunting. Every year about this time- I start trying to tell myself that this year will be different. I'm not going to lose my mind when he goes, EVERY weekend to the woods. He isn't growing spiritually or coming home with any new insights to what wil make our marriage or family life better. He's just thinking about deer, thinking about himself and when he will get to go again. I know my husband loves me but the original blogger was right when she said it boils down to jealousy. I AM jealous that he enjoys this more than me or family time or anything else that I have ever seen him involved in. It sucks. I am a believer and I know that God has a plan for my life. I believe that I know what it feels like to be perfectly loved and that is why I am so disappointed in my husband. I am tired of being defeated body and soul ever year for three months. I meant what I said when I said forever. I WILL honor that commitment even when it doesn't suit me but God help me I need help with bitterness, anger and resentment because on my own, I am no match for the feelings I have about my dear husbands "hobby". Ladies, there is hope. There is something here that you can learn from, grow from and be blessed because of. I haven't figured it out yet but I'm not giving up.

  47. i've dealt with men's hobbies my entire life. it's golf, music, hunting, fishing, etc. whatever makes them happy. they don't give up their lives for anyone, not even their for their wife and children. women that i know, including myself, don't have hobbies. i work 9-5 everyday, and when i get home i have to clean house, cook dinner, go to the store, and attend sports events for the kids. and if that sporting event is on the weekend...guess i'm going alone, b/c he's hunting or fishing. i guess it's a woman's role in life to sacrifice for the greater good. it's not fair and i feel like pitching a fit. i wish i did have a passion for something, but as you said...i just want to spend time together. i like having the deer meat in the freezer...don't get me wrong...BUT the time sacrifice isn't worth it to me. guess it's my own fault for not 'getting a life'. i'm 40 now and my hobby is laundry. fun.

  48. My husband is a hunter as well. And I'm getting tired of this as many of you. My question is if that's fair if he is happy and kind to me when he has plans to hunt or going for hunting and angry and unhappy with me if he stays home? I don't think it is. Why we have to sacrifice ourselves and husband relax and do their favourite stuffs when they off of work?

  49. My husband is a hunter as well. And I'm getting tired of this as many of you. My question is if that's fair if he is happy and kind to me when he has plans to hunt or going for hunting and angry and unhappy with me if he stays home? I don't think it is. Why we have to sacrifice ourselves and husband relax and do their favourite stuffs when they off of work?

  50. My husband puts hunting first always. Last week, there was a possibility I would need to have surgery this week (to correct complications from a surgery 10 weeks ago.) When I tried to discuss it with him, his response was "I can't be there. Friends x and y took off work already to go hunting." And yes, he was serious.

  51. My husband will always put hunting first. And I'm starting to question if it's worth it....especially after last week when I wondered if I would have to have a surgery this week (complications from a previous surgery 10 weeks ago.) His response was "I can't be there. Friends X and Y have already taken off work to go hunting with me." And yes...he was serious.

  52. I have been dealing wi5th my husband's hunting hobbies for 16 years. We have 2 beautiful children that are my world
    He hoes to Indiana for 10 days once a year. He goes evenings and weekends during regular season and he goes fishing and coyote hunting. I have no hobbies because I raise my kids. He never spends time with the kids or me and it has consumed his life.i find it very frustrating when he can go on his getaways and I stay with our children.i love my kids and they will always be first but it's hard being alone when he's gone all the time.its getting to the point of being ridiculous.

  53. I feel the same but mine just recently started but it feels like anytime he gets the chance to leave he runs out the door yesterday morning about 5am he got up and went hunting didn't get back until after the kids was in bed later that night I hear him on the phone with his brother in law I ask him what's going on and he tells me he is going hunting again in the morning so I got irritated and told him no he can stay home with the family well he told me he was going anyways he don't care what I say or how I feel about it he just does what he wants and I'm tired of feeling like I always come last if he was to ask me to stay home in my case I definitely would I'm not sure if it's just me but I feel so alone

  54. I can relate 100 percent. And after hunting season, it's ice fishing. Although, I admit I do love the walleye he catches, I get irritated when he goes fishing immediatley after getting home frim work and he spends atleast a few hours on the ice. Ugh...

  55. Same here. I've been married to an outdoorsman for 16 years. I hope I can help any of you ladies out there who are trying to decide whether or not to marry Grizzly Adams. Of course I can't tell you what to do, but I do want you to know what you're getting into. It's a hard life. When my husband and I met in the 90s, I was a vegetarian city girl who had never heard of an outdoorsman. I knew people liked to hunt and fish, but I thought it was a hobby. It's not. It's a lifestyle. My husband prepares Thursday evening for his weekend trip, his brother picks him up from work Friday afternoon, they pick up another friend, and off they go. I'm sitting home alone right now because they are off duck hunting. Is this for you? I do love my husband and I'm not quite ready to throw a dead fish in his casket and grab the microphone at his celebration of life and start singing and dancing wildly. But ask me closer to the end of duck hunting season and I might give a different answer. If we had kids I'd be fit to be tied. And if he had the nerve, like his brother, to drop his wife off at his mother's after surgery to go hunting our marriage would be in real trouble. I had the same surgery years ago and the recovery is very painful. So PLEASE do yourself a favor, read this important blog post carefully and take the time to read and think about the comments. Then you decide.