But with the changing seasons comes hunting season. Oh yes, I've blogged about this before.
Hunting is my husbands greatest passion. I don't "get it" but he's explained it to me numerous times. He feels closer to God. He reflects on life, thinks about our family, collects his thoughts, and feels at peace. He feels at peace sitting in the freezing cold, in a tree, four hours. This is his happy place.
I knew this about him when I met him and while I don't get it I respect that it makes him happy. A lot of women tell me that they couldn't do it. They would be livid if their husband left them for his hobby as much as Jimmy, a hunter, leaves me/us. And while I'm not saying it's easy, because some days I want to scream if he asks me "Hun, do you care if I go hunting today?" but I do try to respect his love for the sport.
I get antsy, angry, grumpy, and irritable this time of year. You might remember my meltdown on the eve of Jimmy's 28th birthday last year. This time of year is tough for me. To me it's a time to be snuggling up with family and drinking warm cider by the fireside. To my husband it means getting up before the sun and climbing a tree. I get resentful. I start acting like a crazy person, taking it out on anyone who crosses my path. And it all boils down to one thing, jealousy.
I am jealous. Jealous that he has a hobby, something he loves to do and pours every ounce of his being into. I am jealous OF the hobby because it takes my husband away from me. I hate that I don't have something, other than blogging, that I love even half as much as he loves hunting. And who's fault is that? Mine and mine alone.
The truth is, I don't know what I'd rather spend my time doing. I love being with my family, that's it. Does that count as a hobby? Probably not. But if I had it my way we'd all be together all of the time doing fun, family things. In an ideal world. And then I remember that I like time away from them too.
So, I need a hobby besides being a mom. Does working out count? Perhaps I should join a gym. I have yet to feel a calling towards something and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I'm lame. Feel free to send me suggestions.
Also, where are all my other hunters wives? Perhaps we should start a support group for each other every fall. Or at least a Facebook page where we can all be hunting widows together. What do you think?