April 16, 2012

In This Skin

{I apologize for the Jessica Simpson reference in the title of this post.}
Last weekend I was watching the weekend edition of The Today show when I stopped at the story of Shannon Bradley-Colleary.  At 26-years-old she was in an abusive relationship where her boyfriend constantly put her down and told her she was fat; even though she wasn't, she started to believe him.  In an effort to see herself through his eyes she took nude photographs of herself and realized that, if anything, she could stand to gain a few pounds and that her body was beautiful.  20 years later, Shannon started having the same negative self image and decided to cure it the same way she did when she was in her 20s, through nude photos, recreating the same poses.  
Her message?  Love the body you have NOW.  
Wow.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  So much so that I've talked to Kodi about it on more than one occasion and it's been in the back of my mind every time I look at my body in the mirror or try on my new bathing suit. She is so right.
How many times have you looked back on high school or even college photos and thought, "WOW!  I can't believe I thought I was fat then!" or "What I wouldn't give to have that body now!".  I know I have a dozen or so times.  I was never chubby or thin, I've always just been average, but I thought I was fat, always.  At any given point in my life I would have said I could stand to lose 10, 15, even 20 pounds when in reality I looked great just the way I was.
If any one of you girls posted a picture of yourself in your bathing suit and your body looked like mine does, today, I would tell you that you look amazing!  If you said for one second that your body was not suitable for the beach I would tell you that you were crazy and to "rock that shit!"  but why do I not believe it about myself?
This week Jimmy told me that he could see a difference and that it was "hot" yet when I look in the mirror I still see a tummy that needs toned and arms that need to be firmer.  Why can't I learn to love the body I have now?
I know that it's a work in progress but it's also been through a heck of a year.  I went through a 40+ pound weight loss and since then have worked muscles I never knew I had and have more definition than I ever thought possible.  I have pushed myself to do things I never thought I would {hello 5K!} all while raising a baby at the same time.  I am proof that just because you have a baby doesn't mean you can't be fit!  My body is a machine and is capable than more than I've ever given it credit for, yet I still look at it with shame, embarrassment, and pity.  
Well no more!  I'm learning to love this body and be happy with the skin I am in.  Ever since I saw that blurb on The Today Show I have been inspired.  Who cares if I don't look like Brooklyn Decker in my bikini?  What if I never get that 6 Week 6 Pack?  This is my body and although it's not perfect it is what I am given.  It's better than it was and that is something to be proud of.
Not to mention, I don't want Kendall to think "mommy is always dieting" or "my mom always struggled with weight".  I want her to grow up having a healthy relationship with food, diet, exercise, and everything in between.  I don't want her starving herself or depriving herself of such wonderful life treats {like ice cream}, or working out to the point of exhaustion just to please someone else or the image that society thinks is acceptable.  I want her to be healthy and happy and that starts with me!
So thank you, Today Show, for putting this into perspective for me.  Thank you for sharing Shannon's message.  I heard it, loud and clear.
Photobucket

23 comments:

  1. I love this post because it hits home for me. I do the same exact thing...I always look at what could be changed instead of how far I have come. Hell, even though I've gained and lost, rinse repeat, I've struggled with an eating disorder my entire life. C looks at me and sees a body he loves and tells me that all the time, but it's hard to break out of that mentality and really see how great a job we're doing. Which, you are!

    I also love that you are thinking about it in terms of KP too. My mom was always trying (and still is) the latest weight loss fads; it has never worked for her and she's never been happy wit herself. I always felt like I never wanted that to be me, but I did it too for years! Our parents affect us in more ways than they think, and life is too short to not feel beautiful.

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  2. How correct you are. I wish I could have my 19yr old body back, it's now a 48 yr old body that fights me every step of the way. I know your whole life I have been on some kind of diet. Sorry. I will say I was never ashamed of my body (until recently), I hope that you knew/know that. You've broken the cycle by getting it under control now and not waiting until you are to far gone. I am very proud of you and all that you have accomplished in everything that you do.
    All my love, mom

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  3. Shannon- this post is phenomenal!!! I have struggled with body image my whole life because I had a father who told me I was fat even when I was a size 2 in high school! I am trying to do the same thing you are so that I have a healthy self image so that my girls grow up with a healthy self image as well!! I think this is a huge challenge for us women, especially after we have kids, but you have inspired me because you have accomplished so much with your weight loss success and running the 5k! Kudos to you mama!!! And you rock that bikini this summer!!

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  4. I needed to hear this this morning...you are wonderful! Thank you for that reminder. It's crazy that even after losing 70+ lbs, I can still look in the mirror and find flaws, things I want to change, and think negative thoughts about myself. Thanks for reminding me that I need to be proud of what I've accomplished :) You're the best, friend!

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  5. Preach it, sister! This is exactly why I bought a bikini this year. I'm over it!!! I'm working on my body, and I'll never be perfect, so why wait until then to wear what I want?

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  6. It's amazing how so many of us feel the same way about our bodies. I, like you, have lost 40+ pounds this year and although I should be happy and proud of the accomplishment, I find every flaw and concentrate on them!

    I'm trying to accept my current figure and just work to maintain it. I'm glad you are giving me that little encouragement that sometimes we need to stay positive and moving forward.

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  7. Great post. I struggle with this too and I if I could go back in time I would most definitely smack myself upside the head. Having 3 daughters, I am extremely careful about how I talk about myself - especially in front of them. I never ever look in the mirror and say I look fat (even if that's what I think). I never talk about dieting. I do talk about trying to eat healthier and exercise more. My oldest is 10 and already I hear her friends talking about being fat and dieting. I don't want that for my kids!

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  8. LOVE this post! You are so right- I look back on all my old pictures dying to look like that again and at that moment in my life I thought I was so fat! This week I have been trying to appreciate what I have. I did lose 20lbs, so it could be worse. I haven't tried the nude photo thing, but I just might. And great great point about not wanting KP to think your always on a diet. I never thought about it like that. You opened my eyes. Thank you!

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  9. So true! Why are we never satisfied?! Thanks for the reminder :)

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  10. As a former ballet dancer, I have struggled with my self image for years. One interesting thing that I learned from the Biggest Loser last week is that if your face looks the same (you are styling your hair the same way, doing your makeup the same way, etc.) then you will never notice improvements in your body because your mind always replaces the image in the mirror with your old look. My advice is do something different! Find a cute hairstyle or new makeup tip and maybe you will notice how great you look! :)

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  11. you go girl. i big puffy heart you and this post!

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  12. You are so right, and so was Shannon. I look back at high school photos and think why was I dieting all the time?! Its so much easier said than done to love your body but it's something we all need to come to terms with. Thanks for the reminder!

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  13. First time to comment. I was grocery shopping yesterday with my little one (4rs old) and was pushing my cart next to a family with a mom, dad, and small boy. The little boy said to his mommy, after pointing to a new chocolately cereal, "Mommy, is this allowed on a diet?" I instantly felt so sad....sad for the mom, sad for the little boy, and sad for myself and my child. The point I'm trying to make is that even at such young ages, our children do pick up on our habits and insecurities. I would hate for my child to have a negative body image because she hears me complain or makes comments. I thank you for your honesty.

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  14. Good for you!! You're so right about wanting your child to see that you lead a 'healthy' lifestyle, and in return, she will follow.

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  15. First off Shannon-you look great!!

    Sadly, none of my close friends, family members, or self have a great self confidence. We all wish we were_____. Smarter, prettier, slimmer, healthier, etc. I want to raise Carsyn to KNOW she's beautiful INSIDE and out. Its such a struggle in today's world. I have no doubt Kp will grow up to be a self assured phenomenal woman!

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  16. Great post thank you. It does make you step back and go you know what I can be GREAT just the way I am. I want to think HEALTHY not skinny. Thank you :)

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  17. Agree with it all. It is so hard sometimes when my husband looks at me, 4 1/2 months post-delivery, and tells me I look good and have lost a lot. All I want to do is roll my eyes and shake my head. It's hard to take compliments, especially when things are "different" than they used to be.

    This is a very inspiring post, thank you for writing it, and reminding me that I am/will be an example for my little girl as well!

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  18. This is an amazing post. So many times I do the same thing... And I'm just a teenager! Society isn't all to blame, because attitude is everything, but it's so difficult (especially for teens) to "fit in." There's always that struggle between what's cool, hot, etc. When we should really be focused on our worth in Christ. So glad that you wrote this and so glad I read it! Lots of love girl!

    Kenzie @ www.lifeaccordingtokenz.blog.com

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  19. Thank you so much for posting this! In a way this was exactly what I needed to read at this moment. I definitely see room for improvement in my body, but I guess I should just learn to love what I have and not worry so much about looking the way i think I should. As long as I am healthy and happy that should be enough.
    Your the best!

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  20. This is like the PERFECT post! Just today I was thinking to myself...wow...I'm 123.4 lbs (per the dr scale) and I was just 122.8 last week...I REALLY have to watch what I eat this week, and maybe even get on the treadmill so that number goes down by Friday when I weigh in! But, ya know what. I need to think about the fact that I've lost like A LOT of weight, considering I was a whopping 170 lbs the day I gave birth! *woof* those numbers will never be in that order to describe me....EVER AGAIN!! Thank You Shannon! You have made me stop and think about things for just a moment, and I really really appreciate you!! You are a true inspiration! Thanks Cuz!!

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  21. I'm a little late, but...I needed this today. Thanks.

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  22. We already emailed but yup, same wave length.
    I wish I could see then what I see now.

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