July 17, 2012

Perception

I have a feeling this post is going to be hard to follow and a little all over the place but here goes.
Do you ever find yourself looking at someone in public, like looking at them, and wondering what they are like or, you know, judging?  I do, guilty as charged.  But it's not necessarily a bad thing, here's why.
Like sometimes it's at story time and a toddler mom comes in suddenly sporting a baby belly and I'm all, "wonder if that was planned" or "wonder if she feels good because she looks adorable!".  Weird stuff like that. Sometimes Jimmy and I will be out to dinner and we'll see another couple and they look awkward and new and we make up a whole story about how this HAS to be the first date because look how they're sitting.  See, Jimmy's weird too.
Please tell me we aren't the only ones who do this.
Then sometimes I wonder, what do people think of when they see me?  
I mean do I look like I'm stressed because I am trying to push a stroller while holding the door for myself, because God forbid anyone be kind and hold it open for me?  Do I look like I'm too relaxed {read: bad mom} because I don't care that my toddler is throwing a tantrum in the middle of Target's dollar bins?  Do I look like a hot mess or cute in my too short, hot pink shorts? 
I think its human nature to "judge" and, again, this is not necessarily in a bad way.  I "judge" a girls outfit because I think she looks damn cute.  But I feel like I'm always looking, wondering, "judging".
Then I think about how far off I could be, probably am, when it comes to these poor people.  I see the cute lady with a baby bump and think how cute her outfit is, how tiny her bump is considering she's due any minute, but she probably feels hot, sweaty, miserable, and hugenormous.   The mom of two that's looking so put together, making being a mom of two under two look so effortless,  probably struggled to get out the door in one piece this morning.
I guess the point is, we never "know" what's really going on with these people but we think we do. I try not to care what people think {typically} but I know that isn't always easy.  
I do get embarrassed when I just want to look for a book in the library but Kendall thinks that means it's time to run up and down the aisle.  I mean I let her do it because it's easier and faster {believe it or not} but I'm sure people think I'm a big ball of mom failure. Then I think that they are probably either "judging" me because 1. they aren't a parent and haven't had to experience The Toddler yet but one day, one day, they will know what it's like or 2. they've been there done that and are looking at me with that "I know how you feel" look.
Please tell me I'm not weird!  Do you ever find yourself making up stories for people you see out in public?  Also known as people watching.  Do you wonder what people think when they see you?  Sometimes?
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33 comments:

  1. Um me and my husband totally do the couple stories at restaurants. We do the wait staff too. Usually "someone used to be a stripper, on meth, met dish guy, got fired from strip club for being pregnant, come to work here, now has 8 kids..." You know, nothing unusual! But really, I think we all do it, I know I see the preg mom and think, what the hell was she thinking?! Or oh so cute! Oh well, just away, 90% of the time I get the "what the hell was she thinking" look!

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  2. I do this ALL the time and my husband will be the first to say that I am an excellent people watcher. I am always wondering what people do for a living of what kind of car they drive. Also bc I have been at the stage Kendall is in now I wolud NOT judge you for the running wild in the library! Im sure people judge me all the time but like you said everyone has a story of their own. Great post

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  3. haha! I do this ALL.THE.TIME. Seriously. I have been doing it as far back as I can remember and my husband joins on in the "fun" too, so no it's not at all strange or weird. But I will say your nicer than me because I totally judge. Which I guess gives people the right to then judge me, and I am a hot mess so I'd like to think I at least made an entertaining story. lol.

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  4. Oh yeah, we do this allllll the time. Especially scoping out first daters! People watching is so fun if you aren't nasty about it.

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  5. I do this all the time, too. But like you said - it's not always negative! And yes, I ALWAYS wonder what other people are thinking about me and whether they are 'good' or 'bad' judging me! :)

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  6. My husband and I make up stories for people all of the time, especially when eating out.
    I too judge people, but usually in a positive way and based on their clothes. I can only hope people don't do the same to me, especially when I'm in yoga pants and a t-shirt for the millionth time that week.

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  7. My favorite past time is people watching. Is that "judging"? Probably. But whatever. One can't help but wonder. It's curiosity. Also? My ultimate situation for people watching is a patio at a restaurant so I can "sit and judge and judge and drink." That came about from prime buffet seating at Easter.

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  8. I used to people watch a lot. So did the hubs. On our honeymoon we were in the airport and we would be like you know that cute girl there and that guy over there, wonder if they meet on the plane and it's happily ever after lol, or when I would see someone I would automatically "judge a book by it's cover"! Being sick has taught me never ever to do this! You never know what someone is going through! I did a post talking about invisible illness's and how sometimes I look ok on the outside but I am fighting for my life. I was judged while the hubs was picking me up from chemo because I had a handicapped sticker "really", and I am a lot larger now so people judge me a lot and automatically think I am just big or that I don't take care of myself, let myself go, truth is it's the steroids, I think judging is sad, I don't think anyone should judge. I have stopped judging. I think that you really never know what someone is going through and that it is sad to judge someone you don't know or not like them because they look different, bigger, etc. I guess I disagree whole heartedly here and I think that if you had health issues, or got bigger because of them you wouldn't have written this post. It saddens me. I usually am pretty quiet and sweet, but this post really hurt my feelings.

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  9. Totally do this all the time. Just blogged about the whole judging thing not too long ago. It's human nature (and that makes me sing Madonna in my head) to judge, I think. But I worry too much about what others think of me. It's pathetic.

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  10. If you're weird, than I'm weird, too b/c we do this all. the. time. I consider people watching a hobby and remember making up "stories" about people as far back as I can remember...particularly in restaurants or when I'm on a long car trip and see other families in their cars. A few weeks ago I had to stop my husband from actually approaching the couple next to us at Cheesecake Factory and asking if they were on their first date. I think it's totally human nature to judge and wonder about people. I am guilty of this. I try to keep in mind, though, that everyone is involved in their own sort of cosmic struggle of sorts no matter how put together or disheveled they appear ;)

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  11. I judge all the time! Normally good judging. Except the other day at the water park.. I was in the baby area with Max, and I saw a lady fantically go up to the lifeguard to tell her she lost her son... they ended up finding him she was crying and holding him, but then I noticed he had a full cast on his arm!

    My thought... umm... great parenting, you lose your child... wonder what he did to his arm, and why is he at a water park getting his cast wet???

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  12. I totally agree. It is not our place to judge - and we know this - but it so human nature! My mom and I will take a seat at the mall and "people shop" just to pass the time. But, it isn't always a bad thing either.

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  13. Don't worry--we do the same thing! It's actually one of our favorite hobbies when we're out of town, we loooove to people watch. It's fun and we don't take it or ourselves too seriously. I feel the same way about how people see me. Even though I don't have kids, I think people see me as a hot mess sometimes. And I could only imagine having to take care of little ones while you're trying to get stuff done. Let them run!!

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  14. YES!!! I totally do the same thing. Then I get lost in my thoughts and realize I've been watching the same woman shop in Target for the past 3.7 minutes. Nice. I think it's just more general curiosity than judging? Or if I see someone doing something socially unacceptable, then I always try to figure out why- like what is going on in their life that would make them think that's okay. You aren't alone :) My husband and I also make up stories about people for entertainment that we watch while laying out at the pool :)

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  15. I want to hug the above poster, Summer, around the neck so hard. I do agree with her. Of course we all look at people and think WTF sometimes when it comes to behaviors, etc. But I learned never to judge how "cute" someone is or whatever based on how they look, their clothes, their weight, whatever. You never know what someone is going through.

    That being said, I'm not perfect. Far from it. Of course it's fun to make up stories with your SO about the people walking past you. My BF and I even go so far as to say "Oooh, man, get your pants back!" if someone walks by with some crazy hot-pink sweats. Yes, it's funny. But it's not right. And Summer up there reminded me of that.

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  16. I think it is human nature to judge people. I absolutely do it. Even though you're not supposed to judge a book by its cover, you can't help judging someone on their image.

    I don't make up stories about people, but that is because I am usually too occupied running after two toddlers!

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  17. You are not alone. But I am secretly judging you over here :) KIDDING!

    LB
    www.accordingtol.com

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  18. I do the same thing all the time!

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  19. I do believe "judging" is a thing that just happens - however I "judge" more like you - what is she wearing, can I wear that, I think of their stories, how they do it,etc...
    My hubby will listen to me and when he actually says something about a person/situation I think my jaw drops to the floor.

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  20. Where in FT. Lauderdale you going to be...I live in Davie :)

    Dottie

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  21. A "perception" post is totally on my blog-to-do list. I am always watching people and 99% of the time give them the benefit out of the doubt, but I feel like people don't was do that for me. I've been told several times that when someone first meets me they think I'm stuck up, when in reality I'm just quiet. Once I warm up then you can't get me to stop talking and you find out that I'm super boring. It's difficult sometimes to give people a chance, but I think that's why I don't jump to conclusions all the time because I know how it feels. Great post! J and I may have to make up stories about people from now on..haha!

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  22. Basically I could've written this post. I have a feeling you're not weird, just normal! And yes, I have a feeling most people staring at us have either been there or know that'll be them one day! ha :)

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  23. I'm really bad at judging people. Really bad. Especially when I'm people watching...I love trying to figure out which couples are on first dates and which aren't, haha. It's so easy to tell!

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  24. I'm a total judge! And it's not always nice or pretty. But that doesn't mean it's negative either, sometimes it's just factual. And in my opinion judging helps me be a better me, because I am the mom with two under two and I don't want to be that mom with two under two wearing the same sweats all week. If I hadn't made that judgment I'd probably be showering a lot less at this point!

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  25. You are not alone at all!! I have to say that for me personally I am always feeling like people are watching me, and wondering what I am up to or who I am because I am an Nanny of two and I am only 23 myself so they are always looking at me like could that 8 year old really be hers?! But when I look at people for me it is a thing I do in longing like, "wow that dress is cute and she has an amazing body to pull it off too!" those kinds of thoughts always cross my mind.

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  26. I've asked the hubby this same question. Cause I do the same thing. For instance, I'll pass people on the highway or at a stop light and think "I wonder where they're going, or where they're coming from; or what brought them to this very moment."

    I tend to ponder that question of "what brought them to this moment, right here, right now." :)

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  27. I love to people watch. I do wonder about people a lot too. I also know they are judging my too-relaxed parenting and hot-mess appearance. Haters gonna hate.

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  28. Yes! All the time. I'll even leave my husband's conversation to eavesdrop on the other table. And the library- OMG we are crazy in the library. That made me laugh. And yes people judge me - as twice today at the coffee shop my almost two year old took food out of strangers bowls off their table- YUM.

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  29. This is so funny to me because I do this all.the.time! I always make up stories for people. Wondering, like you said, if it's their first date or if they've been married for a while, if they have children, what kind of job they have etc! I think it's fun.

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  30. I'm the one with the toddler who feels like I barely put myself together in the am to get out the door. Makeup used to be a necessity everyday and now it's more depends on where I'm going! I'm also 8 months pregnant and dying from the heat so I get to be extra uncomfortable while shopping those Target aisles with my 2.5 yr old boy. Hopefully people don't judge too harshly while I struggle to get into my car with all the crap sold at Target. Because you can never leave a Target with just one thing...

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  31. I am a judger too.. I once had a summer sitter who appeared to have it all.. then we became friends and I found out her and her hubs hated each other.. very evil towards each other.. so now I still judge, but instead of thinking ppl have a nice life.. I imagine most folks to be miserable.. LOL but hey makes me all the more glad to be me! Because I may not be wealthy.. but I am super happy =)

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  32. You are definitely not alone in doing this. I'll catch myself sometimes doing the same thing.

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