July 19, 2012

Tabloid Trash Thursday

Because I was told that I do the best "celeb posts", no really, and because I kinda needed to update my street smarts, I give you today's tabloid trash.
Let's get a few things first, shall we?  I mean who the hell are some of these people?  I swear I opened my cousins latest issue of Seventeen over the weekend and I was lost. Like I used to pride myself on being all hip and up to date on the latest dish but now I'm all "who's this girl, Hannah?  Sam who?  Hunger Games?  I'm not following."  Gah I mean I used to be on a first name basis with these people and now I'm all, "oh...umm...hi Mrs. Simpson nice to meet you".  This is not OK, people.
But, I haven't been completely living under a rock.  I do know that Tom & Katie are divorcing.  To which I say, "duh".  I mean I'm surprised it took this long.  I'm pretty sure when they first got married Katie was like, "holyshitOMGIjustmarriedTomCruiseandeventhoughhe'skindashortHESTOMFREAKINGCRUISE!!!" And then he went and got all Scientologist on her.  I don't really know anything about anything when it comes to this, just that I wasn't shocked.  At all.
Apparently it's a slow news day at TMZ when the fact that Beyonce is wearing braids is headline news.  Umm...who cares? My hair is in a braid right now too, I don't see any paparazzi outside?!
Speaking of "headline news", Snooki is pregnant and not wearing makeup on Twitter.  Umm...well...her face looks thinner now that she's knocked up than it did before.  So that's cool.
Daily dose of "aww" is Lil Miss Harper Beckham.  I mean, she's really adorable.  I can even tell that through this blurry pic. 
Apparently the world cares that Kourtney and Scott almost named new daughter Penelope, Mila.  Well hot damn!  I almost named Kendall, Lucas.  If only she'd had a penis.  See, no one cares.
God bless America I wish they'd leave my girl J.Simp alone. SO WHAT if she hasn't lost all her baby weight yet.  She was pregnant for at least 100 months {anyone else think she had the LONGEST pregnancy ever?}.  And can I get a hell yeah that she's not killing herself to prove something nothing to Hollywood.  Go on Jess, be a real girl.  P.S. the name Maxwell has grown on me.
Apparently Marie Claire thought it'd be "fun" to superimpose Kate Middleton's head on a models body for their latest issue.  Something about the African fashions and some other crap.  They claim that it's 'obviously fake'.  I claim that she's obviously pregnant.  How convenient.  

And...well...that's all I've got. I mean I'm a little disappointed.  No LiLo arrests? No bald Brit Brit?  Paris didn't adopt another dog?  ::sigh:: Those were the days.  


  1. OMG that photoshopped Kate Middleton is so ridiculous, I saw it yesterday and was like WTF Marie Claire?!

    And psh, I don't know what you're talking about, the paparazzi are all over my ponytail at work today.

  2. Omg, you didn't disappoint!! I really do think you do the best celeb gossip posts! :) thanks so much.
    I'm with you on the TomKat news. So many people were like OMG, and I'm like 'dude, are you shitting me? This should of happened years ago!' I'm a huge Katie Holmes fan and I'm so glad she got away from that bat shit. Ray Tom Cruise.

  3. That's suppose to say bat shit CRAZY Tom Cruise. That's what I get for using my phone while still lying in bed. :)

  4. you made me pee my pants just a little. I love it!

  5. Absolutely loved. You really do write great celeb posts! And a big hell ya to J.Simps. I didn't lose my baby weight in two seconds (along with 75% of the world) so why should she be expected to? Oh Hollywood.

  6. Since becoming a mom, I NEVER know what's going on in Hollywood anymore. I was all "Hilary Duff had a BABY? Oh! AND she's MARRIED???"


    And I love your celeb posts, too. Pretty much the only place I get my news anymore :)

  7. LOVE IT!! I agree with everything...especially Kate Middleton being pregnant! I've already called it in my family; now I'm waiting for the announcement!

    My mom feels bad for Tom because Katie was all secretive about the divorce...she is still thinking of him as the Top Gun Tom Cruise!

    I just want to see baby Blue's face...just once!!!

    I'm loving me some Jessica Simpson...especially because pressure to lose the pregnancy weight will be my reality in a few short months...ahhh!

    Awesome Tabloid Trash Thursday!!! You rock!

  8. You make me laugh SO hard, haha!!!!! :) Love this!!!

  9. you could put Lilo in the mix for her dad knocking up Kate Major.... :)

  10. Hahaha! Oh man, I have NO idea who half the Seventeen people are. And is it just me or do they all look the same these days??
    Loved this!

  11. OK U do the best gossip recap! Love it.

    Also I love that Jessica Simpson is doing what is she is. Go girl.

    As for Katie Holmes - settlement in two weeks - crazy

  12. This is great! And I applaud J.Simps for not going the typicalnevertalkedabout way that celebrities really lose baby weight called lipo suction and tummy tuck. Let's be real.

    And I also don't understand why the name that Kourtney DIDNT choose is news or frankly why anything they do is news for that matter.

  13. I smell a link up! I have a post written on celeb gossip too but it has been buh oring lately!

  14. I LOVE THIS and totally needed a laugh today!

    Thanks girl, keep em' coming!

  15. I hate when celebrities' hair styles and clothing choices become the number-one news tory of the day. I mean, really? I don't care that Beyonce is wearing braids today. Sorry.

    Haha thanks for the laugh this morning!

  16. Love your post! And I am a Jessica Simpson girl at heart. Man I miss the newlyweds! ( did you hear that nick and Jessica... I miss you!!!!!)

  17. WOW, I can't believ Marie Claire did that! Totally messed up

  18. Katie Holmes is one smart woman with the way she handled that whole situation and it never got leaked to the press. Guess that's what happens when your dad is a divorce lawyer :)

  19. I can't even handle the hilarity that this post is.

    I'm going to re-read it. Just so I can laugh hard again.

  20. celeb news is severely lacking now a days....can someone have a breakdown...puhlease!