March 19, 2013

No Mom Guilt Here

First let's talk about "mom guilt".  I don't know the exact definition but it's basically when you {a mom} feel guilty doing something 1. for yourself, 2. without your child.  I think it's a pretty common thing that comes with having a child.  You are bound to feel like you should be devoting all of your time and energy to your child.  But, truth be told, I need some "me time" to be a good mom.

This weekend I'll be gone from Jimmy and Kendall for the longest time since she's been born and I don't feel slightly guilty about it.  I will leave Friday evening and come home sometime Sunday, if they're lucky.  {I'm going on a girls weekend trip with my two best friends, not Blissdom like the rest of The Blog World.}  The longest Jimmy has had to be alone with Kendall is a few hours, while I get my hair done, go to dinner with my friends, go on a blogger meet-up, etc.  I don't feel guilty taking this time to myself because I need it, I deserve it.  I will be a better mom when I come home because I took this "me time".

This past weekend was great but it came to a crashing halt on Sunday.  I was barely asleep for 30 minutes when Kendall woke up and was then up for 2 1/2 hours just whining "mommy, daddy" over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and, well, you get the picture.  I was so defeated, so tired, so frustrated I cried and said to Jimmy, "I cannot wait to go away this weekend" {but not in front of Kendall}.  I think it's safe to say I had reached my breaking point.

I am with her for all day, every day.  I get her up, feed her, bathe her, clothe her, play with her, keep her safe, take her on play dates, put her to bed, normal every day mom stuff.  I don't miss a minute.  I am her main source of entertainment from the time she wakes up until she lays her pretty head on her pillow at night. It is all me, all day.  Jimmy's work schedule is so screwy right now that he sees her for about an hour Monday-Thursday, an hour.  So during that hour he plays with her and is the good/fun guy and then she takes a nap and by the time she wakes up it's back to just mom, just me and my girl.

There is nowhere else I'd rather be than at home with my daughter and I am so thankful that life has lead us to this place in our life.  I cherish the moments like waking up slowly and randomly going to the playground, things I would miss if I were working BUT that doesn't mean it doesn't take it's toll on me.  It does.  I wish I could be one of those "every moment is wonderful" moms but the truth is, some moments suck ass and make me want to run for the hills.  This past Sunday night was one of those moments.

So, no, I do not feel the slightest bit guilty packing my bags this weekend.  In fact, it cannot come soon enough.  I can honestly say that I give my child my all, I don't miss a thing she does, I am always here for her and I think that is why I can comfortably leave this weekend with no guilt.  What I do worry about?  The disaster of a house I'm probably going to come home to.  If it's not one thing it's another but I'll gladly deal with the mess for 2 days of sleep and peace and quiet and I know only good can come from our time apart this weekend.

What about you?  Do you have mom guilt or has anyone made you feel as though you should feel guilty for taking some "me time" when you are nothing but excited about a few moments to yourself?

19 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you posted this blog post. As a new mom I was constantly struggling with the idea of what to do. My mom constantly asked us to go out so she could babysit and finally, we let her. And it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be because we knew she was in good hands. My me time usually invovles shopping or just taking a drive for an hour to have some silence. I agree that to be the best mom's we can be, we need to have moments of selfishness to maintain our sanity :)

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  2. I struggle with mom guilt and going out with girlfriends or having some "me time" because I work full time. I feel like full-time working moms are the exception - we aren't allowed to get ANY "me time" and if we do, our husbands have to get their "me time" too. It has to be equal "me time" for both parties. So I feel awful and almost always cancel going out with girlfriends (even once every other month!) because I feel guilty. My inability to keep up with the house/laundry/dishes/etc is even more reason for MORE mom guilt. It's a vicious cycle. And what is "right" anyway? Who is the judge of that? Every situation is different, but we all feel like this mom-guilt/me-time thing is a matter of right vs. wrong, as opposed to each mom doing what is best for her family in her situation. There is NO right or wrong.

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  3. I agree with the comment up above. Granted my babe is still young (ten months). But I cannot leave her. Not to mention she has reversed cycled (only eats at night when I am there) will NOT eat from a bottle or food at all. Makes it even harder to think about leaving her for some "me time". Motherhood is NO JOKE! Good for you for taking the time YOU need! Enjoy it! B.c that sweet baby boy is going to change your world this summer :) for the better of course!!!

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  4. You deserve this time! I really believe some time apart makes you a better mom. Whether it's something small like 20 minutes of alone time in the bathroom (does that exist?) or a girls weekend away. You will miss her and come back rejuvenated! :) Have fun Shannon!

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  5. No mom quilt here either!! I am a firm believer that we as women NEED our alone time and girl time, it definitely makes us better mom's in the long run!!

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  6. Good for you! You totally deserve that time to yourself!

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  7. LOVE this post! I rarely have mom guilt about time away from my girls, but everyone else talks about how they DO have guilt, and I was feeling like a bad mom. So glad it's normal and I'm not alone.

    Have a fabulous time away!!

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  8. Have fun!!! And Jimmy will really understand all that you do...! Tyler appreciates me, but I can't imagine how he'd feel after I had a weekend away...someday when baby 2 gets older!!! ;)

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  9. The mom's who 'love every moment' are full of crap and putting it on for someone. I love my son and can't wait for my daughter to be here, but there are days I dread the moment she is here and i will have two little monsters to care for. Every mom I know, when honest, admits that there are days you just need ton get away. Maybe those 'love every moment' moms have nannies...I think I'd be a bit more upbeat about it if I did. :-)

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  10. I completely agree! I, too, need some time away from my daughter and husband and refuse to feel guilty for it. Some women seem to forget they are their own person first, then a mom/ wife. This was a GREAT post, thanks so much for putting it out there!

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  11. No mom guilt here! I regularly take days/weekends for myself starting when N was 5 months old & I went on a ski trip with a girlfriend. You miss them but its needed & deserved. For me parenting is a job for both parents to take on as equally as possible. Enjoy your weekend away. What's even better is when the husband takes the child away from home for the weekend & you have the house to yourself! I love that. You get you time & can be super productive all at once.

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  12. I do feel some mom guilt, especially on the weekends when I do something away from my son but it's because I work full time so I don't have much time with him during so if I don't spend every minute with him on the weekends I do feel guilty. But I'm trying to remember that I still need and deserve some 'me' time.

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  13. I also felt mom guilt when I worked full time. I wanted to be home to spend more time with L! But now that I am home all the time, I don't feel guilty.

    Ramblings of a Suburban Mom

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  14. Nope! I don't buy into the guilt games at all, and actually wrote a post on it a couple days ago. We're all doing the best we can, and shouldn't feel guilty about that! (http://jandplacy.blogspot.com/2013/03/guilt.html) Have a great weekend!

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  15. I don't have Mom guilt anymore, now that my son is a little older (almost 2 1/2) but I used to because I work full time and I felt like I was being selfish.
    Now? He and I both know that we need a break from each other once in awhile. And when I get home? Those hugs are the BEST hugs!

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  16. You have nothing to feel guilty about! I'm not a mom yet (2 months to go!) and I am determined to NOT let myself feel guilty when I need to take moments for myself. Though I'm sure it might be hard, I make myself feel guilty over so many things. But I really believe taking time for ourselves will make us better mothers. So what is there to feel guilty for in taking some Me Time??

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  17. Enjoy your YOU time!! Every mama needs it; no guilt attached!

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  18. Hope you have a great time! As a SAHM of two littles, I feel kinda jealous and wish I could be going away this weekend too. I love staying home but it's nice to have a break and recharge. As soon as I'm done nursing, I'm packing my bags (and a comfy pillow!) and getting some R&R. No guilt!

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  19. I love this post, Shannon... it's something I will probably revisit after she comes. You definitely should enjoy every moment of you time - you definitely deserve it, mama!

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