September 9, 2013

Hey, Parents!

Yes, you.

I know you doubt yourself a lot.  I know you think, "Am I doing what's best for my kids?  Do they know how much I love them?  Are they happy?" and I am here to tell you the answer.  Yes.  You are doing a great job and you are doing the best job.

Some days feel like you might want to sell them to the first circus that comes to town, leaving you feeling defeated and ready for that first glass of wine well before 5 o'clock. Other days?  Bliss.  Pure bliss.  One minute they're up, the next they're down, it's like they're little bipolar creatures even though they are just doing what they're supposed to, being children.  Some days you might question whether you should go back to work just to get a break from the chaos for 8 ish hours and then the next day you ask yourself, "How did I ever do it {be a working mom} before?".  The thing about parenting is it's a huge balancing act and it's a job that no one, and I mean no one, is perfect at.

Some of you may chose to feed your kids nothing but organic food and would never step foot into a McDonald's.  Some of you may breastfeed.  Some of your kids might never see a TV program.  Some of you do rear-facing carseats till your child is three.  Some of you might cosleep.  And guess what? That's all OK.  I might not chose the same option and that doesn't mean that I'm doing a better job at this parenting gig but it does mean that I'm doing what's best for me, for my family.

We are so quick to cast judgement, on ourselves and others, that sometimes being open about your parenting skills {or lack thereof} makes being a parent even harder.  You already doubt whether you are good enough because, let's face it, parenting is just a big learning game, trial and error, and then you go and put "it" out there and BOOM!  Judgement.  And why?  Who gives you or others the right to judge what is right for you and your family?  You might look at someones Instagram feed and think, "OMG I can't believe she ______with her kid{s}" and why?  Because it's not what you would do? That doesn't make you better or her better it just makes you different and differences should be embraced, not frowned upon.

I may not know a lot but one thing I have learned is that if you are questioning what you are doing as a parent, it means you care.  If I wasn't constantly wondering if I was doing what was best for Kendall and James I would feel like I was failing them as a parent.  It is my job to question the ways in which they are raised and wonder if I'm doing my best. It means I care about them and they're future.

So you want to vent about your bad day?  Go ahead because for every Negative Nancy who will bash you and tell you you are a shitty parent you will have ten Positive Paulas telling you, "Thank You!".  The other thing I have learned about parenting is that no one wants to feel alone.  Everyone likes to know that they aren't the only one feeling they way they do or doing they things they do.  If I can help just one person then I feel like my job is done.

The next time you find yourself asking, "Am I a good mom?" I want you to immediately answer, "YES!" because chances are you are doing a fine job.  you are doing the toughest job but you are doing it and you are doing the best that you can.


  1. I don't get the whole moms judging other moms thing. I mean, isn't everyone kind of in this crazy world together? I've had a lot of people ask me questions and give me advice so far, and mention they aren't "judging" just asking. I told them to judge away if they want. No one knows what is right for my body and my baby but me. If I'm at peace with it than EFF everyone else. I know I'm early in the game, but I've kind of lived life by that so hopefully it sticks. And you're doing a fabulous job! Ignore the ignorant people. Because if they are judging you, then they obviously don't know how awesome you are!

  2. Well said Shannon! Spoken like a true parent. We should be supporting each other, instead on judging.

  3. Thank you so much for this! Having to raise my daughter separated from her father I get questioned on my parenting skills all the time. I know in my heart I am doing the best thing for her, but he always says things that make me question what I'm doing. I know its just to get me worked up, but for a father that only sees her Wednesdays for a few hours and every other weekend I think I've done the majority of raising her and she is a wonderful, well-mannered, sweetheart. I know I can't take all the credit but he has no right to judge me. As long as the kids are happy, healthy, and loved I don't think any parent is doing anything wrong. Everyone is different so everyone's parenting skills will be different.

    Thanks again for the encouragement this morning!!


  4. Thanks for this assurance, Shannon. Why can't we (moms) all hold hands and sing together? We go through so much shit (literally) yet some are so quick to cast judgement to other moms who do things a wee bit differently. I love this blogging world because it is a chance to show support and gain support.

    Love the new blog design!

  5. Each mom does things their own way and no one should ever pick on them or tell them they are doing it wrong. I think the most important thing to remember about being mom is to have fun. one said that raising kids needed to be hard and depressing. Having 4 children and one who just turned 13...yes there are days I want to bang my head against the wall...but when I a try and find the fun!

    Laura @ Mice In The Kitchen

  6. Oh Shannon, I so needed to see this today! The past couple of weeks have been struggle bus central in our house. I felt like we had a GREAT day Friday only to get an email from the teacher requesting a conference. I have been feeling kind of defeated lately, like I'm just not doing enough. Thank you thank you thank you!!!!

  7. I always feel you are reading my mind. The last week I have felt I am failing my oldest somehow. He is getting a bad report at school for not following directions and/or paying attention in class. I question myself about how I am raising him almost daily and does this have to do with new baby. I even called my Aunt who is a teacher with a million and one questions. I just felt I was doing something wrong resulting in him not wanting to learn. Thank for the reassurance. You always inspire and know how to lift my spirits.

  8. Well said Shannon!! And thank you, it is just what every mom needs to hear!
    You are one awesome mama, no matter what you decide is right or wrong for your kiddos and your family... it's YOURS!!
    Loving the new look too x

  9. "positive Paula" may be my favorite thing ever. ;)

  10. If Ive said it once Ive said it a hundred times... there are no bad moms unless they are judgey moms... (unless of course they put beer in their baby bottles) I think as moms we need to come together and join forces to get the tough jobs done, not tell each other our shitty opinions on what they are doing, if it works for you and is safe for baby then by all menas do it, and it will be whats right for your family... I love that you wrote this, and love you.... you always post the right thing at the right time!!!!

  11. Good post and good reminder for all parents who do it their way!

  12. Awesome post!!! Love it!

    It is so true. Parents make choices for a variety of reasons, but then are quick to be so judgmental of other parents' decision. It's hard enough to be a parent, add on the judgements and it's brutal. Can't we all trust that each parent has their own child's best interest at heart?


  13. Sooooo needed this tonight. Thanks for the reminder ;)

  14. Thank you. We all need the reminder every once in a while.