I'm feeling defeated, ya'll.
Every day is a struggle to fulfill all of my duties as a wife and mother and then there's trying to fit in time for me {to exercise, shower, eat, you get the point}. It's just overwhelming at times.
When James naps I'm all, "YES! Time to shower!" and then I feel guilty because I should be spending that infant-free time with Kendall. I feel badly that she doesn't get all of me anymore and I am saying "Hang on I'm _______ James" more than I'm saying "YEAH! Let's play!". For three years she got all of me and now I'm lucky to give her half of me.
James has been a super grumpy mcgrumperton lately. Call it teething. Call it a "leap". It's miserable in babyland. He doesn't like anything for more than 5 minutes unless you are holding him. Standing up. If you sit down, forget it. He's crabby unless he's asleep. I hate that he's so upset but nothing I do seems to help him. Unless I hold him. Standing up.
Then there's my husband. He works his butt of to make our lives comfortable. We don't live a plush lifestyle, don't drive fancy cars, wear Old Navy clothes but he provides it all for us and I can never thank him enough. BUT do I show him? Not always. When he comes home he's most likely feeling more stressed than he does working a 40 hour work week.
The house is messy. The baby is crying. The preschooler has cabin fever worse than her mom. And I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. Lucky guy, huh? Not.
Wah wah wah, right? I asked for this. I wanted this. I get it. But, it's hard. Of course we have good days and they outweigh the bad but today is one of the bad and, well, I feel like the world needs to know it.
And I'll stop my whining now.
It will get better! When my son was little I was always looking forward to the day he would be more independent. Now he is 7 and I wish I could go back to those days. I miss my little baby. Remember that song by Darius Rucker It Won't Be Like This For Long (or whatever it's called)? Cherish those moments mama!
ReplyDeleteI think everyone who was or is a mother (because we really never stop being one) knows exactly how you feel. I had so many of those days when I was raising my boys that I never thought I would get another moment to myself. And then they grew up and left home and it was quiet, sad, and wonderful all at the same time. And then came two pre-teen grandchildren on our doorstep needing a mother and a father to raise them. So we started the whole madness again. They are now 16 and 14 so I do have a few moments of peace. Except for now I am the full time care-giver to my husband who has end-stage Parkinson's disease. And I can tell you it is not just HIS disease but mine as well. I won't tell you that it will get better. But you will have good and bad and then good again. Cherish it all...for what life we have is very little when you look at the big picture of life!
ReplyDeleteYet another post of yours that relates to me. With a 2.5 year old and a 1 month old, some days I feel like I will lose my marbles(some days I do!) Its nice to know other people feel this way too. :)
ReplyDeleteAmen! With a 11 month old and 2.5 year old, I know how you feel. We have been stuck inside all weekend with the snow and it's been a bit too much...for everyone! I just try to remind myself it won't be like this forever and before I know it, the boys won't want anything to do with staying at home it's us!
ReplyDeletegirl we've all been in the place you are right now. Time will make things easier (duh right?) but it will. I still have a hard time giving my time evenly to my kids who are 12 and 8. I mean they can do a lot on their own but they still need me and sometimes a lot of times, it's at the same time. it's tough but you will make it through this season of your life. it might suck balls now but it will get better soon! keep you chin up you are a great mother and wife!
ReplyDeleteI'll quote one of my favorite 80s TV shows.. "you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have... the facts of life" It is what it is sometimes and that's ok. You know it isn't going to be like that forever and not all days can be rainbows and unicorns. Sometimes it's ok to not be ok. Tomorrow's a new day and you can make the most of it. {HUGS}
ReplyDeleteLeah will be 3 this month and Hannah will be 3 months this week. I know how you feel! I work full time, as well, so I feel like sadly I get my "me" time at work -- if you want to call it that. No one is perfect, things are going to messy, I've just had to learn that sometimes it feels better just to say forget it and leave the dishes behind just to sit on the floor with Leah and attempt a tea party. Last night was the first time since having Hannah that I've been able to do that. I'm right there with you!
ReplyDeleteHang in there, mama. You are doing a great job. Your kids love you and I'm sure your husband loves you. We are most critical of ourselves. But remember to take a minute to realize that you are doing a great job.
ReplyDeleteOh man. :( *huge hug* I only have one, but we've definitely had our days -- and I can't even imagine adding a toddler into the mix. It will get easier -- I know because so many of my friends have been in your shoes.
ReplyDeleteI've worked with babies, toddlers, and pre-schoolers for over 20 years, and my best advice is: it's okay to put the baby down. No body ever died from crying....and if you never give him the chance to learn to self-soothe, he will always be crabby unless you are holding him. I know it's hard to hear them crying, but put him in a safe place (crib, pack n play, etc) and go somewhere do something so you can't hear him. This is a great time to take a shower, when you are done, check on him, you might be surprised that he has stopped. I'm not saying leave him screaming for an hour, but 10 -15 minutes is okay. You can do it, and it will help the whole household if you aren't stressing about fixing everything and everyone. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteOh, I definitely have days like this. Liam is going through the grumpy phase, too, and it's driving me crazy. I just want my constantly happy baby back! Hang in there...I promise you that it will get easier and you will became a pro at juggling everything!
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything you're saying 100%!!! Of course, some days are better than others!!! I'm hopeful that Spring will cure all!!! I'm longing for days that I can just take them outside and spend quality time with both!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteShannon! This was me when Hanky was James age. Want advice? Well, I'm going to give it to you anyway. Don't be hard on yourself. You're awesome. I made myself devote time to just Carsyn before bedtime with stories and maybe a game. Yep. Just once a day. And reminded myself that was enough. You know what that did? Make her become much more independent. I swear I called my mom days and said I'm barely afloat here mom! She reminded me it was ok. I know your mom would say the same. Another thing. Just wait. James will drop being that little cling monkey before you know it. Hank was the worst. I dreaded when he got up from his nap because I couldn't get anything done. Things are still tough for me momma. I don't cook and clean as often as I like.. But a miraculous thing has started happening. Hank and Carsyn have started playing together. It's awesome. And right around the corner for you. Love you girl!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI understand completely! Before we had Emily (4months) it was just me, my husband, and Noah (8yrs.).
ReplyDeleteAs soon as Noah got home from school I would sit down and help him with homework. when we finished we would read, play games, and just have fun. Now when he gets home he does the work himself occasionally calling out, "I need help with this problem!" My response is usually, "I'll help in ___ minutes after I___ Emily." He always did great on his spelling tests until I stopped helping him. When he brought home two tests with not so great grades I realized how much I was slipping with spending time helping him. I now make sure that if I can't find time to help then my husband has to do it when he gets home. I feel awful a lot of the time. I love Emily so so so so much but caring for her really is a 24/7 job that doesn't leave time for anything or anyone else. I'm sure my husband just loves coming home at the end of the day too lol. I just keep trying to remind myself that she won't be a baby forever, when she grows up I'll miss this time, and that I really am doing the best that I can. I know you are too! =)
Change "James" to "Caroline" and "Kendall" to "Emily" and I could have written this post. I feel you. I always feel so guilty when I have to tell Emily I can't do something when I'm taking care of the baby. I have no advice -- but I just wanted to say, I commiserate and even though I don't know you I think you're doing a great job. I think the best mothers are the ones who constantly worry they are doing it all wrong. If you love your kids enough, you can't screw them up that bad, right? RIGHT!? ;)
ReplyDeleteDon't feel bad whining!!! It's the truth and this should be your space to share it! I feel overwhlelmed sometimes with just Weston! There isn't enough time in the day to get it done and that's ok! I'm trying to teach myself to think it's ok anyway. HAHA!
ReplyDelete