March 24, 2016


Typically when people find out I'm an only child, they are shocked.  Not to toot my own horn but I guess I don't act like a typical only child.  I like to thank my parents for not raising me to be a complete douche.  Sure I got my "dream car" {VW Beetle} when I was 17 but it was not until I had been driving for a year {I shared a car with my mom for that first year} and when I did get it I had to pay for it, all $320.  I never went without anything.  A new pair of Nike's came out, I had them.  A surprise limo to take me to the junior prom?  Sure.  But I also had to get good grades {at least a 3.0 GPA}, I had an 11 o'clock curfew until I was 18.  Only then did it get bumped to midnight but only ONE night a week.  I was not allowed riding in the car with boys.  If my dad called I HAD to answer the phone- no ifs, ands or buts about it.  Absolutely no one was allowed in my parents house without them being home.  I mean I had rules, legit rules, more so than most of my friends.

I always feel a sense of pride when people tell me, "you don't seem like an only child".  I definitely take it as a compliment.  To me it means I don't act spoiled, I am not full of myself, I don't think the world revolves around me and I don't expect more than I deserve.  I think those are admirable qualities for anyone to possess so yeah, I am happy when people say I have those characteristics.

Except there's one trait of mine that is indicative of an only child.  I am selfish.

I'm mostly selfish with my time.  I crave "me time" which is something I used to avoid at all costs {hindsight is a bitch}.  If my kids wake up before I've had enough "me time" in the morning it pisses me off.  If my husband doesn't take the kids outside after dinner so I can clean up in the quiet, I'm annoyed.  If James doesn't nap on the days Kendall has school giving me that glorious two hours of "me time" my day is ruined.  These things don't happen very often {thank God} and for that I am grateful. I need this time to myself and I don't want anything screwing it up.

While I feel partly guilty for being selfish with my time I also think it's what makes me a better wife/mom/friend/person.  I know several moms who run their tanks on empty.  They are so busy putting everyone else first that they forget about themselves.  Some of them don't even know what day of the week/month anymore because their days are so full of everything work, kids, sports, church, family, etc and they don't even have a second to catch their breath let alone take some time to themselves.  Some people thrive on that type of lifestyle and it works for them but for me it does not.

I never want to be the family that is so busy we can't spend time with our friends.  I have no desire to have a jam packed schedule.  I don't want calendars to dictate our lives.  I want Jimmy to be able to take time for his hobbies and I want to be able to have some "me time" every once in a while.  I'm sure some people would call that selfish but I call it balance.

Just like I like to have my "me time" I know my kids and husband need time to themselves too.  Jimmy has lots of hobbies and I know that hunting, fishing, riding his RZR, and sometimes golfing make him happy.  I'm sure my kids get tired of looking at my face all day.  Kendall sometimes asks for quiet time and she'll say, "mom I really like that" on the rare occasion she does have it.  So we all need to be selfish with our time every once in a while.  I think it's completely normal and totally healthy.

My "me time" is mostly made up of catching up on the DVR, working out, browsing the web, reading my devotional and sometimes I'll even pick up a book to read.  I'm not doing brilliant things during this time but I'm doing things that make me happy.  Happy wife=happy life, right?  JUST KIDDING {kind of}.  Even though it might be mindless or a waste of time to some it's important to me and I do my darnedest to make sure it happens.

What about you? Are you selfish with your time too?


  1. I relate to this SO much as a fellow only child. I looooove me-time and am so happy I have a "Christine room" all to myself, away from the living areas downstairs, where I can sit and read, work on my computer, or just play with our pets. I worry if we have kids, I'll miss that alone-time, but I see you've made it possible! My husband comes from a large family so we are opposite in that area, but we make it work!

  2. I single parent it from about the end of February until the beginning of November because the husband is in the fields. I urn for "me time" but almost never get it, like maybe every 6 weeks when I go to get my hair done. Then come November through January the husband hunts everything so once again I am always with the kids. I don't live around family so I haven't got anyone to really help at the last minute, downfall of living in the backwoods. I pray for nap time but to get them to sleep at once is hard and when they are I may get 5-10 minutes. I would love some quiet time. I was the oldest of 4 but the only girl. I got all the "me time" I wanted growing up and was so used to it that now I really really miss it. I too get mad when I don't get it but then there is nothing I can really do. I tell myself this too shall pass and I will have all the "me time" I want, especially when the boys get a little older. They already want to do what dad is doing so I know if about 5 years I will have all the "me time" I want... I will take what I have right now because in no time I won't have any kid time and all the "me time" I can ask for.

  3. I am with Christi. Being a homeschool mom to three children and a graduate student plus all of the household work that needs to get done (single parenting as well for a lot of the time), there is no room in my world for "me time". My husband travels a lot and is gone about 2 weeks out of the month pretty consistently. He leaves for months at a time when his schedule demands it, which we are a nation at war, so that demand is high. I, too, do not have family close so I have to rely on babysitters, which get really expensive after a while, so "me time" does not happen or happens at 10 at night when kids are in bed and everything is done for the day. Like Christi, I had a lot of alone time growing up and was a single child from about 7th grade to high school since my older brother went to college when I was 12. It was nice to have that "me time" when I was a kid, except I am not one any more and have three to now take care of. As far as getting mad, no, I don't get mad about it. I don't see the point in getting mad at my kids for being kids and wanting to be with their mom. I know there will come a time when my kids will no longer want to hang out with me and will choose their friends over me. I will happily take this time. Personally, it seems pointless to be upset about not having "me time" situation that my husband and I chose to create with three children, and I want to cherish this season because seasons will pass. Personally, I have learned so many life lessons through friends that I have had and friends that have passed away, and one lesson that drives home with me is this life is not about me. Christi is right -- this young children season will pass and probably pass by more quickly than we want it to. My oldest will turn 11 in May, and I cannot believe how fast it is going with her. I am watching my baby turn into a preteen, and it is HARD. So, no, I am not mad about "me time". I am craving time with her before she decides she would rather hang out with her girlfriends than her boring, old mom. I often think about my mom and how she says she has all the alone time in the world and wishes she could go back in time and have time with her kids again. I think I will feel the same way. I will take my life right now and minimal "me time" over getting upset over not having enough alone time.