May 4, 2012

Friday's Letters

Dear Blog Readers,
You girls are amazing.  No seriously you rock my socks. I mean never in my life have I been so supported by a group of complete strangers. Never have I felt so exposed only to have you say "it's ok and, most of all, normal".  You always know what to say and for that I say, THANK YOU!  

Dear Wine,
I'm glad you've found your way back into my life.  I've missed you.  I like me more when you're around.

Dear Husband,
Thanks for talking me off the ledge not once, but twice, this week.  You are amazing and I'm not just saying that because I'm reading Fifty Shades of Grey.  You really are a good man.  I love you.

Dear Jessica Simpson,
I am so happy that you are finally not pregnant anymore.  And I thought my pregnancy lasted forever, girl you were pregnant for an eternity.  As for the name, Maxwell Drew, I'm on the fence.  Seems like if you were going to go with such a masculine first name you would have girlied it up with the middle name.  That being said, I think I like Maxwell...I think.

Dear Ohio Weather,
Thank you for being warm again.  No seriously.  I am happier than a pig in shit when it's hot outside.  In fact yesterday was miserably hot and I went to the park, washed my car {by hand} and laid out.  It was glorious.  Keep it coming.  

Dear Vacation,
I'm counting down the days but I am also afraid, very afraid, of you.  You see nothing about 10ish hours in the car with a toddler who hates the car sounds fun.  When we get there I pray that she loves the sand, sleeps well, and is just all around thrilled to be there, like her mama, but I'm worried. 

Dear Christina Aguilera,
Girlfriend I commend you for loving your new, curvy body.  I love it too.  But let's address the clothing options, please.  You do not have the same body that you had in your Dirrty days so please stop dressing like you do.  Let's take baby steps, first things first, put on some damn pants!

Dear Starbucks,
You guys know what you're doing when it comes to running a business.  Never have I ever had a bad experience at one of your stores, ever.  Everyone is always so damn happy that I am convinced you pop them full of "happy pills" at the start of their shifts.  Oh and your drinks are delicious too.  Keep up the good work!

Dear Cougar Town,
I love you.  I think my husband loves you more, don't tell him I said that though.  But I think you guys "jumped the shark" with this whole Grayson has a baby bit.  I'm not a fan.  But keep up with the funny titles, it's the highlight of the show if you ask me.

Dear Chanel,
If you roll in whatever you are rolling in one more time I may have to sell you to the zoo as snake food.  I thought giving you an iced cold hose bath yesterday would teach you a lesson but you no sooner ran back to the yard and rolled in whatever funk again.  It's sick.  Stop it.  I mean it.  



  1. i burst out laughing with a few of your letters ha. and i actually am growing on the name Maxwell too. ps super cute blog!

  2. I'm totally in agreeance with the whole Maxwell thing. That's a boys name to me! Oh well famous people can do whatever they want I guess. Have a great weekend! xoxo

  3. I love Jessica but I'm not sure about the Maxwell thing either! I agree with @eloquent English....seems like a boys name!

    Happy Friday!

  4. you make me laugh. i miss you friend.

  5. OMG Jessica finally had her baby? I'm surprised she picked a pretty normal name as most celebs don't! And wait it's A GIRL?! Totally missed that part. Hmm I guess she was pregnant so long she forgot the sex of the baby!!

  6. I am loving the heat as well, I'm an outdoors spring/summer person for sure!

    And you KNOW I agree with you on Christina and her lack of pants/fabric in general. She had been doing so well too. I guess it was only a matter of time.

    I almost wish Jessica would have named her little girl backwards, I like Drew Maxwell better, but I suppose she isn't taking my opinions into consideration haha

  7. Man, it has been so long since I've had a Starbucks! Yum!

    Why do people name their kids such strange things?

  8. I agree with you on Cougar Town. My husband also secretly watches that show and currently that is the only reason that I know what is going on. I am not feeling the Grayson baby thing at all.

  9. You are amazing and I'm not just saying that because I'm reading Fifty Shades of Grey. - FAVORITE.

    And AMEN on Christina. Girlfriend needs a new wardrobe.

  10. Thank you for calling Christina out, I think the same thing!

    And you are hilarious, as always. I love that you have such a sweet, tender, mama/wife side but also the sarcastic, crass gossip/critic side too. Happy Weekend to you and cute lil' KP!

  11. I agree...manly-ish name Jessica... lol.

    My dog rolls in random stinky nasty stuff too, and I can't figure out what it is for sure, but I speculate that it may be bird poop. I think.

  12. I could probably make a comment on every single one of these letters but now all my mind can think of is the last one. Seriosuly. WHAT IS WITH DOGS AND LOVING SHIT? There is a pile of mushroom compost at my neighbors (I live in the country, surrounded by orchards) ... that the farmer there has to spread around his crops. And yea, the dogs? IN IT EVERY DAY. It is so sick. Eva now knows that "Dogs stinky. Shoo-eee dogs dirty" to the point that if she smells something unpleasant, ANYWHERE, she says that it'sthe dogs.

  13. I can't warm up to Maxwell. I went to elementary with a boy Maxwell so I think of a boy.

  14. Oh my gosh - Christina's outfit on the voice?? My husband and I are convinced the only reason she got up to give Lindsey a hug was so she could show off her {lack of} pants! What WAS that?! And the boobs?? HIDE THEM PLEASE. I mean, a little cleavage is normal, but come on! That's way too much. Maybe it's just me!?

  15. Haha, LOVE your starbucks letter. I actually worked there for 5 years so it is a topic close to my heart :) They are all about making sure the employees are happy and engaging with customers, so I bet they would love to hear your comment! Plus, they have an unending supply of coffee at their finger tips, so they basically do give out "happy pills".

  16. Thank goodness she finally had this baby, sweet Lord that was a lonnnnngg pregnancy.

    As far as the name.....ehhhh. I agree with you, if your going with such a masculine first than atleast give her a girly middle that maybe SHE might want to go by when she's older. Now, she's just setting up teachers to fail when that kid goes to school.

  17. Girl, I agree with you on almost all of these! I am so glad the heat has returned!