September 20, 2012

Terrible Thursdays

Don't worry, this isn't another woe-is-me post, kind of.
No, rather, this is a "OMG am I going to survive this year?" post.
As in the year of The Terrible Twos.
They've invaded our house and I don't see any sign of them leaving any time soon. 
I know I'm not alone in this nightmare, don't tell me I am.  I cannot be the only one questioning my sanity, praying for patience, wishing nap time lasted all day and drowning my sorrows in a box of wine each night.
Pinterest has several ideas floating around out there like "dealing with an angry child" articles that suggest taking a mommy time-out, or "solo-play activities" because we all know how well a 2-year-old can entertain themselves.  I'm here to tell Pinterest to suck it.  I know, first time for everything.  Instead I have a few ideas of my own.

TIP 1.  Wine.  Lots of wine.  I made the mistake of letting my box run dry last month {in hopes of being knocked up this month} and that was the worst decision I ever made.  I can barely make it through breakfast without adding a shot of something in my coffee let alone all day.  It's safe to say The Terrible Twos have caused me to drink well before 5 o'clock a lot of days and you know what?  I don't care.  I have to have something and wine is my something.  You can also substitute wine for beer, liquor, wine coolers, whatever your vice may be.  I don't recommend hard drugs, just FYI.

TIP 2.  Vent, but not to your husband.  If your husband is anything like mine he's a hard workin' man and the last thing he wants to hear when he comes home from work is about how hard your day was.  My words, not his.  Find a girlfriend or your mom or your mother-in-law {or all three in my case} and let the waterworks flow.  When the toddler simply refuses to wear the adorable outfit you picked out for him/her, call your mom and let her hear exactly what's going on so that the next time she says, "my angel would never do that" you can assure her she's wrong.

TIP 3.  TV time.  For crying out loud if I see or hear one more article about how TV is bad for your kid I might lose my shit.  Seriously.  Duh, I know plopping your kid down in front of the boob tube for hours on end is bad, duh.  But?  Sometimes mommy needs to pee in private and/or take a shower, that's when Dora comes in. I know that little brat will buy me at least 22 minutes of "me time" so that I can finally eat breakfast at 11 o'clock or, God forbid, put the laundry away that's been sitting in a basket all week.

TIP 4.  Go ahead, make a mess.  Sometimes when Kendall gets really quiet I thank my lucky stars wonder what she's doing.  I get nervous, as any mother should, and then I question whether I should even go check.  I mean, she's being quiet after all.  Sometimes she's reading books, being so sweet, and other times she's completely wreaking havoc on the pantry, bathroom, playroom.  Either way, I'm ok with that. Sometimes I let her completely terrorize a room if it makes her happy.  Happy child = happy mama.  Happy mama =  happy life.

TIP 5.  Start back at TIP 1.

Clearly The Terrible Twos will be the death of me.

17 comments:

  1. Love your list. We are going through the terrible 2's too. I'll be taking your first tip tonight :)
    As for TV...If Dora or Mickey Mouse buys me a shower and a chance to cook dinner, I'm happy with that.

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  2. Tip #4 happens a lot in our house. My motto is that as long as she's not hurting herself or doing anything dangerous, go for it!

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  3. Girl you need to record that shit. I did that the other day with both girls for proof that they act all crazy. You might want stock in wine, because 8 isn't much better. So encouraging aren't I? I am dealing with Attitude 8's over here. Fun stuff. Hugs mama.

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  4. These terrible twos are no joke for real.

    My MIL always says "she was a perfect angel" every time she watches her.

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  5. Love this. You're pretty much the best mom I know, so don't stress. You can coach me through if I ever have children...you'll be the absolute master by then!!

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  6. I really, really hate to be the one to tell you this but 2 is a BREEZE compared to three. Three has been so, so, wretched. there are no words. And I agree, turn that tv on and let her make a mess we all need some peace in our lives. I used to rely on my nightly wine and will again :) Josh says the same thing about my venting. He does NOT want to walk in the door and have me start complaining about how hard it is w/the boys. he "worked his butt off that day and I got to stay home w/our kids. isn't that worth it" and yes it really is but dude....and they don't understand b/c they don't do it so find another sahm and vent until your heart is complete :)

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  7. Hahaha love this! The terrible twos are no joke...whatever we need to do to survive!

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  8. What is she doing that's so terrible? Chloe has actually been better these past few weeks then she's ever been her whole life! I can't believe it! And I hope it's not the calm before the storm...lol! I hope it gets better for you!

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  9. HUGS HUGS HUGS! They'll pass! I promise! Ours come and go, sometimes more often than others, but they always pass. We've been doing more 'quiet time' here lately. If he's just not acting right, we send him to his closet (it's like 10X6 and all his toys are in there) and he plays quietly. It's heavenly. Maybe try that. Then when he comes out he's all better. (most of the time). ;) It'll pass! xoxoxox

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  10. Sooo... I hear 3 is even worse. Mine will be 3 next month, I'm stocking up on the wine now.

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  11. My little girl is only 15 months and she's already doing all of those things... two is going to be HORRIBLE for me, isn't it?? Lol.

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  12. great advice... especially #1!

    skylar made it through the two's but she is suffering from a hellacious case of the *terrible three's* which i think is worse because she can articulate her demands and gripes --- which are aplenty!

    good luck - here's hoping we both survive!

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  13. Here they go with the 3 is worse stuff. So what's the plan with getting knocked up? You should see my master bathroom, well you have in my challenge your closet posts. I can't keep it clean and get ready for the day so I just allow Chase to destroy it and leave it that way. I know my husband loves it.

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  14. I wish I could leave an insightful comment but I'm just way too wrecked after this never ending day with my 18 month old. In other words, I too am living your pain. GOOD TIMES KIDS, thanks for the premature gray hairs! I need some wine.

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  15. I laughed at everything out loud! They are ALL so true, but wait, my child is four and still is in her terrible "twos" and god forbid she's driving me to drink, lol j/k. I love her but omg! I loved the phrase "boob tube" heck I know TV is bad but she by golly gee is going to sit there and watch tv for a few seconds while I breathe a breath of fresh air!! My hair stylist found one grey hair and I am only 23! Phew, luckily that's the only one! Love the tips though!

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  16. Ok, I love you, lol! For once I am reading something on parenting that doesn't make me feel like I am doing something terribly wrong...I have a two year old and a 5 month old, and I agree, sometimes that tv is a life saver!! If DD insists on watching Elmo every morning at 8a.m., fine!! The terrible twos started at 15 months for her, and it is getting a little better, less tantrums, more understanding..there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!

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