October 16, 2012

I'm a Work in Progress

I've been doing a lot of soul searching, self-discovery, finding my place in this crazy world kind of stuff lately. You may have noticed that the posts around here have been a little more serious, less fluff and that's why.  I'm trying to find a happy medium but right now, right now this is where I am.

I've been thinking a lot about my purpose in life.  How do I want Kendall to see me?  What do I want other people to see when they meet me. I'm a wife, yes. I'm a mom, always.  I'm a daughter, friend, blogger, Avon lady, etc. but I'm so much more than all of that. I am the woman God created me to be.

I talk a lot about nonsense.  I joke, I curse, I am silly, I tend to over-share, I drink too much wine, I watch bad TV.  I have flaws, we all do, but that doesn't mean I am unworthy, bad, unimportant and so on.  God created me therefore I am good, necessary and important.  

I am a work in progress.  

As a mother.
I've been thinking a lot about how I want Kendall to grow up {a little late, I realize, but it's never too late}, the values I want her to hold, the choices I hope she makes, the person she grows up to be. There is one common denominator in all of these dreams and that is me.  I am responsible.

My role as a mom is to make sure she appreciates and understands her role in this family, in this life.  I want her to know love, to feel it in her bones.  I want her memories of childhood to be happy and silly and fun.  I don't want look back in 20, 30, 40 years and wish I would have done things differently.  

As a wife.
When we were planning our wedding I was adamant on one thing, I did not want the word "obey" anywhere in our vows, and it wasn't.  Submission is not something I have always been good at therefore "obeying" anyone besides my father when I was 12 didn't seem logical.  Now that I am 3 years deep in this marriage business I laugh at the stubbornness.  What is wrong with "obeying" your partner?

My role as a wife has shifted.  Now I look to Jimmy for approval. I need him to be the head of our household.  I appreciate him being our leader and our provider.  I want nothing more than to have him feel needed, appreciated and loved.  Now I see the word "obey" a lot differently. 

As a blogger.
Grouping blogger in with being a mother and wife seemed silly when I first typed it but then I thought about it's importance in my life and it made perfect sense.  I have finally realized the gift that blogging is, to me, and it's definitely a role that I take very seriously. 

My role as a blogger is powerful.  Same goes for all the other bloggers out there. I have a story to share.  I have the power ability to change people's views, inspire them, promote them, etc.  That is pretty amazing.  I want to continue to inspire people.  Whether it's inspiring people to get fit or be a better wife, it's a pretty incredible feeling when someone tells you they want to be a better version of themselves because of you.

My role in this life is changing. It's becoming more important, more focused.  I'm starting to realize what is worth my time and what is not so much.  At the end of the day I want to leave a positive impact on the lives I've come into contact with and that starts now.  

I am a work in progress. 

20 comments:

  1. I've been following you for a while now but I'm not the best commenter. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I have really enjoyed reading your posts lately. I've also been doing quite a bit of soul searching and trying to be a better person and more of the person God wants me to be. I haven't written much about it but I plan to as soon as I can actually put it all into words. Keep sharing because you are definitely inspiring me (and many others, I'm sure!)

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  2. This is great! I love that your sharing your faith and your aspiration to be all that God has created you to be with other bloggers! =) I am sure your testimony will inspire many!


    Thanks for sharing!


    =)


    Brooke

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  3. I get that.

    In the last two years I've settled into myself in a way I didn't know was possible. It's pretty cool.

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  4. This has to be one of my favorite posts yet. I'm at the same place in my life and thought process. While I'm trying so hard to focus on the moment with Olivia, it's super important to think about the big picture too.

    ...and obeying? I could have written that, but now that my husband and I have been married for 2+ years I feel the same way. I look to my husband for approval and to help make decisions since he is the head of our family.

    Thank you for writing this :)

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  5. I love this journey you're on, I think it's great. ;)

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  6. I love reading your posts lately. They are so encouraging and inspiring. Thank you for being so open and honest. Love it!

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  7. You and I are on the same wavelength with this. I have been doing some "soul searching"/struggling of my own.

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  8. love this post - fall is a great time for some reflection, renewal, and refocusing after the busy summer days. xoxo. :)

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  9. You're my blogging inspiration!!! I even said so in my blog today!!!!

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  10. I was exactly the same way about my wedding vows, not wanting "obey" anywhere in sight, but like you, over these past 5 years, I have realized that word isn't a "dirty" word at all.

    This was such a heartfelt post, I appreciate you putting your heart out there!

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  11. Gosh, aren't we all! You are very inspirational to me because I think you are so "real" (I guess as real as you can be on a blog ;) ) but you also strive to be the best you can be. And yes, we all have flaws and fall apart some days but it is so refreshing to hear you speak of being the best wife and mom you can be. Sometimes we forget those are our most important roles especially on the tough days! I am totally learning to embrace this new role and give it my all! Thank you for your posts, it's such good reading and reminders!

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  12. This is so sweet! I love this!

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  13. Love this post! I have never thought about blogging that way! I just wrote a post about how I didn't think blogging really fit into trying to be the best wife, mom, and housekeeper I could be.

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  14. Kendall and Jimmy are so lucky to have you as Mommy and Wife. You are so right - how Kendall grows up is YOUR responsibility. Just like it is mine with Rhys. If I sit back and really think about that, I would probably make different decisions on a daily basis. And part of that responsibility is to be a good wife to our husbands so that our kids can see and learn what love is. It is so important - thank you always for sharing your heart!!

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  15. I love this. I feel exactly the same way. Nice to know I'm not the only one riding this crazy train that goes between independent, stubborn, mouthy woman and a loving, respectful, inspirational mom and wife.

    LB
    www.accordingtol.com

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  16. I love this post! I have always been a firm believer that you can't make progress without recognizing where you've been and where you are.

    Love your honesty and your words :)

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  17. I love the honesty in this post. I too need to do some soul searching and reorganization of my priorities. It's funny how quickly things can get out of whack. It always pays to refocus!

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  18. I really really love this post Shannon!!!!! I love the rawness and honesty! I once heard a saying "We're never where we're supposed to be but thank God we're not where we used to be." If we're growing and learning daily, then we're doing something right! :) Love ya girl! Xoxo

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  19. You really opened yourself up in this post - beautiful. I wish you the best of luck in your progress. From my view (the outsider looking in), you are a fabulous wife, a outstanding Mommy and one of my favorite bloggers.

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  20. such an inspirational post - thank you.
    makes me think about how i want my kids to see me and how i want others to see me. what kind of person do i want to look back in 40 years and see myself as?

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