November 20, 2012

It's Not You, It's Me

Hey, remember me?  Yeah I used to blog here, my name is Shannon.

Sorry for the blog week{ish} of silence but it was necessary for my soul.  Would you believe that since posting about having a meltdown over my two-year-old and my mothering capabilities life has flip turned upside down {bonus points if you know what that's from} and for the better?
Funny how that works.

But seriously ever since I wrote that post {and had the meltdown} things have seemed so much better in ToddlerLand. Maybe it took for me to completely admit defeat at the mercy of my adorable toddler or maybe it made me realize what really needed to be done.  

I'd love to think that Kendall could sense that mama was on the brink of a breakdown and was one box of wine away from being checked into Betty Ford but I think what really happened was some self discovery.  I realized that I am the problem in this Terrible Two situation.  

I noticed that the times when I was getting the most frustrated and she was getting in "trouble" were the times that I was trying to do something for ME {blog, clean, cook, talk to my mom, etc} and Kendall wanted me to focus on HER.  But, she is two, she needs my attention and she needs me to put those other things to the back burner.  Plain and simple.  

So that's what I've been doing.  Hence the lack of actual content around these parts.  I realized that I wasn't focusing on her like I needed to be.  I expected her to engage in independent play for longer than a 2-year-old is capable.  I thought she should know that I'm "busy" and to "give me one more minute".  And then I realized what a shitty mom I was being.  She didn't deserve that.  

She deserves a mom who is engaged.  She needs to know that I am here physically and mentally.  I want her to grow up knowing that she can count on me for anything and the way I was behaving wasn't sending her that message.  The message she was getting was that "mommy's busy" and that she needs to take a back seat to what?  Instagram?  Facebook?  Blogging?  Pathetic.

I'm pretty sure I've talked before about how social media can be so awesomely awesome but a total time suck at the same time.  It's true.  I've struggled with finding a happy-medium for as long as I've been doing this gig.  It's a fine line between being a good blogger and a great mom.  But when I'm telling my child "just one more email" {which I know turns into five} that's not OK.

And what am I teaching her?  To not use her imagination?  That being on the computer is more important than putting a puzzle together with her?  That having a clean house that is always "company ready" {even though we rarely have company} is the only way to live?  Poppycock!

For me it took a complete meltdown {on my part} and a little bit of venting to realize that I'm the one that needs an attitude adjustment.  I'm the one that needs to make changes.

This past week I've been focusing more on Kendall and less on the little things.  When I'm on the phone with my mom, mother-in-law, BFF and Kendall is on the verge of a breakdown I simply hang up and handle her. When she is literally climbing up my leg while I answer an email I simply hit "save as draft" and come back to it during nap.  Seems easy, yes.  It has worked wonders.  It's amazing how just playing with her for 30 minutes and giving her my undivided attention can change her entire mood around.  And when I do give her 100% of me she gives me a few minutes of independent play {to cook dinner, wash the dishes or put my makeup on}.

I didn't need a book, DVD or Dr. Phil to tell me what I needed to be doing differently.  My child has been saying it {with her behavior} this whole time, I just wasn't listening.

I wanted to chalk it up to being a case of The Terrible Twos but in reality it was a case of the Mediocre Mommy.  That's not to say that this week hasn't had it's moments of frustration or completely unnecessary tantrums {on her part this time} but they have been better, easier to manage, and far less frequent.  I'd like to actually take responsibility for this.

I feel like I have painted my child in this terrible, OMG what a terror light when in reality she's the smartest, funniest, most strong willed {that's a good thing}, little girl I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.  She makes me laugh and challenges me each and every day and for that I am thankful.  I only hope that I can show her that from here on out.


25 comments:

  1. I'm so glad that things are getting better and easier. It takes a strong woman to admit that you're the problem and then do something about it. My daughter tends to act the same way as KP was acting at times so I will be paying more attention to when and why it's happening. I think you're on to something.

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  2. OM GOSH...now I have that song stuck in my head!! (guilty of watching Fresh Prince) :)

    I couldn't agree with more..the dust bunnies are still going to be there but soon little tummies with be to big for tickle fights. They are small for such a short amount of time. They talk your ears off but there comes a day when you wish they would talk to you.
    Laura@MiceInTheKitchen

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  3. Yay, I'm glad you're back but more importantly, that things are better. Balancing life is hard and some times other things (like blogging) suffer for the sake of other things. I'm glad you've been able to find the balance more easily and that everything is copacetic in toddler land :)

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  4. What a humbling experience. What a lucky girl Kendall is to have a Mommy like you.

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  5. You are not a Mediocre Mommy! I just feel like every now and again we need that moment of clarity to realize that we're human, we make mistakes, and we just have to try as be as close to perfect as we can (which will never happen, but as moms we try anyway).

    And don't worry - when you need to take a few days off here and there from blogging, we'll still be here when you get back :)

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  6. I think we are the same person! I too was having a terrible time with my 2 year old. When I finally just started lowering my expectations a little about how much time he should be playing by himself and started spending more time with him it was a total change. i stopped yelling and throwing threats from across the room. It has been great. I also have to catch when he is getting tired because if he get too tired he starts to not listen. I wrote a post like this a week ago and things have been good since.

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  7. I love this! love love love! thank you. for being you. for being awesome. and for teaching me how to be a better mom too. lover you

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  8. This is a great reminder because I'm guilty of doing the same especially when I get home from work and I'm tired and I just want 10 minutes to sit down by myself but my kid is crawling all over me. I need to savor those moments because they won't last. I'm glad things are better this week.

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  9. My husband and I were talking about this same issue last night. Social media and techonology is totally doing us a disservice. As a family we both need to make the effots to put down tecnhology and be there for our son. Nothing is that important that it can't wait. It is so hard and thanks for writting this. ITs a great reminder :) So glad things are going better for you!

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  10. I struggle with the same things all the time. It's so easy to get caught up in it. I've found that taken the entire weekend off from social media (for the most part) has helped me give my family the attention they need. You know what's funny too...on days that I don't post...I usually get more pageviews. Haha! I learned something at FINCON that has stuck with me (and I keep meaning to blog about it)...you can't change people's lives with 5 blog posts a week. So so true! Loved this post by you and so glad that things are looking up in toddler land!

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  11. So glad to hear things are going better! This is such a great reminder. I feel so much the same with Mia. When things are bad it's normal because of me or my Hubs and how we are in that situation. I try to keep the phone down until after bed, at least. I'm not always great at it, but I've gotten better. Sometimes I just feel like I need that time for me, but at this age Mia needs me and she's the most important thing so I often need to be reminded that I need to change my focus! Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

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  12. I, too, am guilty of these charges! I am working on getting better at realizing that my kids ARE kids and they deserve attention more than anything... the other things can wait! Hugs Mama

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  13. Good for you! I'm sure the break was exactly what you needed! Love your Momma heart!!!! Xo :)

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  14. You are so right. So many times when I blame things on the terrible twos, it is more likely to be blamed on mediocre momming. Thanks for this, friend.

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  15. Having Mommy Eureka moments can be hard. I find that I have at times wondered what was wrong with Boomer...when in reality it was my issue. This post is a nice reminder of that. Thank you!

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  16. We all have those struggles. Heck, on an almost daily basis, I feel guilty for not putting down my phone and just spending time with E. And now? He constantly wants "Mommy's iPad" or "Daddy's iPhone," and I am limiting his time on them each day because I don't want him to think it's okay to be glued to a screen...you know...like I sometimes am.

    You rock.

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  17. Shan! I did miss ya but this post makes me so happy!

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  18. 1. Those are gorgeous pictures of you two ladies!
    2. Great post! I think I go through phases with this too. I think we all do. Kendall is so lucky that you are her mom and are trying to be the best version of yourself!

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  19. I'd been missing you here in blogland - but this post says it all. You're awesome Shan!

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  20. I am a crappy mommy then. My kids have to take a back seat to my computer. I have to work. my 4 year old does NOT nap, nor does he go to bed before 10pm. he won't. I've tried. does that mean I don't do puzzles or read books or do crafts, NO not at all. I do not surround my day around those activities b/c life isn't about me entertaining them but about them learning to play and get along with one another. It's about know that I work and working means me being behind a computer. I try to work when they are at school but that's 2.5 hours (after driving time) twice a week. It's not much at all. I have mommy guilt and tons of it but at the end of the day, I put them to bed, I feed them, take care of them and do the best I can during my busy work season.

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  21. Isn't it just crazy how a little bit of attention and giving her what she wants for just that little amount of time makes all that difference? I've learned the same thing. Just step back and let her do what Toddlers do and she pays me back with lots of respect and smiles and laughter and doesn't fight me on every single thing! It's amazing!

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  22. This is a great post, Shannon. I love the honesty with us and I love that you were honest with yourself.

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  23. such a perfect reminder. and it hit a bit close to home for comfort :( sometimes i get so wrapped up in keeping up with things in my social networking world, that e gets the short end. and that's not fair. because in ten years, this will probably all be gone but she'll still be here. and i don't want putting her second to ever come back and bite me in the ass. i love her too much to risk that. sometimes i just have to step away. it's good for this mama's soul :)

    love this post.

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  24. I found your blog via Instagram and almost laughed out loud when I read your post. I just blogged about my crazy two year old and having trouble and it was almost like by putting it out there, things have changed. And I can totally relate - seems like Everett is the worst when I'm trying to do something for me too. Life with a 2 year old is no joke!

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  25. That's wonderful! It sounds like things are so much better for the both of you!

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