November 12, 2012

Monday + A Meltdown

This weekend I had a meltdown. Not my first and surely not my last, especially where The Terrible Twos are concerned.  But one for the record books, that's for sure.

I posted this picture to Instagram, an hour before Jimmy's party was to start, and not 30 minutes later I was in the master bath, sobbing, big fat ugly crying my eyes out.

I had reached my breaking point.

It's not very often that I feel that frustrated.  I don't know when the last time I cried was.  I used to be a crier, I'd cry over any little thing, and they said that when you become a mom that multiplies.  Not in my case. I feel like I cry less now, except when it comes to weddings, babies being born, you know, mom things.  But Saturday?  I cried.  And I cried hard.

Not only did I cry but I vented.  My poor husband.  I told him I didn't like our child {in the moment}, that I didn't want to be around her.  I told him that this is the reason we haven't gotten pregnant yet.  God knows I cannot handle it, not right now. I am feeling the effects of being a stay-at-home-mom and being the on that has to teach, discipline, love, play, feed, clothe, bathe most days.  It's hard and exhausting and not for the faint of heart, that's for sure.

I cried because I'm frustrated. I feel like my child is the only defiant two-year-old out there.  I know that's not the case but hot damn I read so many posts where their toddler is sweet, kind, gentle, polite, listens, behaves and I feel like Kendall does the exact opposite of all of that.  She doesn't listen, doesn't respond to authority {she laughs when I yell and puts herself in time-out}, throws a fit when she doesn't get her way and the only answer that anyone has is, "it's called The Terrible Twos for a reason".

Well, I am here to tell you that I do not accept that.  I refuse to chalk bad behavior up to a stage, that's ridiculous.  I need answers.  I need help.  I need something to work.

Thankfully relief came in the form of my mother-in-law that night.  She was here for Jimmy's party and offered to take Kendall off my hands for the night.  As much as I wanted to scream "YES! YES!  PLEASE PLEASE!!!" I felt guilty at the same time.  I ended up letting her take her and it was the best decision I could have made.  I needed it.  We both needed it.

When we picked Kendall up Sunday afternoon I still felt like it wasn't enough time.  I wasn't ready to be her mom again.  I didn't miss her and I didn't want to deal with the tantrum that was to come when it was time to load her up into the car.  Thankfully she was exhausted when we got there so leaving wasn't really an issue {yay!!} and we headed straight for my parents from there so she took a nap making for a quiet and enjoyable drive.  Jimmy and I even got to listen to what we wanted on the radio!

My entire family was anxiously waiting for us so as soon as we got there it was all hands on Kendall.  She ate it up.  She got 100% attention from not one, not two, but 5 people other than myself.  I barely lifted a finger.  So while it wasn't a "break" because I was still there it was enough of a break that I can say today I feel better.

I have never had a "job" that left me feeling so emotional.  I have never "worked" so hard in my entire life as I have these past two years.  I've never experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows as I have since becoming a mother.

I'm not sure if/when Baby Dew #2 is going to enter our world but I think it's safe to say God is waiting.  He knows that I have a lot to learn, still, and I'm not ready.  I am a work in progress and eventually {hopefully} I'll figure this mothering thing out.  Until then there's always wine, right?

49 comments:

  1. Love the honesty of this post! You're not the only mother who has reached her breaking point; I may have locked myself in the bathroom after an especially trying afternoon at the park. Toddlers test limits, so they're just doing what they're supposed to, right?!

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  2. Just a reminder that you are not alone! Last week we had a death in the family so I wasn't at work. I was a full time mom. I was with her 24/7. Exactly what Ive been crying about wanting so badly since going back to work. And you know what? As soon as we got around my grandparents, I gladly passed her on. In fact, I moved her carseat to their car so I could follow behind on my own just from the cemetery to lunch. I hated myself. How dare I not want those precious moments with her. But you know what? Mothering is hard. It doesn't make you less of a mom to need a few minutes - or a night - to yourself. Chin up, mama! You're doing an awesome job & KP knows she is loved :)

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  3. You are definitely not alone. My 18 month old pushes me to my limit and by the end of the week, I hand her off to my husband and say "not it on anything...not it on feeding, bathing, playing, teaching, entertaining, etc" I am tapped out. I am envious of those who have sweet little toddlers who listen and behave (my son was an angel and I swear my daughter is pay back for having such a good toddler the first time around). Being a stay at home mom is definitely the hardest job out there because it never ends, ever. You can never get away from it and you can never "just leave it at work". Just know you are not alone, there are others out there having break downs too! =)

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  4. I'm not a mother, so I don't "get it", but I love how honest you are here and just put it all out there. You don't see that often in blog-land. But from what I hear from friends, you are totally normal. And Kendall is normal. And this is normal. All I can offer are prayers for your sanity. A sounding board, if you need it. And just remember, this too shall pass. (I've been telling myself that a lot here lately.) Hugs to you, dear.

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  5. Thank you Thank you Thank for being SO honest! My son laughs in my face when he is get's into trouble - literally in my face. He thinks everything is a joke, doesn't take me seriously and there are days when I just can't do it anymore. When my husband is around? A whole different story and I think that kills me the most because I feel like I am failing at my job as a parent.
    Thank you again Shannon for letting me see that there is another parent out there going through the same things!

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  6. My two year old also puts herself in timeout so we now pair time out with a spanking sans diaper. The threat seems to work pretty well. Most of the time she is pretty sweet but when she is tired...watch out. There are many many days that I don't like her, love her but don't necessarily like her.

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  7. I feel like it gets harder each year.... Hayleigh is 4 and the older they get, the smarter they get. The tantrums are less but the attitude is bigger because they don't need a tantrum, they can turn emotions into words.. words that HURT. Between my 4 year old and my 14 month old, my nerves are SHOT. Hang in there mama. We do the best we can and on the days we don't, give yourself a pass and start fresh tomorrow. It is the toughest job we will ever know. xoxo

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  8. I LOVED this post!! I am right there with you only I have a 2 year old that is potty training horribly and a almost 4 month old. I once read that they call it terrible two because fucking horrible doesn't rhyme. I agree with this most days. I understood every part of this post and defiantly empathize with you. If I wasnt already a follower I would be after this post.

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  9. I'm so glad your so honest, sometimes people look at my like im crazy when i say I am not strong enough to handle 2 right now, but someone once said that its good i acknowledge that that i know i am not ready yet for 2 and maybe soon i'll be. I feel the exact way you do i love my son but someday i dont like him around me either lol.

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  10. You're an amazing mom and that's why you care. God made her a strong child and she is going to do great things some day when she channels it all in the right direction. Besides those moms who say their children are perfect and sweet have some kind of great prescription that they are not sharing!! :)

    Laura@ Mice In The Kitchen

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  11. I love your honesty when it comes to your feelings and emotions with parenting Kendall. Parenting isn't always a pretty, beautiful thing and I think it's important to show the ups and the downs like you do! I have yet to have children, but very well soon and from reading about your mothering journey you have taught me a lot! :)

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  12. You are not alone. Being a mom is ridiculously hard! There's no 90-day review to let you know how you're doing, no sick days, no pay raises. Hang in there! And take comfort in knowing that I hold the "mother of the year" award for meltdowns, so don't try to steal my title :)

    LB
    www.accordingtol.com

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  13. You are definitely not alone. It is hard! My daughter used to put herself in time out too.

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  14. I question my decision to have children several times a week. My kids are rough.

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  15. Girl- you are not alone. This post totally resonated with- thanks for your honesty and sharing with all of us. I know we don't know each other in real life but I know you are a great mom. Kendall is blessed to have you as a mom. Jimmy is blessed to have you as a wife. Melting down is purely the result of loving and caring so much. If you didn't, it'd be no big thing.

    And honestly, this toddler thing is no joke. I am more or less a single mon all week. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning. I find myself locked in the bathroom on the brink of losing my shit. My child isn't the pleasant, polite, always smiling, easy going child she used to be. She says no, laughs in my face, gives dirty looks, and throws herself to the ground in a fit when she doesn't get her own way. All. The. Time. And she's only 18 months.

    I wish I had the answers. To be able to give tou something more than the it's a phase bs. I can tell you that I think it has a lot to do with being a stay at home- they are constantly testing us. Testing their boundaries. Not gonna lie that I take it personally. I did purchase happiest Toddler on the Block and super nanny's new book. I hope they've got something for me.

    Big hugs- katie

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  16. I love love LOVE the honesty in this post. Thank you so much for sharing! I am having the same probs with my daughter Emma. It started this same month last year at 2 and a half. We switched her to her big girl bed and it has been a nightmare since, a year later I STILL am having semi melt downs. She has never been a good sleeper since the transition and she has also become the BIGGEST whiner. Ever. Oh and she loves talking back to us! We call her the little diva. I have a 6 yr old son and he was not like this AT ALL. I always said I wanted another kid and I wanted them to be exactly 3 yrs apart just like my 2 now. But I feel the exact same way you do that I think God knows I couldnt handle another right now, between Emma's behavior and my emotions...some things need to settle before I could handle more.

    We were originally gonna start trying last November but it got pushed back due to my schooling. I told my husband I feel like everything happens for a reason and there was a reason she started acting up right around the time we were gonna try, and its not coincidence that several other factors in our life have pushed back having another one. Unfortunately my kids will end up having a much bigger gap in age than what I originally planned but I know now that may be the best.

    Being a mom is hard work! Hang in there hun. You are definitely not the only one! I feel this way and I work full time! I couldn't imagine going through it as a SAHM. Take advantage of those breaks as much as possible, dont ever let yourself feel guilty. Hugs!

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  17. *hug* I'm sorry. I know you were already stressed and frustrated when I talked to you earlier in the day, so, I can imagine how easy it was to build up from there. I probably would've reacted the same way. You needed a break. I'm glad you got one!

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  18. This is why I feel, as a working mom, that SAHM's have the hardest job. You don't get a break. I mean, sure, you could plan to get a sitter for a few hours to go do something, but it's not always when you NEED that break. My son is a pretty good kid, at 3, but he has his moments. And I have my moments, and we both end up apologizing to each other and hugging it out. Hang in there!

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  19. I struggle with a strong willed child myself and can completely relate to most everything you said here. There are days when I literally laugh at myself wondering what in the world makes me deserve having two when I can barely handle the one. Some days I feel like all I do is time out and discipline and it's the worst feeling in the world. Being a mom is such a hard work. I think most people just don't talk about their children's behavior when it comes to the blogging world. Sure there are the "funny" stories, but most people refrain from talking about the "real" struggles and I get it...it's hard to go there. It's hard to open yourself up to what you might get in response. I honestly think that everyone struggles with these same issues and feelings from time to time though. You are so not alone!

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  20. Right there with you. Elle is so strong willed and there are times that I don't much like her! Thankfully I get out of the house a couple days a week. I'm worried about what's to come with Baby #2 for sure. I know it won't be easy!

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  21. Hang in there and know your not alone! I know how hard it is to be the one doing it all for your child. My husband is only around to help out about 2 hours a day until the weekends. And even weekends aren't always qurantee. One thing we have started is that when he's home on the weekends and we don't have anything to do I hide in our room. I'd rather being spending time with my family, but my sanity is more important these days to make it through the week.
    Good luck! And having a meltdown is sometimes necessary!

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  22. Shannon you're such a good mom. And God gave you to Kendall because he knew you were the perfect mama for her. Don't forget that. Next time you're feeling like that feel free to chat with me because I can guarantee you my kids know how to be little assholes too.

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  23. *hugs* know that you are not alone. I wish I could give you a magical tool, but I don't have one. In time it should all work itself out. You don't have a bad child- she will get the hang of listening. You are doing a great job! You are right when you saying being a Mother is the hardest job. There is no off switch. It's hard, but your doing it. Baby number 2 will happen when it's supposed to and it will all make sense.

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  24. I love this story. Something I have felt a few times since Mia entered toddlerhood. People are always asking me "when is baby number two coming?" I am sure you get this question too! I want to tell them a story like this one, but just say, "we are waiting for the right time!"

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  25. Glad to hear you got a much needed break. I believe stay at home mom's have the hardest {yet MOST rewarding} job. Prayers you have a much smoother week and patience!

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  26. I sure needed to read something like this today..so thank you. It is good to know I am not the only one in this boat...you just described my two year old to a "T" and it is good to feel that maybe I am not doing something wrong..not to say that I am glad you are having a frustrating time, cause I know how hard it can be. Just breathing a sigh of relief that my daughter isn't the only two year old out there who is a bit wild, lol! I also have a 7 month old, and let me tell you...double the kids in the house and you double the frustration, meltdowns, etc...but you also double the love :) :) so good luck!! Take care!!

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  27. Echoing the first commenter: I appreciate your honesty in this post. My sister's first daughter made her feel that way, too. I wasn't there in the room, and I have no children of my own, but I can tell you I remember my sister saying very similar things. Somedays she didn't like who her daughter was, where she went wrong to create such an ill-mannered little girl, etc. That terrible toddler is now a very smart 4-year-old girl who loves her mama and tries to please her parents by enforcing (read: tattling on her younger sister) household rules, and takes her big sister role very seriously. That'll be Kendall someday, I'm sure.

    I'm glad your mother-in-law relieved you of your duties so you could enjoy Jimmy's birthday and that your family showered Kendall with all that attention the next day. Get back on that horse; I'm sure you're doing a much better job than you think you are!

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  28. I am so happy to read posts from people who are honest about their children and that life is not always perfect. I've been going back and forth since my wedding night if I want to even consider having a child. I know I can't stay home, so is it worth it to put my kid in daycare and be an emotional wreck all day wondering if they are alright.

    Struggles are all a part of life and I am sure you are not the only person out there going through this. Maybe God is waiting to give you another baby because you need more time with this one, even though two is not a baby anymore, but you know what I mean! Hang in there and get a big bottle of wine!!!!!

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  29. Maybe you are hormonal? Break downs are totally allowed! I have SO had this thought before too. That God is waiting until we are ready. Which he probably is. You know we are supposed to have faith that His plan is the best. Which it is. Chase is only 18 months so we aren't there yet but he has some mean tantrums when tired. I really try not to take it personally or see it as bad behavior. It is the only way for him to say I'm tired and I'm cranky and I wanted to go outside or whatever he wanted. Have you read or watched Happiest Toddler? It doesn't work for Chase. But it is a good way to think about them. That they are like early humans trying to communicate. I usually let Chase kind of have his tantrum and then ask him if he needs a hug and if he is over it he will come over and we will hug and if not he will kind of stomp off in the other direction and get over it. You said she laughs when you yell, have you tried whispering? I know she is smart have you tried taking something away as a consequence? Hope you are doing better! That pic is super sweet! How was the party? I should be working on my Hubby's!

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  30. I'm pregnant with #2 now, and kinda dreading it. Isn't that horrible? #1 is 18 months and getting soo needy & tough that I'm just not sure how I will keep it all together. Hang in there - you are absolutely not alone!!

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  31. I appreciate how honest you are. Most people would never admit to having these moments but the truth is we ALL do! I work part time and stay home part time so I can truly attest to the fact that staying home with your kid IS WAY MORE WORK than a real job! I feel bad some days but I can't help but think, "Wow! I can't wait to go to work tomorrow!"

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  32. I am not going to lie to you...2 is not fun but 3 flat sucks. P is doing the same things as KP and he's even getting in trouble at school!!!!! I'll tell you their 'reason' for it but not publicly here. Being a mama is the hardest job in the whole world, we all need breaks and we all need time away.

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  33. I'm praying for you girl. Love your honesty and heart. I don't know anyone who is more REAL than you - and I LOVE it! Big hugs!

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  34. When my daughter was two, and terrible enough to sell on e-bay I read "Happiest Toddler on The Block" by Karp, and "1, 2, 3, Magic"

    I have no idea if they worked for her, but they did for me. I was able to employ a strategy, and feel like I had control.
    Good Luck.

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  35. That was very well written and completely relatable. As a stay at home mom myself I can use a good cry lately.

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  36. Not that you need another comment (damn, look at all the love, girl!)--but I am one of the ones who says my kid is awesome (she is), but she is still 2, and still can be awful sometimes. She laughs in the face of time out. She screams and has to be held down and says "You're hurting me!", over and over. She is also gentle and kind. They have two sides, these crazy bipolar toddlers. You are not alone ;)

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  37. I'm not a mommy yet, but I love your real-ness! It's comforting to know that you won't sugarcoat how you feel about the tantrums. I know a lot of moms who would just say "oh it's okay she/he isn't bad/frustrating/whatever the case is. But you...you are real! And you're doing a great job. Kendall has a good mommy and sometimes mommy's need a "time out" too to just breathe and recompose their sanity. Praying for you!!

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  38. Toddlers are bipolar girl. That's all there is too it. Thankfully for all these sucktastic days, there are pretty great ones too. Otherwise I think all us Moms would have hauled ass to a private island by now. My kid is amazing, but there are some days when she is the last person I want to be around. She screams, she runs from us, she tells us that she's tired of us telling her no (true story, it makes my husbands head spin), and she just flat wears us out. But then she also hugs and tells us she loves us the most and she makes everything all better. Toddlers are crazy. Just hang on. It'll pick back up :)

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  39. You're so right, motherhood is the highest of highs and the lowest of lows... and both emotions can happen within seconds of each other. Everyone has those moments when they just can't take anymore... you're so not alone. KP is just like any other toddler and while that doesn't make it any easier to deal with, there's nothing wrong with her. My daughter is also defiant, fresh, mischevious, intentionally bad etc etc etc...but at the same time, she's also super sweet, loving etc. I'm sure KP is the same. I too have tried time out, yelling, taking things away and nothing phases her. I'm not proud to admit this but once when Olivia was really really bad I spanked her bum (she had a diaper on and I didn't spank her hard) and it really got her attention. Now if she's being fresh all I have to say is "do you want a spank on your bum" and she says "no" and stops what she's doing (most of the time). It's a daily struggle for sure, especially since they're so so strong willed. Good luck Shannon!

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  40. So all these people are probably more genius than me, but I think you're right about timing. I mean, if He wanted you pregnant, he wouldn't take away your coping mechanism for tantrums, right?

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  41. I HATED ages 2 and 3. At least the behavior side of it. Grace was so hard to deal with sometimes and just had an attitude and was bratty. Persistence and patience was what it took, which was even harder than dealing with those ages. I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel, but you better believe I'll be praying for you, mama!!! I hope things get easier for y'all!!

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  42. I absolutely love your honesty in this post. There are a lot of mom's out there that want to put on a front that it's all joyful and perfect to be a mom and the reality is that it's not. Everyone says it's worth it but not everyone is willing to admit in such a way just how hard it is the way that you did. Surely you love your child but you can still admit that sometimes you don't like her (momentarily). Good luck in getting a grip on the terrible two's. No matter what, like they say...this too shall pass.

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  43. I'm not a mom but I babysit my little cousins sometimes 6/7 days a week and I understand it is tough. I had a moment in time with the four year old (when she was three - her worst point so far) where I was just like "you know what? i'm over this. I am NOT her mama and i'm done. I'm not disciplining, teaching, playing with, feeding, etc. I'm just over it." Yours lasted a day...mine lasted about two weeks and I'm not even their mother. I hate to see how I'll be when God really does bless me to have my own.

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  44. I am sorry that KP was driving you up the wall... I am glad you was able to have some alone time without her & dont feel guilty even parents need time away from their little ones

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  45. Oh my gosh I just want to hug you. You deserve a break and a break down and dont for one second feel guilty about it. You have such an awesome outlook on the whole situation with #2. Good luck Mama :)

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  46. Im Here to say youre not alone, I work full time and go to school full time - so I get to send my baby girl (she's newly 3) to daycare - I have to say I dont know how you do it and more power to you - it's ok to say yes to help sometimes :)

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  47. ((hugs)) They all have their moments!! My oldest started having tantrums by the time she was about 15 months. Kicking, screaming, knock down fits. I clearly remember being hugely pregnant with my son and taking her to a friend's b-day party at Chuck E. Cheese (do you have that in Ohio??), and her throwing her self on the ground kicking & screaming when it was time to leave. I could barely bend down to pick her up. The thing is...it IS a stage. Some kids go through it more than others. It's all about testing limits & looking for boundaries. But it also depends on personality. To this day my oldest is as strong willed as she was when she was 15 months (she's 11). My son, on the other hand, never had tantrums like that. He's way more mellow, and always has been. Hold tight girlfriend, you're going to be just fine! All moms need a break now & again, and good for you for recognizing that and accepting the help that was lovingly offered to you (because I know us moms like to feel like we can do it all with no help from anyone!!).

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  48. I'm so behind on life, but especially blogging so I'm just now reading this. Please know that you are not alone. I've been struggling emotionally with all things life the past several weeks and if I don't knock it off I'm quite sure the Hubs will check me in somewhere. I don't know if it's the time of year, the age, the stresses and overwhelming moments of life at this stage, but right now is very tough.

    Hang in there, keep your chin up. We are doing our best and that is the best we can do. I have to repeat this to myself often.

    No one said parenting was easy and if the past 6 months or so have been anything, they have proven that is so true.

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  49. I love your honesty. I want to be a Mom but have SO much fear that I will just screw it up. Thank you for being NORMAL and for sharing. You seem like a wonderful Mom and it WILL all be ok, somehow! :) Have a glass of wine!

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