I overheard someone say, since the couple already lived together, "It's no big deal, you'll wake up tomorrow and feel the same way as you did when you woke up yesterday." Jimmy and I lived together before we were married and so, at first, I was inclined to agree. I knew what that person meant, when you live together before you're married it kinda takes away the excitement, if you will. You already know the person's habits, how they like their coffee, how long they take in the shower, what they do to decompress, etc. There are no surprises when he carries you through the threshold as a newly married couple.
I started to agree and then later that night I found myself thinking about it a little deeper. Four days later, I don't agree, not even a little.
After Jimmy and I were married I felt totally different. I felt this new sense of pride, as his wife. Call me old-fashioned but when I took his name it was a big deal. I remember a friend asking if I was keeping my name or taking his and without a blink of an eye I said, "HIS! Of course!". I couldn't wait to be a Dew but I also knew that in taking his last name meant I had big shoes to fill and I was happy to do so. He's made me very proud to be his wife over the past four years and I can only hope that he feels just as proud calling me his wife.
I also felt a responsibility with my new wife status. I felt like this is the real deal and no matter what, we are in this thing called life together, forever. Sure I felt like that in the months leading up to our wedding but after that day it was different. I meant what I said in my vows and I plan to take them seriously. There's something about saying the same words that our parents and grandparents said before us that is so special to me. I knew that from that moment on nothing would come between us, nothing would be too big for us to handle together.
Once you take that husband/wife there's no turning back, at least not for us. That title means more than girlfriend/boyfriend or even fiance. Before the vows there is always the option of leaving, if you want. For us that is not the case with marriage. For better for worse, sickness and health, till death do us part. No matter what.
I remember coming home from our honeymoon and returning to work and even that felt different, as a married woman. It was like I had just joined this super, cool, married woman's club. It's a pretty elite club and not everyone can hack it and I felt elated to know that I would be a life-long member.
From October 3, 2009 on I have felt different.
Did you feel different after you were married or do you agree that saying "I Do" doesn't really change anything?
I agree with you....we lived together before and I felt different after too, but now I'm divorced (it's ok...don't feel bad for me :)) and "IF" I ever marry again I will wonder about this question again!
ReplyDeleteI'll try to remember to get back to you next year after I get married :) By then, we'll have lived together for 3 years and while yes, we definitely know each others good and annoying habits, I'm sure SOMETHING will change.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I felt all that different. I loved being "married" I guess, but life didn't feel much different after the whole name change and all of that.
ReplyDeleteLiz
www.accordingtol.com
I felt different also! Pride is the only word I can use - I'm sure there are more, but that's the best word I can come up with at the moment.
ReplyDeleteLOVE your wedding day, that is the same day my son was born! October 3, 2009 is a special day for sure!
I just got married in June and totally agree with you! Especially the name change -- adds a big exclamation point at the end of your relationship, sort of like an "I gotcha!"
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this. My boyfriend and I live together and we chose to do so because we knew that we were on the path to marriage. It's nice to hear that it only gets better from here!
ReplyDeleteim totally with you! we lived together before tying the knot too, even before becoming engaged. and after we got married - so so many people asked us if it even felt different. but of course! its a whole new level of cloud 9! also, isaiahs dad passed away 2 days before our wedding - and just needing to deal with that right as i became his wife was so poweful and overwhelming at the same time. and we felt different again after the honeymoon! it was all still so much fun :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. My husband and I were together for 6 years before we got married, and lived together for part of that time. Marriage adds an element of permanence that just isn't there (in my opinion and in my experience) before taking your vows. The level of commitment is something else entirely. While many things were pretty much the same after the wedding, yes I felt different and our relationship was different.
ReplyDeleteHa, turns out I have more to say on this topic. I just wanted to add that for us, getting married meant becoming a family. The dynamics of our relationship went from boyfriend/girlfriend, either of whom can end our relationship at any time and for any reason, to being a family. And being a family means forever, it means you don't just get to walk away when things get tough or you don't want to deal with something.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree Shannon. We lived together before and 3 years later I can remember feeling this complete elation at the idea of being called his wife. It was like this euphoric word I couldn't describe but it felt special, it felt different. Sure you know things about each other that maybe somebody who hadn't lived together prior to didn't but thats what I call "working out the kinks". We worked out the "kinks" before we got married which allowed us to enjoy the first year of marriage of just being husband and wife. Which really is the best part. And then....and then you have kids and you have to work out a whole set of of new "kinks" LOL! Ahhh the circle of life hahaha.
ReplyDeleteI agree that it does feel different. We only lived together for like a couple weeks before we got married but still I think that having that title "wife" does something to you. The biggest thing for us, is like you said, there's no turning back now. Even if you live together before you're married, there's still an "out". Marriage locks it up ya know?
ReplyDeleteNope- it felt the same for me. It's really not my personality to be awed & amazed by events like that tho. No angels sang or light shined down on me when I had my son either ;)
ReplyDeleteI definitely felt different! We became a family the day I took his name. We started celebrating holidays together and there was no more are we doing this forever or not? We could also start our journey to become parents. Our wedding vows are the foundation of our marriage and it's different to be in it forever.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. Wesley and I lived together for about 2 years before we got married. It was kind of funny how literally the day our families finally left after the wedding he seemed more romantic and lovey again. Granted ok, it lasted like two weeks. But even now three months later I definitely feel like definitely on his side I can see he feels differently about me, the way he holds my hand in public now is different than before. The way he snuggles now is different. The way he talks about future baby is different. It's all different and all so amazing. And I can't be more excited to know that I'm not just the GF or the fiancee now. I'm the wife. It's such a bigger deal. And it feels awesome.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been married but I definitely think it means so much more once your married, even if you've already been living together. Totally agree!
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