honestly can say that there isn't a second that goes by where I'm not aware of the goal I set for myself.
I wish I could say that I'm already becoming a more patient mom but just this morning Kendall woke up WAY earlier than normal and totally threw my patience out the window. I gave her the evil eye, made empty threats, tried bribery, and then finally got fed up enough to just get my butt out of bed. I was annoyed. I told her that it was unacceptable. I pouted and acted like a child. And why? I was already up but I was just pissed she was making me be on duty before I was ready.
Well, too bad. I am her mom and that's my job. If I'M not ready there is no one else to blame but myself. And that's really what this whole 31 days is about.
I find that the times I lose my cool are when I'M being interrupted or when I'M not getting MY way or I'm being inconvenienced. So what? I mean we're talking about trivial things here, people. Like, I didn't get to drink my coffee in peace while it's still hot. Not really something to ruin your whole day but in the moment it seems like the worst thing that could ever happen. Ever.
It's called being selfish. I'm selfish. I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it and everyone else should comply. If things don't go that way then I flip. I get uncomfortable. I get impatient. I act like a fool.
I must say, it's embarrassing. I can honestly say this is the one quality that I hate the most about myself. I hate that I have zero tolerance which is why I'm so glad I committed to working on it over the course of the month.
I know what my triggers are and I'm trying to anticipate them happening and prepare myself ahead of time, since I can usually see it coming. I wish I could say that I've already noticed a difference in myself but I haven't really. Not yet. I have noticed that I am more aware. When I feel my patience running low I stop and think about this challenge and remind myself that I want to change. I need to change.
While it's been hard to be this transparent about my biggest flaw I'm so grateful to share my journey. So many of you have reached out and told me that you, too, struggle with patience and some have even said I've inspired them to want to be better, more tolerable. And THAT is why I do this. It makes all the nerves of sharing something so personal worth it. I obviously know that I'm not the only one who struggles but I do know that I'm one of the only ones who shares and I'm ok with that.
This is my journey.