October 10, 2013

What Sets Me Off

I've been thinking a lot about this patience thing.  Obviously being as it's my challenge over this month but I
honestly can say that there isn't a second that goes by where I'm not aware of the goal I set for myself.

I wish I could say that I'm already becoming a more patient mom but just this morning Kendall woke up WAY earlier than normal and totally threw my patience out the window.  I gave her the evil eye, made empty threats, tried bribery, and then finally got fed up enough to just get my butt out of bed.  I was annoyed.  I told her that it was unacceptable.  I pouted and acted like a child.  And why?  I was already up but I was just pissed she was making me be on duty before I was ready.

Well, too bad. I am her mom and that's my job.  If I'M not ready there is no one else to blame but myself.  And that's really what this whole 31 days is about.

I find that the times I lose my cool are when I'M being interrupted or when I'M not getting MY way or I'm being inconvenienced.  So what?  I mean we're talking about trivial things here, people.  Like, I didn't get to drink my coffee in peace while it's still hot.  Not really something to ruin your whole day but in the moment it seems like the worst thing that could ever happen. Ever.

It's called being selfish. I'm selfish.  I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it and everyone else should comply.  If things don't go that way then I flip.  I get uncomfortable.  I get impatient.  I act like a fool.
I must say, it's embarrassing. I can honestly say this is the one quality that I hate the most about myself.  I hate that I have zero tolerance which is why I'm so glad I committed to working on it over the course of the month.

I know what my triggers are and I'm trying to anticipate them happening and prepare myself ahead of time, since I can usually see it coming.  I wish I could say that I've already noticed a difference in myself but I haven't really.  Not yet.  I have noticed that I am more aware. When I feel my patience running low I stop and think about this challenge and remind myself that I want to change.  I need to change.

While it's been hard to be this transparent about my biggest flaw I'm so grateful to share my journey.  So many of you have reached out and told me that you, too, struggle with patience and some have even said I've inspired them to want to be better, more tolerable.  And THAT is why I do this.  It makes all the nerves of sharing something so personal worth it.  I obviously know that I'm not the only one who struggles but I do know that I'm one of the only ones who shares and I'm ok with that.

This is my journey.


  1. I think we were separated at birth!! As much as I hate to admit it I too am selfish. I want thinks to go my way and I want more me time. I set my alarm to get up before the kids because it is important to me to get my hot coffee and some alone time before the kids get up. The last 2 mornings my son has gotten up 5 minutes before MY alarm! it has been killing me! Makes me moody and irritable. I too am selfish and need to change.
    I am so impatient with my kids, it's bad. I try to leave enough time to do things but I still rush them. It's terrible.
    You are not alone. Thank you for sharing and making me realize that I too am selfish.

  2. I was thinking about you yesterday when my daughter was driving me insane. On those days when she doesn't nap but really should her witching hour is between 5-7 and she is just plain annoying, whiny, and needy and Oh. My. Gosh. She drives me crazy...I just kept thinking "have patience" have patience" have patience". I know there was time or two that I said something I shouldn't have. She can't help it, she doesn't want to be that way. She's just tired and her body is shutting down on her.

  3. I can totally relate to this post!! I too have little patience and most of the time my kids get the result of it and I always always end up feeling so guilty. I really really really need to work harder on controlling my temper which comes out as a result of my lack of patience. Good luck to you!

  4. The too early morning wake up call is definitely a trigger for me too. I literally will take more than half the day to "get over it" because I had to get up like 20 minutes earlier. Seriously? Not a real problem. But my selfishness wins over. I had a real moment one day (straight from God, I'm sure of it) where I realized that this sweet little girl was only seeing the worst in me because she was excited to see me in the morning and I wasn't as excited to see her. What is that?? I love her to death - so why I can't I show her that even in the early morning? Or when my coffee gets cold? Etc. You get the idea. But yes. Thank you for being honest and open here, it's benefiting a lot of us!

  5. You just decribed me to a T. I'm selfish too. I know excatly when I'm going to "snap" and have been trying to put off things I concider "me" time in an effort to not lose my cool. Everyday is a process and it's the baby steps that make us better parents and better people.

  6. Thank you for always being so honest. Many bloggers out there aren't so honest and that is actually what I appreciate most about you!! This post is so easy to relate to. In fact right I have just lost my second breakfast to the toddler and my patience is wearing thin, but that is on me---not the 2 year old. Thanks for posting this and reminding me that sometimes I just need to take a deep breath and be patient.

    Kate @ www.raisingtherogers.blogspot.com

  7. I could certainly learn a thing or two from you. I need help in this department something fierce.

  8. Patience is probably my biggest weakness.its tested every second of every day by my feisty little toddler and adding a baby to mix doesn't help! It's hard but it's nice to see you putting it all out there. Good work Momma!

  9. Ummm, did you write this post about me? I hear ya sister! Patience is not my strong point and the biggest thing I wish I could change about myself.

  10. super mom.
    you are so great for working on this challenge and wanting to blog about it - and finding the TIME to blog about it!
    you go girl, im behind you!

  11. My patience is easily tested when I don't get my own way too.
    I had a blowout with B at Babies R' Us because he didn't like the white crib I chose.