April 22, 2014

Absence

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder so how much do you love me now?

I think that this month has officially been the least amount I've blogged since starting this blog like 5 years ago.  I would like to thank my second child for that.

Life with James hasn't been easy.  The transition to two children has been difficult in more ways than one, for me.  At first it was perfect.  I loved it.  I felt like I had this all under control and I was going to prove everyone who said, "one to two is HARD" wrong.  Thankfully I have posts like this to remind me of the early days because right now I'm singing a completely different tune.

James is a difficult baby.  There, I said it.  He cries. A lot. He cries if he can't see me. He cries if he can't touch me.  He cries if I hold him and sit down.  He cries on the floor with a bunch of toys.  He cries in the jumperoo.  The only time he's not crying is if he's in the highchair with a lifetimes supply of Mum Mums, if he's sleeping, or if I'm holding him standing up.  That's it.

He's slept through the night since he was about two months old, so we've got that going for us. But he's an awful napper. He calls a 15 minute car nap on the way home from preschool drop off a nap.  He doesn't transition well from car to crib so some days that is it.  I think a lot of the crankiness is because of his awful napping but then there are days he rocks naps {like yesterday} and he's still miserable.  So what gives?

He had an ear infection so I thought, "GREAT! An answer. Now maybe he'll get better.".  Not that I wanted him to be sick but at least there was an explanation and hopefully an answer.  Not the case.  He's done with his prescription and he's still a mess.

I switched formula.  No difference.

Tried the amber teething necklaces.  Not it.

Acid reflux meds made no difference.

So I guess this is just how he is and I just have to deal with it.  It's hard because he's not my only child, obviously.  And I do let him cry, trust me.  I have to.  Today I was sitting on the floor, beside him, he could see AND touch me and he cried the entire time I got Kendall ready for school.  As soon as I picked him up he was fine.  My mom thinks he's spoiled but I just don't see how that is possible because I do not hold him all the time.  Yes I pick him up when he's upset, I'm not that big of an asshole, but I do not just hold him to keep him happy all day.  Ain't nobody got time for that.

And then there's the idea that Jimmy and I might sneak away for a kid-free weekend this summer.  Laughable.  Who is going to want to keep this kid overnight let alone for a whole weekend.  So there's that.

I'm not looking for answers, trust me I've heard them all, I'm just venting.  If there are other moms out there going through this, you are not alone.  I have cried, I have yelled, I have locked myself in my bedroom, I have asked for help so I can have some quiet time because this is by far the hardest thing I have ever dealt with.  Top it off with the fact that each of us is sick and I'm one day away from a Britney Spears head shaving incident.

Not how I intended my first blog post in over two weeks but such is life.

30 comments:

  1. Vent all you want Mama! It is HARD! I only have one, and she was that way (and did not sleep!And still doesn't!) Sometimes you just need to complain! We do miss your posts, but TOTALLY understand! Hang in there, and you lock yourself in the bathroom-sometimes thats all you need (5 minutes of silence!)

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  2. I am right there with you, Hannah is 5 months old now and I feel like the older she gets the harder it is to juggle the two of them. Hannah is always needing attention and does NOT nap at all, she is sort of a quick nap and go, quick nap and go. Leah was the same way as a baby. Then there is Leah who is oviously feeling the change and had decided to act out more, so half of the day I spend telling her, "no, don't do that", " no, stop", wait, no". It's awful sometimes! Just going out with 1 of them feels like a vacation! Phew! We thought 1 was a juggling act at the store, 1 seems like a breeze now. Hang in there, I feel the same way with blogging, working out and everything in general. Its hard to keep everything straight and things to not be "lacking".

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  3. I only have one and he was the worst napper. 15-20 mins tops and if he slept in the car that was good enough for him and then he got is frist two teeth (at almost 7 months) and something clicked and he naps at least an hour a day. Vent away because some days letting it all out is the only thing that kept me sane! I can't even imagine having another little one to take care of so kudos to you!

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  4. My son was like that. He wanted to be in my arms ALL the time. My husband was deployed so it was all me all the time on baby duty. It's exhausting. Sometimes I would take a shower just to drown out the noise. That's awful but I NEEDED a break. He was a terrible sleeper at night and during the day. I know that was a big part of his problem. He also had ear infections ALL the time. We ended up getting tubes put in when he was one. Since he was in pain from his ears I felt like if I didn't try and hols him and make him feel better constantly that I was a bad mom. I was overwhelmed. Finally when he was 9 months old my friend told me about a book she read called The Sleep Lady’s Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West. This book was a miracle for me. It was a LONG 2 weeks while we did the "sleep lady shuffle" but it worked for us. He turned into a great napper and great night time sleeper. He became happier during the day. I could BREATHE again...and not hide in the shower ;)

    I hope things get easier for you soon!

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  5. i think this is my future life so vent away!

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  6. Right there with ya sister! I think we finally made the leap {for the most part}
    This had me laughing out loud...'one day away from a Britney Spears head shaving incident'!! :) Hang in there mama!

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  7. I could have written this about my eight month old daughter. She is also my second and if she's not asleep then she is screaming, unless I am stand in up with her bouncing. Heaven forbid I try and sit down with her!! I've had so many people tell me that she is the grumpiest baby that they've ever met! You're not alone Mama!

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  8. Look into momsoncall.com. They are a godsend and blessing!! Totally worth the $30. They "fixed" my baby and made him so much more enjoyable.

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  9. I hear you! It gets better, I promise. Moving up from one to two is no joke. You're doing a great job. Hang in there!

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  10. I agree with you that it probably isn't a "spoiled" thing, I think that he is too little to be spoiled yet, at least for a while! Maybe just his temperament, it is so crazy how different kids can be. Caleb has always been busy, busy (still is) and Sloane is content to just sit an take it all in.

    My advice would be to NOT postpone that kid free weekend. James may be totally different when you aren't around. Plus that time away will be good for you :)

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  11. Vent away! My babysitter is going through this same thing with her son. When I show up in the morning she is crying and then to top it off I am dropping of my little. She got him adjusted and now sleeps like a baby and is as happy as can be. I hope he works through it soon for your sanity.

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  12. That was how my child was/is too. No napping lots of crying no one wanted to keep him bc of the crying. He got better once he started crying but it's still a struggle at 3.5 sometimes. He's also an Aug baby. The lack of sleep really snowballs & makes then fall more & more behind sleep wise. Good luck!

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  13. Oh Mama! I feel for you. There are days when Baby J takes one or two 15 min nap and is miserable for the rest of the day and I'm at my breaking point. I don't know how you do it most days and with another kid! Sending you good nap juju and hoping you have a good wine supply

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  14. Girl. Don't shave your head. Just don't do it.

    Sending happy thoughts to James and you!

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  15. I remember when you wrote the post about having 2 being easy and then writing another one about maybe it wasn't so easy. So I've been careful not to pretend we have things figured out. I've tried to enjoy the beginning stage in case it gets harder. Does he like to be worn in an ergo or carrier?

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  16. I hear you mama! My child was like that for a while and it drove me insane! l know you're not looking for answers but have you tried cranial oesteopath? My friend had the child from hell Went to a few sessions and then completely different child, it was like a miracle! Hope things get better soon!

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  17. I'm sorry you're having a difficult time. I get it! My first 3 babies rarely cried, but Liam cries. Sometimes, I have no idea why!!! It blows my mind, because most of the day he is the most joyful baby, then boom! Mood swing. It's rough!

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  18. That's what blogs are for! Venting and sharing :) I'm so sorry that he is difficult! I'd imagine your sanity is at it's end. I cannot even imagine, because AGE 3 is going to damn near kill me and I don't have an infant to take care of! Keeping y'all in my prayers and hoping James gives you a break, a WELL needed break! xoxo Feel free to vent anytime...we've all had those days, moments, weeks, where parenting gets the best of us!

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  19. I am so sorry! If it is any consolation, you look fabulous for being so frazzled! I know you said you didn't want advice, but you mentioned he was done with his ear medicine. Did you go back for an ear check? My daughter sometimes takes 2-3 rounds of antibiotics to kick a nasty ear infection. Though I doubt he would be sleeping through the night if that was the case. Worth looking into maybe. And I second the person that said not to postpone the weekend away. If you aren't there, I am betting he's completely different. Sometimes our kids like to save the shitty behavior just for us!

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  20. Let it out and vent away. It helps. I too have the same issues with my 18 mth old. He was a colicky baby and is a fussy toddler. He becomes a monster when teething and is the first to catch any flu big, cold or virus going around. Nothing seems to help unless being held 24/7. I also have a deployed husband and a 2.5 year old so I feel our pain. Hang in there!

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  21. I had a super super super high needs first baby, and mellow second. It's hard momma. Fist bump into solidarity. Vent it out? Have you tried wearing James? Perhaps an Ergo, Tula, Mei Tie... could solve many of these problems???

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  22. Oh James. Go away! Go away with Jimmy. I'm sure you two won't regret it if you do.

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  23. hug* you are doing amazing. now pour yourself a glass of wine and eat some cake.

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  24. Oh no! I've been missing your posts and hoping everything was okay! I don't have kids but I can imagine how hard it must be. I have no advice, but know that I am thinking of you :)

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  25. I am so, so sorry and I really hope that it gets better for you. I loved your post though because rarely do I come across posts that are this honest. Most things that I read paint parenthood with glowing perfection, when that is rarely the case. Sure, being a parent is amazing and I love my daughter more than anything in the world, but there are times when it is so, so, SO hard and it is important for us Moms to know that we are not alone. Keep your head up and hang in there.

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  26. My son was the exact same way. To be honest, he is turning two next week and he is STILL a difficult child. No matter how hard we work with him he gives us a struggle daily. He goes through difficult phase after difficult phase (right now it's screaming) and has since he's been born. I'm hoping there is light at the end of the tunnel and that he becomes more mild mannered and easy going. I always say I never expected my FIRST child to be so difficult. Hopefully by the time we have a second he calms down and maybe I'll get an easy going baby. :) It's still worth it. Every day, every struggle, he's still worth it. Until then keep on doing exactly what you're doing - your best. Hugs!

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  27. I hear ya! nonstop crying will make anyone lose their mind!!!

    I know you said you aren't looking for suggestions, so forgive me for being that person... a dear friend of mine was 100% in your shoes and someone suggested to her to have her daughters eyes checked. turns out, she has extremely poor vision and that she's fussy and inconsolable because she can't see well. just a thought if you've tried seemingly everything!

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  28. I have followed your blog for awhile, and follow you on IG. I see your posts and think, thank god I'm not alone! Our second boy is nuts! He's 19 months now, and still cries some days, all day long. It's so hard having the two kids. I keep thinking one day it will get better, until then I wait for that one day. We were set on three kids, then Kyan came along and I'm DONE. If I had a third with this temperament I'd lose my mind. Good luck girl, you're not alone either!

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  29. I've followed for awhile and didn't Kendall go through something like this? The crying? Maybe he'll stop or grow out of it. Just remember he can't cry for 18 years! So you know it's going to stop. Don't give up on your trip!

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  30. Hey Shannon, not sure if you'll see this or not, but if he's still a bit difficult now, check out a book by Kelly Dorfman called "Cure Your Child With Food". It could be that he has food intolerances which are making him miserable. Milk protein is a prime candidate, especially if recurrent ear infections are an issue at all. Anyway, check it out, milk can make a lot of children cranky, and as they get older it can manifest into behavioural issues. We discovered our son was having issues with cow milk, gluten, soy and apples. Since taking him off these he's pulled a 180 and has gone from being difficult to being a complete joy to be around. Better behaved than most other kids in fact! Anyway, just wanted to mention it in case he was still hard work. Took us 4.5 years to work out our son, it was awful. I was going mad. x

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