It's not often that I get five minutes to myself, let alone a half hour or more. Heck I don't even pee alone these days unless Jimmy is home to wrangle the chaos for 2.5 seconds. In my early twenties I would have loved the always being around people-ness of my life, I craved that and hated being alone. Oh what I would love to tell my younger self.
Now when I get a moment to myself to breathe, think, sit, I feel like an octopus. What do I do? Exercise? Clean house? Respond to emails? Catch up on the DVR? Eat? Shower? Get the mail? Read a book? Write a blog post? I mean the possibilities are endless. Some days I really think that I would like the idea of cloning because if I could get ALL of that done in one day? Yeah.
But I usually have less than thirty minutes to myself on any given day which usually allows for one of the above mentioned things. I'm trying really hard to break all of that up, prioritize what's important to me THAT day. Today? I chose blogging.
Jimmy asked me yesterday if I still blogged and I was like, "meh, once a week if I'm lucky" and he was bummed. HE was bummed. He told me that he loves my blog and he loves bragging about it to people because I'm really good at it- his words, not mine. It made me feel really good and made me realize how much I miss it too. So here I am trying to make a better effort with it because I want to be here and I want to write on a more regular basis.
Every day I'm learning something about time, we don't get it back. Hello I know that's an obvious statement but I feel like so often I am focused on too many things or not the right thing at the right time that I get overwhelmed really easily. So I've been trying to focus more on what's important and be more aware of my time so that we're making the most of our life.
For example, the other night I was cleaning the dinner dishes and Kendall and James were playing with Jimmy but it was like chaos. James kept crawling into the kitchen, STANDING IN the dishwasher, I couldn't focus. So I turned of the water, stopped cleaning, grabbed James and said, "Let's go outside!" And we did. We played outside for the rest of the night, until bath time, and guess what? The dishes were still there when I got back.
Lately I've been trying to live more like that. Carefree. Letting the little things slide, they're not that important anyway. I know it's true, what they say, children are only little once and I'm trying really hard, each day, to remember that. I want to be the fun mom. I want to be the mom who all the kids want to be around. I want my kids to look back on their childhood and remember the fun things I did with them.
WOW this post is not going where I intended it.
I guess I just look at time a little bit differently these days. We never have enough of it, we always want more, we can't make more so we just have to make the most with what we have. So, that's what I'm doing.