Life After I "Dew"

Before I became a mom I dreamed of the day I would be.  I loved babies so certainly I would love having my own babies, right?  Being a mom isn't anything like I imagined, in good and bad ways, mainly because I'm not {always} the mom I imagined I would be.

Sometimes I roll my eyes when I hear, "mommy" for the who knows how many-th time. Sometimes I take my phone to the bathroom with me so I can scroll Instagram without anyone seeing me.  Some days just getting wet, whether from the pool, sprinkler, or slip n' slide, counts as a bath.  Some days I sit on the park bench while my kids play because I've been playing with them all morning and this is the first chance I've had to sit down all day.  And some days cereal is for dinner because some days I am tired.

I love my kids, so much it feels like I'm suffocating sometimes, but that doesn't mean it's always easy to be a mom.  No matter what, as soon as I think, "OK they're good, they're happy, I can do ____" shit hits the fan and all hell breaks loose.  Every time, actually.  So the things I need/want to do usually get put to the back burner or get done in segments because I'm always usually interrupted {like this blog post, for example, has been in my drafts for over a month}.  And all the moms say, "Amen".

So yes, it's exhausting work raising humans.  They rely on us for everything, e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.  That's our job though, right?  To make sure they have everything they need and want- from hugs and kisses to Shopkins and Star Wars.  I don't want to screw this up, like most moms.  I want my kids to know I tried even though I was tired.

When they wake up I want them to see me smiling, happy to greet them for the day, whether I've had 3 cups of coffee or none.  I want to take them to the zoo even though I would rather lay on the couch and binge watch my latest Netflix obsession.  I want them to know they can wake me up any night because they had a bad dream and need comforting.  Most of all I want them to know that no matter how tired I am, I am never too tired for them.

That's not to say I don't have moments where I break down and whine, "...::sigh::...I just sat down, guys" because I do, don't get me wrong.   But when my kids grow up I want them to look back on their childhood and know that I tried.  I try, every day, to create memories that will last a lifetime.  Some days that means we bake banana bread on a rainy day while other days it means going on an adventure to a new place.  I want them to do and see it all and I want to be there with them when possible.

But, damn it, sometimes I'm tired too.