Life After I "Dew"

I'm not always a fun mom. In fact I'm not more than I am. I do what's easy vs what's best. I don't cuddle or play with my kids enough. I have very little patience and get annoyed easily. I crave "me time" and get bent out of shape if that gets disrupted because someone can't sleep past 6 am.  I'm not saying this to be self deprecating or for head pats, these are true flaws of mine that have me doing some major reflecting these days.

Lately I'm feeling a pull into a more simplistic lifestyle. I even said to Jimmy, "I just want to be a 'normal' mom". I don't want to be the mom who's so interested in everyone else's lives she can't realize her own is pretty damn good. I want to look my kids in the eyes when they share stories with me. I want to stop worrying about the dishes in the sink and sit down and read a book with my family. I don't want to feel this need to constantly be involved with something (social media, business, blogging, extracurriculars, etc). I want to quit feeling like I constantly have to prove myself (to who?).  I want to be ordinary.

I feel like that word, ordinary, comes with a negative connotation. What's wrong with ordinary?

I've never been a competitive person. I've never had the desire to be/do more. I've always been fine with somewhere in the middle.  I don't have the drive most do and that's OK.  It's just my DNA.  While I believe we are put on this earth to make a difference I don't think that it has to come from a place of more.  What's the saying, sometimes less is more?  For me that couldn't be truer {that's a word, right?}.

I decided I need to pull back on aspects of my life that don't serve me in order to make time for what does.  I want to get back to basics.  Things that I put more effort into than I get out of it have to go.  My fitness coach business has nearly drained me of my motivation so I'm pulling back on that.  I've been dreading my workouts lately so I went back to my love, yoga, and have felt so much more empowered since.  I've been waking up at 5 am to ensure a good hour, hour and a  half, to myself to practice and I can't tell you how much that has changed my life.  My kids wake up to a mom who is fulfilled and pleasant to greet them every morning.  My kids have been more plugged into their tablets than their imaginations so those are gone.  For months Jimmy and I spent our alone time, after the kids are in bed, binge watching ________ but we've traded that for a glass of wine/whiskey on the deck actually having conversations.  Hell even our diets have changed to a more basic way of eating so much so that I'm thinking of starting my first garden.

I feel a little hippie dippy in a way but maybe wonderfully ordinary is a more appropriate term because I am far from a flower child.  I also know that this is a process and I'm not going to magically change overnight.  I can say, however, I've already seen a positive shift in our every day life.  This morning, for example, I was making breakfast, Kendall was reading a book, James was playing with his Power Rangers {always} and I had soft music on in the background-the sun was casting a yellow glow over he kitchen, it was beautiful.  I even sent Jimmy a text, "this morning has been so peaceful".

Kids pick up and respond to the vibe we give them so if we are stressed out, mad, yelling, crazy people {guilty as charged} they become stressed out, mad, yelling, crazy people.  Since I've been more calm with them the tantrums have been few and far between.  They notice that I'm not reacting in a hyper manner and that has made them realize that they don't need to do that in order to get my attention.  They have been more loving towards each other and the fighting has considerably decreased in frequency because I have been more compassionate towards them.  It's a total win/win situation.

I know it's the end of April but in a way it seems like the first of the year for me.  It's not easy to self reflect, especially when you don't like the reflection, but that's where growth comes from.  I feel like I have been renewed and my true New Years Resolution has finally been set in place.  An ordinary lifestyle is the life for me, wonderfully ordinary.