June 22, 2017

Maybe Baby?

This post was written April 26 2016.

To be honest, I don't want to hear the "but you said you were one and done" comments.  I know what I said before I was a mom and I apologize.  Yes, I planned on only having one baby and then 2 years later my mind changed.  Then again, after James was born, I swore he was our last.  I even wrote a letter to myself reminding myself how awful and miserable I am when I'm pregnant to ensure it would never happen again.  But guess what?  You never know how your heart is going to change.  You grow up.  You learn a lot through motherhood and, dammit, sometimes you change your mind.

With that being said, I don't think our family is done growing.

There, I said it.

For the past few months it's been heavy on my heart.  I go back and forth over the idea, Jimmy too.  Some days we think the idea of a 3rd Dew drop sounds blissful while other days we think we've got it pretty good with the two we've got.  It is something, however, that is always on our mind and that we talk about regularly.

We've officially started trying last week, on a whim.  It was one of those "stop over-thinking it" and just see what happens type of things so now we wait.  Honestly I feel like I could be pregnant as I type this but, alas, we have the dreaded Two Week Wait.  I literally cannot believe I am even typing these words.

The thought of a third baby scares the shit out of me, truth be told.  Some days I don't feel like I'm a good enough mom to the two we already have so why on earth would we add another to the mix?  We will officially be outnumbered {assuming we do have another}.  Two kids will end up sharing a bedroom.  We have no more baby gear except a handful of toys and an expired infant car seat.  What are we thinking?

I've been feeling like our family isn't complete for quite a few months, actually.  I would venture to say I've had "baby fever" for a year or more at this point but I've let fear get the best of me.  Our friends recently had their 4th and whenever we are together with them {which is a lot} Jimmy holds the baby and looks at me with puppy dog eyes, "can we have another".  If that doesn't give a girl The Fever, I don't know what will.  The same is true for him.  He has wavered just as much as I have but recently he's really clung to the idea of another family member.

Jimmy comes from a big family, he's one of four boys, whereas I am an only child with a relatively small extended family.  I feel as though I am well adjusted, not a brat, and not spoiled so I think I turned out OK despite not having siblings. As I grow older, however, I have really learned the value of a big family.  I watch shows like Parenthood and This Is Us and see these siblings who lean on each other and have these incredible, albeit challenging, relationships.  I watch my husband have the same sort of connections with his brothers.  I see all of my extended in-law family and how fun {and funny} they are and I love spending the holidays with them.  I see the bond my own kids have and all of this makes my heart swell.  I am ready for one more.

The first two pregnancies happened pretty fast once we started trying and, while I was uncomfortable and crabby towards the end, I had pretty easy pregnancies as well.  I am approaching 35 {aka advanced maternal age} so that does leave me a little worried that this time won't happen as quickly.  I know that this is already mapped out for us and it's truly in God's hands so I rest knowing that whatever happens is what is meant to be.  I would be honored to love on another Dew baby, if we are so fortunate.  I think my big kids would love welcoming a little brother or sister and I know my husband would be the most excited.

Here's to the next chapter...


  1. How exciting! Can't wait to see what the future holds for your family!

  2. I know exactly how you feel (felt?...) I've been feeling the same for months and have wavered back and forth so many times. Ultimately, I do want one more but I'm worried about a non-sleeper. Luke didn't sleep for the first two years of his life and that nearly killed me between working full time and being home alone with them in the evenings since my hubs works nights and I do days. I turned 35 this year so I'm no spring chicken �� But we will see. Can't wait to follow your journey!

  3. I think that's the great thing about life... you can always change your mind. And what you thought/felt rang true for who you were then, but we don't stay the same people. The heart wants what the heart wants. I was always set on three, but now that we are staring down the barrel of two (14ish days, but who's counting...)I'm not sure. BUT, I don't have to decide now. And if I do, I can change my mind. We struggle, so I think that's more of my fear, but that was my fear with a second, so apparently I got over it once already. So incredibly excited for you and your family and all of your sweet blessings!!!

  4. How exciting! (and a little terrifying LOL) I have 3 and it's crazy, but so awesome at the same time and I never felt done after 2. I still don't feel "done" but just not sure I can add another to the brood! Spreading some baby dust to you!

  5. I totally understand how you feel! We have two healthy, wonderful boys. I always wanted a third, and my husband was unsure. Now our boys are turning 7 and 5, and our baby girl just turned 1!! It helped to have some years between them. I feel I can give more of myself to our baby, and the boys are a HUGE help. I had her while I was 35, and no issues at all. If I could do it all over again, I would. And I know you'll be just as happy!!! Good luck to you and your family!