October 19, 2012

Friday Frustrations

This post is going to be about TTC.  Dad, you may exit now.

I'm annoyed.  I know it's only been like 3 months but dang!  I know the reason I am frustrated is because I'm comparing.  It happened immediately with Kendall, I mean we still had our honeymoon tans, so we {yes Jimmy is bummed too} expected it would happen that quickly this time around.  Jimmy even said to me that he's already "tired of trying".  Like, not the act itself just the pressure, you know?  I'm with him.

The thing is it's an annoying process.  You wait all month for that week, heck few days, and you time it all perfect {or so you think}, and then you wait the God awful two-week-wait and then BAM.  Aunt Flow shows up, uninvited and she doesn't even come bearing gifts unless you count 5 new zits and an appetite the size of Texas.  Bitch.

I wish so badly that I could be that "wait and see" person.  The type that just plays it by ear and "when it happens it happens" but I'm not.  I think too much.  I think about the wedding I'm in next October and I've been there, done that and do not want to be the 9 months pregnant bridesmaid again.  I think about Kendall and if it happens next month {November} that puts the due date right on/around Kendall's birthday.  I think about being giant pregnant {again} in the dead heat of the summer and it!was!so!hot!  I think about how I once heard that the "perfect spacing" between siblings is 1 or 3 years apart.

I know that all of these things are trivial in the grand scheme of things.  It's a minor 9 months out of my life that I have to sacrifice, yes I get that.  See my brain is smart, it understands things like timing and all that nonsense but my ovaries, my mom heart, don't get it.  

As soon as it does happen I'll be all "my back hurts", "I can't sleep for shit", "why is it so hot!?" so I should just enjoy this time.  That's what I'm going to try and do from this point on.

I mean I can pick up my toddler without throwing my back out.  I can drink boxed wine till I pass out.  I can wear size 6's comfortably. I can sleep through the night {for the most part}. I can easily find a sitter for one child.  I can enjoy 2.5 seconds of "me time" because I finally have a child that can play independently for a hot second.  These are all things I need to focus on in the meantime.

As I am working on being a better me I am also working on contentment.  Learning to love the place I'm in right now. I need to stop looking forward, to the next thing, next phase in life, and just enjoy the one I'm in now.  After all, this is a pretty great place to be.

36 comments:

  1. I hope it happens for you quick! Let me tell you, with Chloe, it was 3 months! So, maybe next month will be your month?! I know it's easier said than done, but just don't think about it!! It will happen!

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  2. Hope you don't take this the wrong way, but you really need to chill and stop overthinkinig, this probably won't lead you or those around you to anything good. You're a very lucky lady, you already have a family of your own, you just want it bigger. The next child will happen when it happens and it's going to be great. Hope next month or the next you're here sharing the good news here with us ^^ xx

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  3. Thinking of you! Try not stress too much because that won't help. I know it's like almost difficult to,not stress, but it will happen when the time is right.

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  4. That sounds so frustrating! I'm sure I would feel exactly the same way as you do. Hope that it works out soon! You guys make adorable babies!!!

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  5. I know your frustration and anger to well. I know first hand there isn't much anyone can say but try to keep your head up and you will get through this. Its just a bump in the road to expanding your family.
    Along with my fertility treatments the months I got pregnant with Bellamy & #2 I used accupuncture and I am a firm believer in it as long as you are open to it, it will work. My accupuncturist is great, at 161 & Cleveland area, and only $20 a session. I truelly believe accupuncture is the main reason I got pregnant. Let me know if you want more info. Hang in there friend!

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  6. Its normal to feel those frustrations my friend. It really is. Don't beat yourself up. If you want to be upset and bitch. Do it. If you want to cry. Do it. This is YOUR emotions. Don't let anyone else's opinion change that.

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  7. Sometimes you need to let it all out! I haven't started trying for a baby but I am scared because I know it could be a long and stressful situation. Good luck!

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  8. the only one we 'tried' for was Conner. Parker was a huge surprise and this one was a maybe let's do it baby. I understand your frustrations. It will all end up working out I'll ve the first to tell you that I like my baby bump, I hate my bigggg butt and thighs. I miss my skinny clothes and I don't like being swollen...Im only halfway there and it's not even summer. When the time is right your family will grow. <3

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  9. I hear your pain, when you are ready, it sucks to wait. I remember being bummed it didn't happen after the 1st month and now we are still "trying" 2 years later BUT I know no matter how many months you have to wait, it's hard. And yes "trying" gets less fun for sure. And AF is always a bitch. Thinking of you and hoping this next is OURS. But until then cheers! I too will enjoying my boxed wine. :)

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  10. I hope it happens soon for you. When we stopped "trying" we got pregnant with our first child. Sending good thoughts and vibes your way.

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  11. It took me 4 months to get pregnant with Kendall and I know everyone will tell you some lame excuse like I'm about to do as to why its not happening yet. However, lucky month #4 I used ovulation test strips and SWEAR that's how I got pregnant. On average, you will read that people ovulate on day 14. I ovulated day 19 in a 28 day cycle. There really is only a 48 hour gap you can get prego so you need to know when you ovulate! If you want the website let me know. They are cheap like $1 something a test strip. It could have just been chance that it happened that way... but if you're like me and want to know whats going on down there, its worth a shot!

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  12. I love the last paragraph. I think it's such a great message to focus on now and not so much the future. Keep your chin up. I'm sorry you're frustrated. Hang in there!

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  13. I'm not going to tell you how long it took to get pregnant with my boys. I'm not going to tell you not to stress. I do, however, wish we could let the kids out back to run amok while we sat on the porch and split a bottle of wine (my porch, obviously. if it was your porch, we'd be splitting a box..) but really, if you need prayers for peace and patience and maybe even a HURRYTHEHELLUP or two.. I'm your girl. Hugs, Mama! XO!

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  14. I second the ovulation tests. So easy and worked like a charm! :)

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  15. I know exactly what you are going through. We got pregnant immediately with our first, and its only been 2 months of trying for our second, but I am dying that I'm not pregnant already.

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  16. This is my fear if/when we try for another because we got so lucky in getting pregnant right away the first time I just know that next time it will take a while just as payback and I am NOT a patient person.

    I also recommend ovulation test strips because even if you always get your period on day 28 you may not necessairly ovulate on day 14.

    Hoping you get that second pink line soon!

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  17. Girl I feel your frustrations. So I am not going to be all like "don't worry, it will happen". Screw that. Here I sit 7 months into trying and I am annoyed. My OB said to use the ovulation tests with the happy face. I will start those in a few days. It's not easy. I wish you guys the best of luck and hopefully it happens sooner rather than later. I am glad to see you are seeing the positives. It is really the only thing that works for me. I don't want to take my temp and chart on a calendar, but I might have too- boo! Just know you are not alone in this process and I do truly believe shit happens for a reason. Hang in there.

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  18. Praying for God's perfect timing for y'all and he knows your desires to expand your family. He's got this.... As frustrating as this is to hear and obviously you already know this, but sometimes our timing is not always God's timing!! Xo.

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  19. The second pregnancy for me took longer than the first. What worked for me this time was an ovulation predictor kit. I used the digital ones. Yes, they are a little pricey but they work. I started using the kits the second month of trying. The first month I used the kit I got my first smiley that I was ovulating but my husband was out of town on a fishing trip. Bummer. The second month I got a smiley face a lot sooner than I was expecting. You know what happened from there. A week and half later I got a positive pregnancy test. The predictor kits helped take the guessing out of the equation. My cycle was never the same each month. I am a very impatient person and like you, I wanted it to happen right away. I suggest giving them a shot. Good luck and I know it will all work out for you!

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  20. Thanks for the honesty. No matter how negative or hard on you some comments are, most of us appreciate that you keep it real and share these fears (because really that is a big part of it right??) with all of us. I know I'd feel the same way if I was in your shoes. I've had two pregnancies that "Just happened" so it makes me nervous for the next one - will it be hard when we are actually trying?

    Keep praying and enjoying your life! It's all you can do. :)

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  21. This is one of my fear for when we start trying again in Feb. Vent away. These are your emotions and you are allowed to feel upset. Good thing? You get to maybe finish another box (0r 2) or wine before next month comes:-)

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  22. Obviously, I get you. Hearing you loud and clear!

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  23. Praying! Gods timing is ALWAYS right- even though it's not always easiest to understand or wait. KNOWING that doesn't make it any easier either. But just know I'm praying (and I'm certain many others are too!) and KNOW that it'll happen when HIS time is right! Praying you & Jimmy have peace and patience {AND FUN!!!} while you wait! ;)

    HUGS!!!!

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  24. Sorry you are frustrated! You are definitely entitled to your feelings! I feel like you are so brave to even mention you are TTC. I couldn't tell a soul (besides the hubby) if we were to ever try again; and I didn't say it anyone the 1st time either. When I announced at 17 weeks a co-worker mentioned she didn't know I was trying (um b/c I didn't say I was!) I think people who put themselves out there are so much braver! Anyways... I used the ovulation kit too & also ovulate on day 19 of 28 day cycle (but I didn't get pregnant the first month either).

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  25. I'm making my thoughts official by commenting, not just Voxing. ;)

    It's your world. It's your emotions. You feel how you feel without feeling bad. Got it? You're allowed to be frustrated. You're allowed to question. REGARDLESS of what anyone else says. And you do NOT need to "chill out."

    *hugs* It will happen...and when it does, whenever it does, you'll be thankful.

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  26. Sorry sister :( I hope it gets easier. I second the person who recommended the smiley face ovulation tests. After 6 months, we got pregnant the very first time we tried them. And they're way cheaper on Amazon than in the store. Good luck!

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  27. I agree with Laura. You're allowed to feel that way. I know I did at times, too.

    For now, enjoy your wine ;)

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  28. Your TTC journey sounds just like mine. We were lucky and got pregnant right away with our first. When that didn't happend the second time around it sucked and I couldn't understand why. It is extremely frustrating and nothing anyone can say will make it easier. Hoping and praying that it will happen soon for you!

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  29. We had the opposite problem, it took us longer to have our first, and we were expecting the same amount for our second. Then BAM! first time trying and we are now 8 weeks pregnant. There is one thing in common between both my pregnancies. Clear Blue Easy Digital Ovulation Predictor Kit. Seriously. These are heaven sent. Pee on a stick, and when you get that smiley face you know it's go time. It took a lot of the stress out of trying. I'm not sure if you've used them before, but the day you ovulate can vary, and you want to make sure you don't miss it. It's a little spendy, but I buy them from Amazon. Good luck, I can't wait for your #2!

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  30. Shannon- I wish I had something profound to say, but please know that I am praying that this process is something that happens very soon for you!! I've been peeking around hoping to hear "the news" because you know I love ya dearly, and I had a lot of trouble with conceiving Julianna so I can kind of relate but it will happen because you are determined and I know that you are such a fabulous mother so you deserve to be blessed with another child!! Hugs mama!

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  31. I've followed your blogged for a while now and appreciate your candid take on TTC. My Hubs and I starting trying for #2 when our #1 was almost 2...it took almost 2 years and I was so high strung about the entire thing that I would just cry. In the end baby #2 came healthy and beautiful and it washed away those years of frustation. The funny thing is #3 snuck out of nowhere shortly after #2 and it just goes to show that not planning is sometime the best plan! :) Blessings and Peace!

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  32. I've followed your blog for a while now and appreciate your candid take on TTC. We started trying for #2 when #1 was about two...with no luck for almost 2 years. Lots of tears, anxiety, and frustration. When #2 did arrive healthy and gorgeous it washed away the memories of those struggles. And in God's plan #3 arrived unplanned shortly after #2...keeping us on our toes! Blessings and peace!

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  33. It is hard to "chill and not overthink" as one commented said... It is also hard for people who have not tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant to understand what it feels like to go through this. We are on month 27 of off/on trying and it sucks and it definitely isn't fun anymore. It is sad and frustrating. Best of luck to you on your next month of trying.

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  34. Add me to the list of those wishing and praying that your wait will be short and not so frustrating. Hugs mama! xoxo

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  35. Stay positive! I truly recommend the ovulation kit tests! They work like a charm and you figure out what your true cycle is. My doctor told me to "just do it" days 10-20 of my cycle and come to find out I didn't even ovulate until day 22!! Just listen to your body too! The day I knew I was ovulating I honestly felt it and told my husband. Two weeks later... pink lines! :)

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  36. Imagine being told you cant have kids w/ taking a handful of pills and praying oh and then when it all finally comes together since you have PCOS you miscarry. At least you know you CAN have a child and that it will happen one day. It may not happen for me ever. I have been on medicine and seeing docs and spending WAY to much money for almost a year now and I have yet to hold my own child. Please be thankful that your body actually works and does what it is suppose to.

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