October 2, 2015

I Was Ready For Kids, I Wasn't Ready To Be A Parent

One thing I hear from childless people is "we want to do/have x, y, z before we have kids" or "we're not ready yet".  I wasn't ready to be a parent five years and two kids ago either.  I wanted kids, sure, but I wasn't ready to be a parent.

When we were "trying" to get pregnant with Kendall I remember being really upset when it didn't happen month one aka on our honeymoon.  I vividly remember having a conversation that went something like, "wah wah boohoo poor me I WANT A BABY!!!!!!!!" or something like that.  Jimmy probably thought, "who is this crazy person that I just married?!" but instead he reassured me and the next month we were pregnant.

I was so over the moon excited, as most expectant mothers are.  I couldn't wait to buy my first baby item.  I immediately started researching baby names.  I couldn't wait to plan a nursery.  I loved looking at registries.  You could say I was obsessed.

A lot of my friends had babies by the time we got pregnant and I knew that I wanted a baby more than anything in life.  I didn't care that we lived in a two bedroom condo at that time.  I didn't know what we would do for childcare or how we would even afford any of it but I didn't care.  I wanted a baby, I was ready for a baby.

But I wasn't ready to be a parent.

There's a difference, you see.  Having babies and buying all the cutesy stuff and oohing and ahhing over their every little move is fun.  It's adorable.  It'll make your heart want to burst into a million and one pieces.  You'll be so proud when they poop, I swear it.  Then they say, "I lub mama" and you will swear you've never heard sweeter words.  It's this whole whirlwind of emotions and there is no other feeling like it.

Having babies will change you.

Having kids means saying good-bye to trips alone with your husband. Heck, even going out to dinner becomes a thing of the past once The Terrible Twos roll in.  Gone are the days of frivolous spending because you have doctor bills rolling in or someone needs a new pair of shoes.  The house you saved for and poured your heart and souls into will become messy, full of toys and the walls will have applesauce splattered on them.  Sleepless nights lead to tired mornings and some days you won't even get a shower.  You'll do things you swore you'd never do like leave the house in a baseball cap, no makeup and sweats.  Once you become a parent projects that took 30 minutes will take 3 days.

You won't be ready for any of that.  I promise.  I know I wasn't.

But I'm here to tell you something, have those babies anyway!

There's never an ideal time.  If you wait for that next vacation, job promotion, till you lose ___lbs, buy that house, etc the time will never be right.  There will always be something, always.  And just when you think you've got everything in order something else will pop up.  That's just how it goes.

You will never regret having kids.  There will be times when you will lose your cool and think, "I just want to run away from it all".  Some days being a parent feels like a thankless job.  Some days I wish, so bad, that I could just call Jimmy up and tell him to meet me somewhere for a beer and be carefree like we once were.  I can't even believe I'm admitting this but sometimes I miss my job.  Not the work itself but the interaction with other adults was nice, in hindsight.  I miss a clean house.

Those times will be few and far between and I would venture to say you would have those moments with or without kids.  At least when you have kids you have cute, smiling {most of the time}faces to remind you that it's all worth it.  Every sleepless night, every trip missed, every penny spent, every shower not taken will be worth it because being a parent is the best gift you can give yourself.

Some days I need to remind myself of these things too.


  1. I always love reading your posts... this is so very true. Thanks for posting and always being so honest. Have a wonderful weekend and I hope K is healing well.

  2. So true! I was all "I need a baby" and never realized what being a parent really entailed until I was elbow deep. There is no being prepared for having a kid... even the second time around I wasn't prepared for what it would be like to have another kid.