June 22, 2012

Life Lessons Learned Watching Sister Wives

OK so Sister Wives isn't necessarily quality, educational programming, I get that.  But if you get past the weirdness of someone else sleeping with your husband and being on a 4 day rotation with 3 other ladies, they really have some great values.
I was recently watching the Q & A episode and one of the questions asked was about the wives and Kody being mad at each other and if there is ever a time where they are all happy.  Makes sense considering the 4:1 ration between wives and husband, I think a natural to think that they probably fight a lot. Robyn's answer really struck me and stuck with me. 
She said that growing up in a polygamist house her mom taught her that since your time is so limited with your husband {due to that 4 day rotation} there is no time to dwell on the small things.  Since the time spent together is short-lived instead of focusing on something petty focus on what is good.  That's not to say that there isn't any fighting, arguing or upsetting behavior but instead of worrying about who didn't do x,y, and z focus on what they did do.
Wow.  
I mean I'm not saying I'm going to run off and get a sister wife tomorrow {although some days it does sound quite nice} but this applies to monogamous relationships as well. 
Our time, all of us, is limited. We never know what is in store for our future.  Today we're here but tomorrow is not promised.  
I am guilty of nitpicking, complaining, crying over spilled milk if you will.  Jimmy has pointed it out to me on more than one occasion, how embarrassing.  I have a great life, beautiful home, wonderful family and yet I will complain about the trash being full or the fact that he wants to watch Star Wars for the 855,889,065th time. Stupid stuff, really.
So after that episode of SW I sat on the floor {as I was doing my 300} and thought, wow.  I thought how that can be applied to everyone but most importantly me.  I know I am a work in progress but sometimes it just takes hearing someone say just the right thing {even if it's from a reality show} to make it click.
So last night when I felt like a chicken with my head cut off, bathing KP, PJing her, getting the milk, etc and I saw him talking on the phone and laughing I just bit my tongue.  Was I annoyed?  Sure, but he had worked all day and was doing the laundry at the same time so it's not like he was just doing nothing.  I was just feeling overwhelmed in the moment and so instead of saying something I might regret, I remembered Robyn's words.
This is obviously one of those easier said than done sorta things but something that is worth working on.
Have you ever heard a quote {or such} that made you stop what you were doing and really think?
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26 comments:

  1. Sister wives is ridiculous 90% of the time and I have no idea how they don't all bury Kody in the backyard, but I totally agree. If I'm cleaning or doing a zillion things and C is sitting on his phone? I seethe. Usually verbally but I've been trying to silently seethe since he works long hours and has a lot of stress on top of everything he does around the house.

    If you like Sister Wives, have you seen Big Love? AMAZING.

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  2. I cannot believe there is actually something to take home from that show. I mean, the guy is such a sleezeball, but damn if Robin didn't make a good point. Except I'll still be pissed when I get home today and the trash is still full.

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  3. I actually remember that part too and it struck me. BUT...I kind of had a different opinion. I can see Robyn being a really passive wife, also. Not that passive is bad, persay--but you need a balance. If there IS something she feels upset about with kody, then instead of pretending its all butterflies she should be able to tell him (communicate it lovingly), too. You know? This is something I am majorly working on. Sometimes I'll snap and then I feel stupid and awful afterwards. But if I do have a problem with something Declan does/says/doesn't do--I'll address it, but try to bring it up calmly later. "hey babe, earlier tonight when we were out...blah blah". Because I know for me to keep it all in would be unhealthy bc then I'd BURST. Again, it's a balance thing. Being nit-picky? That's different. I'm not really sure if Robyn knows the difference or if she's just all butterflies all the time. (longest comment ever). Ps: have a great weekend :)

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  4. I'm not sure where the sleezeball comment comes from? If he were a sleaze, he'd have mistresses hidden on the side and ignore his children. These are women and kids that he sticks around for.
    I am facinated by plygs. I watched Big Love, I watch the documentaries.
    In a lot of ways it makes total sense. What mom wouldn't want another set of hands helping with her home and family?! The sex thing would be too hard to get over for me, but far be it from me to tell other adults what to do.
    I'm glad you posted this Shannon, I could say the very same thing!

    LB
    accordingtol.com

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  5. i am oddly addicted to sister wives. it's just so interesting to me... and i saw this episode as well, and it struck me, too. i do think its important for anyone to try and do that in their marriage...

    however, i also tend to agree with katie @ loves of live and think that robyn is supper passive... and TOO concerned with being butterflies all the time. i think because she came in to the marriage last maybe there's extra pressure to keep the peace.

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  6. I'm oddly fascinated by that show. I could never do the sister wife thing, I'm far too jealous for that though the extra help would be nice.

    Since getting married I've tried really hard to pick my battles and it's one of the reasons I usually won't say anything for a day or two and wait to see if I'm still as upset about it later, most of the time I'm not.

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  7. I stand on both sides of the fence on this one. Honestly, unless I complain, complain, complain, and then flip out about something, Big A doesn't "hear" me. He lets things just slide off his back. But, on the other hand, I hate being the nagging wife before I even say, "I do". I think I am just trying to pick my battles. Like when I had to clean up dinner after Big A "cleaned up dinner" last night, I just bit my tongue and did what needed to be done.

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  8. Never watched that show. But as far as hearing something that stuck with me, when I was in college I was flying home for a break that was right before finals. I was talking with an older (real old) man next to me about how stressed I was and how I couldn't wait until summer. He said, "You shouldn't wish your days away like that." And that was it. It wasn't admonishing; he sort of said it under his breath, but it went straight to my heart.

    People say it all the time. They can't wait for Christmas, can't wait for summer, can't wait for their baby to be out of whatever stage they are in. I try very hard to just enjoy where you are at that moment.

    End Preach.

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  9. Dang sister wives. :) I think, like Katie said, there is definitely a need for balance. I tend to be on the side of getting mad about stupid things, so that's definitely something I should work on.

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  10. I am the emotional part of my marriage while Mister is very logical. To keep the peace, I try to take whatever is bothering me and see if it's based on emotion or logic. If it's logic, I bring it to the table, if it's me being a crybaby, I sit on it for a few days and then revisit how I feel about the situation.

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  11. Sister Wives fascinates me. Other cultures and lifestyles are totally my thing (even if I don't agree with them). Britt made me laugh. Yeah, I don't know how they don't just bury him in the back yard. Maybe they can't decide WHICH back yard to do it at? Actually, my hubs was raised Mormon, and that show pisses him off so much, he gets mad if I watch it. lol. Anyways, Robin does have a good point. I think I'm with Katie too. My husband calls me a "gunnysacker", because I'll try to put on a happy face instead of addressing something that's bugging me, then it ends up all coming out in one big indiscernible mess. :)

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  12. WOW! This was an awesome post. I will admit I have NEVER watched the show as I cut out cable a few years back. But that comment she made, it does mean something. You actually make me think that I need to first think before I react. I needed that today. You are so right, you never know how much time we have, so make a point about it. It's hard to not hold back. Have you seen the movie Tyler Perry Deeds? He admits that it feels good when your other half shows a little jealousy. I think a little arguing makes a stronger relationship, but agreed to not take it too far.

    Either way, you rocked this post.

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  13. Love the Sister Wives show! I could never do it but I'm fascinated by it. I loved that you mentioned this comment, I think we could all stand to remember this more often.

    I'm definitely the more passive aggressive one in my relationship but then it all boils up and comes out in one heaping mess, which is not good either.


    mindysmoments.blogspot.com

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  14. I loved that quote too. Makes you think. I know I nitpick about the dumbest stuff sometimes and it sucks when all of a sudden it's Sunday night, you've been grumpy all day and you realize you've wasted the weekend being crabby about all the wrong things. Although I can't let all my nitpicking go out the door or certain things would never get done haha.

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  15. I loved this. I have watched this show a few times and though it isn't my cup of tea I agree that there is wisdom in that quote! Thanks for the reminder that time is short and to embrace life in the present.

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  16. I agree! I was married before and most of the time what started out as something small became big because it was pushed farther than necessary. Now I bit my tongue on the little things for sure. I stop and think about whether it's really worth it and usually it's not so worth it. I did tell my husband if I seem mad, he asks about it and I reply I'm fine, to just leave it alone. I'll talk about it if it needs to be talked about but if not and you push me to talk about it I'm going to get mad at you instead. We might get huffy every once in awhile, but we don't really argue at all.

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  17. So I've never seen the show but think, like you, that I sometimes nit pick too much when I should just really consider the time quality time! I've got to get it out though, but I'm more of a I need to tell you this so you know but then I'm over it.

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  18. i completely agree with this entire post. Those were some powerful words she spoke.
    I, like you, get so frustrated at small things my husband does. It has gotten easier and I've gotten better at controlling that temper of mine, but it is so hard sometimes.
    I love sister wives, wish I could watch it more, but my hubby thinks any reality show I watch is silly..that might stem from my obsession with Teen Mom & 16 & pregnant though!

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  19. What a great post!! Something I'm working on now is biting my tounge. My husbands job is just awful right now and I have to stop myself from complaint about what his coworkers and boss do. He works there, he doesn't need me telling him what he knows. Plus at home when I'm overwhelmed with mackenzie and he's zoned out on Star Wars for instance, I need to not get mad....we both deserve down time, we both work hard, and instead if getting mad I can just hand him Mackenzie and he will help out. It's work to take a step back and 'think before you speak' it's really hard for me sometimes. But it's a good lesson to work on daily!

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  20. Great post--totally didn't know where you were going with it when I saw it on my reader :) I watch Sister Wives weekly and that same thing stuck out in my mind. It's so easy to sweat the small stuff and forget about the big picture. But like Robyn said, our time with our husbands is short. Life is short. We need to make the most of it and stop wasting time stressing over little things.

    http://theaustinfamilydiary.blogspot.com/

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  21. Sister Wives isn't Educational TV?

    But seriously. This is so insightful :)

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  22. It always seemed interesting in the previews but I've never seen the show. I can't understand why and how they live that lifestyle?! I mean I couldn't do it! I'm too jealous of a person.

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  23. I too have moments like that in my life. My husband works all day and I am a stay at home mom. Being home ALL day with kiddos and having no.adult contact can be a little frustrating. Then having to do the whole.bath,brush teeth,pj's,water,getting ready for bed routine with the kids( I have 3boys) while the hubby is chilling watching Tv or laughing on the phone. Can be a little annoying and maybe even frustrating. Thinking to myself when do I get a break to just do nothing. But then I think of my friend who lost her 8 yr old son to brain cancer. She would do anything to do all these with her son again. She lost him so fast. He was diagnosed in Nov passed in march. Sometimes you just have to take EVERY moment as a blessing even when you are tired and frustrated. Live in the moment ;)

    Micia

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  24. Love this post! I am amazed at how much Adam helps out after working all day. Even when we both are working, we just know where to pick up each other's slack and what needs to be done. When complaining does happen tends to be when I am stressed times 1,000, which is usually during the months of August and May (Beg and end of school year). He will never call me out on it.. well, not until the month has passed and I mention, "OH, this year wasn't too bad and I think I handled it pretty well!" and he just smirks.

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  25. Love this. So right, you can apply it everywhere in life with balance.

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  26. I am actually struggling with this big time. The hubs and I don't have big fights really. But I'm the queen of letting things bother me. Unfortunately, I'm also the queen of holding it in til I explode. Not good. Then those little things become huge. And while I would like to let the little things slide, sometimes you shouldn't. Like when you spend days picking up and then he leaves his damn underwear in the bathroom. For days. See? I'm still mad. Anyway, I think you have to pick and choose. It's not okay to nag all of the time, but it's also not okay to be a doormat just to avoid all conflicts. This might not make sense.

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