Truth be told, I've been doing some soul searching. I blame it on The Nester and my 31 Days of Being a Better Wife series. I dare to even say the change is because we have added church and God into our lives. Or it could be because my friend Katie introduced me to a new book, The Resolution for Women.
Whatever the reason is I am in the best place in life because of it. For that, I am thankful.
Here's the deal. I have spent far too much time wishing that things were different. Wishing that my husband would be more "hands on" when it comes to parenting, wishing my kid were more affectionate, wishing that Baby Dew #2 would hurry up and grow in my belly already. Wishing days away, waiting for the next!big!thing! to happen, wanting more than I have when in reality I need to just slow the heck down. Enjoy what I do have. Love this point in my life because I can never get it back. You know the saying, "yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery, and today is a gift, that's why it's called the present". That's what I'm trying to live.
The reality is, all of the things that I'm worrying over, wishing for, wanting, trying to control are all things that are out of my control. They are in God's hands, plain and simple. But also there are things that I can change within myself that will, most likely result in a change in others.
For example, the 31 Days of Being a Better Wife series. Sure Jimmy is benefiting 100% from me packing lunches, cleaning the storage areas and being generally positive towards him, of course. But in turn he is changing. He has been more affectionate, more hands-on and, even though he's working a ton, he's been more present when he's home. He's been on the computer less and focused more. He is changing because I am changing. Funny how that happens.
Another example took place in the grocery store yesterday. I had just a few {or not} things to get so I figured it'd be a quick trip {as quick as a trip with a two-year-old with grabby hands can be}. I loaded KP into the cart, as usual, and bribed her with grapes {that we had yet to pay for}, a Dora doll, the promise of stickers, you name it I was selling it if it meant she stayed in that seat the entire trip. Well, after one too many, "Sit down! You're going to get hurt! Don't stand in the cart!!!", I threw in the towel. I let The Toddler out of the cart to "help" push the cart and prayed nothing got broken. The truth of the matter was we had no plans, it was the middle of the afternoon so the store was pretty empty, and...who cares?!
I am happy to report that this was the best, most relaxing grocery trip that Kendall and I have had alone since she was an infant and slept the whole trip. She "pushed" the cart and listened when I asked her to stop, she didn't rip 569,784,393 things off the shelves {like I thought she would} and she didn't run away from me. Instead she smiled, said "hi!!" to passerby's who thought "mom's little helper" was "too cute" and even helped toss things into the cart. She was an angel because I decided to stop trying to control the situation and let her gain a little bit of independence.
It didn't matter if we made it in and out of the store in 20 minutes because we had nothing planned after that. It didn't matter if Kendall bumped into an end-cap because she was learning in that moment. What mattered the most was just being present, with my girl, and teaching her {and getting our groceries, of course}. And you know what? I saw a change in her because of the change in my reaction to the situation. She was pleasant and we went on to have quite the great afternoon.
Kids {and husbands} are very aware and pick up on things that we don't even realize. They feed off of our energy and reactions to things. If I'm always high-strung, stressed, controlling of course that's going to rub off on Kendall and Jimmy. Their behavior is going to reflect what I am putting off. So when I put off warm, loving and more relaxed vibes then they respond in a more positive way. This makes everyone happy.
That's what I'm working on. Just being present in each moment. I'm trying to stop worrying about the next phase, what's going to happen tomorrow and just be happy with now. After all, tomorrow is not guaranteed.
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SO true. Love this! ...I am TTC#1 and I have to remind myself that stressing over the small stuff, stuff that most likely won't change even if you do stress it, is not going to help me get KU! Good luck to you!
ReplyDeleteThese words, high-strung, stressed, controlling, also describe me...and I'm also trying SO hard to step away from those traits and be more understanding and slow down. We had a similar situation with our daughter. Going out to dinner was becoming a nightmare because she hated the highchair. Finally, after buckling her, her screaming and crying "out!" and telling her to "sit down now!" for the millionth time, we did just what you did. I took her out, put her on the booth next to me and she ate. Calmly. She sat (or stood) there the entire dinner, laughing, looking around, having fun and we got to eat our dinner in peace. It's amazing what a small change in our attitudes does for our whole family. We are the glue. As mothers and wives we are what holds a family together. What a huge responsibility! I think we're rocking it out.
ReplyDeleteUh how I need to worry less and just be in the moment...still working on it!
ReplyDeleteThese things have been on my heart to change also. It is most definitely not something I can do on my own. God is mighty and He takes care of the big stuff and the details too. Thank you for putting into words, those big and small things I need to remember today (and tomorrow, next week/month).
ReplyDeleteBeautiful experience. I remember going through similar situations with my girls who are now 7 and 9. They are now terrific helpers when we go to the store.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad for you that you are enjoying the moment, because it goes so fast. I cannot believe mine are already 7 and 9.
I just downloaded that book last week and have only read a few pages but I'm determined to dive into it ASAP. It sounds like it has really made a positive difference for you! How awesome! I'm such a worrier even though I know God tells us to put our worries on Him. I'm praying that The Resolution as well as the bible study I'm doing now will help to change me!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you shared that story about your daughter at the grocery store. My daughter is only 10 months old but this is something that I am already starting to work on. Even now I can tell a difference in her when I just let her do things on her own sometimes. She gets so proud of herself and she gets the biggest smile on her face which then gives me the biggest smile. I think sometimes I get caught up in the "busy" of life and think that if I just do things for her or not let her try certain things it will make things go more smoothly...WRONG! So thanks for that reminder. Also, I am so getting that book!
ReplyDeleteI needed to read this! I am a control freak through and through and lately I've been trying to give up the reigns in a lot of areas and go with the flow. It has been really really HARD for me to do and the past few days have been rough on me. I like to be in control (errr...think I'm in control, because really I'm not in control of most things!) and letting go has been a challenge. This gave me a push this morning to keep with it because even though it's hard it is good. Thanks for writing your heart, Shannon!
ReplyDeleteBoy do I need to do the same thing. I F.R.E.A.K. about where money is going to come from every month, when the boyfriend is going to flipping ask me already, how long it will take to get married, because I can't be too old when I have a kid..... blah blah blah. NONE of it is stuff I can control. Maybe I need to read this book too.... And do 31 days of finding ways to stress less!
ReplyDeleteI definitely need to work on this so badly! Thanks for sharing girly!
ReplyDeleteI am SO with you on this journey, friend. And with kid #2 I'm learning I have to let go even more and it is SO HARD.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'm in the same spot. I'm always waiting for the next big thing to happen. We actually were ready to put our house on the market and buy a new one - and then one day it just hit us (okay, me) that I needed to just stop waiting on something 'better.' So, we halted our plans and have just been enjoying our house, making little improvements to truly make it our own and just 'being.' We fight the same battle in the grocery store with Connor. I've actually started giving him his own list of things to get and put in the buggy. Clearly he can't read, but it makes him feel like he has a job and he isn't bored...he's entertained with the list, a crayon, and looking for his items!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing... a lesson and a reminder that I feel like most of us moms and wives need. I might even be nice to my husband tonight ;-)
ReplyDeleteI love this. Such great advice. Let go, and let God. :)
ReplyDeleteI love this post. I really identify with it because C and I went through something similar in the beginning of our relationship. We had to really sit down and make a pledge to change our behaviors and if we hadn't, we would not be where we are today. I'm glad that J is picking up on all the nice things you're doing and responding well...totally makes it all worth it :)
ReplyDeleteLove..love...LOVE. Great post. And you are way ahead of the game, I didn't learn to slow down until I was 31 & had 3 kids. I'm still learning. Some people never learn.
ReplyDeleteThis post made me smile big! I've been in many of these situations and I can totally feel change around me when I make change within me. It's super fulfilling and it typically always happens after I spend more time in prayer and focusing on God and all the moments happening right NOW. xo
ReplyDeleteWhat a great, honest post. You are right when you say that you can see other people changing when you're changing yourself.
ReplyDeleteI really needed to read this! I know that I need to be the one who changes before my husband will. My attitude directly affects his and it's so true. When I stop nagging and become happier and more affectionate so does he! It's just so hard sometimes. Thank you for the reminder! :)
ReplyDeleteIt is much easier to just slow down and let life happen then to try to control every second of it! Like they say on rides at the amusement park "just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride".
ReplyDeleteThis is just what I needed to read. I've been super stressed and nagging lately and it is directly affecting not only my attitude but my husbands as well. Thank you for this reminder!!!
ReplyDeleteI love how honest you are all the time, Shannon! It's so refreshing to read your blog because of that.
ReplyDeleteI hope your weekend is wonderful! XO!
Love what you wrote Shannon! It is so hard to let go of the control - our child won't understand what to do unless we help them every step of the way, right? How fun that KP was mommy's little helper. She was too cute indeed!
ReplyDeleteShannon, this is one of my favorite posts of yours. And is just what I needed to read, just before our big move across the world, just at this point in my life. Gold star for you, doll. You rock!
ReplyDeleteThis really hits home for me! In my own home, things were tense and chaotic. I made a simple change and my attitude got better. With a better attitude from me, my son seems calmer and more willing to listen. My husband is doing dishes without me yelling and screaming at him! Haha things are definitely running smoother in my household because of exactly what you talk about in your post! If we could always remember to slow down and be calm, all the time, the world would truly be a better place!
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I bet a ton of people can relate to this!
- Lisa
I will agree, the 31 days series is definitely leading to some soul searching and I like it. It's funny how many things can change when you are intentionally thinking about them throughout the day.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, although I'm at a completely diff stage in my life, how true this line rang to me, about simply stopping trying to control every situation and just letting it flow
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