I spend so much time being annoyed because I'm impatient and often times it leaves me wondering, what could I do if I had more patience. I know it's weird to think that patience could afford me more time for other things but, unfortunately, it's true.
I could enjoy my husband more. For example, this weekend I had in my mind that I wanted to leave our house at a specific time {he did not know this, for the record} and when that didn't happen instead of just brushing it off, going with the flow I shut down. I was annoyed, I was not getting my way, and I just stopped talking. Once we got on the road and wound up at our destination on time, actually early, I was fine. But that was like a hour after the fact. I spent an entire hour out of my day, out of my life, being upset over something that really didn't matter because the end result was fine, we got to where we needed to be by the time we needed to be there. So rather than enjoying our childless car ride and having a meaningful conversation, which is rare these days, I was closed off. I regret that.
I could relax. During nap time, on the rare chance that both babies are asleep, I feel like OMG I have to clean up all the toys, all the dishes, all the everything because God forbid I just leave it. I mean, in 2-3 hours the toddler is going to be up and making a mess of all the things all over again so why bother? Because I'm a crazy person, that's why. If I could just be patient, realize that the things will get done I would actually have more time to do the things I want to do for me.
I could be a better mom. Instead of blowing up because it's taking Kendall 30 minutes to fall asleep I should just take the time to figure out what it is that is keeping her from staying in bed. I could lay there with her for an extra 5 minutes if that's what she wants because what's it hurting? She's only little once and one day she's not going to want me to lay with her let alone even step foot in her room. I would be a better mom if I took the time to show her what I expect of her instead of assuming she knows and losing my cool when she doesn't.
I could be a better blogger. Right now I blog in between playing My Little Ponies, feeding the baby, making lunches, folding laundry, etc. I get frustrated because I half-ass all of that because I'm trying to do them all at the same time. If I would set aside actual blog time so that I can focus on just that I could answer my emails, write worthy posts, read and comment on other blogs without getting frustrated because I have a million other things are going on at the same time.
Patience really affects all areas of my life when it runs low. I basically become a very shitty excuse for a human being and I don't want that. I want to be better. I want to do all of the things better and I will.
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I can relate so very much with this post. I too am terribly impatient. Combine that with being a control freak and I'm just plain upset most of the time over little things. So silly. I'll be practicing patience right along with you!
ReplyDeleteI struggle with patience as well. I'm trying to be better too.
ReplyDeleteYeah, been there- million things going on at once when all I really want to do is blog and read other blogs. It's hard to juggle everything so I'm doing what you said- setting aside time for blogging so I don't get frustrated. Sometimes it works, but then there are days that I have to devote time to the house instead of blogging!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you're super woman. I feel like I do the same thing too. Dave is pretty good at calling me out and telling me to chill out (though sometimes I still want to deck him), he's right. We are so ying and yang about certain things and I thank God for that because we balance each other. I feel the same way about the cleaning thing. It takes a lot to admit our faults and even more to write about them for the world to see, you rock! keep it up and keep practicing. You rock!
ReplyDeleteYou sound like me. I have been trying to just go with the flow lately and it's working. Well until my husband decided to stop chewing and my patience wore thin with his crabby-ness and nit-picking that I blew up and got pissed, otherwise I have been pretty good at going with the flow.
ReplyDeleteYES YOU WILL!
ReplyDeleteI basically could have written many parts of this post. I need to keep working on myself.
ReplyDeleteAgain, we are twins. If I have expectations, even though no one else knows about these expectations, and they don't work out, it's like the end of the world. If we are going to be late, it's the end of the world. If the kids take too long getting ready or require more help then I think they need, I get snappy. Like a child. I am never relaxed, there is always something to be done. Instead of rocking my baby girl to sleep or reading one more story with my son, all I can think about is "hurry up and go to sleep, because I have shit to do."
ReplyDeleteI have to say though that I recently (like 4 days ago) started an anti-depressant. Not related to any of the issues above, my father is in bad shape in the hospital and it has all been very up and down. I have crazy anxiety and depression from dealing with all of that.
I have to say that I can really tell the difference! I am much more go with the flow. Much more patient, less snappy, more loving, and I have less on my mind all the time. I still get my stuff done, I just don't have the list constantly running in my head. It is definitely making me a better person. The anxiety is still there, just not all the time. I am not ashamed to say that I need a little pill every day to make me a better person. If that is what I need to cope and take care of my kids, I am ok with that. Now I am going to sit and play with my kids and relax,
As I tried to respond to your first post about patience, I am right there with you. Thank you for putting it out there. Your are not the only one, even though it feels like it sometimes!
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